Being part of a PROPER 'friend group' at uni; 'making an effort'
Ok, I should preface this by recognising that I am only a semester into 1st year, so there is obviously still time. I would just like to understand what TO do in the future...
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousOk, I should preface this by recognising that I am only a semester into 1st year, so there is obviously still time. I would just like to understand what TO do in the future...
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Hi there,
Making friends at uni can be tricky so I understand how you are feeling. People make friends at different paces so try not to worry too much about where you are compared to others that you know as everybody is different and it may just take a bit longer for you to make friends!
In terms of making effort, I would say that this means going out of your way to talk to people and ask them to make plans, rather than just waiting for people to talk to you or ask you to make plans. If you don't ask people, they will probably just assume that you won't want to and they most likely won't ask you so if you start to talk to more people and try and make some plans, there is more chance that people will try and do this back to you.
With the societies, it's good that you have tried this and have gone to some. I would say that as well as saying hi to people , just go over to them and make a conversation. I know this is easier said than done and it is quite a scary thing to do, but you will be thankful that you have done this and most people will want to talk to you and will make an effort back!
You could also look on social media and see if you can meet anybody this way as there will quite often be people here who are talking in group chats which you can join and there may be people here who want to make plans and make friends! It can feel less daunting than talking to people face to face too so I think it is worth a try.
Also have a look and see if your student union at your uni puts any events on. They quite often will and you would meet people this way too so have a look as this may be worth it too.
I know making friends can feel scary, but it is worth making an effort and putting yourself out there a bit as you will find that it works for making friends. Maybe try and set yourself little challenges each week - e.g. talk to one new person or ask one person to go for a coffee and you may find that it gets a bit easier week by week.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousOk, I should preface this by recognising that I am only a semester into 1st year, so there is obviously still time. I would just like to understand what TO do in the future...
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Hi
Making friends and keeping connected can be really difficult, this is because everyone leads very different lives, and due to this it can make it difficult to make new friends and connections quickly. I think sometimes it truly can be one of the hardest parts of Uni.
I think maybe you could try and ask a few of your friends on your course if they want to go and grab a drink after the lecture and chill out. Another way, I think you could try would be to join a society or a sports team as they can be another great place to make friends and connections, as they have regular meetings and socials.
I hope this helps & I hope you have a great winter break!
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousOk, I should preface this by recognising that I am only a semester into 1st year, so there is obviously still time. I would just like to understand what TO do in the future...
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Here goes.
I am a 1st year student at uni, who gets along with my flatmates decently, and has made a few course acquaintences so far, but I can already see people forming tight-knit groups and doing loads of stuff outside of classes.
I'm a pretty outgoing (tho, realistically, pretty introverted) and non-shy person, and it has helped me meet people at least, but I don't seem to have anyone that I would consider a solid friend at the moment. I've been to a few societies and kinda met a few people, and I do a lot of my own individual sports and musical activities but nothing has really come of that, apart from the 'oh hey' when I arrive - the same issue I had at school.
I was talking to one of my flatmates (who has got a REALLY close group already), and he kept mentioning that you need to really make an effort, but no-one has ever really explained what that means. I have a lot of individual activity interests that take up many of my evenings, so I guess that can't help.
How am I supposed to go about making an effort? Am I doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be? I don't want a repeat of my school years where I just float around and pretend to be enjoying myself everywhere.
Hi there,
Making friends at university can definitely be difficult!
I found that at the beginning of first year, everyone is quite anxious about making friends, which leads to a lot of groups being formed that don't last. Try not to compare yourself, as many friendship groups will change, grow, and shrink throughout the years.
I think a great place to start would be suggesting outings to others. If there is someone you speak to more often, ask them if they want to get coffee, have a walk around town, or do another activity. Even studying together is a chance to get to know each other better!
Remember, you still have so much time. You might even meet your closest friends after university. Definitely keep trying, participate in things that interest you, and study hard - you'll likely meet your people along the way!
I hope this helps,
Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography with a Year Abroad Student
(edited 1 year ago)
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