How do i tell my over-dependant bestfriend that it is TIRING being her friend?
For the sake of privacy Ill refer to my bsf as "Orange".
Okay so for context, I've have been bestfriends with this individual for probably 4 months-ish, which is not a lot of time at all and in this short amount of time, so much has happened that has not only had me extremely depressed and extremely happy. It was only until yesterday that I realised what the red flags were our friendship and how I had completely ignored them!?
Orange is someone who as a lot of trauma, it isnt my place to discuss someones problems but for the sake of clarity and context I will. She was adopted from her neglectful parents, her current parents provided her with a better lifestyle but are very dismissive of her mental health and just her personality as a whole. She is very handsy with people which shows her love language is physical touch, she says a lot of unhinged things, and most importantly she is VERY impulsive.
Our friendship basically went from 0 to 100 very quickly and im not that kind of person to get attached very quickly but with her I did for some reason. We hung out A LOT, all the time, we texted all the time and called and she even came over multiple times a week to visit me. It was all going great, i felt like i had found a forever friend but in the back of my mind something always felt slightly off. I am not a very touchy person but she would always be very touchy with me, hugging me, grabbing onto my arm, getting close to my face etc. Now I hug my friends everytime i see them, but just briefly and lightly as you do. But when she hugged me she would HUG and yes it felt nice but again I wasnt very comfortable with it so I told her. Orange felt bad and apologised and I thought that was the end of that but whilst she was apologising she decided to drop some "lore" as to why shes like this which made me feel incredibly guilty for even telling her to stop. She mentioned that she has trauma from being constantly BLOCKED by her ex friends because they were uncomfortable with her. Being the people pleaser i am i said its okay i didnt mean it, you can hug me any time. This cycle kept repeating but i had gotten used to it by now.
Fast forward a month, we got very close and got sexually involved with one another which was fine but it just felt weird and i dont mean that in a homophobic way (im bisexual), i mean that it just didnt feel right for some reason. I still dont know why. Anyways, I cut her off on 4 different ocassions but I kept coming back (yes this is on me this time for letting her back into my life when i couldve moved on). Everytime I unbloced her she would say "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" and I didn tthink itd be that deep so i said yes and she sent it to me.
The video showed her crying and literally begging for me to come back
I
felt
so
guilty.
I felt awful and decided to never cut her off again as she needed me. But honestly speaking it is getting so tiring, I wanna tell her that I have probelms too but atleast Im doing something about them. She keeps making excuses that shes fine and that she doesnt need help. After begging her she decided to see the college counsellor and didnt even talk to her actual doctor who would 100% refer her to a therapist after hearing her problems. Nonetheless, I was relieved she did something. Yesterday, she called me at 4am saying she feels like someone is watching her and she was SHAKING. I didnt know what to do i was trying to calm her down as much as possible but she kept say "im so scared, i can hear it". After trying to divert her attention, she went dead silent. We were still on call but i couldnt see her because our cameras were off. I couldnt hear any breathing nor her voice nor the sound of any doors opening. I lost it, i was so scared but i knew i couldnt be losing my **** if shes in a crisis, i just kept talking hoping she just fell asleep. I get a reply an hour later saying she had fell asleep. I was relieved but a little angry because i couldnt sleep that night (sorry, that sounds so insensitive, i shouldnt say that but i want to be honest).
Fast forward to today, she sends me the "i peeled my orange" pin on pinterest and honestly I have no words, here was our conversation: https://conversation48.tiiny.site/
I dont know what to do, i need to get out of this friendship but ill be riddled with guilt. PLS HELP.
Okay so for context, I've have been bestfriends with this individual for probably 4 months-ish, which is not a lot of time at all and in this short amount of time, so much has happened that has not only had me extremely depressed and extremely happy. It was only until yesterday that I realised what the red flags were our friendship and how I had completely ignored them!?
