As the title says I really dislike my friends and I don’t think they like me either. Some of them are ok and sometimes I feel like they are a bit rude but I think that’s just me overthinking. One of them I really don’t like and haven’t for a long time and her I know she doesn’t like me because my other friends have told me.
Today I just had this thought that I just don’t want to be friends with them anymore and I don’t have to but if I do I’ll be left alone. I don’t think it’ll make a difference because I feel alone anyways.
No one has ever messaged me, ‘snapped’ me, called me or asked me to hang out with them for the past 5 years. If for the small chance people do speak to me outside it’s just because homework because I’m ’smart’ and ‘locked in’ but in reality I’m not. I hate being perceived that way. People only speak to me in school never outside and I don’t know if that’s normal. I don’t think so because my sister who is quiet like me, just started year 7 and already does those things. It makes me jealous and sad because I’ve spent the past 5 years of my life being alone.
I don’t necessarily struggle with making friends as I have lots of them. People always say hi to me in school and speak to me but it’s just the outside of school thing that bugs me. I feel like everyone has already made friends with the people they’ll be close friends with forever and I’ll never be apart of that. No one even knows me or anything that I like above a surface level. All I do is think about everything and it’s making me sad and depressed because I now overthink and over analyse everything.
It makes me sad that this how my life has been for 5 years and I don’t know what I did wrong.