The Student Room Group

I really need some advice I'm struggling.

I'm going to make this as short as possible but I made a friend 2 months ago and we became VERY close. We would hang out all the time and do everything together. Then she started coming over to my house and we'd watch movies etc. we liked eachother so we hit it off, we both kinda regretted it kinda didn't. We were still besties. Anyways, I'm not a physical touch kinda person but she's the only person I allow to touch me because I don't feel weird when she does it for some reason but again I'm not a very touch person. She is a very touchy person.

I'm not going to sit here and shame her because I understand her but she has attachment issues. So she'd started turning up to my house everyday despite living a 2 hour bus journey away. I thought it was very sweet but it got to the point where it was very extreme and I have the tendency to people please so I couldn't ever say no.

For context she and I were both displaying obsessive behaviours so I cut it off several times with her but kept going back because of guilt. (Bro were both mentally cooked haha). We did foolish things like send videos of each others crashouts but I found that she had the tendency to UNINTENTIONALLY emotional manipulate me whenever I put a boundary in place for example if I said no hugging, she might say "I really wanted to hug you today but I forgot and I wanna respect your boundaries" now I never really put boundaries in place so when she told me that I need to and when I did, here brining it up made me feel like such a terrible person. Anyways. Recently I wanted to cut it off with her and I did, I said I let her go and in the moment it felt right because I had put me first which is something I never do. But the guilt got to me and I haven't slept for 3 days straight. Today I met her and we didn't talk it was very weird and awkward but all I kept saying to myself was that I miss my best friend. It hurts because now we know that we're better off not being together because of how our friendship became a habit and an unhealthy obsession. It's also saddening that we both know we shouldn't be together and we need time apart but I PHYSICALLY CANT. I KEEP MAKING THESE DECISIONS AND GOING BACK ON THEM. I genuinely want her in my life but I feel like I'll actually lose myself if I don't have her.

Should I keep being friends or should I let it go. We're both getting professional help but for some reason I feel angry and I don't want to ever take it out on her. I don't know man pls help

I did not infact keep the short hahah. Sorry :smile:
Reply 1
woah ok so ngl seems kinda toxic both of you. My opinion is leave it as it is, you being a people pleaser and not saying No is a big deal always always always if you don't like something SAY IT. they key thing i read from that is that your not communicating. that guilt your feeling is technically. as for the "guilt tripping" "I really wanted to hug you today but I forgot and I wanna respect your boundaries" firstly this can be taken 2 ways her saying " i wanted to hug you u wont let me" OR "i wanted to hug you you wouldn't let me so now im make u feel bad" take it wich way you will.

For example, im autistic and i don't always like being hugged all my friends know this and if they was to hug me then they would ask first "can i hug u" if i say yes then hug if i say no then no hug and nothing else is said. Now for my bf if he holds my hand and if i pull may hand away first he would try to hold it again but i move my hand away and just simply say "sorry i dont want to right now" he would say nothing eles just a simple "thats ok" no guilt tripping,

what im getting at here is you guys lacked communication, im guessing you didnt want her at your house all the time, so you should be straight up. also SELF DISCAPLINE STOP GOING BACK ON YOUR WORDS (sorry but its true) you got to trust your gut feeling more if you something like "im gonna do this today" ACTAULLY DO IT same is if you say "dont text them today" DONT TEXT THEM set it as a goal how long can i go without texting them blah blah
over all just trust yourself communication is key and honestly listen to yourself.

GOOD LUCK :smile:
Reply 2
Original post by SHARK33
woah ok so ngl seems kinda toxic both of you. My opinion is leave it as it is, you being a people pleaser and not saying No is a big deal always always always if you don't like something SAY IT. they key thing i read from that is that your not communicating. that guilt your feeling is technically. as for the "guilt tripping" "I really wanted to hug you today but I forgot and I wanna respect your boundaries" firstly this can be taken 2 ways her saying " i wanted to hug you u wont let me" OR "i wanted to hug you you wouldn't let me so now im make u feel bad" take it wich way you will.
For example, im autistic and i don't always like being hugged all my friends know this and if they was to hug me then they would ask first "can i hug u" if i say yes then hug if i say no then no hug and nothing else is said. Now for my bf if he holds my hand and if i pull may hand away first he would try to hold it again but i move my hand away and just simply say "sorry i dont want to right now" he would say nothing eles just a simple "thats ok" no guilt tripping,
what im getting at here is you guys lacked communication, im guessing you didnt want her at your house all the time, so you should be straight up. also SELF DISCAPLINE STOP GOING BACK ON YOUR WORDS (sorry but its true) you got to trust your gut feeling more if you something like "im gonna do this today" ACTAULLY DO IT same is if you say "dont text them today" DONT TEXT THEM set it as a goal how long can i go without texting them blah blah
over all just trust yourself communication is key and honestly listen to yourself.
GOOD LUCK :smile:

Thankyou for this it really helped! I appreciate you're response and I will definitely take Ur advice :smile:

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