can you tell me if I am too wild?? is my behavior normal and fun or just bad????????
I'm struggling with my life not feeling real or mine and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm just floating through, making really 'bad' descisions I think but I can't really tell, can anyone tell me if I've been too wild I really can't tell if this is normal behaviour for someone my age and if I have inherent stigmas or if I really am being a terrible person.
I am at oxford uni and started there the in october, before this my family had been super controlling so I'd never experienced life. now I go clubbing, to bars, crew dates (like an oxford hang out with drinking games) drink occasionally, maximum twice a week and only if we go clubbing or at a party or wahtever not just for the sake of it obviously, I've tried smoking like a few times but onyl when I'm drink and someoen offers me so I'm not addicted or anythign and just try it very rarely, I tried weed once and that was when im drunk but thar was a one time thing just to try. in november I had my first kiss with a guy ina club when i was super drunk, id met him a few days before and had cahtted iwth him a little then ran into him a t a club got kissed by him adn ended up naked in his bed before drunkenly realisign and freaking out although he did keep asking for consent etc and was very drunk too and i kept saying yes so it's not an issure i was just shocked, i have this dynamic now where we just end up meeting after our seperate drunken night outs and just doing a bit of foreplay then sleeping in his bed, but then a few days ago back at uni we had sex a little but but then stopped because i was in pain and we wer eboth super drunk so i stayed the night, then the next day i went out clubbing and ended up getting kisse dbu y2 random guys in the club so now in my enitr enight ive kissed 3 guys total. i also keep getting hit on in clubs, and ended up gettign a drug dealer by accident (i am NOT using him though don't worry). and yeah those are the wildest things ive done. i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy etc etc, but looking at the wild stuff is this normal? am i just shaming myself for no reason? like the amount I drink is very common for the people at my uni but ignoring the fact that all my behaviour is totally normal for my uni, is it normal for normal poeple? btw im a 19 year old girl. thank you!!
I am at oxford uni and started there the in october, before this my family had been super controlling so I'd never experienced life. now I go clubbing, to bars, crew dates (like an oxford hang out with drinking games) drink occasionally, maximum twice a week and only if we go clubbing or at a party or wahtever not just for the sake of it obviously, I've tried smoking like a few times but onyl when I'm drink and someoen offers me so I'm not addicted or anythign and just try it very rarely, I tried weed once and that was when im drunk but thar was a one time thing just to try. in november I had my first kiss with a guy ina club when i was super drunk, id met him a few days before and had cahtted iwth him a little then ran into him a t a club got kissed by him adn ended up naked in his bed before drunkenly realisign and freaking out although he did keep asking for consent etc and was very drunk too and i kept saying yes so it's not an issure i was just shocked, i have this dynamic now where we just end up meeting after our seperate drunken night outs and just doing a bit of foreplay then sleeping in his bed, but then a few days ago back at uni we had sex a little but but then stopped because i was in pain and we wer eboth super drunk so i stayed the night, then the next day i went out clubbing and ended up getting kisse dbu y2 random guys in the club so now in my enitr enight ive kissed 3 guys total. i also keep getting hit on in clubs, and ended up gettign a drug dealer by accident (i am NOT using him though don't worry). and yeah those are the wildest things ive done. i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy etc etc, but looking at the wild stuff is this normal? am i just shaming myself for no reason? like the amount I drink is very common for the people at my uni but ignoring the fact that all my behaviour is totally normal for my uni, is it normal for normal poeple? btw im a 19 year old girl. thank you!!
Original post by Anonymous
I'm struggling with my life not feeling real or mine and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm just floating through, making really 'bad' descisions I think but I can't really tell, can anyone tell me if I've been too wild I really can't tell if this is normal behaviour for someone my age and if I have inherent stigmas or if I really am being a terrible person.
I am at oxford uni and started there the in october, before this my family had been super controlling so I'd never experienced life. now I go clubbing, to bars, crew dates (like an oxford hang out with drinking games) drink occasionally, maximum twice a week and only if we go clubbing or at a party or wahtever not just for the sake of it obviously, I've tried smoking like a few times but onyl when I'm drink and someoen offers me so I'm not addicted or anythign and just try it very rarely, I tried weed once and that was when im drunk but thar was a one time thing just to try. in november I had my first kiss with a guy ina club when i was super drunk, id met him a few days before and had cahtted iwth him a little then ran into him a t a club got kissed by him adn ended up naked in his bed before drunkenly realisign and freaking out although he did keep asking for consent etc and was very drunk too and i kept saying yes so it's not an issure i was just shocked, i have this dynamic now where we just end up meeting after our seperate drunken night outs and just doing a bit of foreplay then sleeping in his bed, but then a few days ago back at uni we had sex a little but but then stopped because i was in pain and we wer eboth super drunk so i stayed the night, then the next day i went out clubbing and ended up getting kisse dbu y2 random guys in the club so now in my enitr enight ive kissed 3 guys total. i also keep getting hit on in clubs, and ended up gettign a drug dealer by accident (i am NOT using him though don't worry). and yeah those are the wildest things ive done. i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy etc etc, but looking at the wild stuff is this normal? am i just shaming myself for no reason? like the amount I drink is very common for the people at my uni but ignoring the fact that all my behaviour is totally normal for my uni, is it normal for normal poeple? btw im a 19 year old girl. thank you!!
