Is it normal to feel lonely and that you don’t belong at Uni?
Just started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Reply 1
It’s normal to feel out of place at university, especially on a small, rural campus. Even with friends around, it can be isolating if you don’t deeply connect with them. Despite the hype, many people find the first year challenging. The good news is that moving to a larger campus next year will bring more opportunities to meet like-minded people. In the meantime, enjoying your lectures isn’t sad—it’s a positive sign of your passion for your studies. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and things often improve with time and new experiences.
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousJust started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Hi there,
I understand how you are feeling and I am sorry that you have been feeling like this. It can be hard when you feel lonely at uni, and I understand how you feel about it not living up to expectations!
I know you have said that there aren't many societies at your uni, but there may be other clubs outside of your uni that you could join. Are there are any sports teams in the area that you might want to join? Or, any other kinds of clubs? This might be a good idea as you may meet some people your age in your town but not related to Uni?
Or, have a look on social media and see if you can meet anybody this way. There will often be groups on social media such as Facebook where you can meet some people who might be at your uni that you otherwise may not have met. Or even people who may be in the nearest city if this is easily accessible to you as this may widen your net.
Are there any there ways of meeting people in your building? If they put events on, you might meet some people here from other flats that you get on with better?
With the girl that you get on with more, would you make plans wit her during the week when her boyfriend isn't there? You could see if she wants to go out with you during the week, or to the library together after lectures?
It's good that your campus will be moving somewhere bigger next year - hopefully you will meet lots of people this way and if there are more societies on offer I would suggest joining one of these too!
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousJust started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but please know it is very normal!
As it was been previously said, first year does get a lot of hype, but it is often totally different for a lot of people. Sometimes it doesn't look or feel like everyone said it would, which can be disheartening. However, the best thing you can do is make the most of it, as it won't be like this forever! It is also great that you are enjoying your lectures and have a passion for it.
Do you have any hobbies? Are you interested in trying something new? You don't have long left at all, so finding ways to keep yourself occupied and keeping that motivation up is key. You could possibly suggest to hangout with the girl from your lecture more, and maybe suggest an outing somewhere on a weekend when she is available?
It's great that you can look forward to your degree moving to a bigger town, which will hopefully bring you more opportunities. Are there things you want to try/do when you get there?
You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. It seems you have some great things to look forward to, so just keep going until then!
Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography (With a Year Abroad)
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousJust started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Hi
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, Although feeling like this at University is completely normal and you shouldn't feel out of place because of this.
I would advise you to see if there are any ways that you can virtually engage with societies on your campus and also if there are future events happening that you perhaps could attend.
Is there maybe a facebook group chat that could be used to help you to meet new people and make new connections at the Univerisity?
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousJust started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Hi there,
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. This is a feeling I felt during my first year of university too and sadly there are many people in the same boat as you. I know you mentioned there not being many societies or the SU bar not being open, have you had a look at any clubs outside of uni? Such as sports clubs or running clubs. These could be a great way to meet new people.
Facebook groups or other social media groups are a great way to meet people online that are at the university, that you may not have met in person. When I was at uni, I met a lot of people at my part time job. I became great friends with people that I worked with. Seeing them on shift made it easy to chat to them and make plans to do something outside of work. This could be something to look into, if you haven't already.
Great to hear that you will be moving to a larger campus soon, which will hopefully allow you to meet more people, join a society or two and make great friends. I would also recommend going to as many events at the uni as you can around your studies and make the most of your experience. Going to uni events whether they are SU ran or organised by the uni itself, can get you out there and meet new people who may be in the same boat as you.
Is there any hobbies you have been meaning to develop? This may be the perfect time to focus on yourself and give a new hobby a go. Suggesting to your girl friend about making more plans during the week or on the weekends she's not seeing her boyfriend, may be worth a shot. You could even study together or go for walks after your lectures if you are already with each other.
Lastly, don't forget that you are not alone this. Many students feel like this whilst at university. You've got this! 🙂
Hope this helps 🙂
^Zac
Reply 6
More normal than you would every think it would be. For what it's worth, I felt exactly the same the first time at Uni, and I sometimes get the professional equivalent years later now. There are support networks at every university (and indeed many employers) and I'd encourage you to reach out to your Unis service if you feel it would help.
Also, maybe set up video calls weekly back home to your family and have a good chat, get things off your chest and vent. Maybe find a few of your friends you do feel a bit more in common with and arrange something regular (as low key as you choose) and just do coffee every few days, or a games night whatever.
Over time, contact brings familiarity and you might find more in common that you all realised. University can be some of the hardest years of your life, but also some of the most fun and rewarding ones that you'll remember for a long time. However, the hardest part was getting yourself there, you can do this
Also, maybe set up video calls weekly back home to your family and have a good chat, get things off your chest and vent. Maybe find a few of your friends you do feel a bit more in common with and arrange something regular (as low key as you choose) and just do coffee every few days, or a games night whatever.
Over time, contact brings familiarity and you might find more in common that you all realised. University can be some of the hardest years of your life, but also some of the most fun and rewarding ones that you'll remember for a long time. However, the hardest part was getting yourself there, you can do this
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousJust started my first year at a uni and the campus I’m at is very small and rural. Although the majority of people has been lovely I just feel so out of place and different to everyone else. I’ve made friends with many different people and in my flat but they aren’t my cup of tea and we don’t have a lot in common. There is one girl I’m closer to as we have lectures together but she’s often with her bf (he visits every other weekend) and I don’t want to be the 3rd wheel, but we don’t have a lot in common as well. Unfortunately we have hardly any societies here and the SU bar is never open. Next year, my degree is moving to a larger campus in a larger town so hopefully I’ll meet a lot more people there. Luckily I only have 2 modules left (6 weeks) until I finish for the year so I’ve not got long to wait, but I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same? Uni is hyped up to be the best time of your life where you meet new friends for life, but the only thing that I’m actually enjoying is my lectures which seems pretty sad.
Hi!
It is completely normal to feel this way! Every student experiences feelings of loneliness at one point or another, especially at first while you are still developing friendships. My best advice is to just keep trying, putting yourself out there, and being friendly and chatty - friendships take time, its totally normal to feel this way.
Hope this helps! Faye 🙂
Reply 8
Hey thank you so much for all your helpful feedback I really appreciate it and it has made me feel a lot better about the situation! I have kinda worked out the issue and it seems to be partially my fault. During Freshers (our uni only big opportunity to meet new people) I just stuck with that close friend in my flat and i think everyone else just felt intimidated by it or felt uncomfortable getting in the way, so they were polite and chatted but we didn’t want to make arrangements to hang out outside of that. I didn’t think much of it at first but now I realise this was a major problem especially where she follows my everywhere and practically does everything with me. Tbh it’s borderline controlling and she gets annoyed when I’m not in the flat, even when I’m seeing family or I arrange to socialise with others. I get the impression that they sense this from her and back off as they want to avoid drama. It’s so frustrating as I’m someone who likes lots of friends and prefers a decent group, instead of like one person (because if they aren’t there or leaves you, you are on your own). I have a plan though, next year I’m going to ask to go into a different flat. I’ll still be friends with her as she hasn’t done anything wrong, that’s just how she is, but it should be a lot easier to make other friends as she won’t be able to cling onto me as much. Does this sound like a good idea? I’d appreciate any advice or tips someone could give me on this situation. Thank you so much!
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