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Girl invited me to stay the night- what to do as a virgin

This girl I've been tallking to recently has asked me to stay the night at her uni in a couple days. I am a virgin, I do understand what she may want and I am willing to do it as well. I just don't really now what goes on, as I haven't even kissed anyone before. Is there anything I should do to prepare? I am quite scared I might finish extremely early (i mean during foreplay) , due to my lack of experience with any girls. Any tips of what I should do?

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Original post by Anonymous
This girl I've been tallking to recently has asked me to stay the night at her uni in a couple days. I am a virgin, I do understand what she may want and I am willing to do it as well. I just don't really now what goes on, as I haven't even kissed anyone before. Is there anything I should do to prepare? I am quite scared I might finish extremely early (i mean during foreplay) , due to my lack of experience with any girls. Any tips of what I should do?


You will finish during foreplay
Don’t worry about it.
She will feel great about herself
Don't do anything! It sounds like you barely know this girl, so why do something as intimate and committed as having sex with her? Have you even dated?

You don't have to stay the night and just because you are doesn't mean you have to.jump into bed.
Reply 3
Original post by Surnia
Don't do anything! It sounds like you barely know this girl, so why do something as intimate and committed as having sex with her? Have you even dated?
You don't have to stay the night and just because you are doesn't mean you have to.jump into bed.

Im nearly 22 and have never done anything with girls, i was thinking something similar to what you're saying but if I keep delaying it I doubt it will ever happen if you get what im saying
Reply 4
Just work it out together and don’t worry too much about it
Reply 5
Original post by Zarek
Just work it out together and don’t worry too much about it

do you know where i can buy condoms from? I feel kinda embarresed asking a shopkeeper
Original post by Anonymous
Im nearly 22 and have never done anything with girls, i was thinking something similar to what you're saying but if I keep delaying it I doubt it will ever happen if you get what im saying

You're only 21! If you were 50 years older then you'd have grounds to worry about never having had sex. You've got a lifetime ahead of you to meet someone that you actually love and care about, which will make it a much more enjoyable experience.

At this rate it's not going to be good for either of you. Desperation is not a good look...
Original post by Anonymous
do you know where i can buy condoms from? I feel kinda embarresed asking a shopkeeper

Any supermarket, Boots, Superdrug etc will sell condoms. There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed buying them. It means you are either having or hoping to have sex with someone. That is entirely normal. Most people do it.

Whilst I would tend to think that you're not ready to have sex if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, if you do find yourself in a situation where you're getting intimate with this girl, the answer is that you just relax and go with it. You should be honest about your lack of experience, because it isn't something you can fake. You literally do not know what you're doing, and that's fine, because her showing you and/or you finding out together is part of the fun of it.
Original post by Anonymous
do you know where i can buy condoms from? I feel kinda embarresed asking a shopkeeper

As above. Plus practise putting one on.
Original post by Anonymous
This girl I've been tallking to recently has asked me to stay the night at her uni in a couple days. I am a virgin, I do understand what she may want and I am willing to do it as well. I just don't really now what goes on, as I haven't even kissed anyone before. Is there anything I should do to prepare? I am quite scared I might finish extremely early (i mean during foreplay) , due to my lack of experience with any girls. Any tips of what I should do?

Whatever you do,
Do not. copy. porn.
Original post by Surnia
You're only 21! If you were 50 years older then you'd have grounds to worry about never having had sex. You've got a lifetime ahead of you to meet someone that you actually love and care about, which will make it a much more enjoyable experience.
At this rate it's not going to be good for either of you. Desperation is not a good look...

it's not desparation I turn 22 in a few months. Although i understand what you are saying, I don't think any girl would go for a guy who is a virgin, esepcially in their mid 20s. Also it will be embarrasing if my future partner has to teach me stuff or I have no clue what I'm doing
Original post by Anonymous
it's not desparation I turn 22 in a few months. Although i understand what you are saying, I don't think any girl would go for a guy who is a virgin, esepcially in their mid 20s. Also it will be embarrasing if my future partner has to teach me stuff or I have no clue what I'm doing

You're assuming that they have to know you're a virgin. If you make it a big issue, then they'll see it as one as well.
Original post by Anonymous
Also it will be embarrasing if my future partner has to teach me stuff or I have no clue what I'm doing


It won't. You never stop learning about sex, or at least you shouldn't. My wife and I have been together for over twenty years now and are still learning new things about each other when it comes to sex. There's always a period of adjustment with a new partner, because regardless of how much experience you have, you both need to get to know each other's preferences, and indeed even as you get into your 30s and 40s, people won't know everything about what they like or don't like. Finding that out is part of having a healthy sex life, and it's a process that never really stops.
Original post by Anonymous
This girl I've been tallking to recently has asked me to stay the night at her uni in a couple days. I am a virgin, I do understand what she may want and I am willing to do it as well. I just don't really now what goes on, as I haven't even kissed anyone before. Is there anything I should do to prepare? I am quite scared I might finish extremely early (i mean during foreplay) , due to my lack of experience with any girls. Any tips of what I should do?

