The Student Room Group

Girlfriends family only bother with us at Christmas

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and in that time I can count on two hands the amount of times we’ve seen her family during that time during the years. Despite her best efforts they just have no time in spending time not just with us two but her siblings and their partners either.

But for the last two years, ever since we’ve had a kid, they only bother with us at Christmas. But then they only want to see us on Christmas Eve because they don’t want their Christmas Day interrupted.

Last year about a month before Christmas they told us they’d booked a table at a pub on Christmas Eve for some food, so we went along. This year however we’d heard nothing and I’m working until midday on Christmas Eve so me and my girlfriend made plans to just have a chilled Christmas Eve at home together. Yesterday however her dad messaged and said “we’ve decided to have a meal on Christmas Eve so we’ve booked a table for 12:30.” Her parents live an hour away so we’ve said we’ll only turn up around 1 because I’m working to which her parents said that’s not good enough.

My girlfriend then asked if I could finish early to which I said I can’t unless I take the day unpaid which I’m not prepared to do. So now it’s creating a bit of friction, I’ve told my girlfriend I’d be more willing to take the day unpaid if her parents had made more of an effort to see us during the year but they don’t despite our best efforts to see them. We’ll see them on Christmas Eve and we’ll probably only see them again in Summer after that.

So now I really don’t know how to go about this.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and in that time I can count on two hands the amount of times we’ve seen her family during that time during the years. Despite her best efforts they just have no time in spending time not just with us two but her siblings and their partners either.
But for the last two years, ever since we’ve had a kid, they only bother with us at Christmas. But then they only want to see us on Christmas Eve because they don’t want their Christmas Day interrupted.
Last year about a month before Christmas they told us they’d booked a table at a pub on Christmas Eve for some food, so we went along. This year however we’d heard nothing and I’m working until midday on Christmas Eve so me and my girlfriend made plans to just have a chilled Christmas Eve at home together. Yesterday however her dad messaged and said “we’ve decided to have a meal on Christmas Eve so we’ve booked a table for 12:30.” Her parents live an hour away so we’ve said we’ll only turn up around 1 because I’m working to which her parents said that’s not good enough.
My girlfriend then asked if I could finish early to which I said I can’t unless I take the day unpaid which I’m not prepared to do. So now it’s creating a bit of friction, I’ve told my girlfriend I’d be more willing to take the day unpaid if her parents had made more of an effort to see us during the year but they don’t despite our best efforts to see them. We’ll see them on Christmas Eve and we’ll probably only see them again in Summer after that.
So now I really don’t know how to go about this.


Marry her uve got a kid, just dont eve her and try to be friendly i get her fam may not be bothered but mabs try to make an effort urself? Just tryna help
Reply 2
Do what she asks, she’ll always be more tolerant of their behaviour than you, and it’s Christmas
Do you actually want an ongoing relationship with them? Because they don't really sound as if they want one with you.

If so, make the effort. If not, don't.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Marry her uve got a kid, just dont eve her and try to be friendly i get her fam may not be bothered but mabs try to make an effort urself? Just tryna help

I mean I did say that we make our best efforts to see them but they never want to meet up when we invite them round or say we’ll go round to them.
Reply 5
Original post by Admit-One
Do you actually want an ongoing relationship with them? Because they don't really sound as if they want one with you.
If so, make the effort. If not, don't.

Honestly? I’m not arsed, the whole time we’ve been together they have never bothered with us and we both get the impression they only see us because they feel like they have to not because they want to.

My girlfriend has said if her parents left her life she wouldn’t miss them because she never sees them anyway.
You don't have to justify nor qualify yourself.
You have a prior booking to do work till mid-day. Their request for Xmas Eve lunch came well after you made that booking.
With things like this, first come, first served makes a lot of sense. If they can't see the sense in that it's their issue, not yours.

There may be some short term friction over this. But on the bright side, you should earn some respect from your girlfriend and her family on this. Because you do what you say you're going to do. You told your boss you'd work on the morning of the 24th, and that's what you're going to do, even though it's turned out awkward for you. With that being your general philosophy in life.
Ronseal man. You do what it says on the tin.
You're not fickle.

Seeing her family at Christmas and summer is better than not seeing them at all.

And I don't see it as a big issue if you join them for the main course and dessert. The main thing is that it's a chance to get together, have a chat and catch up.
Original post by Anonymous
Honestly? I’m not arsed, the whole time we’ve been together they have never bothered with us and we both get the impression they only see us because they feel like they have to not because they want to.

My girlfriend has said if her parents left her life she wouldn’t miss them because she never sees them anyway.

In that case just stick to your guns and tell them that it's too little notice to change your work plans. You can make it for 1 but no earlier. If they try the "not good enough" line then just tell them you'll have to give it a miss this year.

Life is too short to be dealing with people trying to make a drama over something that should be straightforward.
Original post by Admit-One
In that case just stick to your guns and tell them that it's too little notice to change your work plans. You can make it for 1 but no earlier. If they try the "not good enough" line then just tell them you'll have to give it a miss this year.
Life is too short to be dealing with people trying to make a drama over something that should be straightforward.

Yeah this really, Eff them.

Inviting you a month in advance is one thing, springing it 10 days is taking the mick a bit, at this point in the year most workers can't take extra time or swap shifts. If you're going to decide to book a table and decide the time before even inviting anyone then you can't be too shocked if people say they aren't available.

'Coming at 1pm isn't good enough'

'Well you could have asked before you booked on my behalf' then you sneer 'iTs JuSt NoT gOoD eNoUgH' into their face.
Reply 9
Original post by StriderHort
Yeah this really, Eff them.
Inviting you a month in advance is one thing, springing it 10 days is taking the mick a bit, at this point in the year most workers can't take extra time or swap shifts. If you're going to decide to book a table and decide the time before even inviting anyone then you can't be too shocked if people say they aren't available.
'Coming at 1pm isn't good enough'
'Well you could have asked before you booked on my behalf' then you sneer 'iTs JuSt NoT gOoD eNoUgH' into their face.

It’s not only that, they’re always extremely last minute about stuff which annoys me. Last year they decided to go for a meal but only looked at booking a table 3 days before so we went at a crappy time which messed up the day and it’s just lucky I wasn’t working Christmas Eve last year.

If they’d given us plenty of notice they wanted to go for a meal again this year I could have arranged not to be in work.

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