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Boyfriend's birthday- am i wrong for feeling this way?

F-23 whose been in a rs for 6 years now my partner has just turned 24 today.

So for a bit of context: his fb timeline is always one where I would comment on, his friends family etc.... now there has always been this one family friend who comments on his every bday (i mean as she should)...

context this family friend is a female, shes married, has two sons, and is in about her 40's, I only know this because my boyfriend talks about them, and sometimes stays with them during the hols for a day or two.

Right so every birthday her comments always struck me as bizarre, i always used to mention them to my boyfriend and just how odd I'd find them but it would always lead to an argument on his birthday and me always feeling guilty for overthinking it.

a year ago she posted on his 23rd "happy birthday have the best day lots of love from us all, and one of you're favourite hugs from meeeeeeeee" now the first bit okay fair enough, but you're fave hugs from me kind of threw me off, but I let it slide, the favourite hugs comment in particular seems to have been something she had said every year, the year before she posted "fave hugs from me because ik how much you love them!" it all sounds very extra bearing in mind her comments stand out from all the other women who just wish him.

skip to this year for his 24th she commented "birthday kisses to my fave lil ****! happy birthday from the *family name*"- again the fave lil ****, threw me off as someone who is married with young sons of her own it seems a bit far fetched to call a 24 year old her fave lil ****, also a 24 year old man would be a 40 something year old's woman's favourite because???

I just want to know if this is weird and if I am right in feeling that it's weird but ive felt this way for three consecutive years now, I feel she is always doing the most for a birthday post, and for someone whose married with her own kids and is not related at all to him I find their dynamic questionable whenever I bring this up with my boyfriend he gets defensive, blames me says he always knows I'll have a problem with her, says if I say anything at all to this woman (even politely) and if I ruin the family friendship that his family would never forgive me and that I would lose him as a result?

I don't know what to do, but I just feel like as a third person seeing these comments for so many years it's just tiring of feeling like her comments are just exaggerated and too inappropriate given that hes not a 14 year old, hes 24.

I just don't know if im wrong for feeling this way?
Even if the very worst has happened and they've had sex together, is this 40 year old woman with 2 children really serious competition for you, as a 23 year old?

Or if she'd love to get inside his pants, is she really serious competition for you?

You can feel however you want, emotionally about anything. It's how you behave in response to your emotions that will define you as an adult.
Talking about her messages with your boyfriend in the way you've been doing it, has been sub-optimum.
Because it's led to rows.

It's better to be clever about what you say in response to your emotions.
With sometimes the cleverest move being to say nothing.

The messages from this 40 year old mother are not worth commenting on. Or are only worth commenting something along the lines of "Awww! Isn't that sweet of her." and maybe also in a joking tone of voice "...I think she'd love to seduce you. I can't blame her. She's got good taste."

A big question for you is: do you and you boyfriend have arguments often? Does he get easily upset by just about anything you say?
If that's the case, you should dump him and get yourself someone a lot less sensitive / argumentative / negative.

Looking at it from his point of view, he should be looking to defuse the situation with you with humour. Instead of arguing about it.
You’re not wrong for feeling any way, as it would be natural to question / feel insecure about this. But, put it into context: you’ve been together 6 YEARS, not a few months, she is 16 years older than him and you two are basically the same age, she is married with kids too. It could just be that she comes across as flirtatious even though that’s not her intentions at all. Hope this helps x
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Original post by taylor2317
You’re not wrong for feeling any way, as it would be natural to question / feel insecure about this. But, put it into context: you’ve been together 6 YEARS, not a few months, she is 16 years older than him and you two are basically the same age, she is married with kids too. It could just be that she comes across as flirtatious even though that’s not her intentions at all. Hope this helps x

I think it could be me just not looking at it from a motherly perspective, I spoke to my own mum about this and she said that it could be just because she's a mum, she's watched him grow up too? my boyfriend also said it's just a motherly way. I do think because i'm a third person looking from the outside, someone whose never witnessed this dynamic, ive never even met her maybe it would look weird to me.. I do feel silly but ive felt this way for three consecutive years and I just don't know how I can change my outlook, last year it was "favourite hugs" well actually not to be a ***** but im his gf i think i give him fave hugs (sounds childish and excluding his mum and sisters) but i think it's ott but its rational to think it's unintentional maybe if i ever meet her in person and suss out the dynamic i can determine or not if thats the case i would want to explain how i feel, i'm not going to be silenced but for now maybe it is innocent i'm just looking too deep.

However if the roles were reversed and I was getting a married man whose a family friend (not family) comment bday kisses to my fav lil ****!....love from..." I wonder if that woud look weird to another friend of mine viewing my fb timeline?
Honestly, maybe just speak to him and let him know that you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he could
speak to her and ask her to tone it down a bit?

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