Urgent advice on boys at uni please!!! need major help thank you x
I just started uni and completed my first term there. I had never in my entire life before received any male attention at all—not even flirted, texted, held hands, etc. So, I was convinced I was ugly and would die alone without ever experiencing any kind of romantic interactions (I am 18). I don't consider myself attractive at all. I think I am chubby (I am 154cm and 54kg) and don’t think in any way I could be pretty.
But strangely, at uni, I received male attention. I felt flattered but weirdly hated it and was creeped out (mainly because I didn’t know any of these men). For example, I was in a souvenir shop the summer before starting uni, in my uni town, and the 30-year-old guy who worked there was weirdly into me. Then, another guy who was like 25 kind of hung out with me a lot, and it felt really weird.
When I started uni, it became even more pronounced. The first time I ever went clubbing, I ended up having a very long two-hour conversation with a really sweet guy I actually began to like and was attracted to. He even walked me back to my college. Had I been more experienced or even a bit tipsy, we definitely would have kissed, but I was so oblivious that he was interested in me that I completely wasted that opportunity. Honestly, it does bother me that I messed up so badly.
The next few times I went clubbing, a few guys from my college who were drunk—and so was I—held my hands, twirled me around, and we danced and had fun. Then next, I was in a club, and a guy took my hand and took me away from my friends, pinned me against the wall, and tried to kiss me. This would have been my absolute dream because for years, this was all I’d ever wanted (yes, I know it’s sad).
However, I was so, so scared as it was the first time I was drunk. I remember my heart beating so fast and feeling like I might die. I kept turning my face away from his and not letting him kiss me, so he apologized and then hugged me for a very, very long time, pinning me against the wall until he finally let go, and I kind of ran.
Finally, I had gone to a concert by myself, and somehow that experience gave me so much peace. I finally felt like my life was perfect, and for the first time in my entire life, I did not crave love or kisses or boyfriends. It was the first time I have felt such peace and happiness and contentment, and it was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
But strangely, a few days later, I was back at uni and went to a club. For the first time clubbing, I did not care about men at all and didn’t even think about kissing anyone. But as soon as I walked in, I ran into a guy I’d met a few days ago at the university union and had hung out with in a group setting.
I was super drunk at this point, and when I’m drunk, I’m just very nice and friendly. I was standing right next to him, so I was just like, ‘Hi!’ He was actually so happy to see me that I was like, wow, this is crazy. He chatted with me for ages and said he was so glad he ran into me again because when we met, he was really sad I left and didn’t want me to go. (I actually noticed a little hint of this then, but I’m too convinced I’m ugly to believe it.)
We ended up talking, and my friends kind of let me be with him. Somehow, we started dancing, and then his hands were on me, and my arms were around his shoulders. He was telling me all his friends kept patting him on the back (like as a congratulations for dancing with me—which I think is crazy because I’m not pretty at all, and to be honest, I’d be embarrassed being seen dancing with me).
They were all staring at us, and he proudly said, ‘Let them look.’ Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, so we went to the other floor of the club. By this point, I had lost all my friends and was so, so, so drunk that I didn’t realize he was into me. I thought he was just being friendly/a nice friend, and I had no regard for my own safety as I was that drunk. Honestly, I was surprised I could even stand upright—I’d drunk that much, and my tolerance is so low.
Then he kissed me, and I was not expecting that at all—it was my first kiss, so I had no idea how to do it. But I was so drunk I didn’t feel a thing. Like not a single emotion—not happy, not excited—just completely numb and indifferent to what was going on.
I ended up just robotically kissing him back by mimicking what he was doing, but kissing was nothing like what I thought it would be. It was weirdly gross, and while he was kissing me, I was just thinking, am I even straight? I was super numb to everything that was going on but also a tiny bit strangely annoyed, even though my dream was being achieved right now. (The guy was my type on paper: tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes, etc.)
Then he asked if I wanted to go to his college. By this point, I was so drunk and tired I wanted to leave anyway, so I said sure. But I was so naïve I had no clue what he actually meant, which was to have sex, obviously. But like an idiot, I just left with this total, basically random stranger and went to his college.
I don’t know what I thought would happen, but we ended up in his room. Then he started kissing me and then lifted me up, carried me, and put me in his bed. (I was shocked he could carry me, as I feel so fat I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to lift me.)
Then he took off my clothes and gave me oral sex, made me give him a handjob, and fingered me. But this entire time, I didn’t feel butterflies or anything—except like a tired sort of disgust, or almost the feeling you have when you roll your eyes. I was just totally numb, and it all felt weird and actually a bit painful.
Then he said, ‘I really want to **** you’ (like that grossed me out). And honestly, it was a huge jump going from never kissing to this. I would have had sex with him, but I just felt so fat and unattractive.
This was the only night in my entire time at uni that I had put in low effort to my appearance, so I hadn’t shaved my legs or vagina, and my underwear wasn’t pretty, when usually I look as pretty as I possibly can. So strangely, every time I’ve met this boy has been at my absolute ugliest, and he’s still wanting to have sex.
I know it’s illogical, but I was so drunk, and I thought, I know I’m already naked, but if I have sex with him, he might see more of my body and realize how fat I really am and think I’m gross. That would be embarrassing.
So I said, ‘No, I’m not ready to have sex’ automatically, which really, really surprised me, as I’m the most people-pleasing, submissive person there could ever be. I kept saying sorry and feeling bad, and he kept saying, ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ and was actually really sweet about it.
I can’t remember much, but I think he wanted me to stay and cuddle. By this time, I was really freaking out and didn’t understand what was happening, so I lied and said I had work I hadn’t finished. He walked me back to my college and said he’d stay the night in my room. (To be honest, it was nice of him to walk me as I was so drunk and have no sense of direction, so I never would have made it back.)
But my room in uni was such a total mess that even in my drunk state, I knew I would be mortified if someone saw it. Instead, we snuck onto the roof of my uni. I was afraid that when he properly looked at my face in the lights (as the roof was lit up), he’d realize how horrifically ugly I am and run away. But it was weirdly romantic. If I had been more aware of my surroundings, I think I would have appreciated it more. We stood on the roof, and the stars were pretty. We talked a tiny bit, and then he stood behind me, put his arms around my waist (so he could obviously feel how fat I was), but he didn’t leave. Then he looked right at me, fully in the light, and kissed me.
What?
Anyway, after that, we left the roof. My friends, who were convinced he was a rapist, marched him out of there.
The next morning, I told myself I didn’t feel anything, that he wouldn’t text me, and I wouldn’t be sad about it. But he did text me, and we ended up texting each other every single day (which my friends don’t know, as they’re convinced I’m putting my life and theirs in danger—which I think is super dramatic).
Over the next two weeks, all my friends slowly distanced themselves from me. I was going through a really tough period of being subtly bullied, feeling so lonely, abusing substances I’d never tried before, and feeling isolated. I kept getting drunk, crying a lot, and having an awful time. I ended up drunk texting him and wandering the streets, and he’d come and find me, take me back to his college, and we’d just cuddle in his bed.
The most we’d do is he’d take off my clothes and kiss me, but then I’d pass out on him or just pretend to pass out so it didn’t go further. I felt really scared, but as soon as we’d stop the sexual stuff, I felt so safe and warm. He was warm, held me, and I’d lay on his chest. I’d never experienced a feeling like this before. This happened two or three more times in total.
At night, he was sweet, but in the mornings, he would be slightly cold or icy. It hurt my feelings, and I’d walk back to my own college in the early morning, crying the entire way there. I’d usually get soaked in the rain, feel depressed, and decide I’d never meet him again. But then, the next time I got drunk, I’d go back to him.
On the last day of term, I had a terrible time. Everyone in my college was not talking to me and being really nasty. Finally, I found one friend, got the most drunk I have ever been in my life, and also tried weed for the first time. The entire time, I was drunk texting him, and he was drunk texting me, saying he liked me and missed me.
I ended up wandering the streets, and he came to find me again. I went to his room, and this time I was completely out of my mind—had no clue what was going on. The more time I spent with him, the less scared of the sexual stuff I felt. I just felt more self-conscious and ugly.
We did stuff, and then he asked to have sex. I was in such a bad
But strangely, at uni, I received male attention. I felt flattered but weirdly hated it and was creeped out (mainly because I didn’t know any of these men). For example, I was in a souvenir shop the summer before starting uni, in my uni town, and the 30-year-old guy who worked there was weirdly into me. Then, another guy who was like 25 kind of hung out with me a lot, and it felt really weird.
When I started uni, it became even more pronounced. The first time I ever went clubbing, I ended up having a very long two-hour conversation with a really sweet guy I actually began to like and was attracted to. He even walked me back to my college. Had I been more experienced or even a bit tipsy, we definitely would have kissed, but I was so oblivious that he was interested in me that I completely wasted that opportunity. Honestly, it does bother me that I messed up so badly.
The next few times I went clubbing, a few guys from my college who were drunk—and so was I—held my hands, twirled me around, and we danced and had fun. Then next, I was in a club, and a guy took my hand and took me away from my friends, pinned me against the wall, and tried to kiss me. This would have been my absolute dream because for years, this was all I’d ever wanted (yes, I know it’s sad).
However, I was so, so scared as it was the first time I was drunk. I remember my heart beating so fast and feeling like I might die. I kept turning my face away from his and not letting him kiss me, so he apologized and then hugged me for a very, very long time, pinning me against the wall until he finally let go, and I kind of ran.
