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Introducing same sex partner to parents

Well, it is a two questions post

1. How to tell my partner I want to introduce her to my parents?
2. How to actually introduce her to my parents?

Background
My parents are old school, same sex relationships are wrong. They are, however, accepting. They are OK with me being bisexual. They know I date girls too and they are sort of OK with it.
I had some bad experience with GUYS they (especially my mom) didn't like. She knows how to push them away and I don't want this to happen with this relationship. My mom likes digging too dip into personalities making the other side feel very uncomfortable. She has the wrong image of me (the perfect little girl I was in highschool), she still believes that my personality didn't change and tries to fit the partner for that personality.
My dad is old and sometimes has problems with tact, he may say things he think and should not be said out loud.
My partner is younger than me but more mature and more mentally stable. She is from a different culture yet we have so much in common. She is an artist and my mom is an artist too, which sounds good but they may disagree on a lot of things and it may cause some discomfort.
I am 35 and don't want kids (yet, or never), my mom wants me to have kids and any partner I bring she immediately planning us as a family. I never talked to my partner about kids... like it never even cross our minds to talk about it.

For me it is very important to introduce a partner to my family because I am very connected to them despite all the negative things I just said. My partner almost never speaks to her family, just on holidays and weekends once in a while. They are not very close. She doesn't even think it is important to meet the partners family at all, like it is not their business what she does in her life.

How to deal with this situation?
Start by explaining to your partner why introducing her to your parents is important to you, emphasizing that it’s about sharing a significant part of your life, not allowing your parents to influence your relationship. Acknowledge that family introductions might not hold the same importance for her but express how much it would mean to you. Prepare her for the potential challenges—like your mom’s tendency to dig too deeply or your dad’s occasional lack of tact—and reassure her that you’ll manage the situation and set boundaries with your parents beforehand. During the introduction, guide the conversation to shared interests, like art, and step in if things get uncomfortable to ensure she feels supported throughout.
Hope that helps!!
Reply 2
Original post by Kathy89
Well, it is a two questions post
1. How to tell my partner I want to introduce her to my parents?
2. How to actually introduce her to my parents?
Background
My parents are old school, same sex relationships are wrong. They are, however, accepting. They are OK with me being bisexual. They know I date girls too and they are sort of OK with it.
I had some bad experience with GUYS they (especially my mom) didn't like. She knows how to push them away and I don't want this to happen with this relationship. My mom likes digging too dip into personalities making the other side feel very uncomfortable. She has the wrong image of me (the perfect little girl I was in highschool), she still believes that my personality didn't change and tries to fit the partner for that personality.
My dad is old and sometimes has problems with tact, he may say things he think and should not be said out loud.
My partner is younger than me but more mature and more mentally stable. She is from a different culture yet we have so much in common. She is an artist and my mom is an artist too, which sounds good but they may disagree on a lot of things and it may cause some discomfort.
I am 35 and don't want kids (yet, or never), my mom wants me to have kids and any partner I bring she immediately planning us as a family. I never talked to my partner about kids... like it never even cross our minds to talk about it.
For me it is very important to introduce a partner to my family because I am very connected to them despite all the negative things I just said. My partner almost never speaks to her family, just on holidays and weekends once in a while. They are not very close. She doesn't even think it is important to meet the partners family at all, like it is not their business what she does in her life.
How to deal with this situation?

if they're not anti-lgbt+ then i don't really see an issue? just be casual about it. i mean, you haven't even been with them for long, right? also... you might as well be honest with your mother about your stance on kids. or she may end up resenting your partner. my boyfriend's mother is exactly the same
I think as Reply 1, but don't be too quick to step in, especially as you may react more sternly? harshly? to perceived slights. You've said your girlfriend is mature, so give her some flex to find her own level and her way to communicate.

Maybe not spend too long with your parents the first time? Call in for a coffee on the pretext of going on somewhere else so you don't have to stay too long or can cut it short if it gets too uncomfortable?
Reply 4
Original post by Ciel.
if they're not anti-lgbt+ then i don't really see an issue? just be casual about it. i mean, you haven't even been with them for long, right? also... you might as well be honest with your mother about your stance on kids. or she may end up resenting your partner. my boyfriend's mother is exactly the same

That is the issue. My mom is like 'I accept the lgbt+ as long as it doesn't concern my kids', she still treats me like I'm straight and mono. I was a perfect teen so she thinks it's a phase I have to go through unfortunately it came in my 30's so she is worried.
I am completely honest with her, always was, but she just not really understands that.

