AQA GCSE Poetry Anthology Worlds and Lives feedback

Hey guys, I am trying to get some practice for English Literature really get that technique down so I did an essay in timed conditions (45 minutes for anthology I believe)

Question: Compare how poets present ideas about identity in "Name Journeys" and one other poem (I do Worlds and Lives)
Answer: Both poets seem to discuss a lack of identity due to migrating from one country to another , or even a conflict between 2 identities. However, "Name Journeys" talks about a loss of identity in terms of her language but "pot" focuses more on a loss of cultural identity. Both poets want to convey the idea that we shouldn't take our identity for granted and when migrating we should remember to keep it to ourselves.

Firstly, both poets convey their struggles of trying to fit in to the new environment they and understanding their identity, perhaps changing their own to achieve a sense of belonging. In Name Journeys, the speaker's "mouth toiled to accommodate the rough musicality of Mancunian vowels." showing the struggles she went through in order to fit in, disregarding her true identity. The verb "accommodate" makes it seem like her mouth is physically pushing aside or disregarding her own language, especially since "the Punjabi became dislodged", which suggests this was perhaps forceful in the sense that these measures had to be taken to fit in. The oxymoron "rough musicality" suggests that perhaps during migration she thought the English language was nice and even wanted to accept it as a part of her identity, but instead she learns that it is actually a hard to learn and it is now dominating her old identity even though she doesn't truly understand it. This shows that the process of trying to learn a new language was hard for the speaker but she has to do so so that her identity became the same as others. In pot, however, the speaker also tries to fit in, but this time with her family, who she has become disconnected from since her migration to London - she has already lost her identity and is trying to regain it, Her family would tell her when she visited them that "I was more asian than the asians pot". This light hearted joke shows that they are joking together which might actually foreshadow better future relations between her and her family in the future. However, it could also hint at how there is still some sort of disconnection due to the conflicting opposite identities - she the joke on a deeper meaning could suggest thar she is no longer an "asian" to her relatives, but they are filling her with a false sense of security to make her feel welcome. Khan is trying to show how the speaker wants to regain their identity and fills the reader with hope as we learn perhaps that with hard work we can regain our identities.

Both poets also discuss how a lack of identity can make us feel isolated or left out. This can be seen when in Name Journeys, the speaker says that her voice was lost in the "Anglo echo chamber", which could be a metaphor for how her voice is drowned out by other more dominant English voices - she feels like she is the only one that speaks "Punjabi". "Anglo echo" also creates an internal rhyme that represents an echo itself which suggests that her memory of her language and therefore identity are slowly fading away. The adjective "Anglo" might link to the Anglo Saxons, who were violent warriors, showing how the isolation was forced - the English language is almost presented as something that conquers other foreign languages and speakers. The noun "chamber" suggests that this is like a trap to the speaker and she feels constricted from freely speaking. This shows how the speaker feels like their identity is suppressed by the new environment she is in, which is Manchester. In pot, the speaker also has this sense of isolation and being left out, perhaps also feeling she is trapped and cannot express her identity - this is seen when she tells the pot: "you're not really one of us. This suggests a that the pot is alienated from others and mirrors how she herself feels isolate and this is due to a confusion as to what her current identity is and therefore a lack of a true identity, so she cannot find a place in England that provides her with true belonging. The pronoun "us" suggests a sense of community that these identities could provide, which contrasts with the speaker's feeling of isolation. Additionally, the pot is described as being "incarcerated" suggesting it is being held against the law or someone's will - maybe the speaker is also trapped in England, but cannot leave as this is where she will get the best quality of life, so compromises her identity instead.

Finally, both poets discuss that their old identities used to be before migrating to England. In Name Journeys, Mundair uses cultural imagery to achieve this, talking about "the interlacing of banyan leaves with sugar / cane". The "banyan leaves" are a symbol of divine protection, showing how maybe God surrounded her with people she loved, so she feels like her identity is protected from external factors. The "sugar cane" suggests sweetness and nourishment, suggesting how the speaker felt nourished back in India and everything around her actually fuelled her identity, rather than suppress it. The fact that these two are "interlacing" shows how the different aspects of her identity interacted with each other, but also shows how they were almost blended together in one community - a reflect of maybe the community that the speaker felt and was in, likely because she had the same sense of identity as her fellows. In pot, the speaker is also reflective of their life in Pakistan before migration. The idea of "warm grain [being] poured inside" contrasts with "empty pot" on the next line. The adjective "warm" suggests how this place that established her identity had good weather - the fact that she specifically remembers this emphasises its importance for building cultural identity. The "grain" my be rice, hinting at how she was cared for and nourished back in Pakistan, or how food also plays a role in our cultural identity (perhaps a certain meal). This contrasts with "empty pot" however, which suggests that in England, the speaker no longer enjoys these things and therefore loses her identity and emotionally and culturally feels "empty" inside. This suggests that identity is linked to place and whilst it may move with us, it is important to constantly fuel it with things specific to our culture in order to maintain it in a new environment.

To conclude, both poets discuss how migration has affected their once beautiful and unique identities - they feel isolated in England as the cultures and identities and celebrations in England are widely different to their old identities. Mundair is quite optimistic about the situation and feels trapped amongst English to the point where she herself felt that her name became a "stumble that filled English mouths". In pot, however, Shamshad Khan shows hope towards the ed of the poem as she tries to fit back in with her family, but her isolation is still apparent as she calls out "pot? pot?" at the end but is unanswered, showing that not even the pot will interact with her, even though they share the same story in terms of a lost identity.

Much specific feedback would be appreciated, thanks.

Reply 1

robust-thornbush

Are you sure Mundair is optimistic about the situation? Your conclusion doesn't support that. This essay could have done with a checkover, make sure you leave a few minutes for that in the exam.

You have a good opportunity to include more poetry specific analysis, relating to structure, sound, or rhyme, like your points about 'Anglo echo' and 'empty pot'. For example, I think you could support your point about protection by pointing out how the enjembment of 'sugar / cane' represents its 'interlacing'. It is important to know details about how each poem is structured and how that relates to its theme, you ought to be able to find that online. Points about stanza, metre etc. will net marks.

Vary your sentence starters if possible, there may be too many 'The's here.

You could see if you could sneak a few quick comparisons into your paragraphs to demonstrate your ability to sustain that, especially if you can refer to the two poems in the same sentence convincingly in the middle of writing.

Some things could be further developed or expressed more clearly:

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A pot can't be alienated from others, it's an inanimate object. Explore why the narrator is projecting her experiences onto the pot, her suggestion that the pot is alienated from others shows her loneliness, and its journey to and situation in the museum mirrors her isolation and inability to find a place in England. A word akin to 'personification' might have been used.

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The speaker isn't Mundair, referring to how Mundair's moving to Manchester herself inspired the poem is more subtle than just tacking the city on the end of a sentence. Take your time integrating new ideas into your writing, as it will flow better.

Both these poems reference some religion and history which I think could have been very interesting to analyse, but time is tight.

This essay seems competent, besides some piddly grammatical errors likely caused by typing (errors still may affect examiners' judgements, so avoid if possible!) Your content and ideas appear fine to me, but I'm no examiner. Develop what you're already doing with more structure analysis and maybe some extra comparisons.

No idea what level this is, a 5 in my opinion, if this is graded please let me know what you got or usually get.