The Student Room Group

Poor relationship with parents & wanting to move out

I am 17 and my parents are both business owners who lead a really sporadic and loaded life. I understand that they are stressed out and have issues to manage this & so they take it out on me through arguing a lot. They are really irritable and I sometimes get annoyed at them as well. They have high expectations on me to take over the business as well as getting a law degree (they initially wanted me to do medicine but I have convinced them law would be a better fit). They have a huge control over my life (they stop me from going out with friends regularly, don't allow me to date -- especially people that aren't of my ethnic background, rush me into driving, control what I study -- like A Levels). I want to do well in school but I don't want to take over the business (common of Indian parents rly), and I don't even know if I want to do law (I think I might really like English at uni). The main problem is that they argue and disrespect me continually and I really want to get away. I am not financially independent and they wouldn't appreciate me getting a job as they expect me to help out in the shop. I really want minimal connection with them when I go to uni but stay in regular contact with my little sister who unfortunately has to deal with them longer -- hopefully they don't try indoctrinate and impose their ideals on her.

What steps can I take to moving out and becoming more independent? I want it to be subtle so they don't question me. I genuinely hate being at home because of them and I lock myself in my room often.
Original post by Anonymous
I am 17 and my parents are both business owners who lead a really sporadic and loaded life. I understand that they are stressed out and have issues to manage this & so they take it out on me through arguing a lot. They are really irritable and I sometimes get annoyed at them as well. They have high expectations on me to take over the business as well as getting a law degree (they initially wanted me to do medicine but I have convinced them law would be a better fit). They have a huge control over my life (they stop me from going out with friends regularly, don't allow me to date -- especially people that aren't of my ethnic background, rush me into driving, control what I study -- like A Levels). I want to do well in school but I don't want to take over the business (common of Indian parents rly), and I don't even know if I want to do law (I think I might really like English at uni). The main problem is that they argue and disrespect me continually and I really want to get away. I am not financially independent and they wouldn't appreciate me getting a job as they expect me to help out in the shop. I really want minimal connection with them when I go to uni but stay in regular contact with my little sister who unfortunately has to deal with them longer -- hopefully they don't try indoctrinate and impose their ideals on her.
What steps can I take to moving out and becoming more independent? I want it to be subtle so they don't question me. I genuinely hate being at home because of them and I lock myself in my room often.

That sounds like such a rough situation to be stuck in, and I completely get why you feel the way you do. It’s hard when parents are so controlling and have such high expectations, especially when it feels like they don’t respect you or consider what you actually want. I think the key right now is to play it smart—focus on doing well in school and making it seem like you're meeting their expectations, even if you're working on your own goals in the background. If you’re applying to unis, maybe pick ones that are a bit further away, so you get some space, and look into scholarships or student loans to avoid relying on them financially.
You could also start saving little bits of money where you can—like through tutoring or small side hustles they wouldn’t question—and frame it as you building skills or being productive. At home, finding reasons to be out, like study groups or volunteering, might help give you some breathing room. For now, it might be best to avoid big conflicts with them since you’re still living there, but once you’re at uni, you’ll have more freedom to make choices about how involved you want to be with them. Staying close to your sister is a good move too—she’ll probably need you for support, and you can help her see that there’s more to life than just what your parents want.
Remember, they can try there hardest but they can never force you to do anything - do what you want in life.

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