Is it antisocial not wanting to go to a uni reunion?
I've been invited to a uni reunion in two weeks time but don't want to go. I graduated 6 years ago and in the year after graduating I met up with my group of uni friends a bit in London but it all fizzled out and I haven't seen any of them since 2019. I left London, I had a fall out with a couple of people, one girl I had a huge crush on wasn't interested in me, and my best mate who was very career focused stopped wanting to hang out with me and called me negative. They nearly all live in the London area so normally meet there, and since I don't, last year I said it was too much of a journey. But this time as one of the guys now lives in Birmingham with his girlfriend, they are meeting there, which is less than half an hour from me, so there is pretty much no excuse. I smply don't want to go, in fact I had a nightmare about it. I never want to see my crush again who is now engaged, I feel mortified about that situation, they nearly all have way better jobs than me, they mostly have partners and mortgages. I am doing a basic job, I am struggling, I am single and I live in a house share. The thought of seeing them is simply horrifying. To make it worse, two have now written to me on facebook asking me if I'm going. What should I say to them?
Original post by Anonymous
I've been invited to a uni reunion in two weeks time but don't want to go. I graduated 6 years ago and in the year after graduating I met up with my group of uni friends a bit in London but it all fizzled out and I haven't seen any of them since 2019. I left London, I had a fall out with a couple of people, one girl I had a huge crush on wasn't interested in me, and my best mate who was very career focused stopped wanting to hang out with me and called me negative. They nearly all live in the London area so normally meet there, and since I don't, last year I said it was too much of a journey. But this time as one of the guys now lives in Birmingham with his girlfriend, they are meeting there, which is less than half an hour from me, so there is pretty much no excuse. I smply don't want to go, in fact I had a nightmare about it. I never want to see my crush again who is now engaged, I feel mortified about that situation, they nearly all have way better jobs than me, they mostly have partners and mortgages. I am doing a basic job, I am struggling, I am single and I live in a house share. The thought of seeing them is simply horrifying. To make it worse, two have now written to me on facebook asking me if I'm going. What should I say to them?
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t go!
The fact that you’re typing this and questioning your decision shows that you have a little interest in going, so the question is: Do you want to go? Despite the fact other people you may not want to see would be there
Moreover, it’s up to you in the end, we can’t really choose your decision for you. If you do eventually not want to go, you could the two who asked you that you have something to do on the same day and are busy.
I hope you’ll be okay!
For what it's worth, notwithstanding that you did put a list of reasons why you don't want to go, the fact that two of them have messaged you does suggest that they want you to go, which shows that at least some people in this group care more about you than you might otherwise think. Also, as much as I entirely understand the anxiety around comparing yourself to others, that is something that you grow out of as you get older (as in, into your 30s), and there is certainly a chance that you regret avoiding a situation where you could strengthen some ties with others later on, when the things that are anxious about now don't matter as much.
At the same time, it certainly isn't antisocial to not want to go. These are people that you have had limited contact with for six years. In my experience reunions of this type rarely do actually result in you rekindling old friendships in a meaningful. Instead they can be nice for nostalgic reasons and can be a nice night or day out in isolation, but they have relatively little meaning beyond that unless you put some significant effort in. It is also entirely up to you where you draw your social circles from. I actually have virtually no friends that I am in regular contact with now (15 years or so on) from my undergraduate and postgraduate degrees. But I do have good groups of friends from school and work. I have relatively few good friends that I've made since having children, but my wife has quite a lot of good friends that she's made since we had children. As a couple, there are other couples that we socialise with who come from a range of places in our lives, both from before we have kids (and now we mostly all have kids) and more recently. This is all individual for each person and each couple. I have been to school reunions, and would go to a university one with certain groups if I was asked, but these events haven't expanded my friendship groups in any meaningful way, despite being decent events where I've had fun. So as much I don't really think there's a downside to going, if you don't want to, there is no harm in not going in my view.
At the same time, it certainly isn't antisocial to not want to go. These are people that you have had limited contact with for six years. In my experience reunions of this type rarely do actually result in you rekindling old friendships in a meaningful. Instead they can be nice for nostalgic reasons and can be a nice night or day out in isolation, but they have relatively little meaning beyond that unless you put some significant effort in. It is also entirely up to you where you draw your social circles from. I actually have virtually no friends that I am in regular contact with now (15 years or so on) from my undergraduate and postgraduate degrees. But I do have good groups of friends from school and work. I have relatively few good friends that I've made since having children, but my wife has quite a lot of good friends that she's made since we had children. As a couple, there are other couples that we socialise with who come from a range of places in our lives, both from before we have kids (and now we mostly all have kids) and more recently. This is all individual for each person and each couple. I have been to school reunions, and would go to a university one with certain groups if I was asked, but these events haven't expanded my friendship groups in any meaningful way, despite being decent events where I've had fun. So as much I don't really think there's a downside to going, if you don't want to, there is no harm in not going in my view.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been invited to a uni reunion in two weeks time but don't want to go. I graduated 6 years ago and in the year after graduating I met up with my group of uni friends a bit in London but it all fizzled out and I haven't seen any of them since 2019. I left London, I had a fall out with a couple of people, one girl I had a huge crush on wasn't interested in me, and my best mate who was very career focused stopped wanting to hang out with me and called me negative. They nearly all live in the London area so normally meet there, and since I don't, last year I said it was too much of a journey. But this time as one of the guys now lives in Birmingham with his girlfriend, they are meeting there, which is less than half an hour from me, so there is pretty much no excuse. I smply don't want to go, in fact I had a nightmare about it. I never want to see my crush again who is now engaged, I feel mortified about that situation, they nearly all have way better jobs than me, they mostly have partners and mortgages. I am doing a basic job, I am struggling, I am single and I live in a house share. The thought of seeing them is simply horrifying. To make it worse, two have now written to me on facebook asking me if I'm going. What should I say to them?
Just Don't Go!
You can make up an excuse if you want to, but it sounds like you don't actually like or have these people in your life anymore, so why should you care?
If you did end up going, would you enjoy it? probably not. So why go?
Best wishes in whatever ends up happening!
You saw them last when I was in year 7, I am now doing uni interviews, trust me they won’t care and if they do idk
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Being Anti-Social From Family While In University
- At what point did you make close friends at uni??
- uni best friends
- girls only *relationship
- Student finance eligibility on a 10 year route settlement visa (private life route)
- Only wanting to be in situationships, don’t want to be friends w boys or girls
- I have just finished my first year at the University of Leeds, ask me anything!
- Why is she still being mean to me all these years later?
- city, university of london nightlife
- Quiet halls Southampton
- nursing or a law degree?
- Rejection student finance England
- Do u believe in a reunion?!
- KCL Nursing 2024
- What to do with myself
- Is University Halls at Cardiff actually that bad?
- idrk
- uni life
- I’m bored and have 30 hours of A-level Work to do, Help pls
- Study on antisocial behaviour in English football
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 2 weeks ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.Last reply 3 weeks ago
I have a question is using college money to buy Ur first apartment bad because im
