Dealing with and keeping lies to my aggressive parents

Hi,
Apologies in advance, this post will be very long but I would appreciate to have views on these circumstances and any potential advice.
I am 18 year old girl with a traditional south Asian family. Since a very young age, I have had been emotionally and mentally scarred from my parents by their erratic, controlling, aggressive, abusive behaviour.
My parents would suddenly shout, mock, dismiss, threaten, belittle and can be at times, physically aggressive (blocking entrances, breaking open doors, hitting, forcibly holding people down until they comply to their wishes) on a regular to daily basis.
I try to justify their behaviour being from stress, as I have two younger neurodivergent siblings who need all the care and attention from my parents not allowing them to have time for themselves at times.
However, I don’t think I can justify it anymore given that there had been opportunities where my parents could have accepted support given to them to help them care for my siblings, but they reject any support due to prioritising the family reputation in which they believe that accepting support would further shame the family.
My parents believe that there is no hope of my siblings redeeming the shame that they had brought to the family by being neurodivergent and hence as a result, placed all the pressure of reputation on me instead leading to them controlling every aspect of my life. They have to know every single detail of every friend I have and tell me to cut off any friends I have that they disapprove immediately. For example, I had a friend that supported me mentally and emotionally a year ago yet due to their gender I was forced to cut them off. They control what I can wear when around family. I am not allowed to go outside on my own other than for their own benefit such as groceries, with a time limit of an hour before they start contacting me constantly as they believe that I would get kidnapped very easily and that I am not ‘smart’ enough to go on my own. I am made to stay at home all the time to take care of my siblings and study. They make my decisions for me without considering my own views and without me knowing. They believe my body is theirs only and that as long as they are alive, they can do anything they want to it. They believe that it is their right to vent to me about my siblings, about each other constantly - treating me like their therapist. They believe that I have no privacy in which they can break into any room I am in whenever they want, whether it be 1am in the early morning or 11pm at night to shout, mock, complain at me etc.
Whenever I did anything they don’t like, they would shout at me, give me the silent treatment, tell me that I am shaming them, telling me ‘what will other people think?’, threaten to hurt and kill me/themselves/my siblings because of it, threatening me that they will install cameras in every room I am in to watch me, threaten to kick me out into the streets, threaten to end my education, not pay for basic necessities, break into any room I am in, block any entrances, and can sometimes physically harm me such as restraining me. They keep this error in mind even if they forgive me on it, and bring it up to any other error I make to justify why they never could trust me and why what they are doing is the best for me. They do all of this until I comply to what they want. They do the same actions with my siblings but I have to protect and defend them for each instance.
As a result of all of this, I am constant high-alert, restless, and have issues with concentrating on anything. My mental health, sense of self-esteem and my will to live shattered. I constantly lie to them to protect myself and my siblings and they still do all of these actions. And whenever I bring this up to them, they tell me to control my emotions and to help with that I have to be around the family more, ignore me or dismiss their actions as them being more caring than other parents.
The lies extend from small white lies to important aspects about my life like my education and whereabouts. For example, whenever I am allowed to go outside for groceries, I use that opportunity to meet up with a friend, get groceries quickly and then go somewhere else local to spend time with the friend without letting my parents know.
Some lies are easy for me to maintain but there are others that are very hard to maintain. For example, last year when I was applying for universities, I was having a hard time doing that as the degree I initially wanted to do (which was international relations/human geography) was dismissed and hated immediately by my parents as they wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer - after the constant shouting, threats and aggressiveness, I dropped the subject I used to love for another subject, Computer science (software engineering), which my parents then approved, I felt no motivation to work hard to get the offers of this subject other than wanting to go to university to escape my parents. I told them from November last year, that I wanted to do a gap year to reapply and get into top unis as they wanted which they ignored it as they believe the unis would not reject me. When they found out 4/5 unis rejected me, they blamed me for it, shouted at me, break into my room constantly, threaten me, demanded that I apply to another university which they chose. I had no choice but to agree so that they would leave me alone. Whilst I agreed, I did not do what they told me to do instead I involved my school of this matter and emailed the last university about it. The last university gave me an offer after the email and my parents were happy of the offer. I took my a level exams and during the exam period, I reported this entire situation to social services, the university and my school. With my parents agreement, I undertook a bank-related job for a month which was the only instance that I was allowed to go outside unmonitored longer for an hour. Then results day comes about, where I had not met my offer of A* A* A instead, I received AAB. So, I was rejected by my only offer. I lied to my parents again, I stated to them that I had met the offer and lied of my grades, but emphasised the gap year idea being better for the reputation, and involved other family members on the idea - my parents agreed after the involvement and the idea of the reputation improving as a result.
