Worried about my sister going home late
I am constantly worried about my sister going home late. She comes to the family house at around 1pm or 2pm in the afternoon to see us all. I feel like the day is practically over around this time and hinders us from doing anything sociable together. In the past, it’s been OK because she has stayed over at the house and we go back together but when it consists of her going back to her house alone, I worry for her safety. Especially, as she’s so out of the way from where everyone else is. I’ve mentioned many times that my sister should come earlier in the day and leave before it gets dark, and take the bus back instead of her hanging around here till late, literally at 10PM where it’s pitch black outside where anyone or anything can happen. She insists on getting her taxi’s, she doesn’t use Uber, she uses those cab companies you call, (I have no shame) but she uses the same 2 companies. And as soon as she rings them, the operator already knows where she’s heading to. When I am with her, I always take a note of the car registration and watch her get into the cab, but in some situations where I am out of town, she won’t text me or let me know where she is, as I would have to track her down on Find My Friends - to find out where she is. There are times where I tell her to rest at home instead of coming here again (this is for my anxiety). Or if she suggests to go out shopping, I tell her to stay put and I’ll go and get what she needs.
I don’t just worry for her safety at night, I worry for her safety during the day time. This is because she goes to the same shops usually at the same times everyday, and takes the same routes everyday. I can’t help but think of there being someone watching her every move. I am constantly fearful for her occasionally and she just doesn’t get it. I told her jokingly that I think she’s vulnerable but she told me that she isn’t. I don’t think she realises how cruel this world is, and unfortunate events can happen to people without even knowing. I hate how she trusts people too easily.
I think this is ruining my life. I get so worked up about my sister. I just want her to be safe, happy and healthy.
Is there anything that can be done here. Advice please
I don’t just worry for her safety at night, I worry for her safety during the day time. This is because she goes to the same shops usually at the same times everyday, and takes the same routes everyday. I can’t help but think of there being someone watching her every move. I am constantly fearful for her occasionally and she just doesn’t get it. I told her jokingly that I think she’s vulnerable but she told me that she isn’t. I don’t think she realises how cruel this world is, and unfortunate events can happen to people without even knowing. I hate how she trusts people too easily.
I think this is ruining my life. I get so worked up about my sister. I just want her to be safe, happy and healthy.
Is there anything that can be done here. Advice please
Reply 1
How old is your sister?
Reply 2
Original post
by Admit-OneHow old is your sister?
She’s 28, and I’m 25. But I know you’re going to say she’s a grown adult.
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousShe’s 28, and I’m 25. But I know you’re going to say she’s a grown adult.
Who do you think should be most responsible for her safety?
Reply 4
Original post
by Admit-OneWho do you think should be most responsible for her safety?
Herself.
Reply 5
I personally think that it’s very sweet that you worry about your sister, and I think you have a point. You might be taking it a tad bit too far but I don’t think it’s unjustified. I have a few siblings myself and I understand the feeling, especially when they are out late at night and they don’t even answer your phone calls. Have you sat down with her to express how you feel about the situation?
Me and my family use this app to check up on our locations, I know this wouldn’t work for every family, but with ours works quite nicely, I often travel quite far from hope, so I like the fact that my mom can always check up on me and feel at ease knowing that I’m safe. And we usually don’t really use the app unless it’s necessary.
I know a lot of people don’t like the idea of using apps like that. But I think they can be quite useful in cases of emergency. I’m not saying this is the best way to address your specific situation. Maybe just telling your sister to messege you whenever she feels unsafe or just sending you a message whenever back home safely might go a long way.
I can also see how she might feel suffocated by someone always worrying like that, you are both grown adults, that’s true but that doesn’t mean you are now immune from bad things happening to you
Me and my family use this app to check up on our locations, I know this wouldn’t work for every family, but with ours works quite nicely, I often travel quite far from hope, so I like the fact that my mom can always check up on me and feel at ease knowing that I’m safe. And we usually don’t really use the app unless it’s necessary.
I know a lot of people don’t like the idea of using apps like that. But I think they can be quite useful in cases of emergency. I’m not saying this is the best way to address your specific situation. Maybe just telling your sister to messege you whenever she feels unsafe or just sending you a message whenever back home safely might go a long way.
I can also see how she might feel suffocated by someone always worrying like that, you are both grown adults, that’s true but that doesn’t mean you are now immune from bad things happening to you
Reply 6
I would say, one of the careers things to accept is the fact that there are lots of dangers in the word. Things you can’t always protect yourself and your family from. Worrying abiti people you love js natural, but sometimes you have to accept that there are things you have no power over.
Do you live in a particularly unsafe neighbourhood? I’m a numbers person, so usually looking at stats helps me immensely to chill. A lot of dangerous things we thing are common turn out to be super rare (like for example shark attacks, plane crushes etc).
Do you live in a particularly unsafe neighbourhood? I’m a numbers person, so usually looking at stats helps me immensely to chill. A lot of dangerous things we thing are common turn out to be super rare (like for example shark attacks, plane crushes etc).
