My boyfriend asked me if it's OK for him to go to Amsterdam with his friends?

I just recently started a relationship with a guy I no from college, we've been dating 4-5 months!
During which I was a bridemaid for my sisters wedding so most of my attention was on that and not him. After dating for 3 months we made it official. Today my boyfriend just askd if I was OK if he went away on a boys weekend to Amsterdam! I froze and thought abt all the sex things and drugs that went on there! Instead of saying no I asked no matter my opinion, and how good are relationship May be or not do u want to go! He said yes then I got upset and told him no I'm not comfortable and also all his mates were single and had a history of sleeping around! He said he wouldn't go after that but seems annoyed that he could be missing out! For more clarity, this week I discovered my bf had been lieing to me abt other issues, nothing important but still! My lack of trust and insecurity are growing! All I want is a good loving relationship with full commitment and honesty from day one!
Do men generally go to Amsterdam to see all that? Why? When they no they already have a good women at home! I just don't understand it!

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

18

You seem to be taking things too seriously.
For the bridesmaid, there's one or two half days when you go for fittings and then the day of the wedding. Apart from that it doesn't require any attention from you at all.

For your boyfriend, you should have told him that it's fine if he goes and you should have told him to have a great time.

If you want to break up with your boyfriend for any reason or no reason at all, you can do it. At any time. On any day.
If you were to break up with him, it would be no big deal. He'd get another girlfriend and you will get another boyfriend.

It's better if you have a policy of not trying to change your boyfriends and not trying to control them. And also at the same time, not allowing them to change you nor control you when it comes to your time, your reactions, your humour.

It is possible to go to Amsterdam and enjoy the tourist attractions, the city in general, the museums and art galleries. Without touching the sex workers nor drugs. Whether your boyfriend is that kind of guy is something for you to judge.
You can't rely on him telling you the truth if he does something with a prostitute or with a tourist that he meets.

Reply 2

Stormgrad

10

Original post by Jess0093

I just recently started a relationship with a guy I no from college, we've been dating 4-5 months!
During which I was a bridemaid for my sisters wedding so most of my attention was on that and not him. After dating for 3 months we made it official. Today my boyfriend just askd if I was OK if he went away on a boys weekend to Amsterdam! I froze and thought abt all the sex things and drugs that went on there! Instead of saying no I asked no matter my opinion, and how good are relationship May be or not do u want to go! He said yes then I got upset and told him no I'm not comfortable and also all his mates were single and had a history of sleeping around! He said he wouldn't go after that but seems annoyed that he could be missing out! For more clarity, this week I discovered my bf had been lieing to me abt other issues, nothing important but still! My lack of trust and insecurity are growing! All I want is a good loving relationship with full commitment and honesty from day one!
Do men generally go to Amsterdam to see all that? Why? When they no they already have a good women at home! I just don't understand it!

I went yo Amstersam to get high, see frienda and 0lay magic the Gathering

Reply 3

ageshallnot

21

Original post by Stormgrad

I went yo Amstersam to get high, see frienda and 0lay magic the Gathering

Smooth....😆

Reply 4

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Jess0093

I just recently started a relationship with a guy I no from college, we've been dating 4-5 months!
During which I was a bridemaid for my sisters wedding so most of my attention was on that and not him. After dating for 3 months we made it official. Today my boyfriend just askd if I was OK if he went away on a boys weekend to Amsterdam! I froze and thought abt all the sex things and drugs that went on there! Instead of saying no I asked no matter my opinion, and how good are relationship May be or not do u want to go! He said yes then I got upset and told him no I'm not comfortable and also all his mates were single and had a history of sleeping around! He said he wouldn't go after that but seems annoyed that he could be missing out! For more clarity, this week I discovered my bf had been lieing to me abt other issues, nothing important but still! My lack of trust and insecurity are growing! All I want is a good loving relationship with full commitment and honesty from day one!
Do men generally go to Amsterdam to see all that? Why? When they no they already have a good women at home! I just don't understand it!

You want an honest and loving relationship but you are banning your guy from having a boys weekend. If you get easily upset, do you think he would be honest with you on future events. Else he may do things behind your back.

My suggestion is to allow him to go but establish the boundaries like “I want you to have a good tike with your friends and I trust you but please don't go beyond our boundaries.”

Many guys go to Amsterdam to have a good time and not cheat on their missus.

Reply 5

Zarek

21

That he wants a lads weekend doesn’t necessarily mean sex and drugs are involved. Usually and counterintuitively the best way to hold on to a partner is to be self confident and totally non possessive. If you really don’t trust him have the self confidence to dump him

Reply 6

StriderHort

21

Kind of sounds like you're jumping to conclusions and judgement here. What's the long game, get rid of his friends entirely?

"All I want is a good loving relationship with full commitment and honesty from day one!" in particular, this is an unrealistic fantasy. especially when you seem to regard wanting to spend time with friends as not being committed.