Now, I am in a dilemma, with my reapplying this year, my parents chose the universities based solely on their ranking on a leaderboard for me to apply to and I lied that I applied to all of them (in reality, I applied for some of them and then chose some safety universities); told my parents that I needed A*A*A* and that I needed to do another subject to get in to two of the unis and so I had to retake a subject and do another subject to - in reality, I had to retake two of my subjects and do another subject. My parents also want me to start working but only in jobs they view as good for the reputation such as in a bank. My parents have the tendency to change their mind quickly to ideas they agree to, so they might just decide to not allow me outside to take the exams even though I had already booked them. So, I am deciding to pretend to go to work every weekday for the duration of exam period where I go to take my exams and then afterwards I revise until 4-5pm and then I go home.
My parents plan to fund my university fees and make me stay at home as they say that applying for student loans and accommodation, no matter the reason, is for stupid people to be made fun of. I plan to not accept any of my parents’ funding as they will use this as a means of forcing me to do what they want. I plan to apply for student loans and accommodation before I go to uni and work for money I can use to sustain myself at uni. I plan to lie which university go if I do not get an offer from any of the the universities they want; stay in accommodation and cut my parents off my life, my parents are likely not going to allow me to go on my own to the university on the first day and stay in accommodation. I plan to carry this out by travelling to the university they wanted me to go, waiting until my parents are no longer around and then travel to the university I am meant to be at, and then staying there, not coming back home.
However, I am worried of this plan not working and its consequences of being caught. Also, I keep thinking from all of this that I am in the wrong, that I am doing worse than them by lying and hiding parts of my life and myself, that maybe they are just parents who just care more about my life than other parents.
So, I ask, what do you think of this situation? If you were in this situation, would you be doing anything differently? Do you have any advice in dealing with situation?

Hi,
Apologies in advance, this post will be very long but I would appreciate to have views on these circumstances and any potential advice.
I am 18 year old girl with a traditional south Asian family. Since a very young age, I have had been emotionally and mentally scarred from my parents by their erratic, controlling, aggressive, abusive behaviour.
My parents would suddenly shout, mock, dismiss, threaten, belittle and can be at times, physically aggressive (blocking entrances, breaking open doors, hitting, forcibly holding people down until they comply to their wishes) on a regular to daily basis.
I try to justify their behaviour being from stress, as I have two younger neurodivergent siblings who need all the care and attention from my parents not allowing them to have time for themselves at times.
However, I don’t think I can justify it anymore given that there had been opportunities where my parents could have accepted support given to them to help them care for my siblings, but they reject any support due to prioritising the family reputation in which they believe that accepting support would further shame the family.
My parents believe that there is no hope of my siblings redeeming the shame that they had brought to the family by being neurodivergent and hence as a result, placed all the pressure of reputation on me instead leading to them controlling every aspect of my life. They have to know every single detail of every friend I have and tell me to cut off any friends I have that they disapprove immediately. For example, I had a friend that supported me mentally and emotionally a year ago yet due to their gender I was forced to cut them off. They control what I can wear when around family. I am not allowed to go outside on my own other than for their own benefit such as groceries, with a time limit of an hour before they start contacting me constantly as they believe that I would get kidnapped very easily and that I am not ‘smart’ enough to go on my own. I am made to stay at home all the time to take care of my siblings and study. They make my decisions for me without considering my own views and without me knowing. They believe my body is theirs only and that as long as they are alive, they can do anything they want to it. They believe that it is their right to vent to me about my siblings, about each other constantly - treating me like their therapist. They believe that I have no privacy in which they can break into any room I am in whenever they want, whether it be 1am in the early morning or 11pm at night to shout, mock, complain at me etc.