Finally, I had gone to a concert by myself, and somehow that experience gave me so much peace. I finally felt like my life was perfect, and for the first time in my entire life, I did not crave love or kisses or boyfriends. It was the first time I have felt such peace and happiness and contentment, and it was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
But strangely, a few days later, I was back at uni and went to a club. For the first time clubbing, I did not care about men at all and didn’t even think about kissing anyone. But as soon as I walked in, I ran into a guy I’d met a few days ago at the university union and had hung out with in a group setting.
I was super drunk at this point, and when I’m drunk, I’m just very nice and friendly. I was standing right next to him, so I was just like, ‘Hi!’ He was actually so happy to see me that I was like, wow, this is crazy. He chatted with me for ages and said he was so glad he ran into me again because when we met, he was really sad I left and didn’t want me to go. (I actually noticed a little hint of this then, but I’m too convinced I’m ugly to believe it.)
We ended up talking, and my friends kind of let me be with him. Somehow, we started dancing, and then his hands were on me, and my arms were around his shoulders. He was telling me all his friends kept patting him on the back (like as a congratulations for dancing with me—which I think is crazy because I’m not pretty at all, and to be honest, I’d be embarrassed being seen dancing with me).
They were all staring at us, and he proudly said, ‘Let them look.’ Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, so we went to the other floor of the club. By this point, I had lost all my friends and was so, so, so drunk that I didn’t realize he was into me. I thought he was just being friendly/a nice friend, and I had no regard for my own safety as I was that drunk. Honestly, I was surprised I could even stand upright—I’d drunk that much, and my tolerance is so low.
Then he kissed me, and I was not expecting that at all—it was my first kiss, so I had no idea how to do it. But I was so drunk I didn’t feel a thing. Like not a single emotion—not happy, not excited—just completely numb and indifferent to what was going on.
I ended up just robotically kissing him back by mimicking what he was doing, but kissing was nothing like what I thought it would be. It was weirdly gross, and while he was kissing me, I was just thinking, am I even straight? I was super numb to everything that was going on but also a tiny bit strangely annoyed, even though my dream was being achieved right now. (The guy was my type on paper: tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes, etc.)
Then he asked if I wanted to go to his college. By this point, I was so drunk and tired I wanted to leave anyway, so I said sure. But I was so naïve I had no clue what he actually meant, which was to have sex, obviously. But like an idiot, I just left with this total, basically random stranger and went to his college.
I don’t know what I thought would happen, but we ended up in his room. Then he started kissing me and then lifted me up, carried me, and put me in his bed. (I was shocked he could carry me, as I feel so fat I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to lift me.)
Then he took off my clothes and gave me oral sex, made me give him a handjob, and fingered me. But this entire time, I didn’t feel butterflies or anything—except like a tired sort of disgust, or almost the feeling you have when you roll your eyes. I was just totally numb, and it all felt weird and actually a bit painful.
Then he said, ‘I really want to **** you’ (like that grossed me out). And honestly, it was a huge jump going from never kissing to this. I would have had sex with him, but I just felt so fat and unattractive.
This was the only night in my entire time at uni that I had put in low effort to my appearance, so I hadn’t shaved my legs or vagina, and my underwear wasn’t pretty, when usually I look as pretty as I possibly can. So strangely, every time I’ve met this boy has been at my absolute ugliest, and he’s still wanting to have sex.
I know it’s illogical, but I was so drunk, and I thought, I know I’m already naked, but if I have sex with him, he might see more of my body and realize how fat I really am and think I’m gross. That would be embarrassing.
So I said, ‘No, I’m not ready to have sex’ automatically, which really, really surprised me, as I’m the most people-pleasing, submissive person there could ever be. I kept saying sorry and feeling bad, and he kept saying, ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ and was actually really sweet about it.
I can’t remember much, but I think he wanted me to stay and cuddle. By this time, I was really freaking out and didn’t understand what was happening, so I lied and said I had work I hadn’t finished. He walked me back to my college and said he’d stay the night in my room. (To be honest, it was nice of him to walk me as I was so drunk and have no sense of direction, so I never would have made it back.)
But my room in uni was such a total mess that even in my drunk state, I knew I would be mortified if someone saw it. Instead, we snuck onto the roof of my uni. I was afraid that when he properly looked at my face in the lights (as the roof was lit up), he’d realize how horrifically ugly I am and run away. But it was weirdly romantic. If I had been more aware of my surroundings, I think I would have appreciated it more. We stood on the roof, and the stars were pretty. We talked a tiny bit, and then he stood behind me, put his arms around my waist (so he could obviously feel how fat I was), but he didn’t leave. Then he looked right at me, fully in the light, and kissed me.
What?
Anyway, after that, we left the roof. My friends, who were convinced he was a rapist, marched him out of there.
The next morning, I told myself I didn’t feel anything, that he wouldn’t text me, and I wouldn’t be sad about it. But he did text me, and we ended up texting each other every single day (which my friends don’t know, as they’re convinced I’m putting my life and theirs in danger—which I think is super dramatic).
Over the next two weeks, all my friends slowly distanced themselves from me. I was going through a really tough period of being subtly bullied, feeling so lonely, abusing substances I’d never tried before, and feeling isolated. I kept getting drunk, crying a lot, and having an awful time. I ended up drunk texting him and wandering the streets, and he’d come and find me, take me back to his college, and we’d just cuddle in his bed.
The most we’d do is he’d take off my clothes and kiss me, but then I’d pass out on him or just pretend to pass out so it didn’t go further. I felt really scared, but as soon as we’d stop the sexual stuff, I felt so safe and warm. He was warm, held me, and I’d lay on his chest. I’d never experienced a feeling like this before. This happened two or three more times in total.
At night, he was sweet, but in the mornings, he would be slightly cold or icy. It hurt my feelings, and I’d walk back to my own college in the early morning, crying the entire way there. I’d usually get soaked in the rain, feel depressed, and decide I’d never meet him again. But then, the next time I got drunk, I’d go back to him.
On the last day of term, I had a terrible time. Everyone in my college was not talking to me and being really nasty. Finally, I found one friend, got the most drunk I have ever been in my life, and also tried weed for the first time. The entire time, I was drunk texting him, and he was drunk texting me, saying he liked me and missed me.
I ended up wandering the streets, and he came to find me again. I went to his room, and this time I was completely out of my mind—had no clue what was going on. The more time I spent with him, the less scared of the sexual stuff I felt. I just felt more self-conscious and ugly.
We did stuff, and then he asked to have sex. I was in such a bad
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Reply 1
There's a few thing that stand out.
1.
Your self image is awful. Imagine if you were your own mother, would you talk to yourself like that? Start talking to yourself as if you were your own mother. With a lot more love and respect. And zero putting yourself down.
2.
You think you're chubby. You're not! You have a perfect body. With a BMI of 22.8. That BMI is scientifically associated with a long lifespan and a good long term health outlook. There's another member of this forum that was recently saying how she thinks she's too thin and how she'd love to get up to your weight (she's a similar height) if she could. The issue isn't your weight, nor your body shape. It's your self image.
3.
It's clear that you're easily physically attractive enough. Because of all the attention you've been getting.
4.
You also have your youth, giving you young looking skin and hair, that will add to men finding you physically attractive.
5.
Stop medicating yourself with alcohol and other substances. Set yourself the target of going out, socialising, enjoying yourself without the booze, or other mind altering chemicals. Alcohol is a Group 1 Carcinogen. As well as being associated with liver damage. And drinking is a pact with the devil. You may gain some confidence from drinking, but the price to pay is the loss of co-ordination, clear thinking, and the morning after.
6.
Aim to make the first time you have sex a special, memorable moment. It's something that's best done completely sober. With someone you care about and who cares about you.
7.
Apart from anything, there's the added risk of a contraception malfunction, or non-existence with drunken sex.
8.
There's a proportion of men that won't care about your pubic hair, nor your body hair. Stop being so perfectionist! Be more of a pragmatist and more of a paretoist. The same goes for the state of your room. A proportion of men will feel right at home if your room has a "lived-in" ambience.
9.
You're coming across as too scared of what others might think of you. You're also coming across as too focused on your inner world. And not focused enough on the thoughts, feelings, emotions of your fellow students. Focusing on others more will help to get you out of your "trapped inside your head" habit.
10.
Uni is the best place in the world to experiment with your social skills. To try different things to see what works best. Going down the melancholy, being miserable and getting drunk route hasn't worked. Sort yourself out over xmas. Start being a lot more positive and enthusiastic. Start savouring and enjoying real life more. In the raw. Sober. Fully aware. Start taking yourself and your life less seriously than you have been. Let your hair down and enjoy yourself more - NATURALLY. By changing your inner philosophy and approach to life.
11.
Edit: get into nutrition. Start finding out what sorts of foods and drinks enhance your mood, and which are likely to affect it in a bad way. And start eating and drinking more and more of the good mood stuff and less of the bad mood stuff. It's common for students to let themselves get run down, by eating and drinking too much junk.
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI just started uni and completed my first term there. I had never in my entire life before received any male attention at all—not even flirted, texted, held hands, etc. So, I was convinced I was ugly and would die alone without ever experiencing any kind of romantic interactions (I am 18). I don't consider myself attractive at all. I think I am chubby (I am 154cm and 54kg) and don’t think in any way I could be pretty.
