Got hinge now it's ruining my mental health
Im a 22 year old virgin, haven't even kissed a girl before. I would say i'm quite outgoing, socialise well, yet somehow have never managed to get a girl. I downloaded hinge few weeks back because alot of people I know kinda forced me to get it as they said I'd definitely find someone on there. I resisted for quite a while as I wanted my first relationship to be organic. Eventually I gave in, and I haven't gotten any likes or matches at all. I feel quite depressed now cos if I'm not getting any luck on the app then how is it gonna even happen in person
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The sort of man that feels depressed because they get no likes nor matches on Hinge is the sort of man that is less attractive to women.
The sort of man that doesn't get emotionally nor mentally affected in any significant way when they get no matches on Hinge is the sort of man that's more attractive to women.
The sort of man that goes ahead and tries Hinge straight away is more attractive to women than the sort of man that resists for a while.
The sort of man that joins Hinge because his friends kind of force him into it is less attractive than the man that joins Hinge due to his own initiative.
It appears that the inner you has been going through life in ways that are unattractive to women and that this is a large part as to why you've had no romantic success.
That's just from 5 lines of text from you. If you were to tell us more about yourself, there may be other factors that explain your lack of success.
It's good that you have the self image of being outgoing and socialising well.
Best way forward for you would be to have a good think about your inner world and how you interact with the outer world and for you to change yourself so that you're more positive, more enthusiastic, more proactive, take setbacks less seriously, life in general less seriously, more joyful, more fun loving, more assertive.
It would also be worth giving your "avatar" an audit. Your avatar is your clothes, hairstyle, accessories, facial hair.
For online dating use professional looking photos or don't bother at all.
Also for the text part of your profile write something attention grabbing that's polarising so that the sort of women you're not attracted to would hate your profile and the sort of women you're attracted to would be interested by it.
Get some guidance from one or more leading dating coaches on man to woman social skills. It could be, that like many men, you're great at having "conversations to nowhere" with women. What you should be aiming for is conversations and interactions that get results. There's a lot of great advice you can get for free on youtube (as well as a lot of poor to mediocre advice).
The sort of man that doesn't get emotionally nor mentally affected in any significant way when they get no matches on Hinge is the sort of man that's more attractive to women.
The sort of man that goes ahead and tries Hinge straight away is more attractive to women than the sort of man that resists for a while.
The sort of man that joins Hinge because his friends kind of force him into it is less attractive than the man that joins Hinge due to his own initiative.
It appears that the inner you has been going through life in ways that are unattractive to women and that this is a large part as to why you've had no romantic success.
That's just from 5 lines of text from you. If you were to tell us more about yourself, there may be other factors that explain your lack of success.
It's good that you have the self image of being outgoing and socialising well.
Best way forward for you would be to have a good think about your inner world and how you interact with the outer world and for you to change yourself so that you're more positive, more enthusiastic, more proactive, take setbacks less seriously, life in general less seriously, more joyful, more fun loving, more assertive.
It would also be worth giving your "avatar" an audit. Your avatar is your clothes, hairstyle, accessories, facial hair.
For online dating use professional looking photos or don't bother at all.
Also for the text part of your profile write something attention grabbing that's polarising so that the sort of women you're not attracted to would hate your profile and the sort of women you're attracted to would be interested by it.
Get some guidance from one or more leading dating coaches on man to woman social skills. It could be, that like many men, you're great at having "conversations to nowhere" with women. What you should be aiming for is conversations and interactions that get results. There's a lot of great advice you can get for free on youtube (as well as a lot of poor to mediocre advice).
Easy - get rid of hinge, problem solved.
Dating apps are for people that know what they're doing and have a thick skin about it IMO, people without experience or enough emotional defences get ignored or carelessly stepped on and damaged, it's 99% not a place for people to start.
Dating apps are for people that know what they're doing and have a thick skin about it IMO, people without experience or enough emotional defences get ignored or carelessly stepped on and damaged, it's 99% not a place for people to start.
Original post by StriderHort
Easy - get rid of hinge, problem solved.
