my gf was rude to my family should i break up with her?
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 1-2 years, and after we graduated from university and got jobs, we both moved into my family’s house. It made sense since it was close to where we worked, and my family was kind enough to let her stay rent-free in my room.
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
I don't think having your adult gf living with you at your parents' house was ever going to work. You need space to yourself.
Neither side is necessarily wrong - obviously your parents are not charging rent so would expect your gf to help out, but must be weird for your gf to have two people telling her to do stuff as an adult.
That being said, if your gf was saying some things about your parents that crossed the line, then you should obviously prioritise respecting your parents and think about breaking up.
Neither side is necessarily wrong - obviously your parents are not charging rent so would expect your gf to help out, but must be weird for your gf to have two people telling her to do stuff as an adult.
That being said, if your gf was saying some things about your parents that crossed the line, then you should obviously prioritise respecting your parents and think about breaking up.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 1-2 years, and after we graduated from university and got jobs, we both moved into my family’s house. It made sense since it was close to where we worked, and my family was kind enough to let her stay rent-free in my room.
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
hmm it is an interesting situation, i think tbh some distance would't do any harm. hopefuly your gf will see eye-to-eye with your family. it does seem as if they've provided for her and it is important to be integrated into a family when looking at a long-term relationship - rather than being treated like a guest. ask urself if you can realistically live with these conflicts?
This girlfriend, what sort of a job is she doing of looking after herself and where she lives now?
Is she feeding herself on microwave dinners?
Is her place a mess?
What sort of a job and career does she have?
Does she want the same number of children as you? If so how many?
If she does a great job of looking after herself and the new place she's living at, how come she was so unhelpful when living with your parents?
If she's doing a poor job, how do you feel at the prospect that you will have to do most, if not all the household chores. In which case it's only fair that she's the main bread-winner.
Is she one of those lazy entitled people that thinks the world revolves around her?
Is she feeding herself on microwave dinners?
Is her place a mess?
What sort of a job and career does she have?
Does she want the same number of children as you? If so how many?
If she does a great job of looking after herself and the new place she's living at, how come she was so unhelpful when living with your parents?
If she's doing a poor job, how do you feel at the prospect that you will have to do most, if not all the household chores. In which case it's only fair that she's the main bread-winner.
Is she one of those lazy entitled people that thinks the world revolves around her?
Right I got halfway through reading this before realising 'You F*****d up real bad by asking her to move in' This was never going to work. You can call it 'bad parenting' or 'a different style' if you like, but the vast majority of people are simply not going to put up with controlling/strict/shouting/interrogations from someone that isn't even close to them, especially if they're already used to quite a degree of independence.
You're sitting talking about things she was expected to when it seems obvious the relationship had already broken down, you're talking about how maybe this is her showing her true colours etc when really you should be taking some blame for putting her in this situation, even if you both agreed you must have known what she was letting herself in for. I'm not hearing one word about you doing anything to help either? it sounds like you've just stood and watched.
I doubt the relationship will survive now tbh, your parents will make your life hell and you're clearly standing with your parents rather than her and she'll be well aware of this, you care about whether your parents felt disrespected or spoke to rudely, but you don't seem to share the same concern for the girl you love to put it bluntly.
You're sitting talking about things she was expected to when it seems obvious the relationship had already broken down, you're talking about how maybe this is her showing her true colours etc when really you should be taking some blame for putting her in this situation, even if you both agreed you must have known what she was letting herself in for. I'm not hearing one word about you doing anything to help either? it sounds like you've just stood and watched.
I doubt the relationship will survive now tbh, your parents will make your life hell and you're clearly standing with your parents rather than her and she'll be well aware of this, you care about whether your parents felt disrespected or spoke to rudely, but you don't seem to share the same concern for the girl you love to put it bluntly.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 1-2 years, and after we graduated from university and got jobs, we both moved into my family’s house. It made sense since it was close to where we worked, and my family was kind enough to let her stay rent-free in my room.
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
Judging by the way your girlfriend is acting towards your family, i think she needs to understand that there are different parenting styles. She could have at least helped out around the house from she's living there rent-free. You guys should at least have a conversation. Personally, I would draw the line if I had a boyfriend and he disrespected my family but just talk it out and if things get to a point then break up.
Original post by ilovejeongin143
Judging by the way your girlfriend is acting towards your family, i think she needs to understand that there are different parenting styles. She could have at least helped out around the house from she's living there rent-free. You guys should at least have a conversation. Personally, I would draw the line if I had a boyfriend and he disrespected my family but just talk it out and if things get to a point then break up.
Why doesn't this work both ways though, why is it ok for the family to shout at and interrogate the girlfriend? This 'parenting style' would be considered borderline abusive by many people, and she's not their child to parent at all.
If my parents started shouting at my partner without very good reason I'd be stepping in for both their sakes, I wouldn't just sit there.