But strangely, at uni, I received male attention. I felt flattered but weirdly hated it and was creeped out (mainly because I didn’t know any of these men). For example, I was in a souvenir shop the summer before starting uni, in my uni town, and the 30-year-old guy who worked there was weirdly into me. Then, another guy who was like 25 kind of hung out with me a lot, and it felt really weird.
When I started uni, it became even more pronounced. The first time I ever went clubbing, I ended up having a very long two-hour conversation with a really sweet guy I actually began to like and was attracted to. He even walked me back to my college. Had I been more experienced or even a bit tipsy, we definitely would have kissed, but I was so oblivious that he was interested in me that I completely wasted that opportunity. Honestly, it does bother me that I messed up so badly.
The next few times I went clubbing, a few guys from my college who were drunk—and so was I—held my hands, twirled me around, and we danced and had fun. Then next, I was in a club, and a guy took my hand and took me away from my friends, pinned me against the wall, and tried to kiss me. This would have been my absolute dream because for years, this was all I’d ever wanted (yes, I know it’s sad).
However, I was so, so scared as it was the first time I was drunk. I remember my heart beating so fast and feeling like I might die. I kept turning my face away from his and not letting him kiss me, so he apologized and then hugged me for a very, very long time, pinning me against the wall until he finally let go, and I kind of ran.
Finally, I had gone to a concert by myself, and somehow that experience gave me so much peace. I finally felt like my life was perfect, and for the first time in my entire life, I did not crave love or kisses or boyfriends. It was the first time I have felt such peace and happiness and contentment, and it was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
But strangely, a few days later, I was back at uni and went to a club. For the first time clubbing, I did not care about men at all and didn’t even think about kissing anyone. But as soon as I walked in, I ran into a guy I’d met a few days ago at the university union and had hung out with in a group setting.
I was super drunk at this point, and when I’m drunk, I’m just very nice and friendly. I was standing right next to him, so I was just like, ‘Hi!’ He was actually so happy to see me that I was like, wow, this is crazy. He chatted with me for ages and said he was so glad he ran into me again because when we met, he was really sad I left and didn’t want me to go. (I actually noticed a little hint of this then, but I’m too convinced I’m ugly to believe it.)
We ended up talking, and my friends kind of let me be with him. Somehow, we started dancing, and then his hands were on me, and my arms were around his shoulders. He was telling me all his friends kept patting him on the back (like as a congratulations for dancing with me—which I think is crazy because I’m not pretty at all, and to be honest, I’d be embarrassed being seen dancing with me).
They were all staring at us, and he proudly said, ‘Let them look.’ Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, so we went to the other floor of the club. By this point, I had lost all my friends and was so, so, so drunk that I didn’t realize he was into me. I thought he was just being friendly/a nice friend, and I had no regard for my own safety as I was that drunk. Honestly, I was surprised I could even stand upright—I’d drunk that much, and my tolerance is so low.
Then he kissed me, and I was not expecting that at all—it was my first kiss, so I had no idea how to do it. But I was so drunk I didn’t feel a thing. Like not a single emotion—not happy, not excited—just completely numb and indifferent to what was going on.
I ended up just robotically kissing him back by mimicking what he was doing, but kissing was nothing like what I thought it would be. It was weirdly gross, and while he was kissing me, I was just thinking, am I even straight? I was super numb to everything that was going on but also a tiny bit strangely annoyed, even though my dream was being achieved right now. (The guy was my type on paper: tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes, etc.)
Then he asked if I wanted to go to his college. By this point, I was so drunk and tired I wanted to leave anyway, so I said sure. But I was so naïve I had no clue what he actually meant, which was to have sex, obviously. But like an idiot, I just left with this total, basically random stranger and went to his college.
I don’t know what I thought would happen, but we ended up in his room. Then he started kissing me and then lifted me up, carried me, and put me in his bed. (I was shocked he could carry me, as I feel so fat I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to lift me.)
Then he took off my clothes and gave me oral sex, made me give him a handjob, and fingered me. But this entire time, I didn’t feel butterflies or anything—except like a tired sort of disgust, or almost the feeling you have when you roll your eyes. I was just totally numb, and it all felt weird and actually a bit painful.
Then he said, ‘I really want to **** you’ (like that grossed me out). And honestly, it was a huge jump going from never kissing to this. I would have had sex with him, but I just felt so fat and unattractive.
This was the only night in my entire time at uni that I had put in low effort to my appearance, so I hadn’t shaved my legs or vagina, and my underwear wasn’t pretty, when usually I look as pretty as I possibly can. So strangely, every time I’ve met this boy has been at my absolute ugliest, and he’s still wanting to have sex.
I know it’s illogical, but I was so drunk, and I thought, I know I’m already naked, but if I have sex with him, he might see more of my body and realize how fat I really am and think I’m gross. That would be embarrassing.
So I said, ‘No, I’m not ready to have sex’ automatically, which really, really surprised me, as I’m the most people-pleasing, submissive person there could ever be. I kept saying sorry and feeling bad, and he kept saying, ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ and was actually really sweet about it.
I can’t remember much, but I think he wanted me to stay and cuddle. By this time, I was really freaking out and didn’t understand what was happening, so I lied and said I had work I hadn’t finished. He walked me back to my college and said he’d stay the night in my room. (To be honest, it was nice of him to walk me as I was so drunk and have no sense of direction, so I never would have made it back.)
But my room in uni was such a total mess that even in my drunk state, I knew I would be mortified if someone saw it. Instead, we snuck onto the roof of my uni. I was afraid that when he properly looked at my face in the lights (as the roof was lit up), he’d realize how horrifically ugly I am and run away. But it was weirdly romantic. If I had been more aware of my surroundings, I think I would have appreciated it more. We stood on the roof, and the stars were pretty. We talked a tiny bit, and then he stood behind me, put his arms around my waist (so he could obviously feel how fat I was), but he didn’t leave. Then he looked right at me, fully in the light, and kissed me.
What?
Anyway, after that, we left the roof. My friends, who were convinced he was a rapist, marched him out of there.
The next morning, I told myself I didn’t feel anything, that he wouldn’t text me, and I wouldn’t be sad about it. But he did text me, and we ended up texting each other every single day (which my friends don’t know, as they’re convinced I’m putting my life and theirs in danger—which I think is super dramatic).
Over the next two weeks, all my friends slowly distanced themselves from me. I was going through a really tough period of being subtly bullied, feeling so lonely, abusing substances I’d never tried before, and feeling isolated. I kept getting drunk, crying a lot, and having an awful time. I ended up drunk texting him and wandering the streets, and he’d come and find me, take me back to his college, and we’d just cuddle in his bed.
The most we’d do is he’d take off my clothes and kiss me, but then I’d pass out on him or just pretend to pass out so it didn’t go further. I felt really scared, but as soon as we’d stop the sexual stuff, I felt so safe and warm. He was warm, held me, and I’d lay on his chest. I’d never experienced a feeling like this before. This happened two or three more times in total.
At night, he was sweet, but in the mornings, he would be slightly cold or icy. It hurt my feelings, and I’d walk back to my own college in the early morning, crying the entire way there. I’d usually get soaked in the rain, feel depressed, and decide I’d never meet him again. But then, the next time I got drunk, I’d go back to him.
On the last day of term, I had a terrible time. Everyone in my college was not talking to me and being really nasty. Finally, I found one friend, got the most drunk I have ever been in my life, and also tried weed for the first time. The entire time, I was drunk texting him, and he was drunk texting me, saying he liked me and missed me.
I ended up wandering the streets, and he came to find me again. I went to his room, and this time I was completely out of my mind—had no clue what was going on. The more time I spent with him, the less scared of the sexual stuff I felt. I just felt more self-conscious and ugly.
We did stuff, and then he asked to have sex. I was in such a bad
But strangely, at uni, I received male attention. I felt flattered but weirdly hated it and was creeped out (mainly because I didn’t know any of these men). For example, I was in a souvenir shop the summer before starting uni, in my uni town, and the 30-year-old guy who worked there was weirdly into me. Then, another guy who was like 25 kind of hung out with me a lot, and it felt really weird.
When I started uni, it became even more pronounced. The first time I ever went clubbing, I ended up having a very long two-hour conversation with a really sweet guy I actually began to like and was attracted to. He even walked me back to my college. Had I been more experienced or even a bit tipsy, we definitely would have kissed, but I was so oblivious that he was interested in me that I completely wasted that opportunity. Honestly, it does bother me that I messed up so badly.
The next few times I went clubbing, a few guys from my college who were drunk—and so was I—held my hands, twirled me around, and we danced and had fun. Then next, I was in a club, and a guy took my hand and took me away from my friends, pinned me against the wall, and tried to kiss me. This would have been my absolute dream because for years, this was all I’d ever wanted (yes, I know it’s sad).
However, I was so, so scared as it was the first time I was drunk. I remember my heart beating so fast and feeling like I might die. I kept turning my face away from his and not letting him kiss me, so he apologized and then hugged me for a very, very long time, pinning me against the wall until he finally let go, and I kind of ran.
