Welfare officer at society almost caused a total mental collapse in me
Recently, I got into a nasty situation at my society in university.
I was friends (and not even close) with the welfare officer of this society, who has an issue with using foul language. We laughed it off at training.
That evening, I wrote her a text about that in a half-joke manner.
This, apparently, was enough for her to have an absolute meltdown. First, she threatened to block me and then demanded that I don't attend a party the next day.
She had no right to say this, but instead I tried to apologise. This made her even angrier and she first made fun of my autism, and then began threatening me with a 'formal meeting', and then made a veiled threat to remove me from the society as well as demand that I never attend the society again.
When I sought the support of someone else (who was her friend), she threatened me with the same thing. She seems to have been scared by my response (I threatened to involve my tutor and the head of my department) and it ultimately emerged this was all empty threats.
But the effect it had on me was horrendous, and my mental health nearly collapsed.
I seriously don't understand how someone can go around calling herself a welfare officer, organising charity events and then goes and does something like this?
I was friends (and not even close) with the welfare officer of this society, who has an issue with using foul language. We laughed it off at training.
That evening, I wrote her a text about that in a half-joke manner.
This, apparently, was enough for her to have an absolute meltdown. First, she threatened to block me and then demanded that I don't attend a party the next day.
She had no right to say this, but instead I tried to apologise. This made her even angrier and she first made fun of my autism, and then began threatening me with a 'formal meeting', and then made a veiled threat to remove me from the society as well as demand that I never attend the society again.
When I sought the support of someone else (who was her friend), she threatened me with the same thing. She seems to have been scared by my response (I threatened to involve my tutor and the head of my department) and it ultimately emerged this was all empty threats.
But the effect it had on me was horrendous, and my mental health nearly collapsed.
I seriously don't understand how someone can go around calling herself a welfare officer, organising charity events and then goes and does something like this?
What do you mean has an issue with using foul language ? They don’t like you using it? Seems a legit complaint to me.But that doesn’t mean that they have the right to make fun of your autism . You’ll have to explain a bit more what actually happened.
Original post by Anonymous
What do you mean has an issue with using foul language ? They don’t like you using it? Seems a legit complaint to me.But that doesn’t mean that they have the right to make fun of your autism . You’ll have to explain a bit more what actually happened.
No, no, they use foul language excessively, which I have a problem with!
I'd honestly love to, but this is honestly really what happened and nothing more. I showed the texts to a lot of people, including my university's report and support team. Not a single one of them understood what caused the horrible messages.
However, three weeks before this happened, I had a very painful experience with losing a friend. This person is close friends with the above welfare officer. She began sending me weird text messages which alarmed me, then assured me she liked talking to me, then got herself extremely (embarassingly) drunk and accused me of 'being in her street' at 1am in the night, and then said a lot of nasty things to me the day after. Me and the welfare officer began interacting for the first time shortly after that, without any tension.
Unless I’m mistaken this is at least your third thread about this situation.
I’m quite surprised that it’s escalated this way. I think the previous advice was that your comments may have come across poorly it might be better to speak face to face and clarify whether you were joking or what you meant to smooth things over. I’m glad that you tried to follow this.
Instead it seems things have escalated. The person invoked shouldn’t have tried to exclude you from events or made fun/light of your autism. I think speaking to her friend was an error as they were unlikely to be impartial regardless of what happened.
Is there anyone else you could speak to about this to mediate? Someone from your student union or any wellbeing support services?
One thing to consider is that this person may never have interacted with someone with autism before. Not an excuse, but may explain why they went from 0 to 100 without much thought.
I’m quite surprised that it’s escalated this way. I think the previous advice was that your comments may have come across poorly it might be better to speak face to face and clarify whether you were joking or what you meant to smooth things over. I’m glad that you tried to follow this.
Instead it seems things have escalated. The person invoked shouldn’t have tried to exclude you from events or made fun/light of your autism. I think speaking to her friend was an error as they were unlikely to be impartial regardless of what happened.
Is there anyone else you could speak to about this to mediate? Someone from your student union or any wellbeing support services?
One thing to consider is that this person may never have interacted with someone with autism before. Not an excuse, but may explain why they went from 0 to 100 without much thought.
Original post by Admit-One
Unless I’m mistaken this is at least your third thread about this situation.
I’m quite surprised that it’s escalated this way. I think the previous advice was that your comments may have come across poorly it might be better to speak face to face and clarify whether you were joking or what you meant to smooth things over. I’m glad that you tried to follow this.
Instead it seems things have escalated. The person invoked shouldn’t have tried to exclude you from events or made fun/light of your autism. I think speaking to her friend was an error as they were unlikely to be impartial regardless of what happened.
Is there anyone else you could speak to about this to mediate? Someone from your student union or any wellbeing support services?
One thing to consider is that this person may never have interacted with someone with autism before. Not an excuse, but may explain why they went from 0 to 100 without much thought.
I’m quite surprised that it’s escalated this way. I think the previous advice was that your comments may have come across poorly it might be better to speak face to face and clarify whether you were joking or what you meant to smooth things over. I’m glad that you tried to follow this.
Instead it seems things have escalated. The person invoked shouldn’t have tried to exclude you from events or made fun/light of your autism. I think speaking to her friend was an error as they were unlikely to be impartial regardless of what happened.
Is there anyone else you could speak to about this to mediate? Someone from your student union or any wellbeing support services?
One thing to consider is that this person may never have interacted with someone with autism before. Not an excuse, but may explain why they went from 0 to 100 without much thought.
Yes, it keeps getting worse, all the time. The last thing she wrote me was a demand I never attend the society. I ignored this, of course, because this was as unreasonable as it gets. You may as well ask me not to go cycling without my glasses.
As someone who claims to be a welfare officer, she should know better than engage in a torrent of unacceptable threats along with her friend (who I wrote for support because she really was supportive at training to me, very encouraging and all that) which apparently is crossing a line into bullying.
Under normal circumstances, I would have considered mediation if I felt there was a misunderstanding.
However, in the case of this individual, I really want nothing to do with her again, and have told many people that I will be triggering a formal investigation into her behaviour if she continues to try and exclude me from the society, or if I discover a single attempt to have a 'formal discussion' with me. I have submitted all the contents of our chat to report and support, and can trigger it with one press of a button. I almost submitted it last week when one of her friends excluded me from a congratulations card for my friend (but was convinced to stand down).
All I want to understand now is a) Why she and some people have an almost pathological urge to just hurt me and b) How she can call herself welfare and organise charity events after causing someone who never hurt anybody such immense mental distress that I was having thoughts which scare me to this day
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