In general, if you ask someone to do a reasonable task and they instantly snap back 'I'm not your ****ing maid!' that tells me they were already angry with you before you asked and you should maybe address it. Can't help but feel this is more down to the way she has been spoken to rather than being unwilling to help.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 1-2 years, and after we graduated from university and got jobs, we both moved into my family’s house. It made sense since it was close to where we worked, and my family was kind enough to let her stay rent-free in my room.
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
Here’s where things got tricky. My family is quite strict and controlling. For example, they’ll shout if you leave the light or don’t wash up your dishes immediately. They’ll also ask a lot of questions if you go out, like, “Where are you going? Who with? What time will you be back?” And if you come home late, they’ll question why.
I’ve grown up with this, so it feels normal to me, but I understand it might be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up like that. My girlfriend comes from a very different background. She went to boarding school, and her family doesn’t communicate much or impose rules like mine do, so my household was a big adjustment for her.
Also, given she was staying rent-free, I admit my family did have a big expectation on her to help out e.g. sometimes they would ask if she could clean the kitchen or living room or help with doing laundry etc.. to which my gf said to me "i'm not their f*cking maid". now i can see both sides
After a couple of months, she started to push back against the way my family operates. She got frustrated with the constant questions and expectations, and she began avoiding my family altogether—like walking the other way if she saw them, staying in our bedroom, and not helping out around the house.
One time a family member was sick and had to go hospital, but my gf didn't even offer to help with anything e.g. bringing them water or soup, or ask if they was ok because my gf just didn't like them anymore and had the attitude of "meh not my problem". To my family, this behaviour seemed rude and disrespectful, and it created a lot of tension.
Eventually, things escalated, and my family told me she needed to leave. They didn’t approve of her anymore and even suggested I break up with her. I can understand why they felt that way based on the way things were going.
On the other hand, my girlfriend started saying negative things about my family too. She told me they were bad parents for being so controlling and that I should move out and distance myself from them. I found it really hurtful when she insulted my family because, while they may be strict, I think it’s just a different parenting style—not necessarily bad.
Now my girlfriend has moved out, and I’m feeling stuck. My family still disapproves of her and I’m torn between both sides, and I don’t know what the right move is. I really love my gf we've been together a long time and I have no interest in ever being with another girl but at the same time.. perhaps this was a really bad sign of true colours coming out and that we have different values?
Any thoughts?
If your parents have used this style of parenting with you since childhood, and she gets to live unde their roof RENT FREE? your girlfriend should accept that its how they want their household ran, regardless of her prior circumstances. 😶
As someone who has similar parents it's likely that they were never going to treat her differently as they probably see her as being at the same level as you, which if you think reasonably, she is.
I get you must be struggling with the conflict between your loved ones. Ask yourself if you truly agree with what your girlfriend thinks about your family - do you find yourself hurt that she doesn't see eye to eye with them? If not, a genuine conversation never hurt anybody. Maybe you should create boundaries with each side that in your relationship your family aren't brought up, and vice versa.
Hope you're doing alright OP 🙂
Original post by lemonadecrisis
If your parents have used this style of parenting with you since childhood, and she gets to live unde their roof RENT FREE? your girlfriend should accept that its how they want their household ran, regardless of her prior circumstances. 😶
As someone who has similar parents it's likely that they were never going to treat her differently as they probably see her as being at the same level as you, which if you think reasonably, she is.
I get you must be struggling with the conflict between your loved ones. Ask yourself if you truly agree with what your girlfriend thinks about your family - do you find yourself hurt that she doesn't see eye to eye with them? If not, a genuine conversation never hurt anybody. Maybe you should create boundaries with each side that in your relationship your family aren't brought up, and vice versa.
Hope you're doing alright OP 🙂
As someone who has similar parents it's likely that they were never going to treat her differently as they probably see her as being at the same level as you, which if you think reasonably, she is.
I get you must be struggling with the conflict between your loved ones. Ask yourself if you truly agree with what your girlfriend thinks about your family - do you find yourself hurt that she doesn't see eye to eye with them? If not, a genuine conversation never hurt anybody. Maybe you should create boundaries with each side that in your relationship your family aren't brought up, and vice versa.
Hope you're doing alright OP 🙂
"As someone who has similar parents it's likely that they were never going to treat her differently as they probably see her as being at the same level as you, which if you think reasonably, she is."
I can't see it that way? Whatever their 'parenting style' why the hell are they trying to parent other people? Isn't that a bit presumptuous? Like if someone one you were arguing with slapped you in the face and said that was their parenting style, would just just let that go?
Neither the OP or their girlfriend are children that have a flashing need to be parented, they're employed graduates and a lot closer to their parents level than they'll likely want to admit. So past a point shouting at people and prying into their business becomes less about parenting and more about just being plain rude, whether it's your house rules or not. The girl if probably well off out of this.
Original post by StriderHort
Why doesn't this work both ways though, why is it ok for the family to shout at and interrogate the girlfriend? This 'parenting style' would be considered borderline abusive by many people, and she's not their child to parent at all.
