Relationship advice/ toxic parents (female 19 uk)

Long story short. I have been living with my toxic parents, well actually the toxic one mostly in here is my dad. we came from Iran as a family, so I can study and grow as an individual but things got to turn the other way around and my father started abusing my mother and I and he financially, mentally and physically abused my mother and I, but mostly my mother. regardless of all this, I got to the age of 13 and I rang up the police up on him but I was so frk scared from him to be found out, the police matter was unsuccessful. Coming to this year that I've turned 19, same stuff happened and this time around he physically abused us and kicked us out from the house. Also I'm in a long-distance relationship for 3yrs now and he lives in Germany, and I cant bear to live with the idea my mum wanting my dad back in the house and im also retaking for my a-levels this summer, but i can not concentrate properly with all these situations and im thinking to run away from my family to go and live temporarily or permanently depending on my relationship status with my bf. but i dont know if it is a right decision or not. PLS HELP ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!. I'm lost in the middle of this situation and I don't know what is right or wrong, is it a good idea to go and live with my bf and come back here in the uk for my re-take summer exams or shall I bear living in this misery?. ANSWER ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply 1

offshore-cauldro

sorry you’ve had to go through this—it’s not fair at all, and it’s no wonder you feel so lost. The most important thing right now is your safety and mental well-being. If your home environment is toxic and unsafe, it’s entirely reasonable to want to leave. However, moving to another country, especially to live with your boyfriend, is a big decision. It might be helpful to think about a few practical steps first: are there resources or organizations in the UK that can support you? Women's shelters, charities, or local councils often have help for people escaping abusive situations. They might even provide temporary housing or guidance on your next steps.
Running to Germany could seem like a way out, but it’s worth considering if it would give you long-term stability or add new stresses, like managing your exams and adjusting to a new life all at once. Retaking your A-levels is a huge deal, and completing them could open doors for your future independence. Maybe there's a middle ground—finding a safe place in the UK to stay temporarily while focusing on your studies. You deserve to live somewhere safe and supportive, free from the fear your dad’s actions bring. Whatever you choose, you’re not alone, and there are people and resources that want to help. Please take care of yourself and don’t feel ashamed for needing support—you’ve already shown so much strength by reaching out.