The Student Room Group

Missed out on my teens/early 20s due to mental illness

26 now, due to depression and anxiety I didn’t get to experience my youth the way I wanted to and still can’t due to being in the same situation. I don’t have friends and didn’t get to experience all the fun memories and connections I could have, go through rebelliousness and coming of age. People might say oh you can always catch up but I can’t be a 40 year old and be able to experience these things, friendship becomes less of a thing dynamics change between your youth and older- even now people my age are maturing and more mentally developed whilst I’m stuck grieving a bygone era and in a state of arrested development.
This is completely personal, some, all or none may apply to you, please forgive me if I say anything about myself that is wrong or offensive applied to you.

I’m in a similar boat of age and (for me) thankfully “as resolved as can be” mental smashup. Applying to university as a mature student.

I shan’t have a pack of young mates to knock about with, or university hair-letting-down or self discovery. I shall always be a stickout in my cohort and I expect CVs will be seven flavours of excruciating.

All of that passed me by, snow of yesteryear or rosebud-gathering or whatever slightly overdone metaphor the poets have come up with since the madrigals and Old French laments I grubbed those out of were written.

What you can’t lose is the love of learning that drew you to consider university in the first place. I can’t help with mental health but when you can, study.

Why are we here on the Student Room except that we have the great gift of curiosity and a decent enough brain to use it?

For me it’s Nature, especially plants and invertebrates but all of it, living or purely physical. It’s been my friend in happy days as a promising pupil and awful days in hospitals, the scrubbiest little “weed” or hated “bug” is exquisitely beautiful to me, the snow-algae on the glaciers I have never seen but hope to and the hardy Ceratodon or Pleurococcus and teeming isopod crustaceans on institutional concrete and chipboard.

To study it is gift enough, to be allowed to spend four years in it and among it as our blessedly mad government seems to be willing to lend me money to do is a daft, impossibly wonderful joy. More than I ever deserved.

There’s a scene in a very dark TV drama called “The Terror” (18 plus, trigger warning for suicide, chronic illness, mental health, graphic violence and cannibalism, please don’t watch unless you are sure it won’t cause any problems) in which a ship’s naturalist is dying in very unpleasant circumstances and as he does, the plates of his 19th century floras and medical books flash through his memory in a pure white light. I fancy a heaven would look like that, everything laid out in ordered form to be studied forever.

Find something you love that much and study it. Scrape the dust off qualifications, resit if you have to, work hard and love the work. It has made me happy, or as happy as I can be, I hope it may you.

It’s why we’re here, to learn. I accept what will never be and glory in what is still to be discovered.

All good wishes.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 2
Original post by RatRestaraunt
26 now, due to depression and anxiety I didn’t get to experience my youth the way I wanted to and still can’t due to being in the same situation. I don’t have friends and didn’t get to experience all the fun memories and connections I could have, go through rebelliousness and coming of age. People might say oh you can always catch up but I can’t be a 40 year old and be able to experience these things, friendship becomes less of a thing dynamics change between your youth and older- even now people my age are maturing and more mentally developed whilst I’m stuck grieving a bygone era and in a state of arrested development.

Ok so your in the same situation back then and same situation right now. So first things first if you need to tackle what ever situation you are in now. If its anxieties and depression, see someone and get help and councelling.
But, then to also help your sadness about missing on your lost youth, you have to come to terms you cant do everything. like hanging around with a bunch of 13 year olds catching pokemon wont quite work at 26. But that does not stop you catching pokemon with a group of like minded 20 somethings.
I think if you did a few things your mood would lift and feel less resentful about it. Maybe travel or interailing or back packing? Its a little rebellious going on your own but in a good way.
Reply 3
Original post by Ghostlady
Ok so your in the same situation back then and same situation right now. So first things first if you need to tackle what ever situation you are in now. If its anxieties and depression, see someone and get help and councelling.
But, then to also help your sadness about missing on your lost youth, you have to come to terms you cant do everything. like hanging around with a bunch of 13 year olds catching pokemon wont quite work at 26. But that does not stop you catching pokemon with a group of like minded 20 somethings.
I think if you did a few things your mood would lift and feel less resentful about it. Maybe travel or interailing or back packing? Its a little rebellious going on your own but in a good way.

I don’t want to hang out with 13 year olds haha, I’m talking about the experiences you get to go through during the 18-23 life mark. I wanted to mess about with friends and I want to go out and cause harmless mayhem and have house parties and sleepovers and sharing common interests. But yeah travel I was thinking, but still my mental feels like it’ll get in the way when in hostels.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 4
You do what you feel in your own comfort zone 🙂 theres no set rules about how to live your life so do what makes you happy 🙂
Original post by RatRestaraunt
26 now, due to depression and anxiety I didn’t get to experience my youth the way I wanted to and still can’t due to being in the same situation. I don’t have friends and didn’t get to experience all the fun memories and connections I could have, go through rebelliousness and coming of age. People might say oh you can always catch up but I can’t be a 40 year old and be able to experience these things, friendship becomes less of a thing dynamics change between your youth and older- even now people my age are maturing and more mentally developed whilst I’m stuck grieving a bygone era and in a state of arrested development.

I feel somewhat similar to this as an 18 going on 19 year old. I never stayed in a school more than three years and even moved countries at one point and had family issues along with depression and anxiety like you still wouldn’t say I’ve overcome those to be honest. I think it’s important to think that whilst the childhood/teens is over it doesn’t mean we still can’t have good times as we get older it’s just the good times change from messing around to something else and it’s best not to dwell on these things otherwise you’re just longing for something you can’t get back
same unfortunately it never gets better for a lot of us
You actually can go hang with 13 years and play poemon btw, it’d be weird don’t get me wrong but you can if that’s your dream bro. Good luck
Reply 8
Original post by Little pecker
You actually can go hang with 13 years and play poemon btw, it’d be weird don’t get me wrong but you can if that’s your dream bro. Good luck

What I don’t want to do that lmao I never said I was grieving being 13 I’m grieving around the years between 18 and 23

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