Mental and social advice; help please

Hello, I read your whole paragraph and I want to let you know that things aren’t as hopeless as they might seem to you right now! Before I give you some advice I can tell you that I understand you extremely well, I used to sh and had si and never thought I would get out of this darkness but I did and you can too.
Growing up is really hard and feeling this way occurs to more people your age than you might think. I am sorry to hear that your parents don’t take it seriously and don’t want to help you. That is not okay, especially since opening up to them is really hard. You should be very proud of yourself for doing so well in school. It doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to be unhappy. Often when you don’t feel great, you think you are being ungrateful just because on the surface nothing seems wrong. Clearly this belief is not very helpful, you are not ungrateful, no matter what your parents say. Also mental health in general seems to be a forbidden subject in your family which might make you feel like you are wrong. You are not. Mental health affects everyone and you are allowed, no you should talk about it. If you don’t want your parents to hear about your feelings and problems, I understand but please don’t let that stop you from getting help. Because this is unavoidable, you need help and that is okay. Reaching out here and saying you need help is a big step and I am very proud of you for doing so. I would suggest you do some research on where you can get some professional help for free. There are for sure some very good helplines and chats in your country that are available! I would also suggest you speak with your counsellor about it while telling him not to tell your parents. I am sure he will understand that you don’t want them to know.
Then there is you wanting to have friends. All I can say here is, I am sure people want to befriend you and I think it’s normal to want that and absolutely understandable. I am again sorry to hear that your parents don’t want you to have such connections, because you really deserve it. Try to reach out to classmates you think are kind, even if it might seem hard I am sure you will be successful !
I am sorry to hear what happened between you and your sister. It seems like this was very traumatic to you. You should again absolutely talk about this with someone professional. Believe me I believe you and they will too. There is nothing you need to be ashamed about. I know it probably feels hard to trust anyone at the moment, but most people are kinder than you think and want to help.
For your future: to me it looks like you are very strong, smart and talented therefore I am not concerned that you won’t make it. You will become a doctor and if your parents don’t support you, I am sure your teachers can help you with that. You can for sure also get financial help if you get good grades (which I am sure of), do some research about it and talk with your teachers about it. I am sure they are happy to help!
You don’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations, that is not your job. You are worth so much and absolutely wonderful. You can be incredibly proud of yourself. I think talking with other people than yours parents will do you some good. I would also suggest that you do the things you love if you are not studying. Like me for example I love art and I like to draw it helped me to stop hurting myself.
I wish you all the best and send you lots of love ❤️

ok listen to me, it'll all work out, maybe not in the way you think of it right now. You might eventually move out and cut ties with parents. You might find a job abroad and have difficult contact with them. They might change (yes it sounds impossible but)
Trust me, teachers won't listen, even if you trust them. They'll end up telling your parents that you're making up lies or being dramatic or whatever (it is how it is)
Friends, classmates will understand.
sirius_stuff if u need to dm me (gram)

thanks for your advice (love the bluntness tbh). im not even sure due to cost of living i can move out rn, just turned 17 so next year i have to begin planning to leave. may try to ind some uni abroad to give me a scholrship so i can leave espeacially since the uk is shite rn. aint got frienfs but yeah ill try with classmates and thx for the teacher tip. ill just work hard and pray it works in my favour and i can be happy or something. anyway thank u

uni accommodation is cheaper than renting a flat as an adult (or so im told)
i have an anti panic-attack playlist if u need

really?
thats good to hear but for me its the fees yk (im not a uk home student so ill be indebt for a long log time i think)
also pls the playlist , it would really help alot coz rn
thank u for your time as always

eh yeah honestly what my geo teacher said that uni accommodation is usually cheaper than normal
sorry for late reply btw
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4Nny68sjjISphvrCvH1ZY6?si=N3H31_KgQVWrKXMrxZ0aPg
also you only pay debt off when u earn more than 20k. if u reach a certain age without paying it'll be called off too

thankx for your reply and help, student rooom litterlaly just emailed me abotu your reply so sorry for replying late
needed the playlist rn
lots of love and hapy new year !

So this is going to be quite long and if ud like u can skip to the last paragraph. befroe i start i would like to thank anyone who replys for their time and advice. uve done more than what others in my personal life have so thak you and im not sure weather to say god bless or blessed be
i am currenly a young adult and my teachers and family have always had high expectations of me. Thus it had led to substance abuse (via alcohol although it was a short stint in my life and i had to move so that access was gone) , depression, panick attacks, s.h and s.i . no ones ever listened to me or even entertained the idea that deep down im hurting and numb inside; that i cry every night thses days, procrastinate and dont focus as much, want to hurt my self and others but because im always smiling or cheerful or doing well at school it doesnt matter to my family. I even broke down 1-2 months ago and my father said i had no reason to; because of said academic progress. If i talked to the school about it it would bleed back to my parents and the last time i went to a councellor my mome told me to stop because theyd see me as some (and this is not me but her) mentally unwell person so that helped (eye roll). Then its the isolation which furthers this numbness i have. I hate people now, how thsy look at me , how unpredictable they are, how draining they are and my parents always made the idea of having friends seem bad; when i had secretly had social media (because i felt isolated im my own class no friend and i wanted to engage with my peers and they werent even 'bad influences' ; good grade kids etc) they whipped me (in the uk it is what it is ; p.a. back in my home country it was'disipline' but still). but i also still crave it because i want to feel normal too, lauch at silly jokes, gossip, experience things other peers had with friends and not feel like some loner (got bullied for it in my former school in my home country too from both teachers and students) . then this mix adds on to me crying and just wanting to keep myself (iykwim) . then i feel like my sister has been looking at me weirdly, touching me all wrong and when i think about it i just want to cry. made me feel like a perv for likeing girls and just affected me alot. And then i cant tell anyone i actually know about it coz whos going to belive me? and to this day i can still see her gaze on my chest and lower torso nd its effing nausiating (cant spell) . then after all that its finnally my future. its the usual doctor thing and my options are limited because im an immigrant and things here interms of uni degrees are crazy expenisve. but i want to do what i want to do and be happy with that but here comes my family and even when i told my teacher i wanted to break down because they tore it all down.
i feel like just nothing. im drained and hurting and i dont have anywhere to go. i cant leave my parents because im <18 and dependent on their visa and im afraid of being in another country with no one to help me . so pls give me advice if u understand all this. i just need someone to listen and tell me what to do with my life rn coz i genueinly dont know what to do.
thank u