Finally, I had gone to a concert by myself, and somehow that experience gave me so much peace. I finally felt like my life was perfect, and for the first time in my entire life, I did not crave love or kisses or boyfriends. It was the first time I have felt such peace and happiness and contentment, and it was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
But strangely, a few days later, I was back at uni and went to a club. For the first time clubbing, I did not care about men at all and didn’t even think about kissing anyone. But as soon as I walked in, I ran into a guy I’d met a few days ago at the university union and had hung out with in a group setting.
I was super drunk at this point, and when I’m drunk, I’m just very nice and friendly. I was standing right next to him, so I was just like, ‘Hi!’ He was actually so happy to see me that I was like, wow, this is crazy. He chatted with me for ages and said he was so glad he ran into me again because when we met, he was really sad I left and didn’t want me to go. (I actually noticed a little hint of this then, but I’m too convinced I’m ugly to believe it.)
We ended up talking, and my friends kind of let me be with him. Somehow, we started dancing, and then his hands were on me, and my arms were around his shoulders. He was telling me all his friends kept patting him on the back (like as a congratulations for dancing with me—which I think is crazy because I’m not pretty at all, and to be honest, I’d be embarrassed being seen dancing with me).
They were all staring at us, and he proudly said, ‘Let them look.’ Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, so we went to the other floor of the club. By this point, I had lost all my friends and was so, so, so drunk that I didn’t realize he was into me. I thought he was just being friendly/a nice friend, and I had no regard for my own safety as I was that drunk. Honestly, I was surprised I could even stand upright—I’d drunk that much, and my tolerance is so low.
Then he kissed me, and I was not expecting that at all—it was my first kiss, so I had no idea how to do it. But I was so drunk I didn’t feel a thing. Like not a single emotion—not happy, not excited—just completely numb and indifferent to what was going on.
I ended up just robotically kissing him back by mimicking what he was doing, but kissing was nothing like what I thought it would be. It was weirdly gross, and while he was kissing me, I was just thinking, am I even straight? I was super numb to everything that was going on but also a tiny bit strangely annoyed, even though my dream was being achieved right now. (The guy was my type on paper: tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes, etc.)
Then he asked if I wanted to go to his college. By this point, I was so drunk and tired I wanted to leave anyway, so I said sure. But I was so naïve I had no clue what he actually meant, which was to have sex, obviously. But like an idiot, I just left with this total, basically random stranger and went to his college.
I don’t know what I thought would happen, but we ended up in his room. Then he started kissing me and then lifted me up, carried me, and put me in his bed. (I was shocked he could carry me, as I feel so fat I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to lift me.)
Then he took off my clothes and gave me oral sex, made me give him a handjob, and fingered me. But this entire time, I didn’t feel butterflies or anything—except like a tired sort of disgust, or almost the feeling you have when you roll your eyes. I was just totally numb, and it all felt weird and actually a bit painful.
Then he said, ‘I really want to **** you’ (like that grossed me out). And honestly, it was a huge jump going from never kissing to this. I would have had sex with him, but I just felt so fat and unattractive.
This was the only night in my entire time at uni that I had put in low effort to my appearance, so I hadn’t shaved my legs or vagina, and my underwear wasn’t pretty, when usually I look as pretty as I possibly can. So strangely, every time I’ve met this boy has been at my absolute ugliest, and he’s still wanting to have sex.
I know it’s illogical, but I was so drunk, and I thought, I know I’m already naked, but if I have sex with him, he might see more of my body and realize how fat I really am and think I’m gross. That would be embarrassing.
So I said, ‘No, I’m not ready to have sex’ automatically, which really, really surprised me, as I’m the most people-pleasing, submissive person there could ever be. I kept saying sorry and feeling bad, and he kept saying, ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ and was actually really sweet about it.
I can’t remember much, but I think he wanted me to stay and cuddle. By this time, I was really freaking out and didn’t understand what was happening, so I lied and said I had work I hadn’t finished. He walked me back to my college and said he’d stay the night in my room. (To be honest, it was nice of him to walk me as I was so drunk and have no sense of direction, so I never would have made it back.)
But my room in uni was such a total mess that even in my drunk state, I knew I would be mortified if someone saw it. Instead, we snuck onto the roof of my uni. I was afraid that when he properly looked at my face in the lights (as the roof was lit up), he’d realize how horrifically ugly I am and run away. But it was weirdly romantic. If I had been more aware of my surroundings, I think I would have appreciated it more. We stood on the roof, and the stars were pretty. We talked a tiny bit, and then he stood behind me, put his arms around my waist (so he could obviously feel how fat I was), but he didn’t leave. Then he looked right at me, fully in the light, and kissed me.
What?
Anyway, after that, we left the roof. My friends, who were convinced he was a rapist, marched him out of there.
The next morning, I told myself I didn’t feel anything, that he wouldn’t text me, and I wouldn’t be sad about it. But he did text me, and we ended up texting each other every single day (which my friends don’t know, as they’re convinced I’m putting my life and theirs in danger—which I think is super dramatic).
Over the next two weeks, all my friends slowly distanced themselves from me. I was going through a really tough period of being subtly bullied, feeling so lonely, abusing substances I’d never tried before, and feeling isolated. I kept getting drunk, crying a lot, and having an awful time. I ended up drunk texting him and wandering the streets, and he’d come and find me, take me back to his college, and we’d just cuddle in his bed.
The most we’d do is he’d take off my clothes and kiss me, but then I’d pass out on him or just pretend to pass out so it didn’t go further. I felt really scared, but as soon as we’d stop the sexual stuff, I felt so safe and warm. He was warm, held me, and I’d lay on his chest. I’d never experienced a feeling like this before. This happened two or three more times in total.
At night, he was sweet, but in the mornings, he would be slightly cold or icy. It hurt my feelings, and I’d walk back to my own college in the early morning, crying the entire way there. I’d usually get soaked in the rain, feel depressed, and decide I’d never meet him again. But then, the next time I got drunk, I’d go back to him.
On the last day of term, I had a terrible time. Everyone in my college was not talking to me and being really nasty. Finally, I found one friend, got the most drunk I have ever been in my life, and also tried weed for the first time. The entire time, I was drunk texting him, and he was drunk texting me, saying he liked me and missed me.
I ended up wandering the streets, and he came to find me again. I went to his room, and this time I was completely out of my mind—had no clue what was going on. The more time I spent with him, the less scared of the sexual stuff I felt. I just felt more self-conscious and ugly.
We did stuff, and then he asked to have sex. I was in such a bad
I was in such a bad headspace I said yes. He put it inside me but then asked if it hurt. I said yes (he knew I was a virgin). I think I was super high because I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember him saying, “This isn’t right. I think we should stop.” He seemed really concerned about me, but I said, “No, it’s okay, whatever makes you happy—just don’t leave me like everyone does.” In my life my uni friends who had been the sweetest kindest people in my life had started to bully me, and my family had always been really awful to me, so at that point he was the only person I had left in the world, and I barely even knew him so I was really just in a terrible position in life and was convinced he’d leave me too and I would be totally alone in life.
He said we’d stop and he wouldn’t leave me. I fully passed out on him, and we cuddled all night.
Now, we’re in the uni holidays, and we text each other every single day. I’ve learned a lot about him and his life. He’s been vulnerable and sweet over text. I forgot to mention, but every time we do anything sexual, I’ve hated all of it—except when he kisses my body, especially my neck and chest, and when we cuddle.
Since the first time we properly met at the club, he’s kept inviting me on dates at night, like “just to sleep” or “just to watch a movie.” But I’m a person who self-sabotages, so I kept pushing him away and saying I was busy. Every time I did meet him, I looked my least attractive—didn’t bother shaving my legs or anything—but he still liked me.
I’m just worried he only wants me for sex, which is crazy as there are thousands of prettier girls at uni. He texted saying he liked me but didn’t have feelings yet, but things would be very different if we did stuff sober next term. I’m assuming he means sexual stuff, but I don’t know. He’s even mentioned a trip to meet his family and hometown in the future.
What do you think about all of this? Am I being used, or is this going somewhere? He texted that “we need to go on sober dates to see where this goes x.” But I can’t meet him in public as my “friends” would act like I’m in danger as they’ve completely misunderstood the situation and won’t listen to me, and even took me to hospital the first time (they don’t know I’ve continued meeting him), which was sweet of them, as they said I should get checked out to see if I’m ok. Also this boy has only ever seen the complete crazy side of me, like everything he knows about me so far is just about my crazy life (I have been through a lot of trauma) and it’s almost like the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, the more weird I become, he hasn’t ditched me yet (although we are 100% not dating and barely even friends to be honest so I’m calling it a situationship for now, although I don’t even know how to use that word).
Lastly, I really want to lose weight and glow up. I’m currently 54 kg and want to be at least 50 kg in the next 21 days. I’ve been eating only 1 boiled egg, a banana smoothie, chicken breast, and vegetables daily. I also do 20 minutes on a rowing machine, a 40-minute walk, and cardio, but I can’t seem to lose weight. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reading all of this and for your advice. I really appreciate it!
Reply 3
Cut out the eggs. Cut out the chicken too. Add vitamin B12 tablets if you cut out all meat.
Add in lots of fresh fruit. Lots of beans and legumes, herbs and spices. Lots of leaves and vegetables. Unsalted nuts. Aim to come up with really delicious recipes with these ingredients. Use chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Marco White for inspiration for recipes. EG Marco White's ratatouille.
Drop white rice, white pasta, white bread. Go for wholegrain rice, pasta, bread (including rye bread). Or swap some of the rice / pasta for beans / legumes.
