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Relationship problems

I know the answer seems really obvious but I don’t know what to do, I’m dating this guy I met in year 7 and I’m currently in year 13, I liked him so so much back then but Ik I was young and he was to and he broke my heart really bad and since then I never really got over it but it changed my perspective on love, made me really closed off and self sabotaging. He had new gfs every month yet I still liked him after he left me, we remained “friends” but he just used me to ask sexual questions and my friends as well. We met up again in year 10 after a year of not speaking, I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious but he ignored that and I know I should’ve stood my ground but he was someone I admired and sought validation from, so I just went along with it. He said I love you on the first hookup because I bought him a stupid game. He kept me a secret and entertained other girls and didn’t text me often. But I stupidly stayed because I was dumb and young and I thought it was love, sharing my first kiss even though it was his 3rd. I overlooked these things. He’s quite dumb and not intellectually on the same level in the nicest way possible, his goals and mine are incompatible and so are our personalities. On Valentine’s Day 2023 He told me on the day but didn’t get me anything or treat it like a special day. He didn’t know my birthday 10 months, asked me to be his gf a year into dating. He told me if I didn’t want to have children, he’d leave. He is too sexual for me, i have a low sex drive but his is too high for me, it’s his body but I feel uncomfortable with how often he does things with my pictures and my pictures are completely modest I have never sent an explicit image. He bores me and is too possessive, he likes the fact I have no friends in sixthform because it means “I’ll reply to him” he stalks my accounts daily, gets sad when I engage with a male friend who has a gf, who I rarely speak with and have been friends with longer than me and my bf has dated. He was sad I want to go to uni of Nottingham since he feels it’s known for cheating. And notably he has SA’d me but I didn’t realise at the time, he begged me and pleaded to do sexual things and I kept saying no no and I gave in which I know I shouldn’t have but it was around 10 months in and I didn’t want him to be sad, and while we were at the cinema he put my hands in his pants and was telling me to sit in a way on the chair so he could touch me and I tried to make excuses saying the chair wouldn’t allow me, so he was literally finding ways, and I know I should’ve said something but I wanted to feel loved and wanted him to feel happy. But I have been reflecting on these things and I feel too attached to leave and just stagnant, I don’t want to be alone and I feel like I’m overreacting, he has changed since then, he makes me feel loved now and has apologised but the weight of the past is still there but he isn’t like that anymore. But our future isn’t compatible since our career choices mean we will lead different lives that we don’t want. Because of my bad relationship with my dad, he is the first boy to deliver me flowers to my house, compliment me, hold me and make me feel loved but I can’t shake the events of the past, plus I’m a Nigerian girl so it was hard bringing a boy to my parents and if I leave it’ll be like a waste and my parents will feel I’m unserious, I don’t know what to think or feel and I just feel trapped and feel no connection with him but also like what more could I want

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

"if I leave it’ll be like a waste"
Sunken cost fallacy.
Something that is so human to do.
Something that you should fight against whenever you find yourself falling for it.

There is no waste here. You've gotten your first relationship experience under your belt. Earlier than many people. That's good.

Kick this relationship into touch. Today. He's an awful boyfriend. Every day spent with him is a day in which he is suppressing you and making you weaker.
The right man will lift you up and help you soar.

Restart the romantic relationship side of your life in July or August. With a different guy. And if you go to uni, re-restart it in September with another different guy.

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