miserable in oxford

I’m a first year in Oxford and have been having a hard time with making friends and studying bc of my mental state and shy personality. My subject’s cohort is really small and I feel like everyone has already formed groups. I would really like to make friends who I could study with and hang out with but don’t know where to start anymore.

Reply 1

Stiffy Byng

I am sorry to hear that. Perhaps try taking up a new sport or hobby and joining a society which pursues that activity. Maybe start with something quiet such as chess and see how that goes. That way you could meet people studying other subjects and from other colleges.

There is another thread here started by a student feeling lonely. Maybe send that person a message and arrange to meet for coffee?

Reply 2

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Hiya, really sorry to hear you're not having a great time at Oxford. It can be hard to reach out and initiate conversations with new people if you're shy, I found that a bit too.

Do you have tute partners within your college or is your subject (which I appreciate you may not want to name) so small that you have 1:1 tutes for everything? If you have tute partners, do you get along with them and have you tried asking them to study together, for motivation and to get to know them a bit better? :smile:

That was my main tactic for getting through the first terms at Oxford. My tute partners were both better at socialising than I was but, by hanging out with/onto them a bit, I gradually got to know other people.

Other good ways to make friends are to join societies (either college- or Uni-wide!), or - if you have a gap between two lectures - ask if anyone fancies joining you for a coffee in between lectures. My tute partners and I just randomly said that to people as we were leaving a lecture one day and a group of about 6-8 of us started regularly going to G&D's (opposite the music faculty, as that was my subject!) to hang out between lectures. It was a good way to get to know some people in my year group :yep:

Please try not to lose hope: friendships at Oxford (and indeed any uni) can be made at any stage of the degree. All is not lost! :hugs:

Reply 3

Stiffy Byng

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7562178

Reply 4

aaaaaaaaaa2006

Original post

by Anonymous

hey, i'm also a pretty shy first year at oxford with a similar problem, and i started by just talking to some of the people in my classes and trying to walk out with them and so forth, and it's kind of working!! also joining a society rly helps or auditioning for a play or smth helps!! smaller subject cohorts are often more open to befriending people later too :smile:

hope that helps!!

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

First year at cambridge here, so truly my heart goes out to you. I don't have any good advice but I just wanted to say - don't worry you're not alone feeling like this. I miss my parents soooo much it's actually embarrassing. Hang in there!

Reply 6

mathperson

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Hiya, really sorry to hear you're not having a great time at Oxford. It can be hard to reach out and initiate conversations with new people if you're shy, I found that a bit too.
Do you have tute partners within your college or is your subject (which I appreciate you may not want to name) so small that you have 1:1 tutes for everything? If you have tute partners, do you get along with them and have you tried asking them to study together, for motivation and to get to know them a bit better? :smile:

That was my main tactic for getting through the first terms at Oxford. My tute partners were both better at socialising than I was but, by hanging out with/onto them a bit, I gradually got to know other people.
Other good ways to make friends are to join societies (either college- or Uni-wide!), or - if you have a gap between two lectures - ask if anyone fancies joining you for a coffee in between lectures. My tute partners and I just randomly said that to people as we were leaving a lecture one day and a group of about 6-8 of us started regularly going to G&D's (opposite the music faculty, as that was my subject!) to hang out between lectures. It was a good way to get to know some people in my year group :yep:

Please try not to lose hope: friendships at Oxford (and indeed any uni) can be made at any stage of the degree. All is not lost! :hugs:

I was going to tag you in this thread, so I'm pleased to see you're already here :adore:

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Not an Oxford graduate, but I’d say try and join a couple of societies if you can! If you don’t feel comfortable joining this academic year, join at the beginning of the next one.

Also if there is anyone in your subject who normally sits by themselves or in small groups try and move closer to them and start a conservation.

I was in a similar position so I know how it feels! Congratulations on getting into Oxford as well, such a huge achievement 🙂