Stop drinking booze and fizzy drinks. Drink plenty of water instead.
Go for variety. Aim to eat 50 different plant types per week.
Feel free to make breakfast your biggest meal of the day, and supper your smallest.
Don't eat crisps, biscuits, choccie bars, cakes, sweets etc. Eat fresh fruit / unsalted nuts instead.
Carry on with the physical activities. Whatever is most enjoyable or most rewarding for you.
A half a kilogram loss of weight per week is a better target than over 1 kg per week.
The aim is to lose weight without starving yourself, and whilst still eating loads of delicious meals and snacks, whilst saving a bit of money.
Add in lots of fresh fruit. Lots of beans and legumes, herbs and spices. Lots of leaves and vegetables. Unsalted nuts. Aim to come up with really delicious recipes with these ingredients. Use chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Marco White for inspiration for recipes. EG Marco White's ratatouille.
Drop white rice, white pasta, white bread. Go for wholegrain rice, pasta, bread (including rye bread). Or swap some of the rice / pasta for beans / legumes.
Stop drinking booze and fizzy drinks. Drink plenty of water instead.
Go for variety. Aim to eat 50 different plant types per week.
Feel free to make breakfast your biggest meal of the day, and supper your smallest.
Don't eat crisps, biscuits, choccie bars, cakes, sweets etc. Eat fresh fruit / unsalted nuts instead.
Carry on with the physical activities. Whatever is most enjoyable or most rewarding for you.
A half a kilogram loss of weight per week is a better target than over 1 kg per week.
The aim is to lose weight without starving yourself, and whilst still eating loads of delicious meals and snacks, whilst saving a bit of money.
Reply 4
Original post
by Anonymousjust realised the other half of the post got cut off, here it is, thanks so much for all your help, I desperately need it:
I was in such a bad headspace I said yes. He put it inside me but then asked if it hurt. I said yes (he knew I was a virgin). I think I was super high because I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember him saying, “This isn’t right. I think we should stop.” He seemed really concerned about me, but I said, “No, it’s okay, whatever makes you happy—just don’t leave me like everyone does.” In my life my uni friends who had been the sweetest kindest people in my life had started to bully me, and my family had always been really awful to me, so at that point he was the only person I had left in the world, and I barely even knew him so I was really just in a terrible position in life and was convinced he’d leave me too and I would be totally alone in life.
He said we’d stop and he wouldn’t leave me. I fully passed out on him, and we cuddled all night.
Now, we’re in the uni holidays, and we text each other every single day. I’ve learned a lot about him and his life. He’s been vulnerable and sweet over text. I forgot to mention, but every time we do anything sexual, I’ve hated all of it—except when he kisses my body, especially my neck and chest, and when we cuddle.
Since the first time we properly met at the club, he’s kept inviting me on dates at night, like “just to sleep” or “just to watch a movie.” But I’m a person who self-sabotages, so I kept pushing him away and saying I was busy. Every time I did meet him, I looked my least attractive—didn’t bother shaving my legs or anything—but he still liked me.
I’m just worried he only wants me for sex, which is crazy as there are thousands of prettier girls at uni. He texted saying he liked me but didn’t have feelings yet, but things would be very different if we did stuff sober next term. I’m assuming he means sexual stuff, but I don’t know. He’s even mentioned a trip to meet his family and hometown in the future.
What do you think about all of this? Am I being used, or is this going somewhere? He texted that “we need to go on sober dates to see where this goes x.” But I can’t meet him in public as my “friends” would act like I’m in danger as they’ve completely misunderstood the situation and won’t listen to me, and even took me to hospital the first time (they don’t know I’ve continued meeting him), which was sweet of them, as they said I should get checked out to see if I’m ok. Also this boy has only ever seen the complete crazy side of me, like everything he knows about me so far is just about my crazy life (I have been through a lot of trauma) and it’s almost like the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, the more weird I become, he hasn’t ditched me yet (although we are 100% not dating and barely even friends to be honest so I’m calling it a situationship for now, although I don’t even know how to use that word).
Lastly, I really want to lose weight and glow up. I’m currently 54 kg and want to be at least 50 kg in the next 21 days. I’ve been eating only 1 boiled egg, a banana smoothie, chicken breast, and vegetables daily. I also do 20 minutes on a rowing machine, a 40-minute walk, and cardio, but I can’t seem to lose weight. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reading all of this and for your advice. I really appreciate it!
I was in such a bad headspace I said yes. He put it inside me but then asked if it hurt. I said yes (he knew I was a virgin). I think I was super high because I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember him saying, “This isn’t right. I think we should stop.” He seemed really concerned about me, but I said, “No, it’s okay, whatever makes you happy—just don’t leave me like everyone does.” In my life my uni friends who had been the sweetest kindest people in my life had started to bully me, and my family had always been really awful to me, so at that point he was the only person I had left in the world, and I barely even knew him so I was really just in a terrible position in life and was convinced he’d leave me too and I would be totally alone in life.
He said we’d stop and he wouldn’t leave me. I fully passed out on him, and we cuddled all night.
Now, we’re in the uni holidays, and we text each other every single day. I’ve learned a lot about him and his life. He’s been vulnerable and sweet over text. I forgot to mention, but every time we do anything sexual, I’ve hated all of it—except when he kisses my body, especially my neck and chest, and when we cuddle.
Since the first time we properly met at the club, he’s kept inviting me on dates at night, like “just to sleep” or “just to watch a movie.” But I’m a person who self-sabotages, so I kept pushing him away and saying I was busy. Every time I did meet him, I looked my least attractive—didn’t bother shaving my legs or anything—but he still liked me.
I’m just worried he only wants me for sex, which is crazy as there are thousands of prettier girls at uni. He texted saying he liked me but didn’t have feelings yet, but things would be very different if we did stuff sober next term. I’m assuming he means sexual stuff, but I don’t know. He’s even mentioned a trip to meet his family and hometown in the future.
What do you think about all of this? Am I being used, or is this going somewhere? He texted that “we need to go on sober dates to see where this goes x.” But I can’t meet him in public as my “friends” would act like I’m in danger as they’ve completely misunderstood the situation and won’t listen to me, and even took me to hospital the first time (they don’t know I’ve continued meeting him), which was sweet of them, as they said I should get checked out to see if I’m ok. Also this boy has only ever seen the complete crazy side of me, like everything he knows about me so far is just about my crazy life (I have been through a lot of trauma) and it’s almost like the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, the more weird I become, he hasn’t ditched me yet (although we are 100% not dating and barely even friends to be honest so I’m calling it a situationship for now, although I don’t even know how to use that word).
Lastly, I really want to lose weight and glow up. I’m currently 54 kg and want to be at least 50 kg in the next 21 days. I’ve been eating only 1 boiled egg, a banana smoothie, chicken breast, and vegetables daily. I also do 20 minutes on a rowing machine, a 40-minute walk, and cardio, but I can’t seem to lose weight. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reading all of this and for your advice. I really appreciate it!
I think he genuinely likes you. If you feel like you're ready, try to go out on a proper date together.
Reply 5
Original post
by DoomotronI think he genuinely likes you. If you feel like you're ready, try to go out on a proper date together.
thank you so much for your reply. what exactly is it that makes you think he genuinely likes me? I keep overthinking this and it's making me go mad as I really really don't know what he thinks. thank you so much!
Reply 6
Original post
by Anonymousthank you so much for your reply. what exactly is it that makes you think he genuinely likes me? I keep overthinking this and it's making me go mad as I really really don't know what he thinks. thank you so much!
You've had sex (seemingly multiple times), you talk to each other every day... He's more likely to be into you than not.
Reply 7
Original post
by DoomotronYou've had sex (seemingly multiple times), you talk to each other every day... He's more likely to be into you than not.
We haven’t actually had sex yet as I always either pass out or pretend to before we have sex. How do I know if he genuinely likes me or if he’s just using me for sex as at some point we will end up having sex.
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousWe haven’t actually had sex yet as I always either pass out or pretend to before we have sex. How do I know if he genuinely likes me or if he’s just using me for sex as at some point we will end up having sex.
If you haven't had sex yet, then he would have got bored a while ago if he was using you for it.
Reply 9
Original post
by DoomotronIf you haven't had sex yet, then he would have got bored a while ago if he was using you for it.
But maybe he's just waiting till we have sex and then will leave, or is just being patient until I start having sex with him, but has bad intentions overall?
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousBut maybe he's just waiting till we have sex and then will leave, or is just being patient until I start having sex with him, but has bad intentions overall?
I think you might be thinking about it too much. Based on what you know now, there isn't much to worry about.
Reply 11
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerCut out the eggs. Cut out the chicken too. Add vitamin B12 tablets if you cut out all meat.
Add in lots of fresh fruit. Lots of beans and legumes, herbs and spices. Lots of leaves and vegetables. Unsalted nuts. Aim to come up with really delicious recipes with these ingredients. Use chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Marco White for inspiration for recipes. EG Marco White's ratatouille.
Drop white rice, white pasta, white bread. Go for wholegrain rice, pasta, bread (including rye bread). Or swap some of the rice / pasta for beans / legumes.
Stop drinking booze and fizzy drinks. Drink plenty of water instead.
Go for variety. Aim to eat 50 different plant types per week.
Feel free to make breakfast your biggest meal of the day, and supper your smallest.
