what's a good mental thing or alternate for therapy

In another thread you said you were american, where therapy obviously isnt usually covered by health insurance but psychologists typically are. They also have a wider ability to make a plan for you ( whether thats something like medication, cognative behavioral therapy, or something else, which are all also typically covered by insurance ). Most states also have financial assistance programs for low income families' medical bills which you might qualify for under mental healthcare, if you want to go back to regular therapy. Id definetly look closer at your insurance policy and government programs available to you.
Although it also sounds like a lot of what youre struggling with is external from your environment. Have you ever talked to a counselor at school about your family life? You might want to consider that too, your school could provide some sort of intervention or support to your family. Between your comments in this thread and others it sounds like youre really not in a good home situation.

my mom gots health benefits from her work and they covered some of it but I still had to pay a lot I really don't feel safe talking to the school Abt problems anymore I talked to a school counselor twice they informed my family I talked to them and what I said and nothing else and the conversations sucked she kept making it Abt her life and I wasn't comfortable talking to her as I was with my old therapist

I did therapy for a year it helped so much and my therapist was super kind and helpful but it got really expensive for me and I found it harder over time to find time to go then one day I stopped going but I realized my mental health go down since and I'm more on edge and way more easily irritated she helped me manage my emotions feel heard and feel better Abt myself without the guilt or people saying its for attention kinda wondering bc I don't wanna go down that rabbit hole again but idk if I can afford therapy anymore as most my money I make helps my mom pay the bills now. the school counselor would be an option but I feel as tho my conversations aren't safe as they aren't very discreet Abt it and they tell your family everything which makes it worse I cant open up to them at all. I'm just worried bc I'm having more mental break downs and feeling on edge and I don't wanna seem like a burden or an attention seeker but I need help idk what to do I am way to close for my comfort to SH again and I worked so hard to get out. I'm struggling to eat and sleep way more lately and it scares me I haven't ate or drank water in 3 days until practice when my vision was spotty half the practice and my practice partner said it looked like i was gonna fall over and I had to sit out the last bit bc my body couldn't do it. I don't have anyone in real life to talk to Abt this stuff bc I don't wanna get yelled at or get judged no one cared when I tried before and I'm not going through how mean people were when I opened up to them. but I feel like throwing up when I try to eat now and I'm worried but I just cant eat when my mental health is **** I heard to work less but my family is struggling with money (mainly bc of my dads drugs and gambling) so I don't want to make my mom work even more bc she is working overtime every week and I don't want to make her have more stress. my mom took away most of my belongings that make me happy so I lay in bed overthinking sometimes but I am feeling alone bc I try so hard to be there for people all the time but no ones there for me idk doesn't help when I get told to kill myself everyday I go to school (I've told the school they don't do anything) I just feel like I have no one that cares Abt me I feel like I lost everything I've worked for I'm starting to feel useless and a bit like a **** person bc I have no one so I struggle to see how I can be good when no one cares Abt me like idk how to explain it I just wanna give up but I cant do that so idk what else to do. I know I need help but idk how to get it and I'm currently crying so maybe I'm just overthinking but idk its just hard to believe I'm good for the world when I don't fit in and am always getting threatened told to kill myself or hit by people. also the last time I cut myself my brother told my dad and I got yelled at bc (I was being a wuss and not going all the way and using a gun) and my brother was being an ***hole Abt it so idk if my family would even care if I was gone from this world so why stay with all the pain if no one cares Abt me or wants me here

idk I feel like I don't deserve life

I did therapy for a year it helped so much and my therapist was super kind and helpful but it got really expensive for me and I found it harder over time to find time to go then one day I stopped going but I realized my mental health go down since and I'm more on edge and way more easily irritated she helped me manage my emotions feel heard and feel better Abt myself without the guilt or people saying its for attention kinda wondering bc I don't wanna go down that rabbit hole again but idk if I can afford therapy anymore as most my money I make helps my mom pay the bills now. the school counselor would be an option but I feel as tho my conversations aren't safe as they aren't very discreet Abt it and they tell your family everything which makes it worse I cant open up to them at all. I'm just worried bc I'm having more mental break downs and feeling on edge and I don't wanna seem like a burden or an attention seeker but I need help idk what to do I am way to close for my comfort to SH again and I worked so hard to get out. I'm struggling to eat and sleep way more lately and it scares me I haven't ate or drank water in 3 days until practice when my vision was spotty half the practice and my practice partner said it looked like i was gonna fall over and I had to sit out the last bit bc my body couldn't do it. I don't have anyone in real life to talk to Abt this stuff bc I don't wanna get yelled at or get judged no one cared when I tried before and I'm not going through how mean people were when I opened up to them. but I feel like throwing up when I try to eat now and I'm worried but I just cant eat when my mental health is **** I heard to work less but my family is struggling with money (mainly bc of my dads drugs and gambling) so I don't want to make my mom work even more bc she is working overtime every week and I don't want to make her have more stress. my mom took away most of my belongings that make me happy so I lay in bed overthinking sometimes but I am feeling alone bc I try so hard to be there for people all the time but no ones there for me idk doesn't help when I get told to kill myself everyday I go to school (I've told the school they don't do anything) I just feel like I have no one that cares Abt me I feel like I lost everything I've worked for I'm starting to feel useless and a bit like a **** person bc I have no one so I struggle to see how I can be good when no one cares Abt me like idk how to explain it I just wanna give up but I cant do that so idk what else to do. I know I need help but idk how to get it and I'm currently crying so maybe I'm just overthinking but idk its just hard to believe I'm good for the world when I don't fit in and am always getting threatened told to kill myself or hit by people. also the last time I cut myself my brother told my dad and I got yelled at bc (I was being a wuss and not going all the way and using a gun) and my brother was being an ***hole Abt it so idk if my family would even care if I was gone from this world so why stay with all the pain if no one cares Abt me or wants me here