The Student Room Group

Is it a rejection or still have a chance?

So technically, i dont really confess my feelings per say, but i do ask him what are we. (As we are in situationship i believe, not sure only i feel so or both. So let us just say, we are bestfriend, like super duper close.. ps: we started as a situationship already)
And he say we are more than a friend.. to which i say to what level? He say maybe as a family. Then i confirm it back, just that level? Nothing more?
Then he eventually say, he do admit that our situation is mix between friends and couple. He himself say that. BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE ALSO SAY “tbh, i never think about this (as in we become a couple)”
Then he ask me how i feel, since he also give me a vague answer, i too reply the same “im okay if u want to be just friend, but im okay to try if u want to be more as well”.. the thing is, smtimes the way he say, as if he dont want something more, but at the same time like he want to. Because he emphasizes “right now we are friends right?”

But i do tell him, if i ever like him, nothings gonna change right? Then he say, if that happen, he will think if im okay to follow him migrate to another country or not.. Actually, we have 2 issues, one is the country we plan to settle down, and also, we are from different race hence the culture.

Eventually, he say later if we meet, we discuss again about this.. but im thinking
Original post by Anonymous
So technically, i dont really confess my feelings per say, but i do ask him what are we. (As we are in situationship i believe, not sure only i feel so or both. So let us just say, we are bestfriend, like super duper close.. ps: we started as a situationship already)
And he say we are more than a friend.. to which i say to what level? He say maybe as a family. Then i confirm it back, just that level? Nothing more?
Then he eventually say, he do admit that our situation is mix between friends and couple. He himself say that. BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE ALSO SAY “tbh, i never think about this (as in we become a couple)”
Then he ask me how i feel, since he also give me a vague answer, i too reply the same “im okay if u want to be just friend, but im okay to try if u want to be more as well”.. the thing is, smtimes the way he say, as if he dont want something more, but at the same time like he want to. Because he emphasizes “right now we are friends right?”
But i do tell him, if i ever like him, nothings gonna change right? Then he say, if that happen, he will think if im okay to follow him migrate to another country or not.. Actually, we have 2 issues, one is the country we plan to settle down, and also, we are from different race hence the culture.
Eventually, he say later if we meet, we discuss again about this.. but im thinking

Sounds like he's keeping his options open... and maybe you're his back-up plan; i.e. if he can't get someone by "X" date, he'll conveniently decide he wants a relationship with you. I don't know what the specific race / cultural issues are, but IMHO if I really liked someone, I'd do whatever I can to combat these issues (if it was feasible)… but that's just me.

If I were you, I'd have a frank conversation with him about where / what the two of you are, and find out if there's any real future. IF you don't like his responses, then cut your losses. Life is too short for waiting around indefinitely for a "maybe, maybe not" when a "sure thing" may be just around the corner.
Original post by Anonymous
So technically, i dont really confess my feelings per say, but i do ask him what are we. (As we are in situationship i believe, not sure only i feel so or both. So let us just say, we are bestfriend, like super duper close.. ps: we started as a situationship already)
And he say we are more than a friend.. to which i say to what level? He say maybe as a family. Then i confirm it back, just that level? Nothing more?
Then he eventually say, he do admit that our situation is mix between friends and couple. He himself say that. BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE ALSO SAY “tbh, i never think about this (as in we become a couple)”
Then he ask me how i feel, since he also give me a vague answer, i too reply the same “im okay if u want to be just friend, but im okay to try if u want to be more as well”.. the thing is, smtimes the way he say, as if he dont want something more, but at the same time like he want to. Because he emphasizes “right now we are friends right?”
But i do tell him, if i ever like him, nothings gonna change right? Then he say, if that happen, he will think if im okay to follow him migrate to another country or not.. Actually, we have 2 issues, one is the country we plan to settle down, and also, we are from different race hence the culture.
Eventually, he say later if we meet, we discuss again about this.. but im thinking

I think you need to be direct with your feelings or else you will never properly understand, I think he might be too anxious to tell you he likes you, but perhaps you guys just need to actually confess and if he says no to dating just continue on with life, relationships dont need to be complicated
Reply 3
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Sounds like he's keeping his options open... and maybe you're his back-up plan; i.e. if he can't get someone by "X" date, he'll conveniently decide he wants a relationship with you. I don't know what the specific race / cultural issues are, but IMHO if I really liked someone, I'd do whatever I can to combat these issues (if it was feasible)… but that's just me.
If I were you, I'd have a frank conversation with him about where / what the two of you are, and find out if there's any real future. IF you don't like his responses, then cut your losses. Life is too short for waiting around indefinitely for a "maybe, maybe not" when a "sure thing" may be just around the corner.

