Should I approach gym crush?
So there’s this girl I really like at the gym, I’ve seen her around a lot and I somehow have developed feelings for her despite not knowing her. I admit that’s pretty weird to say but she’s just so beautiful and it was kinda a love at first sight feeling that developed from seeing her a lot in the gym. I’ve started to even shower before going to the gym and style my hair wear aftershave etc.. to try look nice in case we ever talk. I promise I’m not a creep or a stalker haha I’m just doing my best to stand a chance with her. If she rejects me I’ll accept it and not pursue any further but I know I will 100% regret it if I never directly approach her and shoot my shot.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
Original post by Anonymous
So there’s this girl I really like at the gym, I’ve seen her around a lot and I somehow have developed feelings for her despite not knowing her. I admit that’s pretty weird to say but she’s just so beautiful and it was kinda a love at first sight feeling that developed from seeing her a lot in the gym. I’ve started to even shower before going to the gym and style my hair wear aftershave etc.. to try look nice in case we ever talk. I promise I’m not a creep or a stalker haha I’m just doing my best to stand a chance with her. If she rejects me I’ll accept it and not pursue any further but I know I will 100% regret it if I never directly approach her and shoot my shot.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
No do not approach her at all costs. Consciously avoid her and never speak to her.
Original post by philosophydude
No do not approach her at all costs. Consciously avoid her and never speak to her.
wait this was meant to be a joke. Tbh dude im not sure now that I've read the full post. I think it's gotta be your discretion.
Original post by Zarek
Coming on to women at the gym is a delicate area and to be honest the interaction you describe is not in the least encouraging. It seems pretty unlikely she would welcome a date request. The most I would do is see if you can exchange a smile and get talking again
I agree. If you can strike up a natural conversation again that may be a way to make a connection, but it does sound like you have already done that and it didn't go anywhere. The conversation clearly wasn't something she was interested in, either because she wasn't interested in you or wasn't interested in having that sort of conversation. Whilst that may not be an explicit rejection, it does show she clearly doesn't have the same level of attraction towards you as you do towards her, and she may not have any attraction towards you at all. She may also just not want to chat to people at the gym, whether to be hit on or otherwise. Honestly I would leave this alone unless, as I say, you manage to naturally strike up a conversation. If you must then it should just be a simple one line "we spoke a few weeks ago and I've seen you here a few times since, I was wondering if you'd like to go for a coffee at some point?" I think it's pretty likely that she'll say no, and a good chance that she won't welcome that approach at all. But as I say, if you must, one line and then you have your answer.
"I’m just doing my best to stand a chance with her."
No you're not. You're a long way from doing your best to stand a chance with her.
If you were doing your best, you'd be getting training in man to woman social skills. And then you'd be practising these skills on at each 4 evenings per week, with you breaking the ice with at least a dozen sets per day.
So that the next time you talk to her, or to another woman you get a crush on, you'd be prepared.
With training and practise you wouldn't say "hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?" You'd say something like "Hey, can I borrow you for a second?" with you having a prepared follow up to whatever response she has to your opener.
Don't say "sorry" in your opener. You're not a beggar and you have nothing to apologise over.
You wouldn't say "yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life"
Telling her that you go to the same gym as her as the 2nd thing out of your mouth is you getting to the rapport stage too early in the interaction. You should aim to build attraction in the first 5 minutes of the interaction before building comfort and rapport in the 2nd stage from minutes 5 to 40. A good way to build attraction is to demonstrate higher value. Make statements instead of asking questions. Flirt with her. Tease with her. Chuck in little things to disqualify the 2 of you getting together. Tell a little anecdote. Or cold read her.
EG "...Hello! You seem like the sort of person that takes pride in keeping your weight down, although sometimes you wish you were more confident about your looks..."
"cool are you new to this town or are you from here?"
Do you really care if she's new to the town or where she comes from?
A better 3rd thing to say to her is "I can only talk to you for a second. What are you doing right now?" False time constraint to put her at ease. You ask that question to establish logistics and whether an instant date would be on.
"oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?"
I hate this! It's building rapport again, instead of getting her interest / attention / attraction. It's the sort of thing your grandmother would say. It's not the sort of thing a high calibre man would say.
Aim to cut out all the "oh nice's" from your responses. Replace them teases and flirts.
EG "Nah, you're pulling my leg! You look like a well establish solicitor, not a student." Or if she does look mature for a student "Nah, I don't believe you. I think you're still in 6th form." Said with a small smirk on your face and the right tone of voice to show that you're kidding and mucking about.
No you're not. You're a long way from doing your best to stand a chance with her.
If you were doing your best, you'd be getting training in man to woman social skills. And then you'd be practising these skills on at each 4 evenings per week, with you breaking the ice with at least a dozen sets per day.
So that the next time you talk to her, or to another woman you get a crush on, you'd be prepared.
With training and practise you wouldn't say "hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?" You'd say something like "Hey, can I borrow you for a second?" with you having a prepared follow up to whatever response she has to your opener.
