Best dating apps?

I've never used a dating app before so I just wondered what would people say is the best one? I've heard Tinder is for players and one night stands and I've also heard that Bumble is good but also that some cost money to use.

Reply 1

Anxxsha_xox

Original post

by Anonymous

Personally I wouldnt use dating apps because people who arent they say they are and I know this from experience. You always end up getting hurt

Reply 2

anosmianAcrimony

I met my current boyfriend (and also some previous partners and friends) on Bumble. Hinge is also good.

Reply 3

Gazpacho.

Tinder is fine but it does help to make your intentions clear early on.

Reply 4

NonIndigenous

Dating apps are just a tool. Are you a guy or a girl? It matters because men and women have very different experiences.

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If you're a girl, I wouldn't bother unless you have too much time on your hands and don't mind going on lots of really bad dates with guys who lie about half the stuff on their profile.

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If you're a guy... I also generally wouldn't bother, because you'll likely get very few dates unless you're either tall and very good looking, or pretend you are by lying on your profile.

I'd try to find people through social circles instead. But if you insist on using the apps, I'd advise the following approach - to beat the odds by doing the opposite of what most other people are doing on the apps:

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If you're a girl - be realistic, aim lower, and try to match with people that have similar values. Try to match with people whom you think you might be interested in if you happened to meet them in real life. Don't just match with profiles that appear to be the best looking. The top echelons of any environment tend to be more narcissist and sociopathic, and to add to the problem, many more people also like to pretend that they belong in that group. And dating apps - because they're online and relatively anonymous compared to real-life - exponentiate this problem.

You'll likely be flooded with likes, matches, and requests. Don't let it go to your head. It doesn't mean that you're "hot shyt". Are you a celebrity? Probably not. It doesn't mean that those guys are obsessed with you or that they even like you. Men swipe differently on apps than women do. Women swipe on barely anyone. Men swipe on almost everyone. The hundred men that sent you a "like", probably also sent a "like" to a hundred other women. It doesn't make you special.

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If you're a guy - don't lie, and set very firm boundaries on your profile - in writing - from the outset. A lot of women on dating apps are damaged and burnt out from all the bad experiences, and eventually start reflecting men's treatment back at men, including even men who didn't do anything wrong to them. They often degenerate into situantionships, open relationships, dating multiple guys at a time for months on end, and all sorts of other games. So, one of the things I said on my profile, in no uncertain terms is: "Monogamy - Many here don't understand monogamy & need a reminder: I'm single and expect you to also be single, or go elsewhere. I've 0 tolerance especially on dating apps."

The rest of my profile is a lot lighter & more humorous, however this is the one point I wanted to make very clear and in contrast to the rest of my profile.

Why do I advise men to state their boundaries? Because I've observed that women tend to respect men's boundaries more than the other way around. Stating your boundaries in writing that way as a woman using dating apps, is just a waste of characters and word count. Many crappy men will still lie and pretend that they meet your expectations - until you meet in person and find out that he's already married or some sh/t like that.

The ONLY reason I started using dating apps again (despite my insurmountable cynicism towards them) - is because I had a brain fart a couple of months ago. I thought to myself "what if I could tattoo on my forehead what my standards are, so that people who don't meet those standards are given fair warning to not waste my time and stay away". I wasn't literally going to tattoo anything on forehead, but instead it actually clicked with me that these things called "dating apps" exist which are the next best thing to having it tattooed on my forehead.

To actually answer your original question: I don't think it matters which dating app you use. Almost all of them are owned by the same parent company, running on similar algorithms and answering to the same business objectives. The only thing that differentiates them is branding. What matters, is being very clear on what it is you are looking for on dating apps, and cutting the sh/t out.

If I were a woman, I'd risk actually bluntly saying that "I'm not interested in married men & will walk out if I find out you are." Unfortunately I'm not sure most men on dating apps would then believe me, because in many contexts a lot of women (for some f###ing reason) say the opposite of what they mean. Also, reputable studies and surveys have actually shown that women find married men more attractive. So, a lot men then aren't inclined to believe women or will for example think that "if I have (or pretend that I have) enough money, then she won't care if I'm married" (which is often true lol).

No matter which gender you are, go into the apps with firm, almost dogmatic principles, and don't take sh/t from anyone who tries to bend them. Actually - report them. If you go on a date with a guy who claims he's monogamous, and he drops a surprise on you that "my wife is on holiday" - report the fxker through the dating app. And walk out.

And be honest with yourself. You can't be honest with other people or on your profile, if you aren't even being honest with yourself. Lots of people aren't even honest with themselves to begin with, and then blame others for lying to them. It's easy to fool someone whose already fooling themselves. And most people are fking fools.

/mic drop

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5