Stop being so trapped in your head. Stop thinking about your needs, your thoughts, your emotions.
Start thinking a lot more about her, and things from her perspective. Start behaving in ways that will maximise how much she enjoys your visit.
With you having the mindset of "If we make love, that's fine. If we don't that's fine too."
The main thing is that you both enjoy your time together. And you should get pleasure and enjoyment from her getting enjoyment.

Being an emotional rock, with you in a good mood throughout your stay will help.

The sort of guys that are successful with women, really don't mind at all if any particular woman has sex with them or not. As they know another woman will come along soon anyway. They have an abundance mindset. Not a scarcity mindset.
And women are very good at picking up on this. And they tend to be more attracted to the nonchalant guys than the needy, desperate, clingy guys.
Women also tend to be attracted to men that are good leaders. So that if you never take the lead in escalating towards sex, it's rather unlikely it will ever happen. They will rationalise it as you not being interested, or the chemistry not being there.

So the trick is for you to escalate towards sex in a way that's not needy, not clingy, not rapey. That is socially calibrated and attuned to her emotions and feelings.

Liberal injections of humour will lubricate your time with her.

Original post by Anonymous
do you know where i can buy condoms from? I feel kinda embarresed asking a shopkeeper
Go to your local sexual health clinic and get free condoms from them.
Why pay for something you can get for free?

Be a man. Face down your fears and embarrassment.
Make it a habit of being a mentally and emotionally strong man.
You can make your life easy or you can make it difficult. Being emotionally and mentally strong will make your life easier.


Original post by Anonymous
it's not desparation I turn 22 in a few months. Although i understand what you are saying, I don't think any girl would go for a guy who is a virgin, esepcially in their mid 20s. Also it will be embarrasing if my future partner has to teach me stuff or I have no clue what I'm doing

Never be embarrassed by you learning and someone having to teach you stuff.
Have the self image that you love learning stuff and getting better at stuff.

Have the image that if you fail at something because you lack knowledge, experience, then that's fine.
Today's failure is tomorrow's amusing anecdote.

Stop being perfectionist. Embrace and accept the setbacks and less good things in your life. It's the low points that make the highlights in your life so special.

Every woman that I know, would be happy to go with a mid 20's virgin. If he displays large amounts of mental and emotional strength. There's far more important things about you as a man, than your lack of sexual history.
Original post by Anonymous
This girl I've been tallking to recently has asked me to stay the night at her uni in a couple days. I am a virgin, I do understand what she may want and I am willing to do it as well. I just don't really now what goes on, as I haven't even kissed anyone before. Is there anything I should do to prepare? I am quite scared I might finish extremely early (i mean during foreplay) , due to my lack of experience with any girls. Any tips of what I should do?

It's completely normal to feel nervous and unsure about what to expect, especially if you're considering being intimate with someone for the first time.
Preparation
1. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings, boundaries, and expectations. Make sure you're both on the same page.
2. Learn about the basics of intimacy, consent, and safe sex practices. Websites like Planned Parenthood, Sex Education Forum, or NHS Choices provide reliable information.
3.Ensure you have protection (condoms) and take care of your personal hygiene.
4. Practice relaxation methods like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help manage your nerves.
5. Instead of worrying about performance, focus on enjoying the experience and connecting with your partner.
5. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to slow down or take a break. Communicate with your partner about how you're feeling.
Mean while Many people experience performance anxiety, especially during their first intimate experience, instead of worrying about finishing early, focus on enjoying the experience and pleasing your partner.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Stop being so trapped in your head. Stop thinking about your needs, your thoughts, your emotions.
Start thinking a lot more about her, and things from her perspective. Start behaving in ways that will maximise how much she enjoys your visit.
With you having the mindset of "If we make love, that's fine. If we don't that's fine too."
The main thing is that you both enjoy your time together. And you should get pleasure and enjoyment from her getting enjoyment.
Being an emotional rock, with you in a good mood throughout your stay will help.
The sort of guys that are successful with women, really don't mind at all if any particular woman has sex with them or not. As they know another woman will come along soon anyway. They have an abundance mindset. Not a scarcity mindset.
And women are very good at picking up on this. And they tend to be more attracted to the nonchalant guys than the needy, desperate, clingy guys.
Women also tend to be attracted to men that are good leaders. So that if you never take the lead in escalating towards sex, it's rather unlikely it will ever happen. They will rationalise it as you not being interested, or the chemistry not being there.
So the trick is for you to escalate towards sex in a way that's not needy, not clingy, not rapey. That is socially calibrated and attuned to her emotions and feelings.
Liberal injections of humour will lubricate your time with her.
Go to your local sexual health clinic and get free condoms from them.
Why pay for something you can get for free?
Be a man. Face down your fears and embarrassment.
Make it a habit of being a mentally and emotionally strong man.
You can make your life easy or you can make it difficult. Being emotionally and mentally strong will make your life easier.
Never be embarrassed by you learning and someone having to teach you stuff.
Have the self image that you love learning stuff and getting better at stuff.
Have the image that if you fail at something because you lack knowledge, experience, then that's fine.
Today's failure is tomorrow's amusing anecdote.
Stop being perfectionist. Embrace and accept the setbacks and less good things in your life. It's the low points that make the highlights in your life so special.
Every woman that I know, would be happy to go with a mid 20's virgin. If he displays large amounts of mental and emotional strength. There's far more important things about you as a man, than your lack of sexual history.