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousI am constantly worried about my sister going home late. She comes to the family house at around 1pm or 2pm in the afternoon to see us all. I feel like the day is practically over around this time and hinders us from doing anything sociable together. In the past, it’s been OK because she has stayed over at the house and we go back together but when it consists of her going back to her house alone, I worry for her safety. Especially, as she’s so out of the way from where everyone else is. I’ve mentioned many times that my sister should come earlier in the day and leave before it gets dark, and take the bus back instead of her hanging around here till late, literally at 10PM where it’s pitch black outside where anyone or anything can happen. She insists on getting her taxi’s, she doesn’t use Uber, she uses those cab companies you call, (I have no shame) but she uses the same 2 companies. And as soon as she rings them, the operator already knows where she’s heading to. When I am with her, I always take a note of the car registration and watch her get into the cab, but in some situations where I am out of town, she won’t text me or let me know where she is, as I would have to track her down on Find My Friends - to find out where she is. There are times where I tell her to rest at home instead of coming here again (this is for my anxiety). Or if she suggests to go out shopping, I tell her to stay put and I’ll go and get what she needs.
I don’t just worry for her safety at night, I worry for her safety during the day time. This is because she goes to the same shops usually at the same times everyday, and takes the same routes everyday. I can’t help but think of there being someone watching her every move. I am constantly fearful for her occasionally and she just doesn’t get it. I told her jokingly that I think she’s vulnerable but she told me that she isn’t. I don’t think she realises how cruel this world is, and unfortunate events can happen to people without even knowing. I hate how she trusts people too easily.
I think this is ruining my life. I get so worked up about my sister. I just want her to be safe, happy and healthy.
Is there anything that can be done here. Advice please
I don’t just worry for her safety at night, I worry for her safety during the day time. This is because she goes to the same shops usually at the same times everyday, and takes the same routes everyday. I can’t help but think of there being someone watching her every move. I am constantly fearful for her occasionally and she just doesn’t get it. I told her jokingly that I think she’s vulnerable but she told me that she isn’t. I don’t think she realises how cruel this world is, and unfortunate events can happen to people without even knowing. I hate how she trusts people too easily.
I think this is ruining my life. I get so worked up about my sister. I just want her to be safe, happy and healthy.
Is there anything that can be done here. Advice please
It's lovely that you express such concern and care for your sister. This is really normal. I think your feelings are 100% reasonable, but maybe some of it is just paranoia?
If you use Find My Friends app (my family use it too), then there's an option to get notifications when a certain person in the family group arrives at a specific address (e.g. her home). For example, I get a notification every time my mum arrives home, my mum gets a notification every time I arrive at home etc. This might give you slightly more peace of mind?
If it is just paranoia, maybe try relaxing techniques and methods.
You have a really valid point. The world can be a dangerous place, but we can't be obsessing over the dangers of the world because it'll distract us from the good things in life e.g. when your sister comes over. You say that you tell her to not worry about coming over because you are worried something will happen to her on the way home. This is an example of ruining the good times because of your fear of bad times.
Maybe sit down with your sister and discuss this seriously. Say you are concerned for her safety at times. Maybe discuss self-safety methods with her that would help ease your mind if you knew she was using e.g. carrying pepper spray, leaving DNA on the backseat of cabs etc. Who knows? She might appreciate your concern and do these things just to make you happier?
Or, if she has a partner (e.g. a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife or a roommate even), maybe tell them how you feel. Just say "Hey, I'm worried about [insert her name here]'s safety when she's travelling etc" and ask if they can keep an eye on her or make sure she's staying safe etc, if you are too embarrassed or worried to tell her yourself.
At the end of the day, she's your sister. You have a bond so strong it can break any boundaries. Whether you are hugging, fighting, loving each other or hating each other, that bond is ever present and can never be broken no matter what you go through. You have every right to be worried for her, but she's responsible for herself. If you give her this advice and she refuses to listen, then that's her fault. You cannot blame yourself or put pressure on yourself to protect her when ultimately, she's forming her own fate. There are some things in life you can't change or can't prevent, and that's something that many people do find hard to accept. All you can do is advise her and express your feelings and ask her to take these precautions, but you can't control her. You need to remember to live your own life. You can only control your own actions. Don't let that paranoia ruin the good times. Let her come over and hang out with you, let her go shopping etc, even if it means taking those risks afterwards.
I saw someone else comment under this post about statistics, and that's another good thing to take into account. Obviously, don't become complacent if the stats are low, still be wary, but it should provide you with slightly more reassurance.
Hope this helps xx 🙂
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Worried about my family relative
- Trying to explain to my parents about moving out for university + maintenance loan
- Safety When Commuting
- My parents don’t want me to go far for uni. What do I do?
- Feeling genuinely sick about leaving for university
- my mum being weird
- Why she did this?!
- Am I overthinking this or do I make a valid point?
- my mother
- How can I convince my mum to let me go to a concert alone?
- Midwifery placements
- N5 sqa math paper leak after exams?
- Moving out Abusive Parents
- UEA vs Uni of Southampton
- Queen's University Belfast help ! Scottish student
- Sharing a room is destroying my mental health
- Best friend cancelling every meetup and now lying to me
- What's your favourite Christmas Film?
- Pre degree nerves
- Accommodation Vs Commuting
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 days ago
Domino's pizza personal size vs small sizeLast reply 1 week ago
What food item are you currently craving?Last reply 1 month ago
Am I the only one who hates holidays especially the summer holidays?Last reply 3 months ago
Anyone else been out of work for 9 years in a row?Last reply 3 months ago
parents wont let me take the course i want to takeLast reply 3 months ago
How do I tell my instructor I don't want lessons with her anymore?Last reply 3 months ago
Where can I find good-quality alternatives to luxury fashion clothing?
How The Student Room is moderated
To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.
