The Student Room Group

Entering the new year with no friends

I'm 19f, moved to a new town over a year ago and still have no friends/no boyfriend.

I made a few friends at work at the beginning of the year at work who I would go out with, but when I was forced to quit our connections fizzled out. I have no one to talk to here, no one to go out with and no one who I can even count as a casual friend.

I'm even volunteering atm, but everyone is much much older than me so we're at different stages of life. I don't know what to do, I feel so utterly helpless. I'm beginning a short college course in the new year, but I have no hope for making friends there either as it's such a short amount of time.

People seem to like me, but never take me seriously and I feel like I'm always being made fun off behind my back. No one ever seems to want to know me and I lack social skills due to being isolated by my parents when I was little. I'm so desperate for friends I would literally do anything, and it's gotten past the point where I can use "being the new girl" as an excuse. I need help.
Original post by iamabitstupid
I'm 19f, moved to a new town over a year ago and still have no friends/no boyfriend.
I made a few friends at work at the beginning of the year at work who I would go out with, but when I was forced to quit our connections fizzled out. I have no one to talk to here, no one to go out with and no one who I can even count as a casual friend.
I'm even volunteering atm, but everyone is much much older than me so we're at different stages of life. I don't know what to do, I feel so utterly helpless. I'm beginning a short college course in the new year, but I have no hope for making friends there either as it's such a short amount of time.
People seem to like me, but never take me seriously and I feel like I'm always being made fun off behind my back. No one ever seems to want to know me and I lack social skills due to being isolated by my parents when I was little. I'm so desperate for friends I would literally do anything, and it's gotten past the point where I can use "being the new girl" as an excuse. I need help.


Hello,

I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I know and appreciate how difficult it can be. Have you tried new hobbies where you could make new friends?

Also, although the people you volunteer with are much older you should still consider befriending them as they have much more life experience than you and you can learn so much from those who are older. I've found that my friends who are much older are some of the most valuable friends I have.

If you have any further questions or need further support please let me know.

Charlie
Law LLB Student
Original post by UoL Students
Hello,
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I know and appreciate how difficult it can be. Have you tried new hobbies where you could make new friends?
Also, although the people you volunteer with are much older you should still consider befriending them as they have much more life experience than you and you can learn so much from those who are older. I've found that my friends who are much older are some of the most valuable friends I have.
If you have any further questions or need further support please let me know.
Charlie
Law LLB Student

Thank you, I appreciate it!

Unfortunately at the minute I can't afford to do anything hobby related, as I'm not in work rn and you have to pay for mostly everything. I'm really hesitant to join any (free) communities as I had a small relationship in the beginning of the year which ended badly and I'm afraid to run into him.

I enjoy speaking with the people at my volunteering position and it does offer me some social interaction but most of the ppl there are elderly and/or severely disabled (which isn't an issue as they are lovely but most everything they do is orchestrated by care workers and such) so we don't really share any interests.

Hopefully I will make some friends when I start work again, as it's gotten to the point where I would do anything even for a few superficial friendships if that meant we spent a few days a month together outside of work.

Thanks for your response x
Original post by iamabitstupid
Thank you, I appreciate it!
Unfortunately at the minute I can't afford to do anything hobby related, as I'm not in work rn and you have to pay for mostly everything. I'm really hesitant to join any (free) communities as I had a small relationship in the beginning of the year which ended badly and I'm afraid to run into him.
I enjoy speaking with the people at my volunteering position and it does offer me some social interaction but most of the ppl there are elderly and/or severely disabled (which isn't an issue as they are lovely but most everything they do is orchestrated by care workers and such) so we don't really share any interests.
Hopefully I will make some friends when I start work again, as it's gotten to the point where I would do anything even for a few superficial friendships if that meant we spent a few days a month together outside of work.
Thanks for your response x


Hello,

That's not a problem. I hope you find some people you can relate to this year. Don't underestimate the positive impact you most likely have on those elderly individuals though. Many of them may be lonely and to have you may make the world of difference for them.

In terms of hobbies, last year I was introduced to bell ringing and although it is not for everyone they are some of the friendliest people I have ever met!

Again, if you have any further questions or need anything else at all please do let me know.

Charlie
Law LLB Student
Having the ability to make and keep friends is more important than whether you have any friends at any given moment.
Focus on getting competent at social skills and friend will come as a side-effect of your competence.

Work is what you do to earn money. Start a job because that's the best option for you to enhance your bank balance. With the "best option" being the best balance between how much you earn and how little you hate the job.

And above all, be your own best friend.
Make it so that your happiness does not depend on whether you have any friends or not. You're happy either way.

An important concept is: people like people who are how they'd like to be.

On being made fun of behind your back, you should make it so that you'd be a bit disappointed if some people weren't making fun of you behind your back.
Because you make fun of yourself and your life situations liberally anyway. Turning negative things / experiences into amusing anecdotes.
And because you put your head above the parapet. Some people will love you. Some will be neutral. Some will hate you. Some will make fun of you behind your back. Some will praise you behind your back. Some will sometimes praise you and sometimes make fun of you behind your back.

If you're the sort of person that never, or almost never, engages in negative gossip, such as making fun out of other people behind their backs (because you hate it being done to you) then that's a good foundation stone towards your social competence.

Make "What else?" a key question that you keep asking yourself. "What else could I be doing apart from what I'm doing now?" If it's something better, do that.
Reply 5
Original post by iamabitstupid
I'm 19f, moved to a new town over a year ago and still have no friends/no boyfriend.
I made a few friends at work at the beginning of the year at work who I would go out with, but when I was forced to quit our connections fizzled out. I have no one to talk to here, no one to go out with and no one who I can even count as a casual friend.
I'm even volunteering atm, but everyone is much much older than me so we're at different stages of life. I don't know what to do, I feel so utterly helpless. I'm beginning a short college course in the new year, but I have no hope for making friends there either as it's such a short amount of time.
People seem to like me, but never take me seriously and I feel like I'm always being made fun off behind my back. No one ever seems to want to know me and I lack social skills due to being isolated by my parents when I was little. I'm so desperate for friends I would literally do anything, and it's gotten past the point where I can use "being the new girl" as an excuse. I need help.

have you looked at what (free) events there are at your local public library?
I've been going for quite a while, as a teenager and now with my children. I also (I work part time) go to an art class they have and got to know people at that too.
I've going there for so long that I have even got to know some of the staff at the library and they've become really good friends!
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by iamabitstupid
I'm 19f, moved to a new town over a year ago and still have no friends/no boyfriend.
I made a few friends at work at the beginning of the year at work who I would go out with, but when I was forced to quit our connections fizzled out. I have no one to talk to here, no one to go out with and no one who I can even count as a casual friend.
I'm even volunteering atm, but everyone is much much older than me so we're at different stages of life. I don't know what to do, I feel so utterly helpless. I'm beginning a short college course in the new year, but I have no hope for making friends there either as it's such a short amount of time.
People seem to like me, but never take me seriously and I feel like I'm always being made fun off behind my back. No one ever seems to want to know me and I lack social skills due to being isolated by my parents when I was little. I'm so desperate for friends I would literally do anything, and it's gotten past the point where I can use "being the new girl" as an excuse. I need help.

You may make friends on the course you are doing. It may only be a short course, but you can still make friends and stay in contact.
Would it be possible to reach out/get back in contact with the people at your previous job that you got on with.
Even though the volunteers are a lot older, you can still be friends with them. For example one of my 2 best mates is 66 and i am 33 (We met at work 18 months ago before she retired).

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