Friend advice
So I'm 23 years old and haven't really got many friends sadly, I didn't have many friends in school as I was very shy and got bullied at one point, made some friends at college but didn't manage to stay in touch with most of them.
The only friend that I've had was a girl who I met on one of my college courses 3 years ago.
And we met up all the time for concerts, going to each others houses and messaging everyday.
The last time we met up was February last year, even then it felt a bit awkward as when hadn't met along time before that so I didn't know what was going on in her life currently since when I messaged her she wouldn't say much.
So we met up and it was a bit of awkward silences and her talking about her boyfriend which is fine to an extent but she was also messaging him with me which I thought was a bit rude.
Currently, we still haven't met up as she hardly messages me, i admit i maybe haven't messaged her as much as i should have but when I did it just felt like i was the one putting the effort in, messaging first, organising to meet up etc.
She even messaged me mid November saying she would message me when she was free to meet up when she got her rota from work which didn't happen.
Also both of us have our birthdays in the same month, December. So mine is before hers and she didn't message me at all that day to say happy birthday, but I thought i would be nice and message her on hers.
I just don't know if i should still try to contact her / meet up with her, i mean it would be good if we got to how we were as then i would have a friend again, but then I don't want to stay being friends with her for the sake of it if there is no hope.
This sort of did start when she got a boyfriend, which is fine but i thought she got still like continue on the friendship by messaging me and meeting up which hasn't happened, which obviously made me like that she just doesn't want to be friends anymore.
The only friend that I've had was a girl who I met on one of my college courses 3 years ago.
And we met up all the time for concerts, going to each others houses and messaging everyday.
The last time we met up was February last year, even then it felt a bit awkward as when hadn't met along time before that so I didn't know what was going on in her life currently since when I messaged her she wouldn't say much.
So we met up and it was a bit of awkward silences and her talking about her boyfriend which is fine to an extent but she was also messaging him with me which I thought was a bit rude.
Currently, we still haven't met up as she hardly messages me, i admit i maybe haven't messaged her as much as i should have but when I did it just felt like i was the one putting the effort in, messaging first, organising to meet up etc.
She even messaged me mid November saying she would message me when she was free to meet up when she got her rota from work which didn't happen.
Also both of us have our birthdays in the same month, December. So mine is before hers and she didn't message me at all that day to say happy birthday, but I thought i would be nice and message her on hers.
I just don't know if i should still try to contact her / meet up with her, i mean it would be good if we got to how we were as then i would have a friend again, but then I don't want to stay being friends with her for the sake of it if there is no hope.
This sort of did start when she got a boyfriend, which is fine but i thought she got still like continue on the friendship by messaging me and meeting up which hasn't happened, which obviously made me like that she just doesn't want to be friends anymore.
Reply 1
hi - first off i totally get how you're feeling, i also wasn't the most popular in school and it can be hard making friends when you don't really know where to start.
as far as things with the girl go, i feel like the key thing that's missing here is that you are putting in wayyyy more effort into the friendship than she is. i think the fact that you've been the one initiating most things (organising days you can meet up, starting messages/conversations) is telling you everything you need to know already - i don't think it's a case of her not wanting to be friends anymore, but (as harsh as it sounds - this isn't your fault at all) i think she has found new priorities and people in life that she wants to invest in as time has gone on more than the friendship that you had back then.
i wouldn't cut her out altogether, as you might find that eventually she breaks up with her boyfriend/falls out with whichever friends she has now, remembers what you had and gets back in touch with you, but definitely take a step back - maybe mute her on socials if you follow her there or any messaging apps you use for the time being so you don't feel so pressured to keep in touch with her.
are there any hobby groups/activity things going on wherever you live? it might be worth trying one of those out one day, you don't have to commit to anything or even see anybody again if you don't like their vibe, but at the very least it'll give you a chance to get more confident in talking to people.
hope this helps!