" Be a man " is an incredibly toxic mindset that believe it or not most women don't like, lol.
It's okay to be a little embarassed when you're doing something new for the first time but telling someone to man up in any circumstance is just a bad thing to do.
Original post by Oladepoolabisi
It's completely normal to feel nervous and unsure about what to expect, especially if you're considering being intimate with someone for the first time.
Preparation
1. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings, boundaries, and expectations. Make sure you're both on the same page.
2. Learn about the basics of intimacy, consent, and safe sex practices. Websites like Planned Parenthood, Sex Education Forum, or NHS Choices provide reliable information.
3.Ensure you have protection (condoms) and take care of your personal hygiene.
4. Practice relaxation methods like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help manage your nerves.
5. Instead of worrying about performance, focus on enjoying the experience and connecting with your partner.
5. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to slow down or take a break. Communicate with your partner about how you're feeling.
Mean while Many people experience performance anxiety, especially during their first intimate experience, instead of worrying about finishing early, focus on enjoying the experience and pleasing your partner.

Me when I'm too lazy to write a proper response so I ask Chat GPT
Original post by Anonymous
" Be a man " is an incredibly toxic mindset that believe it or not most women don't like, lol.
It's okay to be a little embarassed when you're doing something new for the first time but telling someone to man up in any circumstance is just a bad thing to do.

If the original poster had been female, with the equivalent set of circumstances, and I had replied with essentially the same post (Reply 13), including the following:
"...Be a woman. Face down your fears and embarrassment. Make it a habit of being a mentally and emotionally strong woman. You can make your life easy or you can make it difficult. Being emotionally and mentally strong will make your life easier..."
How would you react?
Would you say "'Be a woman' is an incredibly toxic mindset that believe it or not most men don't like..."?

And what sort of man do you think I was suggesting the original poster should be?
There's more than 1 type of man.
There's macho men.
Misogynistic men.
Incel men.
Immature men.
Etc etc.

And then there's men that think and behave as per the totality of my previous post. Do you think it would be toxic to be that type of man?
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
If the original poster had been female, with the equivalent set of circumstances, and I had replied with essentially the same post (Reply 13), including the following:
"...Be a woman. Face down your fears and embarrassment. Make it a habit of being a mentally and emotionally strong woman. You can make your life easy or you can make it difficult. Being emotionally and mentally strong will make your life easier..."
How would you react?
Would you say "'Be a woman' is an incredibly toxic mindset that believe it or not most men don't like..."?
And what sort of man do you think I was suggesting the original poster should be?
There's more than 1 type of man.
There's macho men.
Misogynistic men.
Incel men.
Immature men.
Etc etc.
And then there's men that think and behave as per the totality of my previous post. Do you think it would be toxic to be that type of man?

Well why should they have to act like a specific gender? You know what type of man you were suggesting them to be because otherwise you wouldn't have told them to be a man followed by what's expected of them
and yes i would be like that!
**** gender roles!
they shouldn't exist! quit perpetuating them, for either gender! they always do more harm than good!!
Original post by Anonymous
Well why should they have to act like a specific gender? You know what type of man you were suggesting them to be because otherwise you wouldn't have told them to be a man followed by what's expected of them
and yes i would be like that!
**** gender roles!
they shouldn't exist! quit perpetuating them, for either gender! they always do more harm than good!!

My comment "Be a man" had nothing to do with gender.

If you prefer, reword my comment as:
"Be an adult." (Try to be more mature and less childish when it comes to getting condoms - and in stressful and embarrassing situations in general).

I type my posts out quickly. In doing so I don't have time to consider all the possible interpretations that a reader could place on isolated parts of my posts.

I agree with you that a lot of traditional socially conditioned gender roles are nonsense.

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