Don't eat crisps, biscuits, choccie bars, cakes, sweets etc. Eat fresh fruit / unsalted nuts instead.
Carry on with the physical activities. Whatever is most enjoyable or most rewarding for you.
A half a kilogram loss of weight per week is a better target than over 1 kg per week.
The aim is to lose weight without starving yourself, and whilst still eating loads of delicious meals and snacks, whilst saving a bit of money.
Add in lots of fresh fruit. Lots of beans and legumes, herbs and spices. Lots of leaves and vegetables. Unsalted nuts. Aim to come up with really delicious recipes with these ingredients. Use chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Marco White for inspiration for recipes. EG Marco White's ratatouille.
Drop white rice, white pasta, white bread. Go for wholegrain rice, pasta, bread (including rye bread). Or swap some of the rice / pasta for beans / legumes.
Stop drinking booze and fizzy drinks. Drink plenty of water instead.
Go for variety. Aim to eat 50 different plant types per week.
Feel free to make breakfast your biggest meal of the day, and supper your smallest.
Don't eat crisps, biscuits, choccie bars, cakes, sweets etc. Eat fresh fruit / unsalted nuts instead.
Carry on with the physical activities. Whatever is most enjoyable or most rewarding for you.
A half a kilogram loss of weight per week is a better target than over 1 kg per week.
The aim is to lose weight without starving yourself, and whilst still eating loads of delicious meals and snacks, whilst saving a bit of money.
protein is super important, especially eggs and chicken, there is NO disadvantage to having meats. do research if u dont believe me.
adding tablets as a substitute is NOT viable and wouldnt be sustainable on it's own.
had to make a student room account to make this comment oh my days
Don't mindlessly listen to ppl like this, his other advice is pretty solid.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 12
Nurse's Health Study. Key Research Findings. Check out the section on diet:
https://nurseshealthstudy.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/table v2.pdf
Higher intake of red meat increases chance of premenopausal breast cancer.
Nuts and wholegrains reduce risk of CHD (Coronary Heart Disease). As does a "Mediterranean diet".
Refined carbohydrates and trans fats increase risk of CHD. (Trans fats occur in meat and dairy products from ruminants.)
Higher vegetable intake, especially green leafy reduces risk of cognitive impairment.
Or there's this research paper:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32658243/
that says "Replacement of 3% energy from animal protein with plant protein was inversely associated with overall mortality (risk decreased 10% in both men and women) and cardiovascular disease mortality (11% lower risk in men and 12% lower risk in women)."
Or there's this study:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31369726/
"Increasing dietary intake of vegetable protein may delay unhealthy aging when replacing carbohydrates, fats, or animal protein, especially from meat and dairy."
This video, that uses multiple citations, puts protein into some perspective:
Eggs? This informative and amusing video covers the USDA's (United States Department of Agriculture) stance on what can't be said in egg adverts in America:
According to the USDA, eggs cannot be advertised as "healthy" nor "safe".
Chicken. Given that the original poster is looking to lose weight. There's this study:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002916523019007?via%3Dihub
That found that weight gain was "associated with poultry, red meat, and processed meat intakes... The strongest association was shown for poultry."
Of course, nobody should mindlessly listen to me.
It does make sense to pay attention to what the scientific evidence is telling us.
https://nurseshealthstudy.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/table v2.pdf
Higher intake of red meat increases chance of premenopausal breast cancer.
Nuts and wholegrains reduce risk of CHD (Coronary Heart Disease). As does a "Mediterranean diet".
Refined carbohydrates and trans fats increase risk of CHD. (Trans fats occur in meat and dairy products from ruminants.)
Higher vegetable intake, especially green leafy reduces risk of cognitive impairment.
Or there's this research paper:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32658243/
that says "Replacement of 3% energy from animal protein with plant protein was inversely associated with overall mortality (risk decreased 10% in both men and women) and cardiovascular disease mortality (11% lower risk in men and 12% lower risk in women)."
Or there's this study:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31369726/
"Increasing dietary intake of vegetable protein may delay unhealthy aging when replacing carbohydrates, fats, or animal protein, especially from meat and dairy."
This video, that uses multiple citations, puts protein into some perspective:
Eggs? This informative and amusing video covers the USDA's (United States Department of Agriculture) stance on what can't be said in egg adverts in America:
According to the USDA, eggs cannot be advertised as "healthy" nor "safe".
Chicken. Given that the original poster is looking to lose weight. There's this study:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002916523019007?via%3Dihub
That found that weight gain was "associated with poultry, red meat, and processed meat intakes... The strongest association was shown for poultry."
Of course, nobody should mindlessly listen to me.
It does make sense to pay attention to what the scientific evidence is telling us.
Reply 13
Original post
by Anonymousjust realised the other half of the post got cut off, here it is, thanks so much for all your help, I desperately need it:
I was in such a bad headspace I said yes. He put it inside me but then asked if it hurt. I said yes (he knew I was a virgin). I think I was super high because I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember him saying, “This isn’t right. I think we should stop.” He seemed really concerned about me, but I said, “No, it’s okay, whatever makes you happy—just don’t leave me like everyone does.” In my life my uni friends who had been the sweetest kindest people in my life had started to bully me, and my family had always been really awful to me, so at that point he was the only person I had left in the world, and I barely even knew him so I was really just in a terrible position in life and was convinced he’d leave me too and I would be totally alone in life.
He said we’d stop and he wouldn’t leave me. I fully passed out on him, and we cuddled all night.
Now, we’re in the uni holidays, and we text each other every single day. I’ve learned a lot about him and his life. He’s been vulnerable and sweet over text. I forgot to mention, but every time we do anything sexual, I’ve hated all of it—except when he kisses my body, especially my neck and chest, and when we cuddle.
Since the first time we properly met at the club, he’s kept inviting me on dates at night, like “just to sleep” or “just to watch a movie.” But I’m a person who self-sabotages, so I kept pushing him away and saying I was busy. Every time I did meet him, I looked my least attractive—didn’t bother shaving my legs or anything—but he still liked me.
I’m just worried he only wants me for sex, which is crazy as there are thousands of prettier girls at uni. He texted saying he liked me but didn’t have feelings yet, but things would be very different if we did stuff sober next term. I’m assuming he means sexual stuff, but I don’t know. He’s even mentioned a trip to meet his family and hometown in the future.
What do you think about all of this? Am I being used, or is this going somewhere? He texted that “we need to go on sober dates to see where this goes x.” But I can’t meet him in public as my “friends” would act like I’m in danger as they’ve completely misunderstood the situation and won’t listen to me, and even took me to hospital the first time (they don’t know I’ve continued meeting him), which was sweet of them, as they said I should get checked out to see if I’m ok. Also this boy has only ever seen the complete crazy side of me, like everything he knows about me so far is just about my crazy life (I have been through a lot of trauma) and it’s almost like the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, the more weird I become, he hasn’t ditched me yet (although we are 100% not dating and barely even friends to be honest so I’m calling it a situationship for now, although I don’t even know how to use that word).
Lastly, I really want to lose weight and glow up. I’m currently 54 kg and want to be at least 50 kg in the next 21 days. I’ve been eating only 1 boiled egg, a banana smoothie, chicken breast, and vegetables daily. I also do 20 minutes on a rowing machine, a 40-minute walk, and cardio, but I can’t seem to lose weight. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reading all of this and for your advice. I really appreciate it!
I was in such a bad headspace I said yes. He put it inside me but then asked if it hurt. I said yes (he knew I was a virgin). I think I was super high because I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember him saying, “This isn’t right. I think we should stop.” He seemed really concerned about me, but I said, “No, it’s okay, whatever makes you happy—just don’t leave me like everyone does.” In my life my uni friends who had been the sweetest kindest people in my life had started to bully me, and my family had always been really awful to me, so at that point he was the only person I had left in the world, and I barely even knew him so I was really just in a terrible position in life and was convinced he’d leave me too and I would be totally alone in life.
He said we’d stop and he wouldn’t leave me. I fully passed out on him, and we cuddled all night.
Now, we’re in the uni holidays, and we text each other every single day. I’ve learned a lot about him and his life. He’s been vulnerable and sweet over text. I forgot to mention, but every time we do anything sexual, I’ve hated all of it—except when he kisses my body, especially my neck and chest, and when we cuddle.
Since the first time we properly met at the club, he’s kept inviting me on dates at night, like “just to sleep” or “just to watch a movie.” But I’m a person who self-sabotages, so I kept pushing him away and saying I was busy. Every time I did meet him, I looked my least attractive—didn’t bother shaving my legs or anything—but he still liked me.
I’m just worried he only wants me for sex, which is crazy as there are thousands of prettier girls at uni. He texted saying he liked me but didn’t have feelings yet, but things would be very different if we did stuff sober next term. I’m assuming he means sexual stuff, but I don’t know. He’s even mentioned a trip to meet his family and hometown in the future.
What do you think about all of this? Am I being used, or is this going somewhere? He texted that “we need to go on sober dates to see where this goes x.” But I can’t meet him in public as my “friends” would act like I’m in danger as they’ve completely misunderstood the situation and won’t listen to me, and even took me to hospital the first time (they don’t know I’ve continued meeting him), which was sweet of them, as they said I should get checked out to see if I’m ok. Also this boy has only ever seen the complete crazy side of me, like everything he knows about me so far is just about my crazy life (I have been through a lot of trauma) and it’s almost like the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, the more weird I become, he hasn’t ditched me yet (although we are 100% not dating and barely even friends to be honest so I’m calling it a situationship for now, although I don’t even know how to use that word).
