The Student Room Group

My sister is refusing to miss college..

My sister is 28 and she is refusing to miss college because she doesn’t like to catch up with work.. ok(?). The moral of the story is, I only asked if she would miss college for one day to be with our grandma, who will be at home ALONE, when the opticians visits by, after my grandma has frequently expressed that she doesn’t feel comfortable to be at home ALONE with a stranger. But my freaking sister doesn’t see the big picture. Our grandma is frail, elderly and vulnerable. The chances of somebody claiming to be an opticians and getting entrance to her house is 100%, likely, and the risks that entails I don’t want even want to think about it. My sister is the only relative who lives nearby to our grandma, and I get it, that she wants todo her own things at times but for the safety of our grandma it makes sense to miss college for this particular reason. You can freaking catch up with college work on the remaining days of the week! Heck! I’m 25, I’ve missed college and uni many times and caught up with the work by myself and still passed all my subjects. My sister is being unreasonable and she doesn’t get it!!! I swear, (I hope nothing happens) that if something did happen to my grandma while she was at college, she will be freaking guilty for the rest of her life. This is the opportunity to support and be there for my grandma while she gets the help that she needs, and my freaking sister is being a narcissist. Honestly, if I didn’t live far and have work the next day, I would’ve been on the freaking train myself on my way to be in the house before that appointment.

This is a vent I guess, I am just mad at my sister for not understanding the bigger picture here. Like she’s so freaking dumb.
Reply 1
I understand - your sister is very astute. As she lives closest she doesn't want to end up the 'go to' relative for every time your Grandma might need some companionship support. This is not an 'essential' but a 'desirable' request. Your Grandma is still functional and has her faculties. I am sure she would agree that she would be ok if she knew the time & the date and the name of the optician. She could always ask a friend to join her. You cannot expect others to just 'ditch' their lectures of their studies when it is not an emergency. Although you have your experiences you have no idea what is entailed in your Sisters workload. A lot is riding on results and finance is a huge part of that pressure, and it doesn't help piling the guilt onto your Sister. Glad you have vented but guessing sibling rivalry is more at play here?
How on earth would a random stranger know that your grandma has an optician appointment at a particular time and date in order to impersonate them? This is very far-fetched...

Is your grandma in a position to use WhatsApp or even just have someone on speakerphone in the background during the appointment to help her feel safer?
Reply 3
PS
It is ok to be alone. Even to be old and alone. That isn't an awful thing!! Celebrate self reliance
Original post by Muttly
PS
It is ok to be alone. Even to be old and alone. That isn't an awful thing!! Celebrate self reliance

Are you sure you have replied in the right thread?
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
My sister is 28 and she is refusing to miss college because she doesn’t like to catch up with work.. ok(?). The moral of the story is, I only asked if she would miss college for one day to be with our grandma, who will be at home ALONE, when the opticians visits by, after my grandma has frequently expressed that she doesn’t feel comfortable to be at home ALONE with a stranger. But my freaking sister doesn’t see the big picture. Our grandma is frail, elderly and vulnerable. The chances of somebody claiming to be an opticians and getting entrance to her house is 100%, likely, and the risks that entails I don’t want even want to think about it. My sister is the only relative who lives nearby to our grandma, and I get it, that she wants todo her own things at times but for the safety of our grandma it makes sense to miss college for this particular reason. You can freaking catch up with college work on the remaining days of the week! Heck! I’m 25, I’ve missed college and uni many times and caught up with the work by myself and still passed all my subjects. My sister is being unreasonable and she doesn’t get it!!! I swear, (I hope nothing happens) that if something did happen to my grandma while she was at college, she will be freaking guilty for the rest of her life. This is the opportunity to support and be there for my grandma while she gets the help that she needs, and my freaking sister is being a narcissist. Honestly, if I didn’t live far and have work the next day, I would’ve been on the freaking train myself on my way to be in the house before that appointment.
This is a vent I guess, I am just mad at my sister for not understanding the bigger picture here. Like she’s so freaking dumb.

maybe she's never had any support from your grandma, so she doesn't feel obliged to change her schedule for her. if you care so much, just reschedule the visit for another day so that you can attend instead
Reply 6
Original post by black tea
How on earth would a random stranger know that your grandma has an optician appointment at a particular time and date in order to impersonate them? This is very far-fetched...
Is your grandma in a position to use WhatsApp or even just have someone on speakerphone in the background during the appointment to help her feel safer?


Well, in the current state of the world who can we really trust!! People may say one thing and do another. I’m more afraid of the “optician” attacking my grandma inside the house. There are no cameras in her area nor in her house, and she lives alone. If something happened nobody would know unless her carers arrived (in the afternoon/evening), my sister went over there after college or if we rang her phone and she didn’t pick up. Also, her carers only have my sisters’ phone number which isn’t helpful, as if something did happen my sister would be the first to know (which is fine) but leaves the rest of us out.