Don't say "sorry" in your opener. You're not a beggar and you have nothing to apologise over.
You wouldn't say "yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life"
Telling her that you go to the same gym as her as the 2nd thing out of your mouth is you getting to the rapport stage too early in the interaction. You should aim to build attraction in the first 5 minutes of the interaction before building comfort and rapport in the 2nd stage from minutes 5 to 40. A good way to build attraction is to demonstrate higher value. Make statements instead of asking questions. Flirt with her. Tease with her. Chuck in little things to disqualify the 2 of you getting together. Tell a little anecdote. Or cold read her.
EG "...Hello! You seem like the sort of person that takes pride in keeping your weight down, although sometimes you wish you were more confident about your looks..."
"cool are you new to this town or are you from here?"
Do you really care if she's new to the town or where she comes from?
A better 3rd thing to say to her is "I can only talk to you for a second. What are you doing right now?" False time constraint to put her at ease. You ask that question to establish logistics and whether an instant date would be on.
"oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?"
I hate this! It's building rapport again, instead of getting her interest / attention / attraction. It's the sort of thing your grandmother would say. It's not the sort of thing a high calibre man would say.
Aim to cut out all the "oh nice's" from your responses. Replace them teases and flirts.
EG "Nah, you're pulling my leg! You look like a well establish solicitor, not a student." Or if she does look mature for a student "Nah, I don't believe you. I think you're still in 6th form." Said with a small smirk on your face and the right tone of voice to show that you're kidding and mucking about.
Original post by Anonymous
So there’s this girl I really like at the gym, I’ve seen her around a lot and I somehow have developed feelings for her despite not knowing her. I admit that’s pretty weird to say but she’s just so beautiful and it was kinda a love at first sight feeling that developed from seeing her a lot in the gym. I’ve started to even shower before going to the gym and style my hair wear aftershave etc.. to try look nice in case we ever talk. I promise I’m not a creep or a stalker haha I’m just doing my best to stand a chance with her. If she rejects me I’ll accept it and not pursue any further but I know I will 100% regret it if I never directly approach her and shoot my shot.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
However, here’s the twist which makes me uncertain if I should. Technically, I’ve already spoken to her and I kinda got rejected although not sure if it’s a real rejection..
one day I was just strolling through the town and I noticed her walking on the same street as me so (whilst walking side by side with her) I said hello and this is how it went:
Me: hey sorry to disturb but you go to (x) gym right?
Her: hi yeah I do haha
Me: yeah I recognised you I go there as well, how are you finding gym life
Her: it’s good I’ve been going to classes there and so far it’s nice
Me: cool are you new to this town or are you from here?
Her: I’m new I moved here for university in September
Me: oh nice I’m from here pretty much live here my whole life, it’s a nice town, are you liking it here so far?
Then this is where I didn’t get a response so I turn my head and realised she was gone haha, we was walking side by side so she must have either quickly ran whilst I wasn’t looking to get away from me or she must have taken a turn to a different road without saying bye to me.. either way it’s a bad sign cause if she was interested she would have made an effort to say bye but at the same time, the street was quite busy with a lot of people walking so maybe she just turned to a different road without thinking much about it.
It’s now been a few weeks and I’ve seen her many times at the gym since. I do want to make a direct approach to her but unsure if I should and how without scaring her.
Move on, big man. As you said, if she was interested, she wouldn't have acted silly. Good luck
I think I just died a little inside reading this...
As @Zarek says, trying to approach or date people from a your gym can be a bit iffy, there lots of people who simply don't want approached when they're out doing solo/self care things. In saying that I think we all know there's people who go to the gym simply to be seen at the gym...
This approach sounds kinda painful though, it doesn't sound in any way organic and you've just spotted her and decided to walk with her engaging in small talk, I'm not totally surprised she made an exit.
As @Zarek says, trying to approach or date people from a your gym can be a bit iffy, there lots of people who simply don't want approached when they're out doing solo/self care things. In saying that I think we all know there's people who go to the gym simply to be seen at the gym...
This approach sounds kinda painful though, it doesn't sound in any way organic and you've just spotted her and decided to walk with her engaging in small talk, I'm not totally surprised she made an exit.
the gym is quite risky, developing a reputation there as being the pick up guy
If you haven't approached her yet, I would say to do it. I'm in kinda the same situation but on the girl end of it. I saw a man looking at me at the gym and he tried to talk to me once and I was so shy I ran away.. I feel awful about it and hope he comes up to me again.
When you approach her try to make it more friendly and you can even pick up the time you saw her last as a conversion starter. Trust me some girls are just really shy 😅 but you won't know for sure unless you speak to her again.
And of course do not interrupt her workout, wait until she's finished her reps to approach her.
When you approach her try to make it more friendly and you can even pick up the time you saw her last as a conversion starter. Trust me some girls are just really shy 😅 but you won't know for sure unless you speak to her again.
And of course do not interrupt her workout, wait until she's finished her reps to approach her.
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