Dating apps are for people that know what they're doing and have a thick skin about it IMO, people without experience or enough emotional defences get ignored or carelessly stepped on and damaged, it's 99% not a place for people to start.
Dating apps are for people that know what they're doing and have a thick skin about it IMO, people without experience or enough emotional defences get ignored or carelessly stepped on and damaged, it's 99% not a place for people to start.
Well I don't think anything is gonna happen irl, nothing has happened with me being 3 years into uni, so I don't even know anymore
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
The sort of man that feels depressed because they get no likes nor matches on Hinge is the sort of man that is less attractive to women.
The sort of man that doesn't get emotionally nor mentally affected in any significant way when they get no matches on Hinge is the sort of man that's more attractive to women.
The sort of man that goes ahead and tries Hinge straight away is more attractive to women than the sort of man that resists for a while.
The sort of man that joins Hinge because his friends kind of force him into it is less attractive than the man that joins Hinge due to his own initiative.
It appears that the inner you has been going through life in ways that are unattractive to women and that this is a large part as to why you've had no romantic success.
That's just from 5 lines of text from you. If you were to tell us more about yourself, there may be other factors that explain your lack of success.
It's good that you have the self image of being outgoing and socialising well.
Best way forward for you would be to have a good think about your inner world and how you interact with the outer world and for you to change yourself so that you're more positive, more enthusiastic, more proactive, take setbacks less seriously, life in general less seriously, more joyful, more fun loving, more assertive.
It would also be worth giving your "avatar" an audit. Your avatar is your clothes, hairstyle, accessories, facial hair.
For online dating use professional looking photos or don't bother at all.
Also for the text part of your profile write something attention grabbing that's polarising so that the sort of women you're not attracted to would hate your profile and the sort of women you're attracted to would be interested by it.
Get some guidance from one or more leading dating coaches on man to woman social skills. It could be, that like many men, you're great at having "conversations to nowhere" with women. What you should be aiming for is conversations and interactions that get results. There's a lot of great advice you can get for free on youtube (as well as a lot of poor to mediocre advice).
The sort of man that doesn't get emotionally nor mentally affected in any significant way when they get no matches on Hinge is the sort of man that's more attractive to women.
The sort of man that goes ahead and tries Hinge straight away is more attractive to women than the sort of man that resists for a while.
The sort of man that joins Hinge because his friends kind of force him into it is less attractive than the man that joins Hinge due to his own initiative.
It appears that the inner you has been going through life in ways that are unattractive to women and that this is a large part as to why you've had no romantic success.
That's just from 5 lines of text from you. If you were to tell us more about yourself, there may be other factors that explain your lack of success.
It's good that you have the self image of being outgoing and socialising well.
Best way forward for you would be to have a good think about your inner world and how you interact with the outer world and for you to change yourself so that you're more positive, more enthusiastic, more proactive, take setbacks less seriously, life in general less seriously, more joyful, more fun loving, more assertive.
It would also be worth giving your "avatar" an audit. Your avatar is your clothes, hairstyle, accessories, facial hair.
For online dating use professional looking photos or don't bother at all.
Also for the text part of your profile write something attention grabbing that's polarising so that the sort of women you're not attracted to would hate your profile and the sort of women you're attracted to would be interested by it.
Get some guidance from one or more leading dating coaches on man to woman social skills. It could be, that like many men, you're great at having "conversations to nowhere" with women. What you should be aiming for is conversations and interactions that get results. There's a lot of great advice you can get for free on youtube (as well as a lot of poor to mediocre advice).
Hmm I do get what you're trying to say and people have told me that I should have the IDGAF attitude and girls will like me more. But I just don't see how I'm supposed to make a girl think that I have that attitude if you get what I'm trying to say
On line dating is terrible. You’re just a commodity and unless you’re above average looks it doesn’t work. Better to continue with an organic strategy. Work, hobbies, pubs where singles hang out, friends of friends are good resources. Situations where you can socialise more naturally and have some fun even if you don’t hit it off with someone. Luck changes when you least expect it. I found work a much better place to meet love interests than at uni
Original post by Anonymous
Im a 22 year old virgin, haven't even kissed a girl before. I would say i'm quite outgoing, socialise well, yet somehow have never managed to get a girl. I downloaded hinge few weeks back because alot of people I know kinda forced me to get it as they said I'd definitely find someone on there. I resisted for quite a while as I wanted my first relationship to be organic. Eventually I gave in, and I haven't gotten any likes or matches at all. I feel quite depressed now cos if I'm not getting any luck on the app then how is it gonna even happen in person
I’m also 22 and have used Hinge. My advice? Delete it. I’ve gone on dates using it. It’s not worth it lol.