Whenever I did anything they don’t like, they would shout at me, give me the silent treatment, tell me that I am shaming them, telling me ‘what will other people think?’, threaten to hurt and kill me/themselves/my siblings because of it, threatening me that they will install cameras in every room I am in to watch me, threaten to kick me out into the streets, threaten to end my education, not pay for basic necessities, break into any room I am in, block any entrances, and can sometimes physically harm me such as restraining me. They keep this error in mind even if they forgive me on it, and bring it up to any other error I make to justify why they never could trust me and why what they are doing is the best for me. They do all of this until I comply to what they want. They do the same actions with my siblings but I have to protect and defend them for each instance.
As a result of all of this, I am constant high-alert, restless, and have issues with concentrating on anything. My mental health, sense of self-esteem and my will to live shattered. I constantly lie to them to protect myself and my siblings and they still do all of these actions. And whenever I bring this up to them, they tell me to control my emotions and to help with that I have to be around the family more, ignore me or dismiss their actions as them being more caring than other parents.
The lies extend from small white lies to important aspects about my life like my education and whereabouts. For example, whenever I am allowed to go outside for groceries, I use that opportunity to meet up with a friend, get groceries quickly and then go somewhere else local to spend time with the friend without letting my parents know.
Some lies are easy for me to maintain but there are others that are very hard to maintain. For example, last year when I was applying for universities, I was having a hard time doing that as the degree I initially wanted to do (which was international relations/human geography) was dismissed and hated immediately by my parents as they wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer - after the constant shouting, threats and aggressiveness, I dropped the subject I used to love for another subject, Computer science (software engineering), which my parents then approved, I felt no motivation to work hard to get the offers of this subject other than wanting to go to university to escape my parents. I told them from November last year, that I wanted to do a gap year to reapply and get into top unis as they wanted which they ignored it as they believe the unis would not reject me. When they found out 4/5 unis rejected me, they blamed me for it, shouted at me, break into my room constantly, threaten me, demanded that I apply to another university which they chose. I had no choice but to agree so that they would leave me alone. Whilst I agreed, I did not do what they told me to do instead I involved my school of this matter and emailed the last university about it. The last university gave me an offer after the email and my parents were happy of the offer. I took my a level exams and during the exam period, I reported this entire situation to social services, the university and my school. With my parents agreement, I undertook a bank-related job for a month which was the only instance that I was allowed to go outside unmonitored longer for an hour. Then results day comes about, where I had not met my offer of A* A* A instead, I received AAB. So, I was rejected by my only offer. I lied to my parents again, I stated to them that I had met the offer and lied of my grades, but emphasised the gap year idea being better for the reputation, and involved other family members on the idea - my parents agreed after the involvement and the idea of the reputation improving as a result.
Now, I am in a dilemma, with my reapplying this year, my parents chose the universities based solely on their ranking on a leaderboard for me to apply to and I lied that I applied to all of them (in reality, I applied for some of them and then chose some safety universities); told my parents that I needed A*A*A* and that I needed to do another subject to get in to two of the unis and so I had to retake a subject and do another subject to - in reality, I had to retake two of my subjects and do another subject. My parents also want me to start working but only in jobs they view as good for the reputation such as in a bank. My parents have the tendency to change their mind quickly to ideas they agree to, so they might just decide to not allow me outside to take the exams even though I had already booked them. So, I am deciding to pretend to go to work every weekday for the duration of exam period where I go to take my exams and then afterwards I revise until 4-5pm and then I go home.
My parents plan to fund my university fees and make me stay at home as they say that applying for student loans and accommodation, no matter the reason, is for stupid people to be made fun of. I plan to not accept any of my parents’ funding as they will use this as a means of forcing me to do what they want. I plan to apply for student loans and accommodation before I go to uni and work for money I can use to sustain myself at uni. I plan to lie which university go if I do not get an offer from any of the the universities they want; stay in accommodation and cut my parents off my life, my parents are likely not going to allow me to go on my own to the university on the first day and stay in accommodation. I plan to carry this out by travelling to the university they wanted me to go, waiting until my parents are no longer around and then travel to the university I am meant to be at, and then staying there, not coming back home.
However, I am worried of this plan not working and its consequences of being caught. Also, I keep thinking from all of this that I am in the wrong, that I am doing worse than them by lying and hiding parts of my life and myself, that maybe they are just parents who just care more about my life than other parents.
So, I ask, what do you think of this situation? If you were in this situation, would you be doing anything differently? Do you have any advice in dealing with situation?