Orange is someone who as a lot of trauma, it isnt my place to discuss someones problems but for the sake of clarity and context I will. She was adopted from her neglectful parents, her current parents provided her with a better lifestyle but are very dismissive of her mental health and just her personality as a whole. She is very handsy with people which shows her love language is physical touch, she says a lot of unhinged things, and most importantly she is VERY impulsive.
Our friendship basically went from 0 to 100 very quickly and im not that kind of person to get attached very quickly but with her I did for some reason. We hung out A LOT, all the time, we texted all the time and called and she even came over multiple times a week to visit me. It was all going great, i felt like i had found a forever friend but in the back of my mind something always felt slightly off. I am not a very touchy person but she would always be very touchy with me, hugging me, grabbing onto my arm, getting close to my face etc. Now I hug my friends everytime i see them, but just briefly and lightly as you do. But when she hugged me she would HUG and yes it felt nice but again I wasnt very comfortable with it so I told her. Orange felt bad and apologised and I thought that was the end of that but whilst she was apologising she decided to drop some "lore" as to why shes like this which made me feel incredibly guilty for even telling her to stop. She mentioned that she has trauma from being constantly BLOCKED by her ex friends because they were uncomfortable with her. Being the people pleaser i am i said its okay i didnt mean it, you can hug me any time. This cycle kept repeating but i had gotten used to it by now.
Fast forward a month, we got very close and got sexually involved with one another which was fine but it just felt weird and i dont mean that in a homophobic way (im bisexual), i mean that it just didnt feel right for some reason. I still dont know why. Anyways, I cut her off on 4 different ocassions but I kept coming back (yes this is on me this time for letting her back into my life when i couldve moved on). Everytime I unbloced her she would say "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" and I didn tthink itd be that deep so i said yes and she sent it to me.
The video showed her crying and literally begging for me to come back
I
felt
so
guilty.
I felt awful and decided to never cut her off again as she needed me. But honestly speaking it is getting so tiring, I wanna tell her that I have probelms too but atleast Im doing something about them. She keeps making excuses that shes fine and that she doesnt need help. After begging her she decided to see the college counsellor and didnt even talk to her actual doctor who would 100% refer her to a therapist after hearing her problems. Nonetheless, I was relieved she did something. Yesterday, she called me at 4am saying she feels like someone is watching her and she was SHAKING. I didnt know what to do i was trying to calm her down as much as possible but she kept say "im so scared, i can hear it". After trying to divert her attention, she went dead silent. We were still on call but i couldnt see her because our cameras were off. I couldnt hear any breathing nor her voice nor the sound of any doors opening. I lost it, i was so scared but i knew i couldnt be losing my **** if shes in a crisis, i just kept talking hoping she just fell asleep. I get a reply an hour later saying she had fell asleep. I was relieved but a little angry because i couldnt sleep that night (sorry, that sounds so insensitive, i shouldnt say that but i want to be honest).
Fast forward to today, she sends me the "i peeled my orange" pin on pinterest and honestly I have no words, here was our conversation: https://conversation48.tiiny.site/
I dont know what to do, i need to get out of this friendship but ill be riddled with guilt. PLS HELP.
Stop taking this all so seriously. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Stop taking her so seriously.
Chill out. Relax. Have fun. Laugh about stuff. Make more jokes. Including jokes about the bad stuff in your life and her life.
The text conversation between the 2 of you was oh so serious. And oh so time consuming.
Change the frame to one where her crises and your crises are a source of amusement as much as anything.
If she gets offended by your newfound sense of humour, so be it.
In response to "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" Say something like:
"You been playing Mario Karts again?"
or "Is there much damage to your car?"
or "No. Not really. I'd rather watch the video of us getting it together"
Chill out. Relax. Have fun. Laugh about stuff. Make more jokes. Including jokes about the bad stuff in your life and her life.
The text conversation between the 2 of you was oh so serious. And oh so time consuming.
Change the frame to one where her crises and your crises are a source of amusement as much as anything.
If she gets offended by your newfound sense of humour, so be it.
