I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
Not normal behaviour? Sounds pretty normal to me..
What you've described is absolutely normal, and there is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed of any of it. Even if you regret some or all of those times that you've had sex, doing things you regret is part of life, and it helps you to decide how you're going to act in future. You haven't ruined anything, and in fact you're still very much learning about all of this. Don't be so hard on yourself. There really isn't any reason to be.
What you've described is absolutely normal, and there is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed of any of it. Even if you regret some or all of those times that you've had sex, doing things you regret is part of life, and it helps you to decide how you're going to act in future. You haven't ruined anything, and in fact you're still very much learning about all of this. Don't be so hard on yourself. There really isn't any reason to be.
Thank you - I can usually cope with it okay but I've had a bit of an anxious flare up at uni
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
it’s normal. you're a girl, right? the reason you feel guilty is because of the way our society is. men sleep around all the time and never feel guilty bc we don't get shamed for it the way women do. so just enjoy life
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
Do not listen to anyone telling you its ‘normal’, thats for you to decide! Clearly your gut has a problem with it, and you are coping with it. Address the root cause head on and find out whats wrong, whatever it may be.Remember Its never too late to change.
Okay I'll try again because some are obviously a bit sensitive. My honest opinion is, yes, it is disgusting, and if you feel the same way then maybe stop doing it? Is everything ruined? Depends what you mean by everything.
Okay I'll try again because some are obviously a bit sensitive. My honest opinion is, yes, it is disgusting, and if you feel the same way then maybe stop doing it? Is everything ruined? Depends what you mean by everything.
No, it doesn't depend on what she means by everything. The OP is 19 years old and has slept with, what, five people? It is an absolute nonsense to suggest that that is either disgusting or has ruined something significant in her life. Every time a girl or woman on this site posts a thread where they say that they have slept with even a moderate number of people, there are always posts like this judging it. It is ridiculous, and these posts are almost always based on nonsensical and patriarchal views of purity, whether consciously or not. By all means you can genuinely think that this is disgusting, but if the thought of a woman gaining anything more than minimal sexual experience makes you feel uneasy, whether they themselves regret it or not, frankly the problem is with you. Even if the OP regrets sleeping with these people, in the long run these experiences will likely give her a much better idea of what she wants, both from sex and from a relationship, and will frankly probably make her better at sex. And far from being disgusting, that is a good thing for both her and her eventual longer term partner(s). Any judgement you want to throw at her is completely misplaced.
How many people are you talking about here? .... there is basically no normal, in my opinion. If the number annoys you, then that's up to you. If you feel low about it then stop drinking when your out... and see if you'd go home with any of these guys while sober.
No, it doesn't depend on what she means by everything. The OP is 19 years old and has slept with, what, five people? It is an absolute nonsense to suggest that that is either disgusting or has ruined something significant in her life. Every time a girl or woman on this site posts a thread where they say that they have slept with even a moderate number of people, there are always posts like this judging it. It is ridiculous, and these posts are almost always based on nonsensical and patriarchal views of purity, whether consciously or not. By all means you can genuinely think that this is disgusting, but if the thought of a woman gaining anything more than minimal sexual experience makes you feel uneasy, whether they themselves regret it or not, frankly the problem is with you. Even if the OP regrets sleeping with these people, in the long run these experiences will likely give her a much better idea of what she wants, both from sex and from a relationship, and will frankly probably make her better at sex. And far from being disgusting, that is a good thing for both her and her eventual longer term partner(s). Any judgement you want to throw at her is completely misplaced.
Dude stop with your immature idealistic views. The only difference with you and the other user is the idea you are preaching, being the opposite. Clearly OP feels guilty about her actions, for one reason or another. Also, having sex while drunk definitely isn’t helping anyone understand what they want’ in the future, that is just more cope. Let people do what they want, stop encouraging one side.
Dude stop with your immature idealistic views. The only difference with you and the other user is the idea you are preaching, being the opposite. Clearly OP feels guilty about her actions, for one reason or another. Also, having sex while drunk definitely isn’t helping anyone understand what they want’ in the future, that is just more cope. Let people do what they want, stop encouraging one side.
This post honestly makes very little sense. It's not cope at all to highlight that people can learn and benefit from mistakes. At a very basic level if you do something you didn't enjoy and decide you don't want to do it again, that is the very definition of you understanding what you want in future. It's how life works. And no, it's not immature or idealistic to want people to stop judging women for who and how many people they sleep with. Ironically, the notion that we should all let everyone do what they want is idealistic. People's actions have consequences, and they impact on others. If people are allowed to pass judgement on women for having sex unchallenged, that affects those and other women and stops them from doing what they want to do. So I'd respectfully suggest that if you really want people to be free to do what they want, you should reflect on which person in this thread is actually preventing that. Because it isn't me.
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
Hey! First of all, I want to say that absolutely nothing you've said here devalues or 'others' you in any way. You are *not* abnormal. But the fact that you're reflecting on it and it's bothering you is a sign that maybe you want to make choices you'll be proud of in the future. Although, if you're feeling shame because of other people, then those are not the opinions that matter.
I've been where you are now, and actually had similar experiences at the same age. However, it's been just over a year since, and I'm in a happy, committed relationship and I am being treated the best I have ever been treated by someone else.
The first step is not beating yourself up over your past. You can't change it, and arguably a lot of these experiences will shape you and make you better as you grow up. You can afford to be pickier, and look for the right things as opposed to things that are easy.
I realised that I was in a phase of hooking up because I had a lot of self-esteem issues. I did not start a relationship with my current partner because I was looking for it. It just kind of happened, and fortunately I'd been doing a lot of work on myself before we got together. I don't know if that will resonate with you, but I hope you know that there's a girl out there with the same experience. I getchu!
Hey! First of all, I want to say that absolutely nothing you've said here devalues or 'others' you in any way. You are *not* abnormal. But the fact that you're reflecting on it and it's bothering you is a sign that maybe you want to make choices you'll be proud of in the future. Although, if you're feeling shame because of other people, then those are not the opinions that matter.
I've been where you are now, and actually had similar experiences at the same age. However, it's been just over a year since, and I'm in a happy, committed relationship and I am being treated the best I have ever been treated by someone else.
The first step is not beating yourself up over your past. You can't change it, and arguably a lot of these experiences will shape you and make you better as you grow up. You can afford to be pickier, and look for the right things as opposed to things that are easy.
I realised that I was in a phase of hooking up because I had a lot of self-esteem issues. I did not start a relationship with my current partner because I was looking for it. It just kind of happened, and fortunately I'd been doing a lot of work on myself before we got together. I don't know if that will resonate with you, but I hope you know that there's a girl out there with the same experience. I getchu!
Great post and makes a number of points in a clearer way than I managed to.
I lost my virginity in January (along with having my first kiss and first everything) to my first boyfriend. That lasted 3 months and since then I've had quite a few casual hookups and one other bf (only a month). I'm 19 and I know that's young and that I started dating late, but I just feel so disgusting and like I've ruined everything now and I'll never find the kind of love I want. Most of the people I slept with were while drunk and sober I'm not really attracted to them. I just feel so guilty and abnormal, I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't have just done things like a normal person.
tbh you got nothing to lose i assume you’re not religious and having boyfriends is quite normal in your community. Now what you can do is just go celibate forget bout it and move on and just wait for the right person.