I actually called it quits after he stopped putting effort in the relationship. He has been the one who first initiated it, he was really into me and I didnt want him at all but he still told me to give him a chance and i did, this is the biggest mistake ever. I fell for him after months and we started dating. His parents were rlly strict and we Couldn't go on dates only met at college or coachings(we both are brown and asian and have strict brown parents)
After only 4 months of dating(we were really intimate in college ofc secretly with each other btw) he started to text less we had our exams next year so I knew the pressure but I also knew he spent more time playing games. He stopped giving effort and I realized that as his texts dried out, only i initiated everything and he would just reply back to the point I felt like I am disturbing him when I text.
He also forgot my birthday and I was angry at him but I quickly forgave him however his birthday was some days later mine and I gave him a gift and a hbd wish too. Then I reached out his friends to ask what happened to him but they had no clue as he didn't reveal anything to them meanwhile I was getting more agitated, I would constantly check if he texted me every single second and I hated that feeling so much to the point his and my friends saw where it is going to and they suggested me to breakup with him for my own good. It was so painful it felt like death as I told him I will break up with him.
I tried to ask by writing long ass texts telling if anything is wrong and why wont he give effort. Instead I got yes or no for response and then I brokeup as he didnt understand at all that a relationship needed two sides to keep in floating. I felt like I was taken granted for. I showered him with love. I genuinely cared for him. After that I didnt talk to him for 5 months as I tried to focus on myself and my exams and obviously I cried my heart out idk how I survived all that.
Next semester I avoided him at all costs. After that I actually reached him out to congratulate him for his good results in the exams and there I also asked him if he still liked me he said he wasnt sure. In my heart there was this tiny hope he still loved me but he kept me hanging. Then things got intimate, I wish I didnt do it but I felt like he liked me thats why we kissed and all. Then after 4-6 months of me constantly approaching him(mind you he also himself came to me whenever he wanted and said hi in real life or smiled at me) then me texting him (always got dry ass texts from his side) turned into secrets of intimacy.
I went to him cus I loved him still hoping he would still get back I know I was soo foolish to think that but still I chased my heart. Meanwhile he was taking advantage of my softness for him to his own good.
Then when our exams came in May again, I saw him not being a follower in my Instagram (yes we still followed each other in insta even after breakup) and it haunted me sooo much, I remember my heart thumping and my hands turning cold as tears rolled out messily.
I immediately texted him and demanded answers that why he did that, i am so emotional idk why. He said **why the **** will I follow my ex** it left me in shock. He said his friends told him to which i dont think so cause his friends himself follow me and even if they did why would he listen I mean just cause we were exes doesnt mean I am his rival I didnt even bug him when I was in 'no contact' during the 5 months.
Then I just went mad, I told him if everything we had during these months meant smth to him (the intimacy the texts all those stuffs) he said **THAT CARD WONT WORK ON ME** so he is basically saying I seduce him and the seductions wont work. As if he himself didnt come to me. I was crying at that point and asked him if he even liked me when we dated, he said yes. I said if he fell outta love in December the month he fully became like a ghost and he said yes then I said why didnt u tell me that u fell outta love he said he wasnt sure. HE WASNT SURE IF HE FELL OUTTA LOVE. so he has been using me for like a year???
I asked him some more questions and in one I asked why didnt u text me back once during these times (post breakup when me and him were intimate) he said he wont text me as I am his ex. SO HE CAN KISS ME? I know its all my fault to approach him even I wish I can turn back time and told myself to even stop going back to him.
I asked him why he fell out of love, he said he didnt know. I knew he knows why but he wont tell me, one most correct answer is **I dated you so I can experience intimacy and you looked like a person who would give in easily** i knew it would be his answer but he didnt say it. Then I told him I wish I could move on as quickly as you did and he being the worst and *****iest person ever told me **goodluck with that** I cried that whole day even while trying to focus on my exam. After that all the hope I had for him just vanished. I felt empty.
Again 5 months passed and I felt like I was improving day by day even though I missed him. Then in Sept 2024 he approached me, I forgot all about the hurt and everything he said. Basically he lured me ( more like I went to him after he told he wanted to say smth) I went to him foolishly thinking he had smth to say in classroom. **** happened. He Just wanted to be intimate and I gave in that time too. I dont know why I did that I hated that. After this when I went home I cried, all of the improvements I did to myself Just collapsed. I knew he doesnt like me at all and I am letting him use me.
After that I was busy with college works and didnt meet him but I was still thinking about all the hurt he caused me. Then in January I used my friend's phone to see the insta of the girl I hated (basically we had a very bad beef she is a crazy ***** btw) and I saw HIM, my ex, as her follower. He knew that I hated her, he also listened to my rants of her and what not and I know now that we are no longer together I have no rights of who he follows but during our dating era I NEVER EVER told him to unfollow him or her but he was her follower.
Seeing this I had an intense pain, so indescribable, I banged my fists, I didnt cry, I was extremely mad at him, I was even shouting that I would kill him.HE UNFOLLOWED ME BUT IS STILL FOLLOWING THE GIRL I HATE WITH ALL MY GUTS? I was so blinded by sorrow I felt like I had been crushed by an elephant. Then after 1-2 days later after constantly thinking about it I finally blocked him on discord. I dont want to hear anything from him I know he wont text me but still.
The mere thought of being texted left me in shock. Idk I am still recovering but thinking about everything I did for him including giving him a chance to be with him, and then all these I feel like I am a loser. I even warned him to not break my heart, I was already heartbroken but I never thought He would break me more.
I am Just empty now whenever i think of him I wish he felt the pain of hurting me tormenting. Idk if he will ever regret though. I want him to regret, I want him to feel the pain I felt and carried and am still recovering from it. Though I did heal better than last 2 years as now I am sure I hate him. I acted as if he didnt exist whenever we had to be in College. I have to think he is dead.
Cant believe I wrote all these, while writing these I cried my heart Out, remembering all the pain I had to go through, I know I had been in faults too but the fact the realization came to me that he is using me is so infuriating and sad. I hope he regrets it, will he really regret?
Like regret in the future for hurting me or realizing that he lost someone who genuinely cared for him and loved him dearly? Please I wanna know, and I also wanna ask if I did the right thing by blocking him, I do get the urge to see his discord profile but I dont unblock, I wont.