Just a rant

Ok I just finished writing this and I can sense how much my tone is complaining but wtv I'll post anyway because I need a rant, no one has to answer haha.
I feel like crap. I'm under so much stress and I don't know why. I do well at school but with applying to universities I'm just so much more stressed about getting good grades. Also whenever I get good grades I feel like there's no point, because I feel like it's not actually me and I'm not going to be able to redo it. Every now and then I do really well in a test and then the teacher's really build me up, but I always know (and its true from past experience this year) that every time at the next test I won't do at all as well as I did before. Also I know it's not good to compare to my friends but they're all doing amazing at school (I'm not in a position to complain, I'm doing well also but I'm just not as good a them). Also sure I get good grades sometimes but what's the point, no one's going to remember one stupid essay whereas my friends are all getting selected to do competitions and all. I feel bad for complaining because I do still do well but I don't know I'm just feeling really dumb and feeling so much pressure to always do well and that it's not enough. Also I like my friends, I do, they're all amazing people, but I think I've known them for too long, we've been in the same kind of friend group for years now and I just feel like it's not working for me anymore (I've felt this way for a while now), the dynamic is kind of weird, not when I'm with them but other times... There's one girl I don't get along with, it was a really big problem before because we were always in the same classes and I tried to make nice but she just didn't and I think that has kind of put me out of place, because now she's being nicer (not always) but I still feel uncomfortable around her, and my friends act like nothing happened (which I kind of get, it's not their place to react, but I feel that I would have helped them more if they were in the same situation). That's another thing, I feel like I have different values to some of them, like sometimes they do/say stuff that I wouldn't every rly say. But also I feel bad for this rant because they are all amazing people, I think I just can't wait to go off to university next year just because I need a fresh start I think. But I think I'm also the problem because I can often misinterpret if people are annoyed with me. I don't know right now I just feel kind of *****y, and ugly. I mean it's fine, I'm really happy that I have friends, and I'm lucky to not have too many problems at school, I just feel like I might be burning out. I have so much to do for tomorrow and I guess this is just my way of procrastinating, but also I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow, both because of the work but also because I don't know if I'm going to feel comfortable around my friends, I think one of them is annoyed with me right now but I have no idea why because last time we spoke were on perfectly good terms. Also this is random but I applied to uni and my friends and I more or less have the same predicteds but I'm applying for law so the lnat counts and I know its not good to compare or be in competition with friends but its kind of the dynamic between all of us, so I can't help myself from comparing when I'm doing worse, but since I have the lnat, which I didn't do well in, there's no way that I'll get in somewhere we both applied to and they don't, meaning that there's high probability that they get in to my dream unies and I don't, and as much as I know I'll be happy for them, I know that I'll feel like crap, but that's besides the point because I don't know yet, and whatever happens, if they get in it's because they deserved it! (and if I don't it's because I don't deserve it and that'll be that)

Ok I just finished writing this and I can sense how much my tone is complaining but wtv I'll post anyway because I need a rant, no one has to answer haha.
I feel like crap. I'm under so much stress and I don't know why. I do well at school but with applying to universities I'm just so much more stressed about getting good grades. Also whenever I get good grades I feel like there's no point, because I feel like it's not actually me and I'm not going to be able to redo it. Every now and then I do really well in a test and then the teacher's really build me up, but I always know (and its true from past experience this year) that every time at the next test I won't do at all as well as I did before. Also I know it's not good to compare to my friends but they're all doing amazing at school (I'm not in a position to complain, I'm doing well also but I'm just not as good a them). Also sure I get good grades sometimes but what's the point, no one's going to remember one stupid essay whereas my friends are all getting selected to do competitions and all. I feel bad for complaining because I do still do well but I don't know I'm just feeling really dumb and feeling so much pressure to always do well and that it's not enough. Also I like my friends, I do, they're all amazing people, but I think I've known them for too long, we've been in the same kind of friend group for years now and I just feel like it's not working for me anymore (I've felt this way for a while now), the dynamic is kind of weird, not when I'm with them but other times... There's one girl I don't get along with, it was a really big problem before because we were always in the same classes and I tried to make nice but she just didn't and I think that has kind of put me out of place, because now she's being nicer (not always) but I still feel uncomfortable around her, and my friends act like nothing happened (which I kind of get, it's not their place to react, but I feel that I would have helped them more if they were in the same situation). That's another thing, I feel like I have different values to some of them, like sometimes they do/say stuff that I wouldn't every rly say. But also I feel bad for this rant because they are all amazing people, I think I just can't wait to go off to university next year just because I need a fresh start I think. But I think I'm also the problem because I can often misinterpret if people are annoyed with me. I don't know right now I just feel kind of *****y, and ugly. I mean it's fine, I'm really happy that I have friends, and I'm lucky to not have too many problems at school, I just feel like I might be burning out. I have so much to do for tomorrow and I guess this is just my way of procrastinating, but also I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow, both because of the work but also because I don't know if I'm going to feel comfortable around my friends, I think one of them is annoyed with me right now but I have no idea why because last time we spoke were on perfectly good terms. Also this is random but I applied to uni and my friends and I more or less have the same predicteds but I'm applying for law so the lnat counts and I know its not good to compare or be in competition with friends but its kind of the dynamic between all of us, so I can't help myself from comparing when I'm doing worse, but since I have the lnat, which I didn't do well in, there's no way that I'll get in somewhere we both applied to and they don't, meaning that there's high probability that they get in to my dream unies and I don't, and as much as I know I'll be happy for them, I know that I'll feel like crap, but that's besides the point because I don't know yet, and whatever happens, if they get in it's because they deserved it! (and if I don't it's because I don't deserve it and that'll be that)