Also don’t worry it’s not a reflection of how attractive you are. It’s just about being able to take good photos, write good prompts, respond to prompts in some kind of vaguely eye catching way and most importantly being located in a populated area. The last one is the most significant factor in my experience.
I recommend - and this is a recommendation for myself too - touching grass, going out there and just socialising with people. You’ll meet someone you’re romantically interested in eventually I suspect. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. You don’t want to be like everyone else or look like everyone else, you’re you. Again advice for myself also.
Original post by Anonymous
Hmm I do get what you're trying to say and people have told me that I should have the IDGAF attitude and girls will like me more. But I just don't see how I'm supposed to make a girl think that I have that attitude if you get what I'm trying to say
Uni is the best place in the world for you to meet women. If you're still at uni, take full advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
The best way to make a girl think you have an IDGAF attitude is if you genuinely DGAF.
Not only that, but there's ways of NGAF. NGAF in an "I've given up and I'm feeling apathetic" is not a good way.
NGAF in an "I'm here to have fun. I'm willing to make myself vulnerable. I'm willing to embarrass myself and have a good laugh about it later. I'm wanting you, the person I'm talking to to enjoy our conversation and get value from it, but I don't mind what the outcome is. If it turns out that we're not right for each other, that's fine and we'll simply go our separate ways. As long as we enjoy the process of interacting with each other, that's the main thing."
It also helps if your NGAF attitude includes you playing to win, instead of playing not to lose. So that you make conversations man to woman. You flirt, you tease. You have fun. You assert your frame.
You don't play safe by having boring job interview type conversations with people that you meet.
And you should have an abundant IDGAF mentality. Whereby you're confident that there's loads of wonderful women out there. And not a scarcity of them.
Your IDGAF persona should be socially calibrated.
If you DGAF in a socially uncalibrated way you'll come over as weird or creepy or rapey or as too much of a jerk.
Another aspect of IDGAF is being able to pass "**** tests". Which is easy to do when you know how.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Uni is the best place in the world for you to meet women. If you're still at uni, take full advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
The best way to make a girl think you have an IDGAF attitude is if you genuinely DGAF.
Not only that, but there's ways of NGAF. NGAF in an "I've given up and I'm feeling apathetic" is not a good way.
NGAF in an "I'm here to have fun. I'm willing to make myself vulnerable. I'm willing to embarrass myself and have a good laugh about it later. I'm wanting you, the person I'm talking to to enjoy our conversation and get value from it, but I don't mind what the outcome is. If it turns out that we're not right for each other, that's fine and we'll simply go our separate ways. As long as we enjoy the process of interacting with each other, that's the main thing."
It also helps if your NGAF attitude includes you playing to win, instead of playing not to lose. So that you make conversations man to woman. You flirt, you tease. You have fun. You assert your frame.
You don't play safe by having boring job interview type conversations with people that you meet.
And you should have an abundant IDGAF mentality. Whereby you're confident that there's loads of wonderful women out there. And not a scarcity of them.
Your IDGAF persona should be socially calibrated.
If you DGAF in a socially uncalibrated way you'll come over as weird or creepy or rapey or as too much of a jerk.
Another aspect of IDGAF is being able to pass "**** tests". Which is easy to do when you know how.
The best way to make a girl think you have an IDGAF attitude is if you genuinely DGAF.
Not only that, but there's ways of NGAF. NGAF in an "I've given up and I'm feeling apathetic" is not a good way.