It is my first time I feel such a deep connection with someone of the same sex and it is the first time after my ex of almost 10 years I feel such a strong feeling for someone, I don't want to mess this up.
Reply 5
Original post by Surnia
I think as Reply 1, but don't be too quick to step in, especially as you may react more sternly? harshly? to perceived slights. You've said your girlfriend is mature, so give her some flex to find her own level and her way to communicate.
Maybe not spend too long with your parents the first time? Call in for a coffee on the pretext of going on somewhere else so you don't have to stay too long or can cut it short if it gets too uncomfortable?

Thanks!!!

I never thought of introducing a partner as a by the way thing. It could work. Need to think about how to do that if we live in different parts of the country.

Great idea, even if my mom would understand that.
Thanks a lot.
Reply 6
Original post by Kathy89
That is the issue. My mom is like 'I accept the lgbt+ as long as it doesn't concern my kids', she still treats me like I'm straight and mono. I was a perfect teen so she thinks it's a phase I have to go through unfortunately it came in my 30's so she is worried.
I am completely honest with her, always was, but she just not really understands that.
It is my first time I feel such a deep connection with someone of the same sex and it is the first time after my ex of almost 10 years I feel such a strong feeling for someone, I don't want to mess this up.

it will probably take her some time to get over it, so maybe start dropping hints before telling her everything. at least she's not anti lgbt+ which is a good start.
Reply 7
Original post by Ciel.
it will probably take her some time to get over it, so maybe start dropping hints before telling her everything. at least she's not anti lgbt+ which is a good start.

She knows everything, but denies it.... Now when I'm old/mature enough I can "fight" that "you are a normal person, it is just a phase" thing she believes in.
It was the same with my depression as a child, my ADHD as a teen and now this. I'm glad she doesn't treat me any different but she also ignores the fact I'm dating girls as well as guys. She also treats a second relationship in a poly relationship as a hook-up, despite knowing it is not....
It is hard to explain it.
The thing that ****es me off about her is that she IS a psychologist and not a bad one, but she has to have a "perfect" daughter, my older brother was 'the weird one' (he was into mystics and stuff like that) but it is ok since he is a boy. Now when he has a family he is normal and it is great... I have to be normal too and she wants to direct me to that path by treating me like I'm "normal". Don't ask what is the logic behind it, I never got it.
Reply 8
Original post by Kathy89
She knows everything, but denies it.... Now when I'm old/mature enough I can "fight" that "you are a normal person, it is just a phase" thing she believes in.
It was the same with my depression as a child, my ADHD as a teen and now this. I'm glad she doesn't treat me any different but she also ignores the fact I'm dating girls as well as guys. She also treats a second relationship in a poly relationship as a hook-up, despite knowing it is not....
It is hard to explain it.
The thing that ****es me off about her is that she IS a psychologist and not a bad one, but she has to have a "perfect" daughter, my older brother was 'the weird one' (he was into mystics and stuff like that) but it is ok since he is a boy. Now when he has a family he is normal and it is great... I have to be normal too and she wants to direct me to that path by treating me like I'm "normal". Don't ask what is the logic behind it, I never got it.

oh, i see. 'it's just a phase' huh? in that case, there's not much you can do . if she already knows everything and she's still in denial, no amount of talking will convince her otherwise. she will just have to see, through your actions, that you mean everything you said. don't be too hard on her because she probably means well but don't let her control your life either, especially since you really like your new partner.
Reply 9
Original post by Ciel.
oh, i see. 'it's just a phase' huh? in that case, there's not much you can do . if she already knows everything and she's still in denial, no amount of talking will convince her otherwise. she will just have to see, through your actions, that you mean everything you said. don't be too hard on her because she probably means well but don't let her control your life either, especially since you really like your new partner.

I know she means well and I love her and trust her, that's why I tell her everything. It's just the way it is.
Thanks 🙂

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