Hi,
Apologies in advance, this post will be very long but I would appreciate to have views on these circumstances and any potential advice.
I am 18 year old girl with a traditional south Asian family. Since a very young age, I have had been emotionally and mentally scarred from my parents by their erratic, controlling, aggressive, abusive behaviour.
My parents would suddenly shout, mock, dismiss, threaten, belittle and can be at times, physically aggressive (blocking entrances, breaking open doors, hitting, forcibly holding people down until they comply to their wishes) on a regular to daily basis.
I try to justify their behaviour being from stress, as I have two younger neurodivergent siblings who need all the care and attention from my parents not allowing them to have time for themselves at times.
However, I don’t think I can justify it anymore given that there had been opportunities where my parents could have accepted support given to them to help them care for my siblings, but they reject any support due to prioritising the family reputation in which they believe that accepting support would further shame the family.
My parents believe that there is no hope of my siblings redeeming the shame that they had brought to the family by being neurodivergent and hence as a result, placed all the pressure of reputation on me instead leading to them controlling every aspect of my life. They have to know every single detail of every friend I have and tell me to cut off any friends I have that they disapprove immediately. For example, I had a friend that supported me mentally and emotionally a year ago yet due to their gender I was forced to cut them off. They control what I can wear when around family. I am not allowed to go outside on my own other than for their own benefit such as groceries, with a time limit of an hour before they start contacting me constantly as they believe that I would get kidnapped very easily and that I am not ‘smart’ enough to go on my own. I am made to stay at home all the time to take care of my siblings and study. They make my decisions for me without considering my own views and without me knowing. They believe my body is theirs only and that as long as they are alive, they can do anything they want to it. They believe that it is their right to vent to me about my siblings, about each other constantly - treating me like their therapist. They believe that I have no privacy in which they can break into any room I am in whenever they want, whether it be 1am in the early morning or 11pm at night to shout, mock, complain at me etc.
Whenever I did anything they don’t like, they would shout at me, give me the silent treatment, tell me that I am shaming them, telling me ‘what will other people think?’, threaten to hurt and kill me/themselves/my siblings because of it, threatening me that they will install cameras in every room I am in to watch me, threaten to kick me out into the streets, threaten to end my education, not pay for basic necessities, break into any room I am in, block any entrances, and can sometimes physically harm me such as restraining me. They keep this error in mind even if they forgive me on it, and bring it up to any other error I make to justify why they never could trust me and why what they are doing is the best for me. They do all of this until I comply to what they want. They do the same actions with my siblings but I have to protect and defend them for each instance.
As a result of all of this, I am constant high-alert, restless, and have issues with concentrating on anything. My mental health, sense of self-esteem and my will to live shattered. I constantly lie to them to protect myself and my siblings and they still do all of these actions. And whenever I bring this up to them, they tell me to control my emotions and to help with that I have to be around the family more, ignore me or dismiss their actions as them being more caring than other parents.
The lies extend from small white lies to important aspects about my life like my education and whereabouts. For example, whenever I am allowed to go outside for groceries, I use that opportunity to meet up with a friend, get groceries quickly and then go somewhere else local to spend time with the friend without letting my parents know.
Some lies are easy for me to maintain but there are others that are very hard to maintain. For example, last year when I was applying for universities, I was having a hard time doing that as the degree I initially wanted to do (which was international relations/human geography) was dismissed and hated immediately by my parents as they wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer - after the constant shouting, threats and aggressiveness, I dropped the subject I used to love for another subject, Computer science (software engineering), which my parents then approved, I felt no motivation to work hard to get the offers of this subject other than wanting to go to university to escape my parents. I told them from November last year, that I wanted to do a gap year to reapply and get into top unis as they wanted which they ignored it as they believe the unis would not reject me. When they found out 4/5 unis rejected me, they blamed me for it, shouted at me, break into my room constantly, threaten me, demanded that I apply to another university which they chose. I had no choice but to agree so that they would leave me alone. Whilst I agreed, I did not do what they told me to do instead I involved my school of this matter and emailed the last university about it. The last university gave me an offer after the email and my parents were happy of the offer. I took my a level exams and during the exam period, I reported this entire situation to social services, the university and my school. With my parents agreement, I undertook a bank-related job for a month which was the only instance that I was allowed to go outside unmonitored longer for an hour. Then results day comes about, where I had not met my offer of A* A* A instead, I received AAB. So, I was rejected by my only offer. I lied to my parents again, I stated to them that I had met the offer and lied of my grades, but emphasised the gap year idea being better for the reputation, and involved other family members on the idea - my parents agreed after the involvement and the idea of the reputation improving as a result.
