English literature

Hello I'm currently doing power and conflict my most recent essay in class was Remains by Simon Armitage and Exposure by Wilfred Owen here is part of the essay what wrong with it I got grade 5 overall. question was "Compare the ways the poet- present combatants experiences of conflict in exposure and in one other poem from power and conflict". Honest opinions on how i could've done it better
In both "Exposure ad "Remains", both poets focus on the psychological trauma combatants experience when in conflict and how it can have a deranging influence. Owen talks about the harsh reality and environment, whereas Simon Armitage delves into the lasting impacts it will forever have.

In Exposure, Owen focuses on the never-changing days of the soldiers through a short sentence. The reoccurring phrase, "But nothing happens", acts as a powerful message throughout the poem, additionally making the readers feel a sense of sympathy. Despite the bluntness of the message it has portrays the soldiers helplessness and futility. Whereas, in Remains the constant reoccurring idea of the soldiers guilt and its phycological impact heavily highlights the message of the poem. The phrase, 'Bloody life in my bloody hands' further shows the brutality of the war, the soldiers constant reoccurring of his actions forever haunts him. Both poets portray the phycological affect those who are force to be involved in conflict endure.

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klafow

Original post

by alisonxbaii

Hello I'm currently doing power and conflict my most recent essay in class was Remains by Simon Armitage and Exposure by Wilfred Owen here is part of the essay what wrong with it I got grade 5 overall. question was "Compare the ways the poet- present combatants experiences of conflict in exposure and in one other poem from power and conflict". Honest opinions on how i could've done it better
In both "Exposure ad "Remains", both poets focus on the psychological trauma combatants experience when in conflict and how it can have a deranging influence. Owen talks about the harsh reality and environment, whereas Simon Armitage delves into the lasting impacts it will forever have.
In Exposure, Owen focuses on the never-changing days of the soldiers through a short sentence. The reoccurring phrase, "But nothing happens", acts as a powerful message throughout the poem, additionally making the readers feel a sense of sympathy. Despite the bluntness of the message it has portrays the soldiers helplessness and futility. Whereas, in Remains the constant reoccurring idea of the soldiers guilt and its phycological impact heavily highlights the message of the poem. The phrase, 'Bloody life in my bloody hands' further shows the brutality of the war, the soldiers constant reoccurring of his actions forever haunts him. Both poets portray the phycological affect those who are force to be involved in conflict endure.

i haven’t done english lit in agess but i got a 9 so i’ll try and help.

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firstly, i noticed a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes. i don’t think reoccurence is actually a word. it should be recur - so recurring is the right word. also phycological should be spelt psychological, which you spelt right once.

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another tiny point - technically the poems names should be in speech marks (‘Exposure’, ‘Remains’) whenever mentioned. that’s a minor issue though

i think you definitely have the right ideas, but to boost your grade you need to talk about more types of literary devices, and develop your points more. i’m not really sure how to explain it, so i’ll try and write something myself to show you. bear in mind i’ve never read either of these poems before so i might say something inaccurate!

In ‘Exposure’, Owens emphasises the monotony of soldiers’ lives throughout the poem. He does this through the use of the recurring phrase ‘But nothing happens’. The word ‘nothing’ has connotations of emptiness and desolation, and Owens may have chosen to use it to demonstrate the emotions of the soldiers in the war, who have been numbed by the physical and psychological trauma they have experienced. It is as if they are no longer able to feel anything. The brutal and cruel environment which they have been thrown into is implied to have sucked all human emotions out of these soldiers, leaving them with ‘nothing’. Furthermore, the repetition of this phrase leaves the reader with a sense of hopelessness and finality - these soldiers are in a form of hell from which there is no escape.

as i said, i have never read this poem before so i could’ve made a completely inaccurate interpretation. but this, if not more, is the level of detail you should be aiming to get out of each quote if you’re aiming for a higher grade. some final tips:

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your intro paragraph should sort of signpost what the rest of your essay is going to look like by briefly mentioning each of your points. you have done this already though!

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pick ‘juicy’ quotes that are good for getting a lot of analysis out of. aim to have about four quotes in each paragraph, two from each poem. this isn’t a fixed rule though, adapt based on how much analysis you can get out of each quote!

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consider adding in contextual points, which will really boost your marks. was the poem set anywhere specific? does the poet have personal experience of war? was the poem written during wartime?