NGAF in an "I'm here to have fun. I'm willing to make myself vulnerable. I'm willing to embarrass myself and have a good laugh about it later. I'm wanting you, the person I'm talking to to enjoy our conversation and get value from it, but I don't mind what the outcome is. If it turns out that we're not right for each other, that's fine and we'll simply go our separate ways. As long as we enjoy the process of interacting with each other, that's the main thing."
It also helps if your NGAF attitude includes you playing to win, instead of playing not to lose. So that you make conversations man to woman. You flirt, you tease. You have fun. You assert your frame.
You don't play safe by having boring job interview type conversations with people that you meet.
And you should have an abundant IDGAF mentality. Whereby you're confident that there's loads of wonderful women out there. And not a scarcity of them.
Your IDGAF persona should be socially calibrated.
If you DGAF in a socially uncalibrated way you'll come over as weird or creepy or rapey or as too much of a jerk.
Another aspect of IDGAF is being able to pass "**** tests". Which is easy to do when you know how.
I've got 2 years left on my course so hopefully I still have a chance. Issue is I'm on placement so only see a very small number of people in my year. I guess I'll try to do what you've said, but I think I am just a chill guy in general. Some girls have rejected me for being "too nice" as well.
Also wdum by "**** tests"?
**** tests are when girls throw out lines or comments that make many men wilt.
It's the sort of stuff they throw out as a defence mechanism.
EG if you break the ice with them and they respond with "Is that your chat-up line?" that's a **** test.
Socialise with the people you work with on your placement. Aim to never turn down a social invitation from a work colleague. Not to date the people you work with, but to date their friends and grown-up children.
Being a chill guy is great. Having a rock solid good mood is great.
There's lots of "typical nice guy" mistakes that many men make. Once you understand what they are, it's easy enough to avoid them.
It sounds like you have the right foundation and that it's just a case of a few tweaks here and there to get you success.
It's the sort of stuff they throw out as a defence mechanism.
EG if you break the ice with them and they respond with "Is that your chat-up line?" that's a **** test.
Socialise with the people you work with on your placement. Aim to never turn down a social invitation from a work colleague. Not to date the people you work with, but to date their friends and grown-up children.
Being a chill guy is great. Having a rock solid good mood is great.
There's lots of "typical nice guy" mistakes that many men make. Once you understand what they are, it's easy enough to avoid them.
It sounds like you have the right foundation and that it's just a case of a few tweaks here and there to get you success.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hmm I do get what you're trying to say and people have told me that I should have the IDGAF attitude and girls will like me more. But I just don't see how I'm supposed to make a girl think that I have that attitude if you get what I'm trying to say
Do not listen to that reply (edit: without first considering the whole picture). No person will want to maintain a real relationship with you if you try and put on a façade. Be yourself, and eventually you'll find the person who's right for you. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as they make you happy.
(edited 1 month ago)
While some of the content shared is good advice, I'd say make sure you don't forget yourself while you're in the moment. If you are genuine, you will find someone eventually.
Original post by Zarek
On line dating is terrible. You’re just a commodity and unless you’re above average looks it doesn’t work. Better to continue with an organic strategy. Work, hobbies, pubs where singles hang out, friends of friends are good resources. Situations where you can socialise more naturally and have some fun even if you don’t hit it off with someone. Luck changes when you least expect it. I found work a much better place to meet love interests than at uni
Exactly, a big problem with gamifying dating in such a way online is that push comes to shove you are the avatar and the bio and lines really are yours and you simply need to work with what you've got in a large competitive marketplace... which in global leaderboard terms might leave you a bit disillusioned, but as you said above, making genuine organic connections will likely prove stronger even if more sporadic.
I've met girlfriends and dates online through shared interests, but not through specific apps. I once signed up to a Christian dating app under a female name for a laugh and the replies genuinely terrified me and taught me more about feminism that I was expecting 😒
I installed Hinge despite my avid contempt for dating apps, only because it occurred to me that there is no better way (other than tattooing it on my forehead) of asserting my boundaries and values loud and clear from the very outset in writing.
