I betrayed someone I love deeply and wrongfully hurt her, even though she’s been nothing but amazing to me. Keeping my distance from her now feels unbearable, but I know I brought this on myself by not being honest, open, or communicative.
What makes this even harder is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, which naturally comes with its challenges. Her trust in me was already fragile due to the distance, and while I’ve been fully committed to her, I know my actions haven't shown that clearly. Instead of building her confidence in us, I’ve managed to tear it apart.
I hate myself for what I’ve done and how I’ve gone against everything I promised her. I took her for granted by making a dishonest choice, thinking it was the right thing, only to see how far from that it truly was. I betrayed the trust she already found difficult to give, and the idea of her never being able to trust me again kills me—though I know it’s justified.
This breach of trust came from me being friendly with another girl on Instagram. While it wasn’t physical or romantic, I knew it crossed her boundaries, especially given her past trust issues. I didn’t tell her at first because I thought I was protecting her during a stressful academic period in her life, but I realise now that was selfish and cowardly.
She’s now so uncomfortable even having normal conversations with me. I’ve tried to minimise my emotions and accept the situation, but it’s breaking me. Everything feels like a chore now—there’s no joy without her. I regret all the small things I let get between us before, knowing I’d take on anything now if it meant having her back.
Yes, I know we’re young, and people will say there’s time to move on or find someone else, but I don’t feel that way. I know how I feel about her, and I don’t want to replicate what we had with anyone else. Even if I could find something similar, I wouldn’t want to—it’s her I care about. She’s irreplaceable to me, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I’m not looking for validation; I know I messed up, and I take full responsibility. But I don’t want to lose her forever. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I begin to rebuild trust, even if it’s just to make peace with her, and where do I go from here? I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I don’t want to give up on her.
Any advice, especially for navigating this in a long-distance relationship, is deeply appreciated.