Lastly, I really want to lose weight and glow up. I’m currently 54 kg and want to be at least 50 kg in the next 21 days. I’ve been eating only 1 boiled egg, a banana smoothie, chicken breast, and vegetables daily. I also do 20 minutes on a rowing machine, a 40-minute walk, and cardio, but I can’t seem to lose weight. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reading all of this and for your advice. I really appreciate it!
i honestly think that he likes you. the fact that he’s been mentioning about meeting his family is very sweet and it shows that he genuinely cares about you aswell. He has also respected your boundaries a countless number of times instead of forcing you to do something, and has stayed by your side, even in your lowest times, and constantly checks up on you by texting you every day.
I also want to remind you that you are absolutely beautiful just the way you are, and try to not have a negative mindset. Please don’t put emphasis on how much you weigh or how you look, it should be about what makes you happy, and making healthy decisions for yourself, mentally and physically.
You are amazing
Reply 14
Original post
by Anonymousi honestly think that he likes you. the fact that he’s been mentioning about meeting his family is very sweet and it shows that he genuinely cares about you aswell. He has also respected your boundaries a countless number of times instead of forcing you to do something, and has stayed by your side, even in your lowest times, and constantly checks up on you by texting you every day.
I also want to remind you that you are absolutely beautiful just the way you are, and try to not have a negative mindset. Please don’t put emphasis on how much you weigh or how you look, it should be about what makes you happy, and making healthy decisions for yourself, mentally and physically.
You are amazing
I also want to remind you that you are absolutely beautiful just the way you are, and try to not have a negative mindset. Please don’t put emphasis on how much you weigh or how you look, it should be about what makes you happy, and making healthy decisions for yourself, mentally and physically.
You are amazing
Thank you for your kind reply x
Just wanted to add that I only met him in the last 2 weeks of term for our uni so I only met him 4 times in person whilst super super drunk and high and he was drunk for 3 of the 4 times. We have a 5 week term break in which we can’t see each other and my parents are so strict that I can’t risk talking on the phone etc. but we have been texting everyday and are now 3 weeks into it.
Sooverall I’ve known him for 5 weeks of which 2 weeks have been in person and 3 have been online through text. Isn’t it way too early to be mentioning family etc and how do I tell if he’s just joking around with me as a prank or dare or something? And what exactly is it that makes you think he likes me? Please help!! Also I don’t think I’m physically attracted to him as I barely even remember what he looks like as I’ve been blackout drunk every time but over text he seems like a nice person but I’m just worried if we start going on dates and stuff gets sexual again I will still feel as repulsed as I did every time I met him when we did sexual stuff although I loved the cuddling. Please any advice!!! Thank you x you
Reply 15
Go back to uni 2 or 3 days early. Arrange to meet him before term starts.
Meet him 100% sober.
See how you get on.
It's fine if you relegate him to being a platonic friend in your social circle. For any reason. Or no reason whatsoever.
It's also fine if you escalate into a romantic relationship with him. Which you can end at any time for any reason or for no reason.
Meet him 100% sober.
See how you get on.
It's fine if you relegate him to being a platonic friend in your social circle. For any reason. Or no reason whatsoever.
It's also fine if you escalate into a romantic relationship with him. Which you can end at any time for any reason or for no reason.
Reply 16
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerGo back to uni 2 or 3 days early. Arrange to meet him before term starts.
Meet him 100% sober.
See how you get on.
It's fine if you relegate him to being a platonic friend in your social circle. For any reason. Or no reason whatsoever.
It's also fine if you escalate into a romantic relationship with him. Which you can end at any time for any reason or for no reason.
Meet him 100% sober.
See how you get on.
It's fine if you relegate him to being a platonic friend in your social circle. For any reason. Or no reason whatsoever.
It's also fine if you escalate into a romantic relationship with him. Which you can end at any time for any reason or for no reason.
Weirdly the more I pull away and the less I seem interested the more he wants to be with me which I think is backfiring on me as I thought being like the movie 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' would push him away and it hasn't. So now I'm a little weirded out that he'd still be into me after knowing all the crazy in my life and seeing me at my physically ugliest and at the times I've quite literally given up on life and collapsed drunk in the street and he's come to find me.
I don't know what to do, and I cant tell if he's giving me the 'ick' all the time just because he's not attractie to me, if I'm actually into women instead, if its because I'm not used to anyone in my life liking me (my friends and family don't really like me anymore) so the affection is making me run, or if it's all the religious conditioning I've gone through which is making me feel like all of this is 'wrong' when I actually don't beleive in religion, or if I'm only entertaining this because I'm bored and lonely at uni since my friends have started bullying me, or if there's some other equally dumb reason making me feel the way I do. Idk what to do anymore.
Reply 17
There's various ways you could put him the platonic friend zone.
Telling him that you like him a lot as a person, but you're not attracted to him sexually, and then sticking to that assertively, is one way.
See about making new friends at uni. All the time. Perpetually. In that way it softens the blow if one set of friends fall out with you.
And overall, aim to be as positive and enthusiastic as you can. Even if at first it's fake positivity and enthusiasm. "Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic."
Hollywood films tend to be useless as a guide on how to behave in romantic situations. Script writers are script writers. Often with poor to mediocre romantic lives themselves. They're rarely, if ever, experts at dating or relationships. For good advice on dating and relationships go to the best professional dating and relationship coaches.
You are an intrinsically attractive young woman. With a few things in common with this guy. That's why he's interested in you. I can't blame him. He has good taste. You have the potential to be a really great girlfriend.
Telling him that you like him a lot as a person, but you're not attracted to him sexually, and then sticking to that assertively, is one way.
See about making new friends at uni. All the time. Perpetually. In that way it softens the blow if one set of friends fall out with you.
And overall, aim to be as positive and enthusiastic as you can. Even if at first it's fake positivity and enthusiasm. "Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic."
Hollywood films tend to be useless as a guide on how to behave in romantic situations. Script writers are script writers. Often with poor to mediocre romantic lives themselves. They're rarely, if ever, experts at dating or relationships. For good advice on dating and relationships go to the best professional dating and relationship coaches.
You are an intrinsically attractive young woman. With a few things in common with this guy. That's why he's interested in you. I can't blame him. He has good taste. You have the potential to be a really great girlfriend.
Reply 18
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerThere's various ways you could put him the platonic friend zone.
Telling him that you like him a lot as a person, but you're not attracted to him sexually, and then sticking to that assertively, is one way.
See about making new friends at uni. All the time. Perpetually. In that way it softens the blow if one set of friends fall out with you.
And overall, aim to be as positive and enthusiastic as you can. Even if at first it's fake positivity and enthusiasm. "Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic."
Hollywood films tend to be useless as a guide on how to behave in romantic situations. Script writers are script writers. Often with poor to mediocre romantic lives themselves. They're rarely, if ever, experts at dating or relationships. For good advice on dating and relationships go to the best professional dating and relationship coaches.
You are an intrinsically attractive young woman. With a few things in common with this guy. That's why he's interested in you. I can't blame him. He has good taste. You have the potential to be a really great girlfriend.
Telling him that you like him a lot as a person, but you're not attracted to him sexually, and then sticking to that assertively, is one way.
See about making new friends at uni. All the time. Perpetually. In that way it softens the blow if one set of friends fall out with you.
And overall, aim to be as positive and enthusiastic as you can. Even if at first it's fake positivity and enthusiasm. "Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic."
Hollywood films tend to be useless as a guide on how to behave in romantic situations. Script writers are script writers. Often with poor to mediocre romantic lives themselves. They're rarely, if ever, experts at dating or relationships. For good advice on dating and relationships go to the best professional dating and relationship coaches.
You are an intrinsically attractive young woman. With a few things in common with this guy. That's why he's interested in you. I can't blame him. He has good taste. You have the potential to be a really great girlfriend.