Women get far too much attention on these apps unfortunately, and it often goes to their heads. Many will immediately filter by height for instance and just pick the top 20% of guys. Many guys will lie about their height (and other things), to try and make that cut, and then often spend the first few dates 'revealing' the truth (sh*t such as that he's already married, or has kids for instance). The women then get distrustful and dismissive of most guys on the app (and I can actually relate to that - as I've also crossed paths with women that hide stuff and lie about things without a 2nd thought - that has also turned me very dismissive towards a lot of them).
By this stage - often the slightest thing can tick me off and make my expectations drop from 2/10 to 0, which is when I can barely be ar.sed to make any effort at all. I suppose a lot of women feel similar.
It's not a very friendly environment in general. You need a thick skin to stomach it, and be able to take offense and if necessary dish out offense to make your expectations/boundaries clear.
I've used it for 6 months and had a total of just 5 matches. Only 1 of them led to a date, but although nice enough, she wasn't really my immediate type and came across more 'keen' on me than I was comfortable with for a first date.
Women get far too much attention on these apps unfortunately, and it often goes to their heads. Many will immediately filter by height for instance and just pick the top 20% of guys. Many guys will lie about their height (and other things), to try and make that cut, and then often spend the first few dates 'revealing' the truth (sh*t such as that he's already married, or has kids for instance). The women then get distrustful and dismissive of most guys on the app (and I can actually relate to that - as I've also crossed paths with women that hide stuff and lie about things without a 2nd thought - that has also turned me very dismissive towards a lot of them).
By this stage - often the slightest thing can tick me off and make my expectations drop from 2/10 to 0, which is when I can barely be ar.sed to make any effort at all. I suppose a lot of women feel similar.
It's not a very friendly environment in general. You need a thick skin to stomach it, and be able to take offense and if necessary dish out offense to make your expectations/boundaries clear.
I've used it for 6 months and had a total of just 5 matches. Only 1 of them led to a date, but although nice enough, she wasn't really my immediate type and came across more 'keen' on me than I was comfortable with for a first date.
Original post by Dj_quickshot
Do not listen to that reply (edit: without first considering the whole picture). No person will want to maintain a real relationship with you if you try and put on a façade. Be yourself, and eventually you'll find the person who's right for you. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as they make you happy.
I agree about relationships not lasting if one puts on a facade. That's why in the reply that you say the original poster should not listen to, I talked about fundamental inner things that the original poster should change.
The good news is that they are all things that are quick and easy to change. The original poster could change them in an evening after thinking about things and making a decision to change.
"Be yourself" is one of those dating cliches that aren't helpful when expressed as a cliche with no meat on the bones of the cliche.
What version of himself should the original poster be?
Everyone has multiple versions of himself.
Should the original poster be the version that feels quite depressed after no success on Hinge?
Or should the original poster be the chilled version of himself that's outgoing and socialises well?
Should the original poster be version of himself that has gotten him rejected and the girl describing him as "too nice"?
Or should he be the positive challenge version of himself, where he's a gentleman and great company, with liberal amounts of flirting and teasing and frame control?
I totally disagree about it not mattering how long it takes.
Every day that the original poster continues as a virgin is a sign that he's doing something wrong - given the context that he would very much like to get a girlfriend.
His lack of success so far is feedback that he's doing something wrong. A wise man will use lack of success as part of a feedback loop to change. To try something different until success is achieved.
The original poster should look to understand what he should change in order to make himself a lot more attractive to women. And then he should put himself out there and meet and interact with lots and lots of women.
When he does those 2 things, romantic success will come as a consequence of his changes and him being active.
