The Student Room Group

Got left on read by guy who’s interested in going on a date - pls help!!

I’d never had any romantic interactions with anyone or anyone ever like me romantically and I’m an 18 year old girl. But there’s this guy I initially had interest in who pursued me romantically from almost the day we met and we weren’t even friends first. We met in the last 2 weeks of term at uni and I’ve met him in person about 4 times in those 2 weeks, each time where I’m so drunk and or high that I can’t even tell what’s happening and the last time I met him I blacked out. I’ve only ever met him at night and while I’m intoxicated and we’ve only ever done sexual stuff together or physical stuff such as kissing, cuddling and then just sleeping or other things (these were all my first times doing anything but he’s very experienced) and haven’t had sex yet as I always pass out right before we get thar far or I say I don’t want to and he respects that so we just sleep. We have never been on a date as we met near the end of term and only met each other while intoxicated and at night. But during our 5 week holidays in which I thought this would just ‘die out’ he’s texted everyday and we’ve gotten to know a lot more about each other, slowly escalating things to start sending goodnight x and how are you x texts. He initiated all conversations, texted for hours each day, was funny and shared details about his life and how his day were going and kept suggesting activities we could do on a date when we’re back at uni, says he wants to see where things go, and even semi jokingly suggested that there’s a trip to his hometown to meet his parents in the future (at this point I’d only known him like 2 weeks so I thought this was surprising). However he has left me on read for 2 days which is the first time ever this has happened and I’m not sure why. The last text he sent was really nice and even kind of suggested he wanted to meet up next term but he hasn’t texted at all and hasn’t even asked how I am or said goodnight which is something he’d always do. He also stopped sending x’s with his texts. Does this mean he’s just suddenly decided he’s done? Why is he ghosting me? He is currently on holiday and we have an 8 hour time difference, but for the first week he was overseas this didn’t affect our texting at all. I understand he’s busy on holiday etc but leaving me on read is out of character when looking at how we usually text so what should I take from this? I’ve never had any scorches with any boy so I don’t know if this is normal or what to do. Normally I wouldn’t mind or find it strange that people take a few days to text back, but jsut based on how often we used to text for the last few weeks and how detailed we’d text I find this really abrupt and strange. I’ve been very careful all along to play it cool and not seem too interested while also seeming interested enough, but I always let him do all the chasing and do not want to text him
First as he left me
On read and it seems desperate. Please help me xx what do you think about this?
Was your last message along the lines of "My New Years resolution is to get my ass back to uni on 10/1/24. 3 days early. When you getting your ass back? And will the rest of you be with it?"
You could throw out that message, or a similar message today. There's no law against double or triple texting.

If you never see him again, it's fine. There's hundreds or thousands of other guys you can meet via the broad student social circle that will be at least as good as him.

It's impossible to say what's going through his mind. We have just had New Years. So it's worth giving him some slack over his response times.

Going forward with him and any other man, look to cut out the "How are you?" "Good-night" type texts. Aim to have more of a policy where you get on with your life when you're not with them and leave them to get on with theirs.
And aim to avoid sending the sort of messages your grandmother would send. Aim to send the sort of messages that a sassy, fun loving, humourous, positive, enthusiastic, mentally strong, emotionally strong, attractive, confident young woman would send. With this including messages that arrange your next meeting.
Reply 2
Ok so he texted me asking how I was and that we haven’t ‘spoken’ I think he means texted in a while. So is this all good and I continue as normal now? I really really want to be able to text like a ‘a sassy, fun loving, humourous,positive, enthusiastic, mentally strong, emotionallystrong, attractive, confident young woman wouldsend’ this is the dream. But I have no idea how to and suck at texting and I don't think I can do it very well. How do I improve? I really want him to like me
If you want to be a "‘a sassy, fun loving, humourous,positive, enthusiastic, mentally strong, emotionallystrong, attractive, confident young woman" and good relationship material how about laying off the drink and drugs? And if that's something he indulges in, find a new guy?

Whatever else you choose to do, you need to work on your communication skills. Why text when you can pick up the phone and actually talk? You can convey so much more by voice, better still if it's a video call. If you're going to go on proper dates where you do stuff together and remember it, you'll be having conversations so why not start now?
This video is as good as any I've seen on how to text. Feel free to watch it and come back on here to tell us if it makes sense to you. And if you can incorporate the advice in this video to your own texting.
Reply 5
I got left on read again and its been 3 days so far. how many days after should i relasie that whatever it was is over?
Start talking to other guys at your uni. There's thousands of them! Treat Mr Intermittent Ghost as a highly provisional.
It's fine if you've got several guys that are provisional before forming a firm romantic bond with one of them.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Reply 7
I know it's silly but I really really like him. I don't care what he wants from me anymore I don't care if he's using me. All I want is to lie in his bed with my head on his chest, him holding me, his hands intertwined with mine and his hands brushing my hair away and the forehead kisses in the morning. I don't care how awful I felt afterwards. i am just really lonely, isolated, and I just want him to want me. I want that and I know it's too much to ask for, I just want it to go back to how it was before. How it was last term and how it used to be. I had it then and didn't make the most of it. I am alone, ugly, fat, worthless and scared.
Original post by Anonymous
I know it's silly but I really really like him. I don't care what he wants from me anymore I don't care if he's using me. All I want is to lie in his bed with my head on his chest, him holding me, his hands intertwined with mine and his hands brushing my hair away and the forehead kisses in the morning. I don't care how awful I felt afterwards. i am just really lonely, isolated, and I just want him to want me. I want that and I know it's too much to ask for, I just want it to go back to how it was before. How it was last term and how it used to be. I had it then and didn't make the most of it. I am alone, ugly, fat, worthless and scared.

What you need to do is see your GP and Student Services and get help for your lack of self-esteem and addictive behaviour. Seriously.

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