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Relationship dilema

Okay I know this is mostly on me but I’m stuck, I have a bf now and we knew eachother from year7, he played me pretty bad and broke my heart and I was quite young so it had tolls on me especially since I was African so I wasn’t meant to have a bf anyway, he hurt me pretty bad and I was so in love, I couldn’t let go so I still spoke with him even though he hurt me and he just used me for sexual desires and he dated other girls and I was there through all of that. Then we had a big argument and stopped talking completely, (currently in year 9) skip to beginning of year 10, I rekindle with my year 5 bsf and everything is so amazing like instant reconnection but I ruin it and hurt him because I’m a bad person and I’m scared of committing and then I go back to my “ex” so I can forget about my year 5 bsf and because he was unattainable because he didn’t like me how I liked him so I had to reclaim that. I told him I want nothing serious but him being him, he pushed. I’ve never had anything physical with a guy but he had experience so he pushed many things and I was scared of saying no, on our first date he came up behind me and hugged me, second date kissed. Because this my first experience I was attached , he treated me bad, did things with his exes (both) I overheard conversations of him flirting and inviting them over while he was saying no to me, pretending like I don’t exist in school and out, ignoring me, Valentine’s Day he asked me ON the day, texting other girls, just being really bad. He couldn’t even remember my bday 7 months in and last but not least, SAing me and I know I should’ve left but it was like I brought him to my family, as an African, it’s shameful if in the first 10 months I tell them it was nothing. Anyway, our conversations were pretty boring, we’re veery incompatible, even our future and personality wise so it’s pretty bring spending time, not always though. He told me if I didn’t have his kids he’ll probably leave. Fast forward to January 2024 we had major problems, I fell into a really bad depressive state and became emotionally unstable, he was still texting the girl I told him not to and yes. I still am experiencing this but I’m distracted, I was just remembering all the foul things he’s done while I gave him my heart. So now I take blame, I said something really harmful, I said while we were on break, “if I ever get back with you I’ll cheat on you 10x” and that he stuck with him, I truly truly regret it and have never done that. Now he’s paranoid, insecure which he was already but much worse, lacks confident and constantly worried where I am what I’m doing who I’m with and that he’s not good enough. I recently applied to Nottingham and he was sad because he told me notts is full of infidelity. Nowadays I don’t like to call or go out because it’s really miserable even on text and kinda boring , I don’t really feel connected or his love. Now in January, I recently started speaking to him again since 3 years and it feels better than last time, he thinks like me, makes me forget about my problems and it’s really amazing. In the last 2.5 years with my bf, we’ve surprisingly never shared a bey hurting laugh and I had to teach him to love me and. Even so I don’t really feel it, my feelings for him aren’t really spring. Back to my old bsf, I actually really enjoy our time together, I can go with my phone, just us doing simple things not spending money, like car rides, it feels amazing and everytime I leave I miss him and that feeling is new to me, I feel love from him, he compliments me which I truly feel more than my bf and I just love the time spent. The problem is, he has converted to Islam and I’m Christian, he can only talk to girls he intends on marrying but he’s white im black, I don’t know how my family would feel about this since we’re just 18 but I’ve never felt happier honestly, I don’t want to lead him on but I don’t want him to leave either, he told me marriage doesn’t have to have legal documents, just the parents have to agree and I don’t think my parents ever would and I’m quite young but he feels right and also the fact I still have a bf, I know and know and know I’m a bad person but it feels amazing with him. I think a lot but he makes me not even think and we don’t touch since he’s not allowed, I’m stuck

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Ditch both guys and concentrate on getting your life together and having some self-esteem. Everything appears to be a mess here; at the least poor communication and lack of commitment, at its worst cheating but more so sexual activity between children and sexual assault. I suggest you get some counselling to help you process all this.