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I broke my GF trust in a long distance relationship. How do I begin to heal or make a

I betrayed someone I love deeply and wrongfully hurt her, even though she’s been nothing but amazing to me. Keeping my distance from her now feels unbearable, but I know I brought this on myself by not being honest, open, or communicative.

What makes this even harder is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, which naturally comes with its challenges. Her trust in me was already fragile due to the distance, and while I’ve been fully committed to her, I know my actions haven't shown that clearly. Instead of building her confidence in us, I’ve managed to tear it apart.

I hate myself for what I’ve done and how I’ve gone against everything I promised her. I took her for granted by making a dishonest choice, thinking it was the right thing, only to see how far from that it truly was. I betrayed the trust she already found difficult to give, and the idea of her never being able to trust me again kills me—though I know it’s justified.

This breach of trust came from me being friendly with another girl on Instagram. While it wasn’t physical or romantic, I knew it crossed her boundaries, especially given her past trust issues. I didn’t tell her at first because I thought I was protecting her during a stressful academic period in her life, but I realise now that was selfish and cowardly.

She’s now so uncomfortable even having normal conversations with me. I’ve tried to minimise my emotions and accept the situation, but it’s breaking me. Everything feels like a chore now—there’s no joy without her. I regret all the small things I let get between us before, knowing I’d take on anything now if it meant having her back.

Yes, I know we’re young, and people will say there’s time to move on or find someone else, but I don’t feel that way. I know how I feel about her, and I don’t want to replicate what we had with anyone else. Even if I could find something similar, I wouldn’t want to—it’s her I care about. She’s irreplaceable to me, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone.

I’m not looking for validation; I know I messed up, and I take full responsibility. But I don’t want to lose her forever. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I begin to rebuild trust, even if it’s just to make peace with her, and where do I go from here? I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I don’t want to give up on her.

Any advice, especially for navigating this in a long-distance relationship, is deeply appreciated.
That’s a tough situation, and it’s important to take responsibility for what happened. If you truly want to stay in the relationship, the first step is being honest with your girlfriend about what happened. She deserves to know the truth so she can make her own decisions about the relationship. It’s also important to reflect on why the cheating happened in the first place. Was there something missing in the relationship or something you were struggling with personally? Once you’ve been honest, you need to be prepared to listen to her feelings, give her time, and show through your actions that you’re committed to rebuilding trust if she’s open to that. Cheating can cause a lot of hurt, but honesty and taking accountability are the only real ways to move forward
Original post by Anonymous
That’s a tough situation, and it’s important to take responsibility for what happened. If you truly want to stay in the relationship, the first step is being honest with your girlfriend about what happened. She deserves to know the truth so she can make her own decisions about the relationship. It’s also important to reflect on why the cheating happened in the first place. Was there something missing in the relationship or something you were struggling with personally? Once you’ve been honest, you need to be prepared to listen to her feelings, give her time, and show through your actions that you’re committed to rebuilding trust if she’s open to that. Cheating can cause a lot of hurt, but honesty and taking accountability are the only real ways to move forward

What 'cheating'?
Original post by Anonymous
I betrayed someone I love deeply and wrongfully hurt her, even though she’s been nothing but amazing to me. Keeping my distance from her now feels unbearable, but I know I brought this on myself by not being honest, open, or communicative.
What makes this even harder is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, which naturally comes with its challenges. Her trust in me was already fragile due to the distance, and while I’ve been fully committed to her, I know my actions haven't shown that clearly. Instead of building her confidence in us, I’ve managed to tear it apart.
I hate myself for what I’ve done and how I’ve gone against everything I promised her. I took her for granted by making a dishonest choice, thinking it was the right thing, only to see how far from that it truly was. I betrayed the trust she already found difficult to give, and the idea of her never being able to trust me again kills me—though I know it’s justified.
This breach of trust came from me being friendly with another girl on Instagram. While it wasn’t physical or romantic, I knew it crossed her boundaries, especially given her past trust issues. I didn’t tell her at first because I thought I was protecting her during a stressful academic period in her life, but I realise now that was selfish and cowardly.
She’s now so uncomfortable even having normal conversations with me. I’ve tried to minimise my emotions and accept the situation, but it’s breaking me. Everything feels like a chore now—there’s no joy without her. I regret all the small things I let get between us before, knowing I’d take on anything now if it meant having her back.
Yes, I know we’re young, and people will say there’s time to move on or find someone else, but I don’t feel that way. I know how I feel about her, and I don’t want to replicate what we had with anyone else. Even if I could find something similar, I wouldn’t want to—it’s her I care about. She’s irreplaceable to me, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I’m not looking for validation; I know I messed up, and I take full responsibility. But I don’t want to lose her forever. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I begin to rebuild trust, even if it’s just to make peace with her, and where do I go from here? I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I don’t want to give up on her.
Any advice, especially for navigating this in a long-distance relationship, is deeply appreciated.