If my parents started shouting at my partner without very good reason I'd be stepping in for both their sakes, I wouldn't just sit there.
In general, if you ask someone to do a reasonable task and they instantly snap back 'I'm not your ****ing maid!' that tells me they were already angry with you before you asked and you should maybe address it. Can't help but feel this is more down to the way she has been spoken to rather than being unwilling to help.
If my parents started shouting at my partner without very good reason I'd be stepping in for both their sakes, I wouldn't just sit there.
In general, if you ask someone to do a reasonable task and they instantly snap back 'I'm not your ****ing maid!' that tells me they were already angry with you before you asked and you should maybe address it. Can't help but feel this is more down to the way she has been spoken to rather than being unwilling to help.
If the girlfriend was going to act like that towards the family when she is living in their house rent-free, she shouldn't have agreed to live there in the first place. If she's living at a place rent-free, I would expect her to help out and do her bit too. They aren't trying to 'parent' the girlfriend but simply are telling her that if she's going to live with them, she needs to do her part which can be done through chores. Do you expect her to just be lazy and not help out? You probably didn't grow up with this sort of parenting style because to me, this is considered normal. It's not abusive. The girlfriend is the one causing problems if she's not willing to help out from living at the house rent-free.
I’d have to agree that the thread starter fostered the situation by moving their partner in with what they acknowledge to be overbearing and intrusive parents. Most people would eventually reach their limit and start pushing back in this environment.
Whether the GF wasn’t pulling her weight with chores is another matter and only the OP knows if they were doing their fair share.
Whether the GF wasn’t pulling her weight with chores is another matter and only the OP knows if they were doing their fair share.
Original post by ilovejeongin143
If the girlfriend was going to act like that towards the family when she is living in their house rent-free, she shouldn't have agreed to live there in the first place. If she's living at a place rent-free, I would expect her to help out and do her bit too. They aren't trying to 'parent' the girlfriend but simply are telling her that if she's going to live with them, she needs to do her part which can be done through chores. Do you expect her to just be lazy and not help out? You probably didn't grow up with this sort of parenting style because to me, this is considered normal. It's not abusive. The girlfriend is the one causing problems if she's not willing to help out from living at the house rent-free.
PS: Are you employed? You keep responding to every single comment and it makes me concerned how you have all this free time to just argue with people on the internet.
PS: Are you employed? You keep responding to every single comment and it makes me concerned how you have all this free time to just argue with people on the internet.
I think we're reading this very differently, the OP seems to make it clear their parents are trying to parent their girlfriend (why else do you get the 'where are you going/who with/why are you late lectures?). I can understand a parent getting used to shouting at their children when they're annoyed even if I don't approve, but when they start applying that to other people outside the family I think they're overstepping, It's just a matter of time till someone shouts back or worse.
If I'm in someone's home and I left a light on, if their first response was to raise their voice to me there going to be further issues. If that same person then asked me to clean a kitchen a bit later yeah, they might get a mouthful back.
Just to be clear, I have nothing against the idea that if she's staying there the least she can do it take part in the chores, that's just basic courtesy and that for whatever reason if she isn't willing, it's reasonable to ask her to leave. The bit I don't like is the parents being given a 100% pass on their part in causing the tension.
(Yes I'm employed, thank you for your concern 😅)
The original poster's parents are the original poster's parents. They always have been. Always will be. The original poster can't change his parents. And from the tone of the original post, he's not looking to change them. And he's not looking to have nothing more to do with them.
The girlfriend is someone that he can replace. And he is - somewhat reluctantly - considering whether the best move for him would be to replace her.
The girlfriend treated his parent's house like a free hotel. With her getting rude and surly to the - somewhat like Basil Fawlty - staff.
What would this girl be like when she is living with a 3 month old baby and two and a half year old toddler?
Would she be like "I'm not their maid?"
Or would she not even contemplate having children due to her not wanting to be anyone's maid? Whilst the original poster would love to be a father, some day?
What would it be like, 3 years into marriage with her, if she goes out at 7 PM and returns at 10 AM the next day without explanation and the original poster asks "Did you have a good time?" Would she decline to answer, get into a sulky strop and retreat to the bedroom?
The girlfriend is someone that he can replace. And he is - somewhat reluctantly - considering whether the best move for him would be to replace her.
The girlfriend treated his parent's house like a free hotel. With her getting rude and surly to the - somewhat like Basil Fawlty - staff.
What would this girl be like when she is living with a 3 month old baby and two and a half year old toddler?
Would she be like "I'm not their maid?"
Or would she not even contemplate having children due to her not wanting to be anyone's maid? Whilst the original poster would love to be a father, some day?
What would it be like, 3 years into marriage with her, if she goes out at 7 PM and returns at 10 AM the next day without explanation and the original poster asks "Did you have a good time?" Would she decline to answer, get into a sulky strop and retreat to the bedroom?
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