The Student Room Group

lonely at univeristy

I started uni last september and honestly feel so incredibly lonely. I have social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to push myself and make friends. For the first term I was getting out of my comfort zone and met a lot of people but only a few that I really got on with, I'm only friends with one of my flatmates and we spend a lot of time together but he has other friends so when he's with them I don't really have anyone to hang out with, sounds so lame but it's true. I go to quite a small uni so there aren't many societies I could join and the ones I was interested in don't have many members. I haven't really gotten to know people enough on my course despite my efforts to talk to them, they seem to already have formed their cliques so that intimidates me. I also haven't really been eating since I got back after christmas because I'm too anxious to go to the kitchen when my flatmates and their friends are there. I don't really know what to do, I'm debating whether to just drop out because I feel like university isn't for someone like me.

what would you do in this situation and how can I try to improve it?
Original post by christinep8989
I started uni last september and honestly feel so incredibly lonely. I have social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to push myself and make friends. For the first term I was getting out of my comfort zone and met a lot of people but only a few that I really got on with, I'm only friends with one of my flatmates and we spend a lot of time together but he has other friends so when he's with them I don't really have anyone to hang out with, sounds so lame but it's true. I go to quite a small uni so there aren't many societies I could join and the ones I was interested in don't have many members. I haven't really gotten to know people enough on my course despite my efforts to talk to them, they seem to already have formed their cliques so that intimidates me. I also haven't really been eating since I got back after christmas because I'm too anxious to go to the kitchen when my flatmates and their friends are there. I don't really know what to do, I'm debating whether to just drop out because I feel like university isn't for someone like me.
what would you do in this situation and how can I try to improve it?

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this, it can be awful to feel lonely at university.

Something very important to remind yourself of is that you deserve to be there just as much as anyone else. You've been accepted to the same school, you live in the same building, you've worked just as hard, and you are allowed to take up space. You are just as deserving to attend classes, join societies, make friends, and cook in the kitchen you pay for, so don't let anyone or anything stop you.

It's great that you've tried to put yourself out there too - don't stop doing this! Being open to others, trying new things, and being yourself is a great way to find people you'd get along with. Is there anything that interests you in the wider community, such as part-time work, volunteering, or clubs?

Have you tried telling your flatmate/friend about this? Maybe he can introduce you to some of his friends, or maybe he can support you through this tough time. Whatever he can do, it usually makes it easier to have a friend there. Don't hesitate to reach out to your family for support too, and it might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with the support and wellbeing services that are available at your university. So many people are willing to support and guide you, so do make use of them and what they offer.

Also, something that I have found out through my experience at university is that friendship groups change a lot. People are often doing many different things, so they will be a part of many groups (or none for a period of time!), and that is totally normal. If you keep trying, pursue what you are interested in, and keep your head up, I'm sure it'll work out for you.

I hope this helps! 🙂

Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography with a Year Abroad
Original post by christinep8989
I started uni last september and honestly feel so incredibly lonely. I have social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to push myself and make friends. For the first term I was getting out of my comfort zone and met a lot of people but only a few that I really got on with, I'm only friends with one of my flatmates and we spend a lot of time together but he has other friends so when he's with them I don't really have anyone to hang out with, sounds so lame but it's true. I go to quite a small uni so there aren't many societies I could join and the ones I was interested in don't have many members. I haven't really gotten to know people enough on my course despite my efforts to talk to them, they seem to already have formed their cliques so that intimidates me. I also haven't really been eating since I got back after christmas because I'm too anxious to go to the kitchen when my flatmates and their friends are there. I don't really know what to do, I'm debating whether to just drop out because I feel like university isn't for someone like me.
what would you do in this situation and how can I try to improve it?

Hi,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, I completely understand how you feel. I was in a similar place during my first and some of second year, but you can definitely turn this around - I am living proof of this.