You are being far too hard on yourself! You are allowed friends of the opposite sex whilst in a relationship.

Saying this crossed "her (your girlfriend's) boundaries" is very telling; what was her specific criteria about this? It could be that it is more controlling than being a more fundamental requirement for the relationship. She needs to be looking at why she has trust issues with you and resolve her issues; she's projecting her insecurities on to you even though it was other people who hurt her, and if things were that bad why did she get involved in a relationship If she's going to behave like this?

Stop worrying about yourself being at fault and ask her why she doesn't trust you. She's the one who is making this situation worse than it should be.
Reply 4
Original post by Surnia
You are being far too hard on yourself! You are allowed friends of the opposite sex whilst in a relationship.
Saying this crossed "her (your girlfriend's) boundaries" is very telling; what was her specific criteria about this? It could be that it is more controlling than being a more fundamental requirement for the relationship. She needs to be looking at why she has trust issues with you and resolve her issues; she's projecting her insecurities on to you even though it was other people who hurt her, and if things were that bad why did she get involved in a relationship If she's going to behave like this?
Stop worrying about yourself being at fault and ask her why she doesn't trust you. She's the one who is making this situation worse than it should be.


It was because there was light flirtation in the conversation. With more context the girl I messaged had varied short conversations from December 2023 and I started talking seriously with my girlfriend from around early July of this year and I had conversated with the same girl I previous had light conversation with in September of this year after me and my girlfriend getting more serious. Due to the fact I never told her about this and it seemed as if I hid being friendly and she found out by herself, I believe the loss in trust is due to her thinking I may have done this a lot even though that isn't the case. Thank you for your advice though, its been really needed and I do need to move forward in steps with her.
Original post by Anonymous
I betrayed someone I love deeply and wrongfully hurt her, even though she’s been nothing but amazing to me. Keeping my distance from her now feels unbearable, but I know I brought this on myself by not being honest, open, or communicative.
What makes this even harder is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, which naturally comes with its challenges. Her trust in me was already fragile due to the distance, and while I’ve been fully committed to her, I know my actions haven't shown that clearly. Instead of building her confidence in us, I’ve managed to tear it apart.
I hate myself for what I’ve done and how I’ve gone against everything I promised her. I took her for granted by making a dishonest choice, thinking it was the right thing, only to see how far from that it truly was. I betrayed the trust she already found difficult to give, and the idea of her never being able to trust me again kills me—though I know it’s justified.
This breach of trust came from me being friendly with another girl on Instagram. While it wasn’t physical or romantic, I knew it crossed her boundaries, especially given her past trust issues. I didn’t tell her at first because I thought I was protecting her during a stressful academic period in her life, but I realise now that was selfish and cowardly.
She’s now so uncomfortable even having normal conversations with me. I’ve tried to minimise my emotions and accept the situation, but it’s breaking me. Everything feels like a chore now—there’s no joy without her. I regret all the small things I let get between us before, knowing I’d take on anything now if it meant having her back.
Yes, I know we’re young, and people will say there’s time to move on or find someone else, but I don’t feel that way. I know how I feel about her, and I don’t want to replicate what we had with anyone else. Even if I could find something similar, I wouldn’t want to—it’s her I care about. She’s irreplaceable to me, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I’m not looking for validation; I know I messed up, and I take full responsibility. But I don’t want to lose her forever. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I begin to rebuild trust, even if it’s just to make peace with her, and where do I go from here? I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I don’t want to give up on her.
Any advice, especially for navigating this in a long-distance relationship, is deeply appreciated.


I’ve been in a very similar situation as your girlfriend! I would suggest being more honest with her, and not just saying that you miss her and love her, but also showing it through your actions. You could do this in a variety of ways, but ways that are special and personal to the two of you. And if something like this come up again, I would heavily suggest talking to her as soon as possible even as a light little “what happened in your day” to show that it was no big deal and nothing major happened. If you continue to be open and understanding, I’m sure that trust will come back overtime. But overall, your actions weren’t terrible. You should have told her incase she got the wrong ideas, but you didn’t really do anything wrong. Just apologise and show her that you care about her more than anything (not just through your words) and continue to love and support her!

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