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GCSE Poetry Exam question: Can anyone mark it please?

Can anyone mark this exam question that I got marked by my teacher but didn't give me a grade for it so i'm curious to see what this response gives me:

Explore how difficult relationships are presented in Neutral Tones and one other poem.

Neutral Tones is about how the narrator remembers a day when they stood by a pond with their lover. This poem reflects on the loss of the relationship and how it fails the couple. Meanwhile in the Manhunt, the poem is about how the wife, Eddie Beddoes is trying to get to know her husband again after the Bosnian War, injured and now suffers from PTSD.

Difficult relationships are shown in both poems the reality they both have to face. In Neutral Tones, Hardy states how the pond had "leaves lay from the starving sod", the word "lay" suggests the sadness or grief that has happened to the couple to fall out. The simile "like an ominous bird-a-wing" shows that the person was never seen again. Much like in the Manhunt, Armitage states how relationships are hard to join togther through the quote," Damaged,porcelain collar tone", the adjective "damaged" and "porcelain" shows how fragile Eddie Beddoes is after the war and this strongly explains to readers that they should acknowledge how sad relationships are and that they should feel sympathy for them.

Bear in mind this is an extract from what I've written!

Thank you!

Tagging Year 11+ people that could help me: @DerDracologe
(edited 1 month ago)
I didnt do aqa for gcse so take my feedback with a pinch of salt
In places your writing is a little difficult to understand- that’s likely increased by the fact i have no knowledge of these poems but its worth reading over your work to avoid confusion.
You’ve picked out language features but to get higher marks you’ll need to explore the quotations you’ve picked in more depth and detail, with focus on the impact on the reader and the writer’s intentions.
Id give this roughly 11/30, assuming that you could sustain this across a longer response
Reply 2
Original post by DerDracologe
I didnt do aqa for gcse so take my feedback with a pinch of salt
In places your writing is a little difficult to understand- that’s likely increased by the fact i have no knowledge of these poems but its worth reading over your work to avoid confusion.
You’ve picked out language features but to get higher marks you’ll need to explore the quotations you’ve picked in more depth and detail, with focus on the impact on the reader and the writer’s intentions.
Id give this roughly 11/30, assuming that you could sustain this across a longer response

oh I did edexcel forgot to mention
Original post by Harfan654
oh I did edexcel forgot to mention

Oh ok, im even less familiar with edexcel… apologies for the assumption, most people do aqa!
Hopefully someone else with knowledge of the edexcel markscheme will be able to help you out 🙂 Either way, my comments are general rather than targeted to a specific markscheme
Reply 4
Original post by DerDracologe
Oh ok, im even less familiar with edexcel… apologies for the assumption, most people do aqa!
Hopefully someone else with knowledge of the edexcel markscheme will be able to help you out 🙂 Either way, my comments are general rather than targeted to a specific markscheme

That's fine!

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