Thanks so much for your reply, it's made me feel a lot better. How exactly would I be a girlfriend, like what's required, how do I behave, what do I do? And should I go on a first date with him? This is a super summarized version of everything that's happened between us if it helps with the advice being more specific to my situation - sorry it's so long but the full story would be even longer. Thanks so much for reading it and helping me, I'm so scared and don't know what to do. Thank you x
So I'd never had any experience of male attention really and hadn't even held hands or had anyone interested in me, when one day I ended up going to this pub quiz at our uni just by chance. We ended up winning a bottle of alcohol, and had a lot so 2 random guys from our uni but another college ended up joining us to share the prize as we were nice and shared even though they didn't win. Then we all as a group hung out together and this was my first time meeting everyone in the group except for like 4 friends I already knew. We hung out a bit and then we went to the 2 guys' college after, walked around and left. I was busy flirting with some guy who had been on our team so I barely even noticed the 2 random guys who had joined us until we went to their college (I was just flirting for fun as I was drunk, but sober I'd never have the skills or confidence to do it. I totally ignored the 2 guys until the last 20ish minutes of the group hangout when we ended up talking and the guy (not the same one I was flirting with) didn't show much interest in me until I happened to mention where I was living outside of uni, which is the same country he's from and has lived in his entire life. We talked a bit but I didn't even think much of it as I was drunk and thought he was just being polite and interested, but when my friends and I were leaving I sensed a bit of hesitation from him and I think he wanted me to stay.I totally forgot he existed until a few night later I'd gone clubbing and was the most drunk I'd been in my life. As soon as I walked into the club with my friends I ran into the guy and he recognised me but he had forgotten my name and said he was so happy to see me again as he didn't want me to leave last time and he said I was pretty or somethign like that (I was so drunk I don't remember but I'm sure now he was just lying to get me into bed). I was just being friendly and was drunk so I talked to him in the club then somehow his arms were around my waist and mine was around his shoulders or neck and then we had moved to a different floor of the club, I had no idea where my friends were and then he started kissing me. We then ended up going to his college but me being so naiive and innocent and drunk had no idea what that mean which was he wanted to have sex as I literally thought we were just friends if that. So I ended up in his room and he took my clothes off and we did lots of stuff right before sex but I was so drunk I didn't even realise what was happening, I freaked out as I was starting to understand what was going on (I was barely concious the entire time I was that drunk I had no clue what was happening) and I said I didn't want to have sex, then felt really bad and kept apologising and he said it was ok and he just wanted me to stay the night and cuddle. Idk why but I just wanted to run so he walked me back to my college as I'd lied and said I had work due the next day as an excuse to leave, but he just wanted to sleep in my room instead. Some tiny sensible part of me that was still somehow functioning realised this was actually dangerous for him to know where my room was (as I've had issues with creepy men in the past) so on default I just took him to the roof of my college (which was tbh dumber) which I like to sneak onto with my friends, and I was afraid that on the roof which was fully lit up, he'd see how fat and ugly I was, realise his mistake and leave, which would be very hurtful but also solve my issues with how to get rid of him. But weirdly, he saw me fully in the light, then kissed me and then stood behind me and put his arms around my waist. I was so weridly uncomfortable with all of this, especially in the club when he kissed me, which was my first kiss but just felt so gross, that I then wanted to climb properly onto the roof to get further away from him, but he stopped me (as I had a broken elbow which I'd somehow blabbed to him about whilst drunk) and he didn't want me to get hurt. So we left the roof and thankfully ran into my friends who had been searching for me ever since I left the club, and they were so worried about me and thought he was a rapist so got rid of him immediately. But he texted me the next day and I felt bad ghosting him so I replied and my friends said to text back and pretend I was interested in him so that he'd tell me everything that had happened aka if I had sex with him, as I wasn't 100% sure as I was so drunk and confused and had no idea what was going on. He claimed to be too drunk to know, so my friends took me to hospital instead and I thought that was a bit of overkill tbh. I just texted him back responding to things he was saying even though my friends said to stop, but just because I felt really bad and it would be awkward if I ran into him in person and I'd ghosted him. He kept saying we needed to go on a 'sober' date and I kept saying that I was busy every time he suggested something as I felt like this was all just a big joke on his part as how could someone ever be attracted to me? But then a few days later I was super drunk and ended up drunk texting him replying to him and then somehow ended up drunk and lying on the street in a freezing cold puddle, and I was so drunk and tbh maybe a tiny bit suicidal I didn't care but accidentally texted him about being lost and he insisted he'd come find me (keeping in mind he barely knew me) so he found me, brought me a coat, hugged me, asked if I was ok and then took me back to my college and this time I actually went to my room. He tried to get me to change my clothes but I didn't feel comfortable changing my clothes instead he wanted to have sex (he was fully sober and I was super super drunk) so I insisted in staying in my soaking ballgown although I didn't tell him why and so he found my towel and told me to dry off. He was going to just tuck me into bed and leave although he wanted to stay, but didn't want me to wake up in the morning and feel weird and shocked that he was there (as I get blackout drunk and can't remember anything that happened until information starts coming back to me weeks later which he knows and everytime I'm with him he asks If I'll remember it in the morning and when I say no he continues instead of stopping). But I was really drunk and lonely as my friends had decided they didn't like me anymore so I was upset, so I asked him to stay (because he was so warm and I was cold) so he said it wasn't ok as he was sober and I was so drunk, but agreed to stay for 5 mintues, so got into my bed fully clothed and cuddled me whilst I was soaking wet. Then he said he'd leave but I kept insisiting in my drunk state (If I was sober i'd have been mortified) and he eventually stayed the night, the only weird thing was that although I loved the cuddling, any time I'd randomly wake up in the night still drunk he'd start kissing me unitl I fell asleep or passed out and I think he kept trying to escalate it to sex. In the morning I was so hungover so he hugged me and left. I didn't see him again but kept texting him back as I now felt so bad I'd bothered him that night, but then this meant that the next 2 times I got drunk I ended up drunk texting him, meeting him on the street as he said I could come over (at this point every single person in my college had stopped talking to me becuase of some bullies so I was really lonely and my family is *****y so I felt like he was the only person I had in the world and that he would only keep being friends with him if I had sex with him, but I was so insecure about how fat and ugly I am I thought if he did have sex he'd leave), so I kind of kept him in this limbo where I would be right on the brink of blackout drunk, do lots of foreplay, then pass out right before sex. We'd cuddle all night then I'd leave in the morning, and he would be a tiny bit icy, I'd cry walking all the way back to my college alone, decide I'd never see him again and then the next time I got drunk I'd be lonely and text him again and end up with him. Finally on the last day of term, I'd been the most intoxicated I had ever been in my life (I was doing bad mentally and had been really afraid to go home as my family is borderline abusive, so I was actually suicidal that night and had also tried weed the first time, so I decided that if I could make one person happy - the guy by having sex with him - at least I had done something nice in my life - Yes I realise this is super messed up as I'm now doing much better mentally. It was also his birthday that night, so he met me halfway between our colleges, we walked back to his college, I unwillingly agreed to have sex and he started but then he stopped as I blacked out fully and it was honestly the scariest experince of my life as I think I was concious but I genuinely don't remmeber a thing except him saying we needed to stop as this wasn't right adn I wasnt ok. I just remember shaking and feeling ice cold and clinging onto him for dear life adn him cuddling me and saying I'd be ok. In the morning he gave me something as part of an inside joke we had, but basically its kind of a tradition to steal something from every college in our uni, so he gave me the one thing he'd stolen from his college. I left early in the mroning and he said if I needed anythign to text him. So in total I had met him once when we first met, in public with a group of poeple but drunk and then a further 4 times alone in the dark and about to blackout I was that drunk. We are now on a 5 week holiday and have texted every single day sometimes for hours on end and I started to enjoy texting him rather than feeling bad and obliged to reply, maybe because I felt safer due to the physical distance between us. He keeps mentioning things like, oh I have to make this for you, or oh we need to do this together, and mentioned that in the future I need to meet his parents as they are not as horrible as mine (when I was drunk I bascially trauma dumped on him every time for no reason) and that I should one day visit his hometown. This was all so much at once, and I feel ugly, and crazy and just overweight and he's seen me at my phycially and mentally worst but is still interested and no matter what I said or did it will not deter him from apparently liking me if he really does. I honestly still feel like this is a joke or dare and that he'll hurt me terribly emotionally, or he just want's me for sex, or when he meets me and we're both sober, he'll realise the colossal mistake he's made by asking me of all people on a date as I'm so ugly. I'm so in my head and unsure and even if this is real, I feel like it's all gone in the wrong order of how a relationship goes. Like I don't even really remember what he looks like, don't think I'm attracted to him, have kissed him but so drunk it felt disgusting, done stuff sexually that I've been so uncomfortable with and more like a passenger or a passed out thing than a participant that I feel like this has all gone wrong before it started. He's seemed sweet enough but he's WAY more experienced than I am as he's literally the only one I've done anything with and if I really do go on a date I'm so scared as I've never been asked on a date and don't know what to do. And if there's food involved I don't know how to act as I have a severe eating disorder. So sorry for all the ranting, but I'm really scared as I don't know what he wants, he's the only person I really have left as all my friends have decided to bully me so I don't know if I'm just making myself feel uncomfortable and scared around him to just avoid being lonely, instead of actually liking him and if I feel this way because the situation is actually unsafe, or if it's just me in my own head self-sabotaging as no one has ever liked me including my own family so I feel weird about someone actively wanting to spend time with me and text me etc. And if I do go on a date, I'm not as chilled out and fun sober so it will not be fun for him. Please help I'm really worried thank you!!!!
Reply 19
How would you be a girlfriend? You could make it up as you go along.
You could find out how to be a good girlfriend and incorporate that into how you think, behave and speak.
There's Sheri Argov's book "Why Men Love *****es"
When you go on a 100% sober date, the guy you're with should be aiming to help you relax, enjoy yourself and have a good interaction with him. If he can't do that it would raise questions as to whether he's the right guy for you.
A big step forward for you will be to conquer / mitigate your worrying habit. And for you to develop more of a get up and go habit.
What is the nature of your severe eating disorder?
You could find out how to be a good girlfriend and incorporate that into how you think, behave and speak.
There's Sheri Argov's book "Why Men Love *****es"
When you go on a 100% sober date, the guy you're with should be aiming to help you relax, enjoy yourself and have a good interaction with him. If he can't do that it would raise questions as to whether he's the right guy for you.
A big step forward for you will be to conquer / mitigate your worrying habit. And for you to develop more of a get up and go habit.
What is the nature of your severe eating disorder?
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