That kinda make sense too.. and that sucks to hear if he truly look at me just as his backup plan knowing that we have been like this for 2 years..
But i never wanna brought it up cuz im scared we gonna be awkward in class. Only once we end i decided to tell him all of this
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I think you need to be direct with your feelings or else you will never properly understand, I think he might be too anxious to tell you he likes you, but perhaps you guys just need to actually confess and if he says no to dating just continue on with life, relationships dont need to be complicated

Because i thought when i say im down to try, it is a clear enough for him to start first😭 damn sonnn, i really just have to put down my ego and face the embarrassment if he rejected me?
Original post by Anonymous
That kinda make sense too.. and that sucks to hear if he truly look at me just as his backup plan knowing that we have been like this for 2 years..
But i never wanna brought it up cuz im scared we gonna be awkward in class. Only once we end i decided to tell him all of this

Well you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

In my life, I've been rejected by a few girls for various reasons... but I've let far far more just slip through my fingers because I was too scared of rejection. I can tell you now, I have way bigger regrets about the ones I was too scared to approach. For sure, a rejection can be a blow to the ego (especially if it's been ongoing for a while)… but at least you know for sure where you stand and (in most cases) allows you to draw a line under that chapter / saga and leaves you open to meeting new people. Sometimes, I still find myself sometimes asking "What if..." to several girls I didn't ask; even as far back as high school. It's not a good way to be... trust!

It doesn't have to be awkward after a rejection if the two of you are grown up about it. As long as you're prepared for a potential rejection, you should be OK; although you may need to keep your distance from him in the first instance. It's only awkward when one person doesn't accept the others decision.

Yes, it's scary... but in life we all have to do things we don't like if we want to get ahead in the world. Throughout your life, you're going to have to face rejections at some point; whether it's to do with job applications, entry into a certain place; or even someone doesn't like your ideas. In all of these cases, it's the potential rewards/ perks / benefits that drives us to take these risks (I'd rather say seize these opportunities).

P.S. For the record, my first post was just my opinion on the matter, based on what you had written. It's not necessarily what's happening. Either way, I think it would do you good to get some clarification.
Reply 6
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Well you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
In my life, I've been rejected by a few girls for various reasons... but I've let far far more just slip through my fingers because I was too scared of rejection. I can tell you now, I have way bigger regrets about the ones I was too scared to approach. For sure, a rejection can be a blow to the ego (especially if it's been ongoing for a while)… but at least you know for sure where you stand and (in most cases) allows you to draw a line under that chapter / saga and leaves you open to meeting new people. Sometimes, I still find myself sometimes asking "What if..." to several girls I didn't ask; even as far back as high school. It's not a good way to be... trust!
It doesn't have to be awkward after a rejection if the two of you are grown up about it. As long as you're prepared for a potential rejection, you should be OK; although you may need to keep your distance from him in the first instance. It's only awkward when one person doesn't accept the others decision.
Yes, it's scary... but in life we all have to do things we don't like if we want to get ahead in the world. Throughout your life, you're going to have to face rejections at some point; whether it's to do with job applications, entry into a certain place; or even someone doesn't like your ideas. In all of these cases, it's the potential rewards/ perks / benefits that drives us to take these risks (I'd rather say seize these opportunities).
P.S. For the record, my first post was just my opinion on the matter, based on what you had written. It's not necessarily what's happening. Either way, I think it would do you good to get some clarification.
i truly understand the regrets u had there.. thanks for your story and words man. Truly appreciate it.
I guess, if he didnt being an ******* and meet me soon just as what he said, then i take the courage and just directly confess to him..
May the outcome will be good regardless the answer.

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