My grandma uses WhatsApp and she does like todo things for her when she can.
Reply 7
Original post by Ciel.
maybe she's never had any support from your grandma, so she doesn't feel obliged to change her schedule for her. if you care so much, just reschedule the visit for another day so that you can attend instead


That’s the opposite. My sister looks after my grandma on the days she’s not in college and My grandma supports my sister throughout. She’s been a mother figure in both of our lives. I have told my grandma to reschedule many times but she gave up on calling them because of being put on hold, but I told her to keep going to change for a date that is convenient for both of them. I will speak to her later and see if there are any updates on this home visit by the optician.
Reply 8
Original post by Muttly
I understand - your sister is very astute. As she lives closest she doesn't want to end up the 'go to' relative for every time your Grandma might need some companionship support. This is not an 'essential' but a 'desirable' request. Your Grandma is still functional and has her faculties. I am sure she would agree that she would be ok if she knew the time & the date and the name of the optician. She could always ask a friend to join her. You cannot expect others to just 'ditch' their lectures of their studies when it is not an emergency. Although you have your experiences you have no idea what is entailed in your Sisters workload. A lot is riding on results and finance is a huge part of that pressure, and it doesn't help piling the guilt onto your Sister. Glad you have vented but guessing sibling rivalry is more at play here?


I understand your point. She doesn’t know who they are sending, so it can be anyone coming between 11-12AM. She also has no friends nearby to support her, so her only person would be my sister if she chooses to miss college or the carers - but they don’t stay too long and are out before you know it.

No sibling rivalry here. Just voicing what I think is right. It makes sense to support & comfort our grandma during an appointment at her home, when she’s alone and frail. But I guess everyone sees it differently.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
That’s the opposite. My sister looks after my grandma on the days she’s not in college and My grandma supports my sister throughout. She’s been a mother figure in both of our lives. I have told my grandma to reschedule many times but she gave up on calling them because of being put on hold, but I told her to keep going to change for a date that is convenient for both of them. I will speak to her later and see if there are any updates on this home visit by the optician.

eh, either way no one is gonna impersonate an optician, just ask her to call you and put you on a loudspeaker or facetime, and you can listen in in the background just to be sure everything's ok
Original post by Anonymous
Well, in the current state of the world who can we really trust!! People may say one thing and do another. I’m more afraid of the “optician” attacking my grandma inside the house. There are no cameras in her area nor in her house, and she lives alone. If something happened nobody would know unless her carers arrived (in the afternoon/evening), my sister went over there after college or if we rang her phone and she didn’t pick up. Also, her carers only have my sisters’ phone number which isn’t helpful, as if something did happen my sister would be the first to know (which is fine) but leaves the rest of us out.
My grandma uses WhatsApp and she does like todo things for her when she can.

Why would an optician attack your grandmother?

If your grandmother uses WhatsApp, get her to video call someone when the optician gets there so someone is aware of what's happening.
Original post by black tea
Why would an optician attack your grandmother?
If your grandmother uses WhatsApp, get her to video call someone when the optician gets there so someone is aware of what's happening.


I was being irrational and catastrophising here.

Anyway, the problem has been sorted.
Original post by Anonymous
My sister is 28 and she is refusing to miss college because she doesn’t like to catch up with work.. ok(?). The moral of the story is, I only asked if she would miss college for one day to be with our grandma, who will be at home ALONE, when the opticians visits by, after my grandma has frequently expressed that she doesn’t feel comfortable to be at home ALONE with a stranger. But my freaking sister doesn’t see the big picture. Our grandma is frail, elderly and vulnerable. The chances of somebody claiming to be an opticians and getting entrance to her house is 100%, likely, and the risks that entails I don’t want even want to think about it. My sister is the only relative who lives nearby to our grandma, and I get it, that she wants todo her own things at times but for the safety of our grandma it makes sense to miss college for this particular reason. You can freaking catch up with college work on the remaining days of the week! Heck! I’m 25, I’ve missed college and uni many times and caught up with the work by myself and still passed all my subjects. My sister is being unreasonable and she doesn’t get it!!! I swear, (I hope nothing happens) that if something did happen to my grandma while she was at college, she will be freaking guilty for the rest of her life. This is the opportunity to support and be there for my grandma while she gets the help that she needs, and my freaking sister is being a narcissist. Honestly, if I didn’t live far and have work the next day, I would’ve been on the freaking train myself on my way to be in the house before that appointment.
This is a vent I guess, I am just mad at my sister for not understanding the bigger picture here. Like she’s so freaking dumb.

You are totally and utterly in the wrong here. You sound like a child and your sister is correct.
Original post by Anonymous
You are totally and utterly in the wrong here. You sound like a child and your sister is correct.


The situation has been handled now. Thanks for your input.
Original post by Anonymous
That’s the opposite. My sister looks after my grandma on the days she’s not in college and My grandma supports my sister throughout. She’s been a mother figure in both of our lives. I have told my grandma to reschedule many times but she gave up on calling them because of being put on hold, but I told her to keep going to change for a date that is convenient for both of them. I will speak to her later and see if there are any updates on this home visit by the optician.

So you are making your grandmothers laziness your sisters issue? Stop trying to take her education away form her, that is so weird
Original post by jessepinkman123
So you are making your grandmothers laziness your sisters issue? Stop trying to take her education away form her, that is so weird


you’re not making sense
Original post by Anonymous
you’re not making sense

bros grandmother is too lazy and entitled to be put on hold? surely she, as a mature, functioning, human being knows she can just deal with it, be put on hold, wait, and reschedule, she was too lazy to do so and OP is making that laziness his sisters issue

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