Now, I am in a dilemma, with my reapplying this year, my parents chose the universities based solely on their ranking on a leaderboard for me to apply to and I lied that I applied to all of them (in reality, I applied for some of them and then chose some safety universities); told my parents that I needed A*A*A* and that I needed to do another subject to get in to two of the unis and so I had to retake a subject and do another subject to - in reality, I had to retake two of my subjects and do another subject. My parents also want me to start working but only in jobs they view as good for the reputation such as in a bank. My parents have the tendency to change their mind quickly to ideas they agree to, so they might just decide to not allow me outside to take the exams even though I had already booked them. So, I am deciding to pretend to go to work every weekday for the duration of exam period where I go to take my exams and then afterwards I revise until 4-5pm and then I go home.
My parents plan to fund my university fees and make me stay at home as they say that applying for student loans and accommodation, no matter the reason, is for stupid people to be made fun of. I plan to not accept any of my parents’ funding as they will use this as a means of forcing me to do what they want. I plan to apply for student loans and accommodation before I go to uni and work for money I can use to sustain myself at uni. I plan to lie which university go if I do not get an offer from any of the the universities they want; stay in accommodation and cut my parents off my life, my parents are likely not going to allow me to go on my own to the university on the first day and stay in accommodation. I plan to carry this out by travelling to the university they wanted me to go, waiting until my parents are no longer around and then travel to the university I am meant to be at, and then staying there, not coming back home.
However, I am worried of this plan not working and its consequences of being caught. Also, I keep thinking from all of this that I am in the wrong, that I am doing worse than them by lying and hiding parts of my life and myself, that maybe they are just parents who just care more about my life than other parents.
So, I ask, what do you think of this situation? If you were in this situation, would you be doing anything differently? Do you have any advice in dealing with situation?

Hi,
Apologies in advance, this post will be very long but I would appreciate to have views on these circumstances and any potential advice.
I am 18 year old girl with a traditional south Asian family. Since a very young age, I have had been emotionally and mentally scarred from my parents by their erratic, controlling, aggressive, abusive behaviour.
My parents would suddenly shout, mock, dismiss, threaten, belittle and can be at times, physically aggressive (blocking entrances, breaking open doors, hitting, forcibly holding people down until they comply to their wishes) on a regular to daily basis.
I try to justify their behaviour being from stress, as I have two younger neurodivergent siblings who need all the care and attention from my parents not allowing them to have time for themselves at times.
However, I don’t think I can justify it anymore given that there had been opportunities where my parents could have accepted support given to them to help them care for my siblings, but they reject any support due to prioritising the family reputation in which they believe that accepting support would further shame the family.
My parents believe that there is no hope of my siblings redeeming the shame that they had brought to the family by being neurodivergent and hence as a result, placed all the pressure of reputation on me instead leading to them controlling every aspect of my life. They have to know every single detail of every friend I have and tell me to cut off any friends I have that they disapprove immediately. For example, I had a friend that supported me mentally and emotionally a year ago yet due to their gender I was forced to cut them off. They control what I can wear when around family. I am not allowed to go outside on my own other than for their own benefit such as groceries, with a time limit of an hour before they start contacting me constantly as they believe that I would get kidnapped very easily and that I am not ‘smart’ enough to go on my own. I am made to stay at home all the time to take care of my siblings and study. They make my decisions for me without considering my own views and without me knowing. They believe my body is theirs only and that as long as they are alive, they can do anything they want to it. They believe that it is their right to vent to me about my siblings, about each other constantly - treating me like their therapist. They believe that I have no privacy in which they can break into any room I am in whenever they want, whether it be 1am in the early morning or 11pm at night to shout, mock, complain at me etc.