In response to "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" Say something like:
"You been playing Mario Karts again?"
or "Is there much damage to your car?"
or "No. Not really. I'd rather watch the video of us getting it together"
Original post by ayseeee.x1
For the sake of privacy Ill refer to my bsf as "Orange".
Okay so for context, I've have been bestfriends with this individual for probably 4 months-ish, which is not a lot of time at all and in this short amount of time, so much has happened that has not only had me extremely depressed and extremely happy. It was only until yesterday that I realised what the red flags were our friendship and how I had completely ignored them!?
Orange is someone who as a lot of trauma, it isnt my place to discuss someones problems but for the sake of clarity and context I will. She was adopted from her neglectful parents, her current parents provided her with a better lifestyle but are very dismissive of her mental health and just her personality as a whole. She is very handsy with people which shows her love language is physical touch, she says a lot of unhinged things, and most importantly she is VERY impulsive.
Our friendship basically went from 0 to 100 very quickly and im not that kind of person to get attached very quickly but with her I did for some reason. We hung out A LOT, all the time, we texted all the time and called and she even came over multiple times a week to visit me. It was all going great, i felt like i had found a forever friend but in the back of my mind something always felt slightly off. I am not a very touchy person but she would always be very touchy with me, hugging me, grabbing onto my arm, getting close to my face etc. Now I hug my friends everytime i see them, but just briefly and lightly as you do. But when she hugged me she would HUG and yes it felt nice but again I wasnt very comfortable with it so I told her. Orange felt bad and apologised and I thought that was the end of that but whilst she was apologising she decided to drop some "lore" as to why shes like this which made me feel incredibly guilty for even telling her to stop. She mentioned that she has trauma from being constantly BLOCKED by her ex friends because they were uncomfortable with her. Being the people pleaser i am i said its okay i didnt mean it, you can hug me any time. This cycle kept repeating but i had gotten used to it by now.
Fast forward a month, we got very close and got sexually involved with one another which was fine but it just felt weird and i dont mean that in a homophobic way (im bisexual), i mean that it just didnt feel right for some reason. I still dont know why. Anyways, I cut her off on 4 different ocassions but I kept coming back (yes this is on me this time for letting her back into my life when i couldve moved on). Everytime I unbloced her she would say "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" and I didn tthink itd be that deep so i said yes and she sent it to me.
The video showed her crying and literally begging for me to come back
I
felt
so
guilty.
I felt awful and decided to never cut her off again as she needed me. But honestly speaking it is getting so tiring, I wanna tell her that I have probelms too but atleast Im doing something about them. She keeps making excuses that shes fine and that she doesnt need help. After begging her she decided to see the college counsellor and didnt even talk to her actual doctor who would 100% refer her to a therapist after hearing her problems. Nonetheless, I was relieved she did something. Yesterday, she called me at 4am saying she feels like someone is watching her and she was SHAKING. I didnt know what to do i was trying to calm her down as much as possible but she kept say "im so scared, i can hear it". After trying to divert her attention, she went dead silent. We were still on call but i couldnt see her because our cameras were off. I couldnt hear any breathing nor her voice nor the sound of any doors opening. I lost it, i was so scared but i knew i couldnt be losing my **** if shes in a crisis, i just kept talking hoping she just fell asleep. I get a reply an hour later saying she had fell asleep. I was relieved but a little angry because i couldnt sleep that night (sorry, that sounds so insensitive, i shouldnt say that but i want to be honest).
Fast forward to today, she sends me the "i peeled my orange" pin on pinterest and honestly I have no words, here was our conversation: https://conversation48.tiiny.site/
I dont know what to do, i need to get out of this friendship but ill be riddled with guilt. PLS HELP.
Okay so for context, I've have been bestfriends with this individual for probably 4 months-ish, which is not a lot of time at all and in this short amount of time, so much has happened that has not only had me extremely depressed and extremely happy. It was only until yesterday that I realised what the red flags were our friendship and how I had completely ignored them!?
