Hi there, I'm a Journalism third year student and I really don't know how I'm going to finish my degree at all but I don't want to start again.
I'll preface this by saying I'm autistic which has already made my studies harder but now I'm really struggling to do the work that's needed of me anymore and I was one of the top performing students in my year. I've been getting so stressed about coursework and do interviews I feel extremely sick, and I'm having nightmares about my degree multiple times a week.
On top of that, my health has been declining since November. I had a massive breakdown in October and ended up back on antidepressants which have stabilised me in the regard. From there my health started to decline into extreme exhaustion which I thought was burnout and I could rest it off over Christmas. That didn't happen and things only started to get worse as my first few weeks back at uni were hectic. I've visited the doctors multiple times about this (I went about fatigue last year and got brushed off as just stress). Again I never got a conclusive answer, I had the exact same tests done and to no ones surprise the blood tests had the same results. I was put with what I think was a student doctor or recent graduate because they forgot to do tests and had to ring me to come back, they couldn't get their kit to work and couldn't exactly work out what was the problem. I went in trying to look at something along the lines of chronic fatigue, low blood pressure or pots and I got well it may be low blood pressure but I'm not sure drink more water and eat healthy and you'll be fine.
That hasn't exactly sorted things out, I'm still experiencing the something wrong with my health to the point I've dropped out of the dance classes I used to do because I can barely walk 10 minutes without being out of breath. I can't get any support from university because I don't have a diagnosis of anything, I don't think my lecturers really understand autism either as I couldn't get her to understand I'd had an internal breakdown and selective mutism had kicked in and I was presenting our drivetime programme and I put myself into physical pain just to read the programme because I was struggling to talk.
I did mock assessments a few weeks ago and all it did was knock my confidence further because I saw how much of a disadvantage I was automatically put on. It was further knocked in my two intense weeks as my health collapsed and I stayed off sick one day because I didn't feel safe to go into university due to whatever is wrong with me. Then in my past 9-5 I got so stressed I was scared if I could even make it to the bus stop because I felt so ill. And after every Friday which is my 9-5 I'm left bedridden the next day with a headache that no amount of water or ibuprofen can fix.
I don't know what's wrong with, I don't know if it's all in my head, I can't get help, it feels no one understands. I'm procrastinating on my dissertation, making rookie errors while filming because I'm so stressed I'm trying not to faint. I'm a perfectionist yet I don't even care about my grades anymore, yet I know I'll be upset if they slip because of this. I'm so lost unwell, not to add I'm also dealing with anxiety and depression on top of all of this which I'm in therapy for but now I'm falling behind even my most laziest classmates to the point where I don't even know if I'll finish my time sensitive portfolio because no matter how hard I try nothing seems to be working. Everyone turns up with stories and pieces they've filmed and all I have is a week's worth of emails telling me no and phone calls that stress me so much I feel unwell that I get told no as well.
I just don't know what to do or how to graduate and finish my degree. Sorry if this is a rant I'm just so stressed.