as far as things with the girl go, i feel like the key thing that's missing here is that you are putting in wayyyy more effort into the friendship than she is. i think the fact that you've been the one initiating most things (organising days you can meet up, starting messages/conversations) is telling you everything you need to know already - i don't think it's a case of her not wanting to be friends anymore, but (as harsh as it sounds - this isn't your fault at all) i think she has found new priorities and people in life that she wants to invest in as time has gone on more than the friendship that you had back then.
i wouldn't cut her out altogether, as you might find that eventually she breaks up with her boyfriend/falls out with whichever friends she has now, remembers what you had and gets back in touch with you, but definitely take a step back - maybe mute her on socials if you follow her there or any messaging apps you use for the time being so you don't feel so pressured to keep in touch with her.
are there any hobby groups/activity things going on wherever you live? it might be worth trying one of those out one day, you don't have to commit to anything or even see anybody again if you don't like their vibe, but at the very least it'll give you a chance to get more confident in talking to people.
hope this helps!
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
hi - first off i totally get how you're feeling, i also wasn't the most popular in school and it can be hard making friends when you don't really know where to start.
as far as things with the girl go, i feel like the key thing that's missing here is that you are putting in wayyyy more effort into the friendship than she is. i think the fact that you've been the one initiating most things (organising days you can meet up, starting messages/conversations) is telling you everything you need to know already - i don't think it's a case of her not wanting to be friends anymore, but (as harsh as it sounds - this isn't your fault at all) i think she has found new priorities and people in life that she wants to invest in as time has gone on more than the friendship that you had back then.
i wouldn't cut her out altogether, as you might find that eventually she breaks up with her boyfriend/falls out with whichever friends she has now, remembers what you had and gets back in touch with you, but definitely take a step back - maybe mute her on socials if you follow her there or any messaging apps you use for the time being so you don't feel so pressured to keep in touch with her.
are there any hobby groups/activity things going on wherever you live? it might be worth trying one of those out one day, you don't have to commit to anything or even see anybody again if you don't like their vibe, but at the very least it'll give you a chance to get more confident in talking to people.
hope this helps!
as far as things with the girl go, i feel like the key thing that's missing here is that you are putting in wayyyy more effort into the friendship than she is. i think the fact that you've been the one initiating most things (organising days you can meet up, starting messages/conversations) is telling you everything you need to know already - i don't think it's a case of her not wanting to be friends anymore, but (as harsh as it sounds - this isn't your fault at all) i think she has found new priorities and people in life that she wants to invest in as time has gone on more than the friendship that you had back then.
i wouldn't cut her out altogether, as you might find that eventually she breaks up with her boyfriend/falls out with whichever friends she has now, remembers what you had and gets back in touch with you, but definitely take a step back - maybe mute her on socials if you follow her there or any messaging apps you use for the time being so you don't feel so pressured to keep in touch with her.
are there any hobby groups/activity things going on wherever you live? it might be worth trying one of those out one day, you don't have to commit to anything or even see anybody again if you don't like their vibe, but at the very least it'll give you a chance to get more confident in talking to people.
hope this helps!
It's just the last time we 'talked' was on her birthday which was me saying happy birthday, and she responded saying thank you how are you.
I haven't responded as i know it may sound petty but i was a bit annoyed that she never messaged me on my birthday on even on Christmas either.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
It's just the last time we 'talked' was on her birthday which was me saying happy birthday, and she responded saying thank you how are you.
I haven't responded as i know it may sound petty but i was a bit annoyed that she never messaged me on my birthday on even on Christmas either.
I haven't responded as i know it may sound petty but i was a bit annoyed that she never messaged me on my birthday on even on Christmas either.
yeah, this was the point i was referring to - the fact that the only time you two have ever really talked in the last year or so has been when it revolves around her and not anything to do with you, i'd say in that case if you are someone who holds grudges easily and you don't think you would be able to put that aside if you both were to ever talk again, it might be better to just accept the no contact and move on - from past experience, it's better to just accept that some people are only in our lives for a short time, and it might just mean that you two were right for each other as friends back then, but have different lives now!
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