Original post by Anonymous
Im a 22 year old virgin, haven't even kissed a girl before. I would say i'm quite outgoing, socialise well, yet somehow have never managed to get a girl. I downloaded hinge few weeks back because alot of people I know kinda forced me to get it as they said I'd definitely find someone on there. I resisted for quite a while as I wanted my first relationship to be organic. Eventually I gave in, and I haven't gotten any likes or matches at all. I feel quite depressed now cos if I'm not getting any luck on the app then how is it gonna even happen in person
hinge is hell on earth don't base your value from it
Original post by Anonymous
Im a 22 year old virgin, haven't even kissed a girl before. I would say i'm quite outgoing, socialise well, yet somehow have never managed to get a girl. I downloaded hinge few weeks back because alot of people I know kinda forced me to get it as they said I'd definitely find someone on there. I resisted for quite a while as I wanted my first relationship to be organic. Eventually I gave in, and I haven't gotten any likes or matches at all. I feel quite depressed now cos if I'm not getting any luck on the app then how is it gonna even happen in person
A key lesson that some guys need to learn early on is that dating is a numbers game. There was a study that claimed that men find more women attractive than women find men which means there is more competition for men. As a result, men have to approach more women to have a decent chance at a few or even one.
Here are my suggestions (just my opinion):
1 - You need to increase your access to dating apps (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder etc.) and ‘swipe right’ on all the girls who come up in your preference category. The trick is to cast a wide net then select from those who accept you back. It is silly to be picky at the start because you reduce your options.
2 - Change your profile pictures and update your profile. No weird pictures, comments or likes. Do some research on the internet on positive profiles.
3 - This is an unpopular suggestion but if you are under 6ft tall, you need to lie and put 6ft. I read a dating research that some women just randomly set their preference at 6ft with no critical thinking about it. So if you put 5’10 or 5’11, you lose out from start. You have to be in the running to get a try.
4 - If you have female friends, speak to them about their attraction triggers like what to write and what types of pictures to put up. Also speak to the lads with experience.
5 - Finally, don't take things personally. As I mentioned at the start, it is a numbers game. Some women reject men for pointless reasons because they have the numbers. I got rejected by a worldie because she did not like my attire and I came across as an f boy (her words). So keep going and keep your options open. Also engage in other forms of dating and approaching in bars, clubs, supermarkets etc.
Good luck, big man.
(edited 1 month ago)
The thing about dating apps that many people don't realise is that they have many more male users than female ones. As a result, it's much more competitive for men to get likes and matches, with many getting few to none. There are many things you can do to improve your chances, which are well explained elsewhere on the internet. Hinge in particular is known to be more for those looking for relationships, so if your profile gives casual vibes that may also hinder your success.
But regardless, due to the very lopsided male to female ratio, lots of men simply aren't going to have much luck on them. It's also worth pointing out that the younger generation (i.e. you) appear to be moving away from apps, so the actual pool of women your age on the app in your location may actually be really quite small.
I would focus primarily on real life. What stage do you struggle with - are you meeting enough women, are the ones you meet interested, etc.?
But regardless, due to the very lopsided male to female ratio, lots of men simply aren't going to have much luck on them. It's also worth pointing out that the younger generation (i.e. you) appear to be moving away from apps, so the actual pool of women your age on the app in your location may actually be really quite small.
I would focus primarily on real life. What stage do you struggle with - are you meeting enough women, are the ones you meet interested, etc.?
Original post by Smack
The thing about dating apps that many people don't realise is that they have many more male users than female ones. As a result, it's much more competitive for men to get likes and matches, with many getting few to none. There are many things you can do to improve your chances, which are well explained elsewhere on the internet. Hinge in particular is known to be more for those looking for relationships, so if your profile gives casual vibes that may also hinder your success.
But regardless, due to the very lopsided male to female ratio, lots of men simply aren't going to have much luck on them. It's also worth pointing out that the younger generation (i.e. you) appear to be moving away from apps, so the actual pool of women your age on the app in your location may actually be really quite small.
I would focus primarily on real life. What stage do you struggle with - are you meeting enough women, are the ones you meet interested, etc.?
But regardless, due to the very lopsided male to female ratio, lots of men simply aren't going to have much luck on them. It's also worth pointing out that the younger generation (i.e. you) appear to be moving away from apps, so the actual pool of women your age on the app in your location may actually be really quite small.
I would focus primarily on real life. What stage do you struggle with - are you meeting enough women, are the ones you meet interested, etc.?
I do go out quite often but I do struggle in clubs getting an attention of a female. I'd say getting to a stage where I can text a girl is where I struggle I just don't know why I cant do it
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