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Too ugly for dating apps? M25

I've been on dating apps since I was 25 and I've never had a date despite constantly updating my profile with new pictures and updating the bio so it's relevant to my current situation.

Some quick info on me I'd say I was a 3 or 4 out of 10 in looks. I've got a fat face despite having a low body fat. I work out regularly and am toned. I am an aerospace engineer and I earn well above the national avg for my age. I'm 5'7. I've got an upturned nose so I look a bit pig like tbh. I like travelling and seeing new stuff.

I was very fat in school and was bullied relentlessly so I had literally no friends from the age of 11 to 19 so I never really learned how to talk to people my own age, this obviously didnt help with asking women out. I spent most of my time with my mum so my hobbies are like hers.

After i lost all the weight and got my life together I've realised i might have a shot with women now but I keep getting rejected for silly things.

Any advice on how to be nore successful on these apps?

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Have you been receiving any messages on the apps, and if so, at what point have you been asking people whether they’d like to meet up?

Reply 2

Original post
by Anonymous
I've been on dating apps since I was 25 and I've never had a date despite constantly updating my profile with new pictures and updating the bio so it's relevant to my current situation.
Some quick info on me I'd say I was a 3 or 4 out of 10 in looks. I've got a fat face despite having a low body fat. I work out regularly and am toned. I am an aerospace engineer and I earn well above the national avg for my age. I'm 5'7. I've got an upturned nose so I look a bit pig like tbh. I like travelling and seeing new stuff.
I was very fat in school and was bullied relentlessly so I had literally no friends from the age of 11 to 19 so I never really learned how to talk to people my own age, this obviously didnt help with asking women out. I spent most of my time with my mum so my hobbies are like hers.
After i lost all the weight and got my life together I've realised i might have a shot with women now but I keep getting rejected for silly things.
Any advice on how to be nore successful on these apps?

You won’t be successful on dating apps unless your reasonably attractive.

Dating apps are a cancer to long term dating selection because they force women to select men (even for long term) based on short term aesthetic considerations which means that according to academic studies, around 80% of men are rejected.

You would be highly advised to meet somebody via real life in a social context (walking club, social events ect..).

Reply 3

Original post
by Admit-One
Have you been receiving any messages on the apps, and if so, at what point have you been asking people whether they’d like to meet up?
The convo usually ends before I get the chance

Reply 4

Original post
by Rakas21
You won’t be successful on dating apps unless your reasonably attractive.
Dating apps are a cancer to long term dating selection because they force women to select men (even for long term) based on short term aesthetic considerations which means that according to academic studies, around 80% of men are rejected.
You would be highly advised to meet somebody via real life in a social context (walking club, social events ect..).

Any advice on asking someone out in person?

Reply 5

Original post
by Anonymous
Any advice on asking someone out in person?

Don’t overthink it, converse about something and then say ‘your pretty, meet me for x tomorrow’.

Reply 6

Original post
by Rakas21
Don’t overthink it, converse about something and then say ‘your pretty, meet me for x tomorrow’.

OK do I ask for their phone number?

Reply 7

Original post
by Anonymous
OK do I ask for their phone number?

I’d just get the number afterwards personally otherwise you’re just adding an extra step.

Reply 8

Original post
by Rakas21
I’d just get the number afterwards personally otherwise you’re just adding an extra step.

That makes sense

Reply 9

For you, with your life situation, I think it would be worth you investing $5000 in a bootcamp / mentorship with a leading dating coach.

To help you develop your man to woman social skills in the quickest time possible.

Reply 10

Original post
by Anonymous
I've been on dating apps since I was 25 and I've never had a date despite constantly updating my profile with new pictures and updating the bio so it's relevant to my current situation.
Some quick info on me I'd say I was a 3 or 4 out of 10 in looks. I've got a fat face despite having a low body fat. I work out regularly and am toned. I am an aerospace engineer and I earn well above the national avg for my age. I'm 5'7. I've got an upturned nose so I look a bit pig like tbh. I like travelling and seeing new stuff.
I was very fat in school and was bullied relentlessly so I had literally no friends from the age of 11 to 19 so I never really learned how to talk to people my own age, this obviously didnt help with asking women out. I spent most of my time with my mum so my hobbies are like hers.
After i lost all the weight and got my life together I've realised i might have a shot with women now but I keep getting rejected for silly things.
Any advice on how to be nore successful on these apps?

if you're making a lot of money perhaps invest that into something to make yourself look petter (plastic surgery) Don't be ashamed, a lot of men do it.

Reply 11

Original post
by Anonymous
Any advice on how to be nore successful on these apps?

Focus on real-life instead. That's where the vast majority of relationships originate from, despite the prominence of the apps in dating discourse.
Original post
by Anonymous
The convo usually ends before I get the chance


If you are getting a few messages then your pics aren't a dealbreaker.

You will always find that most conversations die out before getting anywhere. It's not reflective of you, just the nature of online dating. Keep things light and friendly, demonstrate that you have read the other person's profile and if you are having fun chatting ask them if they would like to meet up for a coffee. That's about all there is to it.

Reply 13

Dating apps are fine and work for many people.

As @Admit-One points out, you are getting messages. So that is a start. Conversations will go dead but you can focus on keeping them going by trying to keep them witty and focusing on the actual person rather than asking generic stuff.

The problem some make with dating apps is they solely rely on them to meet people. You need to be getting out, you need to be putting yourself in social situations where you meet new individuals.

Reply 14

Original post
by Admit-One
If you are getting a few messages then your pics aren't a dealbreaker.
You will always find that most conversations die out before getting anywhere. It's not reflective of you, just the nature of online dating. Keep things light and friendly, demonstrate that you have read the other person's profile and if you are having fun chatting ask them if they would like to meet up for a coffee. That's about all there is to it.

I was told my texting felt like an interrogation but I was just asking questions.

Reply 15

Original post
by toppby55
if you're making a lot of money perhaps invest that into something to make yourself look petter (plastic surgery) Don't be ashamed, a lot of men do it.

I've thought about it. I wanted to get my cheeks, jaw and nose done. I think it'll help my image but my mother said it was a bad idea

Reply 16

Original post
by Anonymous
I was told my texting felt like an interrogation but I was just asking questions.


In that case I suspect the online chatting stage was dragging on for too long, or you weren't engaging with what the person was saying, (active listening). Conversation should be a back and forth about what the other person is saying, not firing off question after question like an interview.

Reply 17

You have a decent salary, by the sounds of things. How come you are still living with your mum in your mid 20s? This is likely to put some women off.

Reply 18

Original post
by black tea
You have a decent salary, by the sounds of things. How come you are still living with your mum in your mid 20s? This is likely to put some women off.

Quickest way for any man to be on the property ladder is to live as close to rent free as possible.

Reply 19

i would advise on meeting people in real life, stop talking down about yourself and accept the fact that most people have a tiktok/snapchat brain where they simply scroll with their mind effectively switched off waiting for something flashy to catch their eye. the way I see it you have dodged many bullets with the failure of the online dating. You seem to have your life in order, now you have to simply talk to people you see; there doesn't have to be the immediate Romcom moment; you never know you might even make some more friends and expand your circle and meet someone within that circle, good luck
(edited 10 months ago)

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