Am I toxic or just ovethinking?

Guy help
me and my bf are 16 and we both go to a selective school. this means that everyone in this school is somewhat bright and exceptional, especially bceause we had to give an exam to be in this school.
However, my boyfriend is a lot smarter than me. i mean A LOT smarter. He's always constantly talking about his amazing test scores, his revision for our GCSE exams, and every time he says anything about it, i cant help but getting extremely jealous of his success. I constantly cry myself to sleep thinking its not fair that he's naturally brilliant at everything, to the point where i once even prayed for his failure in an exam.
Don't get me wrong, i do study a lot. I find myself studying constantly, to the point where i get so burnt out. My only motivation to study is so that one day, i could finally beat him in an exam. Obviously, thats never going to happen and every time i see him get higher than me in an exam, my jealousy takes over and i start becoming extremely angry with him. I'm starting to fear that my constant jealous attitude is affecting my relationship, and making us extremely distant.
What makes me more angry, is that he actively makes me feel stupid. For example, i'll tell him that i actually performed well in an exam, and then he'll just laugh it off as if it was a joke and didnt actually happen. Sometimes, he asks if i want to revise with him, and i reluctantly do it so i don't make him sad. However, he will just start asking me questions, and whenever i get them wrong (which is all the time) he would start laughing at me, and saying how i was 'so cooked for the exam'. What's more, is that he would then proceed to answer his own question and give such perfect answers, and it makes me want to honestly just get up and leave. How can someone downgrade me so much? then i feel like all my studying has gone to waste because, in the span of 5 mins, he made me feel like a total failure. This is the real reason i prefer revising with my friends that with him.
I know a lot of replies on here are going to be 'focus on urself, dont care ab other peoples achievements' but honestly that is so unrealistic. Seeing someone you care about, doing extremely well in life is such a good thing. However, it shouldnt be to the point where you think of urself as a failure.
Honestly, im so stuck rn and id love if someone can js reassure me that im not going absolutely insane. THANK YOUU

not insane at all! your brilliant in your own right. Your also great support to your bf, but his self esteem is not great..hence his put downs. Its easy to let these slide but you need to be careful that you don't take them to heart (and knock your confidence as hapened to me). Your kind natured, but believe im yourself and don't get walked over

thank you!! i think it will be good if i can just focus and be proud of my own achievements.. ik its hard but honestly, nothing much i can do

Guy help
me and my bf are 16 and we both go to a selective school. this means that everyone in this school is somewhat bright and exceptional, especially bceause we had to give an exam to be in this school.
However, my boyfriend is a lot smarter than me. i mean A LOT smarter. He's always constantly talking about his amazing test scores, his revision for our GCSE exams, and every time he says anything about it, i cant help but getting extremely jealous of his success. I constantly cry myself to sleep thinking its not fair that he's naturally brilliant at everything, to the point where i once even prayed for his failure in an exam.
Don't get me wrong, i do study a lot. I find myself studying constantly, to the point where i get so burnt out. My only motivation to study is so that one day, i could finally beat him in an exam. Obviously, thats never going to happen and every time i see him get higher than me in an exam, my jealousy takes over and i start becoming extremely angry with him. I'm starting to fear that my constant jealous attitude is affecting my relationship, and making us extremely distant.
What makes me more angry, is that he actively makes me feel stupid. For example, i'll tell him that i actually performed well in an exam, and then he'll just laugh it off as if it was a joke and didnt actually happen. Sometimes, he asks if i want to revise with him, and i reluctantly do it so i don't make him sad. However, he will just start asking me questions, and whenever i get them wrong (which is all the time) he would start laughing at me, and saying how i was 'so cooked for the exam'. What's more, is that he would then proceed to answer his own question and give such perfect answers, and it makes me want to honestly just get up and leave. How can someone downgrade me so much? then i feel like all my studying has gone to waste because, in the span of 5 mins, he made me feel like a total failure. This is the real reason i prefer revising with my friends that with him.
I know a lot of replies on here are going to be 'focus on urself, dont care ab other peoples achievements' but honestly that is so unrealistic. Seeing someone you care about, doing extremely well in life is such a good thing. However, it shouldnt be to the point where you think of urself as a failure.
Honestly, im so stuck rn and id love if someone can js reassure me that im not going absolutely insane. THANK YOUU

Hey, as I sit here PROCRASTINATING revision, I completely get it! My best friend gets all 9's while I'm scraping a 6 and being the 'dumber' one is so damaging for my mental health. But I feel like you should talk to your bf, ask him how he revises, and maybe even talk to him about how him degrading you affects you. Trust me just keep working hard and let ur jealousy fuel you! YOU GOT THIS