Orange is someone who as a lot of trauma, it isnt my place to discuss someones problems but for the sake of clarity and context I will. She was adopted from her neglectful parents, her current parents provided her with a better lifestyle but are very dismissive of her mental health and just her personality as a whole. She is very handsy with people which shows her love language is physical touch, she says a lot of unhinged things, and most importantly she is VERY impulsive.
Our friendship basically went from 0 to 100 very quickly and im not that kind of person to get attached very quickly but with her I did for some reason. We hung out A LOT, all the time, we texted all the time and called and she even came over multiple times a week to visit me. It was all going great, i felt like i had found a forever friend but in the back of my mind something always felt slightly off. I am not a very touchy person but she would always be very touchy with me, hugging me, grabbing onto my arm, getting close to my face etc. Now I hug my friends everytime i see them, but just briefly and lightly as you do. But when she hugged me she would HUG and yes it felt nice but again I wasnt very comfortable with it so I told her. Orange felt bad and apologised and I thought that was the end of that but whilst she was apologising she decided to drop some "lore" as to why shes like this which made me feel incredibly guilty for even telling her to stop. She mentioned that she has trauma from being constantly BLOCKED by her ex friends because they were uncomfortable with her. Being the people pleaser i am i said its okay i didnt mean it, you can hug me any time. This cycle kept repeating but i had gotten used to it by now.
Fast forward a month, we got very close and got sexually involved with one another which was fine but it just felt weird and i dont mean that in a homophobic way (im bisexual), i mean that it just didnt feel right for some reason. I still dont know why. Anyways, I cut her off on 4 different ocassions but I kept coming back (yes this is on me this time for letting her back into my life when i couldve moved on). Everytime I unbloced her she would say "wanna see a video of me crashing out?" and I didn tthink itd be that deep so i said yes and she sent it to me.
The video showed her crying and literally begging for me to come back
I
felt
so
guilty.
I felt awful and decided to never cut her off again as she needed me. But honestly speaking it is getting so tiring, I wanna tell her that I have probelms too but atleast Im doing something about them. She keeps making excuses that shes fine and that she doesnt need help. After begging her she decided to see the college counsellor and didnt even talk to her actual doctor who would 100% refer her to a therapist after hearing her problems. Nonetheless, I was relieved she did something. Yesterday, she called me at 4am saying she feels like someone is watching her and she was SHAKING. I didnt know what to do i was trying to calm her down as much as possible but she kept say "im so scared, i can hear it". After trying to divert her attention, she went dead silent. We were still on call but i couldnt see her because our cameras were off. I couldnt hear any breathing nor her voice nor the sound of any doors opening. I lost it, i was so scared but i knew i couldnt be losing my **** if shes in a crisis, i just kept talking hoping she just fell asleep. I get a reply an hour later saying she had fell asleep. I was relieved but a little angry because i couldnt sleep that night (sorry, that sounds so insensitive, i shouldnt say that but i want to be honest).
Fast forward to today, she sends me the "i peeled my orange" pin on pinterest and honestly I have no words, here was our conversation: https://conversation48.tiiny.site/
I dont know what to do, i need to get out of this friendship but ill be riddled with guilt. PLS HELP.
update??
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Friendships
- Advice for my friend
- Jealous of my best friend stealing my guy friend
- is letting my boyfriends bestfriends girlfriend in my boyfriends bed too much?
- How to slowly stop being close friends with my best friend?
- Help
- Not invited to my Boyfriend friend’s wedding
- DYSLEXIC FRIEND WON'T STOP ASKING ME STUFF. Am i in the wrong?
- Girls how would you feel about this?
- Jealous over boyfriends female friend. Is he lying?
- Think my bf isn’t attracted to me
- General rant
- Is this bad to be like this to my girlfriend.
- date match- pls advice
- Lack of male attention in yr13
- Am I just being used?
- BIG age gap in relationship!
- My mother is overworking me
- Moving out Abusive Parents
- im bored ASF smone talk to me
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 month ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 1 month ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 1 month ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
