Should I break up with my bf?
I've been going out with my boyfriend since October. He joined my school for sixth form last year, and we met just before Christmas last year but didn't really talk until this year. We started back and got along really well, started texting and talking more and eventually I made the first move and asked him if he wanted to join me on a McDonald's run. He was a bit sick so it was rescheduled and our first "date" (McDonald's and chat, nothing too fancy which was nice but only suggested bc I wanted to do SOMETHING and it was easy) and a bit of nudging from his friends led to him properly asking me out.
Something he made clear before the first date was that he can be extremely oblivious and I was fine with that, but I didn't realise how much. He's never gotten me flowers, hardly ever gives me compliments (unless I fish for them which I hate, even when he picked me up for formal) and he can't actually tell me when he knew he liked me. He's never even hinted at an "I love you". I have to spell a lot of simple things out to him (for example, we went shopping so he could buy a t-shirt, and he spent the whole time trying to follow me and get me to do the work) and when I try to bring things like this up to him he brushes it off as him being clueless. He has little quirks that used to be cute but now they're kind of icky, like how he texts in third person sometimes and he lets me make a lot of the decisions (which I'm now seeing is just him being indecisive).
On top of all of this, we go to each other's houses a lot and do casual dates once a week (since we see each other every single morning in school and throughout the day) but we've only had two actual proper dates, both of which I planned (mini golf in November and the shopping trip last week). He HATES taking photos (which I can understand but not to this extent) and makes no effort to talk to my friends except one he's known far longer than me (a whole other problem in itself considering I speak to people I actively hate DAILY for his sake). Plus his brother broke up with his gf after long distance went wrong, so every time I mention going to uni overseas (we're from NI) he immediately shuts it down and talks about us in Belfast together, almost like he's picking Queens just so we're together. He hates eating out and when we do he either feels sick, hates the food or complains.
He's by no means a bad person and he's really lovely it's just that he's massively frustrating at times (a lot more recently than not). It feels like we're just so different, especially with exams and seeing how little effort he puts in compared to me and how much he wastes his money on silly stuff (why do you need to buy a third wooden spoon when you can barely work an air fryer??).
On the topic of money, it's my birthday soon and I would rather if I was to break up with him that it would be before he started spending money on me (or his family bc I don't want repeat of Christmas in which he didn't stand his ground on "small simple gifts" and his mum spent over £300 on me, while l showed up with handmade socks, an inside joke and quality streets, like I love his family but that was embarrassing).
But then again, I feel like I'm just overreacting and telling myself to find problems. Maybe it's just mocks/exams stress, but I have a tendency to overreact while in relationships and then be really glad I did later down the line so I'm not sure whether this is the beginning of the end or if I just need someone to talk me out of doing something stupid.
Something he made clear before the first date was that he can be extremely oblivious and I was fine with that, but I didn't realise how much. He's never gotten me flowers, hardly ever gives me compliments (unless I fish for them which I hate, even when he picked me up for formal) and he can't actually tell me when he knew he liked me. He's never even hinted at an "I love you". I have to spell a lot of simple things out to him (for example, we went shopping so he could buy a t-shirt, and he spent the whole time trying to follow me and get me to do the work) and when I try to bring things like this up to him he brushes it off as him being clueless. He has little quirks that used to be cute but now they're kind of icky, like how he texts in third person sometimes and he lets me make a lot of the decisions (which I'm now seeing is just him being indecisive).
On top of all of this, we go to each other's houses a lot and do casual dates once a week (since we see each other every single morning in school and throughout the day) but we've only had two actual proper dates, both of which I planned (mini golf in November and the shopping trip last week). He HATES taking photos (which I can understand but not to this extent) and makes no effort to talk to my friends except one he's known far longer than me (a whole other problem in itself considering I speak to people I actively hate DAILY for his sake). Plus his brother broke up with his gf after long distance went wrong, so every time I mention going to uni overseas (we're from NI) he immediately shuts it down and talks about us in Belfast together, almost like he's picking Queens just so we're together. He hates eating out and when we do he either feels sick, hates the food or complains.
He's by no means a bad person and he's really lovely it's just that he's massively frustrating at times (a lot more recently than not). It feels like we're just so different, especially with exams and seeing how little effort he puts in compared to me and how much he wastes his money on silly stuff (why do you need to buy a third wooden spoon when you can barely work an air fryer??).
On the topic of money, it's my birthday soon and I would rather if I was to break up with him that it would be before he started spending money on me (or his family bc I don't want repeat of Christmas in which he didn't stand his ground on "small simple gifts" and his mum spent over £300 on me, while l showed up with handmade socks, an inside joke and quality streets, like I love his family but that was embarrassing).
But then again, I feel like I'm just overreacting and telling myself to find problems. Maybe it's just mocks/exams stress, but I have a tendency to overreact while in relationships and then be really glad I did later down the line so I'm not sure whether this is the beginning of the end or if I just need someone to talk me out of doing something stupid.
Reply 1
If im being honest, he's immature asl🤣 I understand not liking to take pictures but what is he so scared of? his ex's seeing him in a relationship or scared girls would get jealous, and same goes to eating out, I understand some people don't trust food from restaurants and only prefer home cooked food but it gets to a point. he seriously needs to face his fears and go out to eat. or he's just scared he's going to make someone jealous (stay with me now) try and sit him down face to face conversation without using phones or him getting distracted by anything and if that doesn't work then clearly he's not someone you should be stressing about
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousIf im being honest, he's immature asl🤣 I understand not liking to take pictures but what is he so scared of? his ex's seeing him in a relationship or scared girls would get jealous, and same goes to eating out, I understand some people don't trust food from restaurants and only prefer home cooked food but it gets to a point. he seriously needs to face his fears and go out to eat. or he's just scared he's going to make someone jealous (stay with me now) try and sit him down face to face conversation without using phones or him getting distracted by anything and if that doesn't work then clearly he's not someone you should be stressing about
That’s the big things:
1) I’m his first girlfriend, but there’s a point where it’s just TOO clueless/immature
2) I’ve tried talking to him about it and he brushes it off as “he told me he was clueless”
Reply 3
Uhhhh so update, broke up with him on Sunday and he won't stop texting me to talk despite the fact I tried and he froze... twice...
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousUhhhh so update, broke up with him on Sunday and he won't stop texting me to talk despite the fact I tried and he froze... twice...
Future you will appreciate this! Exams are soon don't stress yourself out even more x
Reply 5
Sounds like a decent decision in the long run. Stick to your guns.
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousThat’s the big things:
1) I’m his first girlfriend, but there’s a point where it’s just TOO clueless/immature
2) I’ve tried talking to him about it and he brushes it off as “he told me he was clueless”
1) I’m his first girlfriend, but there’s a point where it’s just TOO clueless/immature
2) I’ve tried talking to him about it and he brushes it off as “he told me he was clueless”
yeah he needa go. being someone's first gf/bf ain't a valid excuse
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