The first thing I will say is the obvious one, but joining societies was a huge help - the societies I joined were small too but that worked in my favour as I was able to spend more time talking to the same people and developing friendships. Secondly, with the kitchen, I 100% understand where your coming from and I still have to remind myself of this now, but you are paying for this to be your home, you have every right to be in the kitchen and you deserve to eat. Remind yourself of this whenever you need to go into the kitchen, do not let other people get in the way of your uni experience. Lastly, keep speaking to people on your course, I am currently in my third year and have just made a really great group of friends on my course, it is never too late!

Hope this helps! Faye 🙂
Original post by christinep8989
I started uni last september and honestly feel so incredibly lonely. I have social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to push myself and make friends. For the first term I was getting out of my comfort zone and met a lot of people but only a few that I really got on with, I'm only friends with one of my flatmates and we spend a lot of time together but he has other friends so when he's with them I don't really have anyone to hang out with, sounds so lame but it's true. I go to quite a small uni so there aren't many societies I could join and the ones I was interested in don't have many members. I haven't really gotten to know people enough on my course despite my efforts to talk to them, they seem to already have formed their cliques so that intimidates me. I also haven't really been eating since I got back after christmas because I'm too anxious to go to the kitchen when my flatmates and their friends are there. I don't really know what to do, I'm debating whether to just drop out because I feel like university isn't for someone like me.
what would you do in this situation and how can I try to improve it?

Hi there,

This sounds like a tough situation and it can be hard when you feel lonely at Uni so I understand how you are feeling.

Here are some ways that I have found helpful in making friends and may help you too:

1.

I would usually say join a society, but if there aren't any at your uni that you would want to join, it might be a good idea to see if there are any other groups/clubs in your area. There will sometimes be sports clubs, or other activities etc that anyone can join so have a look!


1.

Have a look on social media as there are often groups that you can join on there. Facebook often has groups for different universities that you can join so this may be worth a look.


1.

Have a look and see if your uni has any campus jobs going as these are quite good ways of making friends and also getting some money at the same time! You meet so many people here who will be students too so this is a good way of meeting people.


1.

Try and keep making sure you are going into the kitchen. You don't want to feel anxious to go in your own kitchen and sometimes the best way of overcoming this is to just do it as much as you can. Try and make small bits of conversation while you are there too and then slowly build this up.


I hope some of this helps,

Lucy - SHU student ambassador.
Original post by christinep8989
I started uni last september and honestly feel so incredibly lonely. I have social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to push myself and make friends. For the first term I was getting out of my comfort zone and met a lot of people but only a few that I really got on with, I'm only friends with one of my flatmates and we spend a lot of time together but he has other friends so when he's with them I don't really have anyone to hang out with, sounds so lame but it's true. I go to quite a small uni so there aren't many societies I could join and the ones I was interested in don't have many members. I haven't really gotten to know people enough on my course despite my efforts to talk to them, they seem to already have formed their cliques so that intimidates me. I also haven't really been eating since I got back after christmas because I'm too anxious to go to the kitchen when my flatmates and their friends are there. I don't really know what to do, I'm debating whether to just drop out because I feel like university isn't for someone like me.
what would you do in this situation and how can I try to improve it?

Hi there,

I'm sorry to be reading this. University can be a big adjustment and I myself felt like this a few times. What helped me the most was speaking to people about how I felt more. That included my family, lecturer and even student support at university. Maybe speak to the flat mate you get on with and explain to them how you've started to feel recently, make food together for a few nights and slowly get used to making food by yourself, slowly getting used to it. I didn't give myself enough time to make friends either and expected to become best friends with people too soon. So giving yourself the time might help too. There are many people in similar boat so you deserve to be at uni as much as everyone else. It's a shame there isn't a society for you to join that has enough members, even if it doesn't have many members it might be worth a shot thought. 🙂

It's great that you tried various ways of making friends and putting yourself out there. So well done for that! Considering part time work is something you could look at. I made many friends at my work and it felt like I was socialising a lot more whilst being paid as working with friends made it so much better. Campus jobs such as student ambassadors are worth a look as you could meet new students and make connections that way. Don't be hard on yourself as you will meet new people when the time is right. Don't forget about your students union and student support, if you ever need to speak to someone.

Hope this helps and best of luck 🙂
^Zac

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