Whenever I did anything they don’t like, they would shout at me, give me the silent treatment, tell me that I am shaming them, telling me ‘what will other people think?’, threaten to hurt and kill me/themselves/my siblings because of it, threatening me that they will install cameras in every room I am in to watch me, threaten to kick me out into the streets, threaten to end my education, not pay for basic necessities, break into any room I am in, block any entrances, and can sometimes physically harm me such as restraining me. They keep this error in mind even if they forgive me on it, and bring it up to any other error I make to justify why they never could trust me and why what they are doing is the best for me. They do all of this until I comply to what they want. They do the same actions with my siblings but I have to protect and defend them for each instance.
As a result of all of this, I am constant high-alert, restless, and have issues with concentrating on anything. My mental health, sense of self-esteem and my will to live shattered. I constantly lie to them to protect myself and my siblings and they still do all of these actions. And whenever I bring this up to them, they tell me to control my emotions and to help with that I have to be around the family more, ignore me or dismiss their actions as them being more caring than other parents.
The lies extend from small white lies to important aspects about my life like my education and whereabouts. For example, whenever I am allowed to go outside for groceries, I use that opportunity to meet up with a friend, get groceries quickly and then go somewhere else local to spend time with the friend without letting my parents know.
Some lies are easy for me to maintain but there are others that are very hard to maintain. For example, last year when I was applying for universities, I was having a hard time doing that as the degree I initially wanted to do (which was international relations/human geography) was dismissed and hated immediately by my parents as they wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer - after the constant shouting, threats and aggressiveness, I dropped the subject I used to love for another subject, Computer science (software engineering), which my parents then approved, I felt no motivation to work hard to get the offers of this subject other than wanting to go to university to escape my parents. I told them from November last year, that I wanted to do a gap year to reapply and get into top unis as they wanted which they ignored it as they believe the unis would not reject me. When they found out 4/5 unis rejected me, they blamed me for it, shouted at me, break into my room constantly, threaten me, demanded that I apply to another university which they chose. I had no choice but to agree so that they would leave me alone. Whilst I agreed, I did not do what they told me to do instead I involved my school of this matter and emailed the last university about it. The last university gave me an offer after the email and my parents were happy of the offer. I took my a level exams and during the exam period, I reported this entire situation to social services, the university and my school. With my parents agreement, I undertook a bank-related job for a month which was the only instance that I was allowed to go outside unmonitored longer for an hour. Then results day comes about, where I had not met my offer of A* A* A instead, I received AAB. So, I was rejected by my only offer. I lied to my parents again, I stated to them that I had met the offer and lied of my grades, but emphasised the gap year idea being better for the reputation, and involved other family members on the idea - my parents agreed after the involvement and the idea of the reputation improving as a result.
Now, I am in a dilemma, with my reapplying this year, my parents chose the universities based solely on their ranking on a leaderboard for me to apply to and I lied that I applied to all of them (in reality, I applied for some of them and then chose some safety universities); told my parents that I needed A*A*A* and that I needed to do another subject to get in to two of the unis and so I had to retake a subject and do another subject to - in reality, I had to retake two of my subjects and do another subject. My parents also want me to start working but only in jobs they view as good for the reputation such as in a bank. My parents have the tendency to change their mind quickly to ideas they agree to, so they might just decide to not allow me outside to take the exams even though I had already booked them. So, I am deciding to pretend to go to work every weekday for the duration of exam period where I go to take my exams and then afterwards I revise until 4-5pm and then I go home.
My parents plan to fund my university fees and make me stay at home as they say that applying for student loans and accommodation, no matter the reason, is for stupid people to be made fun of. I plan to not accept any of my parents’ funding as they will use this as a means of forcing me to do what they want. I plan to apply for student loans and accommodation before I go to uni and work for money I can use to sustain myself at uni. I plan to lie which university go if I do not get an offer from any of the the universities they want; stay in accommodation and cut my parents off my life, my parents are likely not going to allow me to go on my own to the university on the first day and stay in accommodation. I plan to carry this out by travelling to the university they wanted me to go, waiting until my parents are no longer around and then travel to the university I am meant to be at, and then staying there, not coming back home.
However, I am worried of this plan not working and its consequences of being caught. Also, I keep thinking from all of this that I am in the wrong, that I am doing worse than them by lying and hiding parts of my life and myself, that maybe they are just parents who just care more about my life than other parents.
So, I ask, what do you think of this situation? If you were in this situation, would you be doing anything differently? Do you have any advice in dealing with situation?