Selfish in a relationship
I had a messed up childhood pet of which I was always overlooked and I gave in too easily. Now I’m older I’ve realized it’s made me selfish as I don’t want to compromise as it’s all I’ve done in my life.
It’s affecting my relationship as I’m being selfish with my partner and I don’t always realize until it’s too late. He just lets me get away with things I want to do but then gets angry at me when we don’t do things he wants to do. I always double check with him but then he says it’s just easier to do what I want.
I don’t know how to fix things to be less selfish and I end up feeling like **** and that I’ve ruined everything
It’s affecting my relationship as I’m being selfish with my partner and I don’t always realize until it’s too late. He just lets me get away with things I want to do but then gets angry at me when we don’t do things he wants to do. I always double check with him but then he says it’s just easier to do what I want.
I don’t know how to fix things to be less selfish and I end up feeling like **** and that I’ve ruined everything
Reply 1
20
Then you need to talk to your partner again and explain to him that you want to do things differently, but you need his help and he should stop his conflicting behaviour.
Reply 2
You're still together with him.
Carry on being selfish. It's worked well enough so far.
And in the spirit of Kaizen, continuous improvement, look at how you can make him a close 2nd to you. So that you treat him much better than you would a stranger. Whilst still treating yourself right.
And look for win-wins as much as you reasonably can. So that over time it becomes an automatic habit.
If he wants to do something that you don't want to do, in general, you shouldn't do it. You should allow him to do it on his own, or with his friends. But you should make it so that he never conquers your time. With this including you sticking to your guns as you have been doing up till now.
The big proviso to this is that sometimes in life you should do the right thing. With this including if you said you'd do something you go ahead and do it. And things like visiting his sick mum in hospital.
Also don't let him conquer your reactions. At the moment he's using mild emotional blackmail in order to make you feel guilty. Stop feeling guilty. Instead carry on with a rock solid good mood in the face of him getting upset.
And don't let him conquer your humour. So that when you turn him down, try to inject an element of humour into your refusal.
And when you're doing a win win, something you both want to do, aim to be really good company for him.
Carry on being selfish. It's worked well enough so far.
And in the spirit of Kaizen, continuous improvement, look at how you can make him a close 2nd to you. So that you treat him much better than you would a stranger. Whilst still treating yourself right.
And look for win-wins as much as you reasonably can. So that over time it becomes an automatic habit.
If he wants to do something that you don't want to do, in general, you shouldn't do it. You should allow him to do it on his own, or with his friends. But you should make it so that he never conquers your time. With this including you sticking to your guns as you have been doing up till now.
The big proviso to this is that sometimes in life you should do the right thing. With this including if you said you'd do something you go ahead and do it. And things like visiting his sick mum in hospital.
Also don't let him conquer your reactions. At the moment he's using mild emotional blackmail in order to make you feel guilty. Stop feeling guilty. Instead carry on with a rock solid good mood in the face of him getting upset.
And don't let him conquer your humour. So that when you turn him down, try to inject an element of humour into your refusal.
And when you're doing a win win, something you both want to do, aim to be really good company for him.
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