I am at oxford uni and started there the in october, before this my family had been super controlling so I'd never experienced life. now I go clubbing, to bars, crew dates (like an oxford hang out with drinking games) drink occasionally, maximum twice a week and only if we go clubbing or at a party or wahtever not just for the sake of it obviously, I've tried smoking like a few times but onyl when I'm drink and someoen offers me so I'm not addicted or anythign and just try it very rarely, I tried weed once and that was when im drunk but thar was a one time thing just to try. in november I had my first kiss with a guy ina club when i was super drunk, id met him a few days before and had cahtted iwth him a little then ran into him a t a club got kissed by him adn ended up naked in his bed before drunkenly realisign and freaking out although he did keep asking for consent etc and was very drunk too and i kept saying yes so it's not an issure i was just shocked, i have this dynamic now where we just end up meeting after our seperate drunken night outs and just doing a bit of foreplay then sleeping in his bed, but then a few days ago back at uni we had sex a little but but then stopped because i was in pain and we wer eboth super drunk so i stayed the night, then the next day i went out clubbing and ended up getting kisse dbu y2 random guys in the club so now in my enitr enight ive kissed 3 guys total. i also keep getting hit on in clubs, and ended up gettign a drug dealer by accident (i am NOT using him though don't worry). and yeah those are the wildest things ive done. i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy etc etc, but looking at the wild stuff is this normal? am i just shaming myself for no reason? like the amount I drink is very common for the people at my uni but ignoring the fact that all my behaviour is totally normal for my uni, is it normal for normal poeple? btw im a 19 year old girl. thank you!!
Seems pretty normal to me.
Normal but it's probably better if you don't do it. Find a guy who actually cares about you if you don't feel like this is the one and stay in a secure, healthy relationship where all you do with each other isn't making out.
Perfectly normal, but it is relevant that you say that you're shaming yourself. What matters is that you are enjoying yourself and that you are making the right choices for you. All of this, including casual sex and kissing a few different guys, can all be part of just gaining experience at university. There's nothing wrong with it at all. But it is important to reflect on these experiences and decide whether you're enjoying them or not. If you're not, it doesn't make those experiences any less valid or valuable, but use that to inform the choices you make in future. If you're concerned about what other people think, you really don't need to be.
You're doing many things superbly well.
You come across as the sort of person that's clear thinking enough to identify areas where you could do better.
You come across as the sort of person that has enough self discipline to change when you think you should change.
It's great that you're keeping on top of your academic work and doing well in it.
It's great that you're saving money.
For the eating healthy I'd have a big question mark over that? Every time someone's said to me that they're eating healthy, it's turned out that what they eat and drink has a lot of scope to be healthier.
The people that have eaten and drunk the healthiest are those that have said something like "I eat healthier than I used to. There's still scope for me to eat healthier."
It's great that you're being socially active.
It's great that you're getting hit on in clubs.
The next time you get into bed with a guy, aim to do it 100% sober.
Love is such a natural high that it's best experienced 100% sober.
Alcohol is a Group 1 Carcinogen. Challenge yourself to go out, socialise, have a great time whilst drinking and consuming nothing. Or 1 drink maximum. It will be an interesting experiment. You'll develop nicely as a person when you do this.
Overall you should be feeling very proud of yourself and what you've done at uni so far.
Now go ahead and have an even more fantastic time at uni. And a superb life after uni.
You come across as the sort of person that's clear thinking enough to identify areas where you could do better.
You come across as the sort of person that has enough self discipline to change when you think you should change.
It's great that you're keeping on top of your academic work and doing well in it.
It's great that you're saving money.
For the eating healthy I'd have a big question mark over that? Every time someone's said to me that they're eating healthy, it's turned out that what they eat and drink has a lot of scope to be healthier.
The people that have eaten and drunk the healthiest are those that have said something like "I eat healthier than I used to. There's still scope for me to eat healthier."
It's great that you're being socially active.
It's great that you're getting hit on in clubs.
The next time you get into bed with a guy, aim to do it 100% sober.
Love is such a natural high that it's best experienced 100% sober.
Alcohol is a Group 1 Carcinogen. Challenge yourself to go out, socialise, have a great time whilst drinking and consuming nothing. Or 1 drink maximum. It will be an interesting experiment. You'll develop nicely as a person when you do this.
Overall you should be feeling very proud of yourself and what you've done at uni so far.
Now go ahead and have an even more fantastic time at uni. And a superb life after uni.
"like the amount I drink is very common for the people at my uni but ignoring the fact that all my behaviour is totally normal for my uni is it normal for normal poeple?" So because other people do it, you do it as well?
"i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy, clubbing, drinking, trying weed and smoking..."
I'd argue that saving money and eating healthily are counteracted by some of your other activities, but is that a life and, with the exception of your studies, are you doing anything productive that you'd like to put on your CV? My experience was nothing like yours, and it set me up for my future career whilst still enjoying myself. Same with my friends at home and uni; I gravitated to like-minded people.
"i am still getting all my work doen to a high standard, saving money, eating healthy, clubbing, drinking, trying weed and smoking..."
I'd argue that saving money and eating healthily are counteracted by some of your other activities, but is that a life and, with the exception of your studies, are you doing anything productive that you'd like to put on your CV? My experience was nothing like yours, and it set me up for my future career whilst still enjoying myself. Same with my friends at home and uni; I gravitated to like-minded people.
I too went to uni a virgin now I've slept with several guys since starting at the end of September, my family will kill me if they find out
There should be no shame or guilt attached to any of the things you've done - it's not true or constructive to call it wild or bad. It's pretty normal for a university freshman not that that matters.
What you could ask yourself is, which of the things you're doing is bringing you joy? And then you can focus on those things and prune away the things that aren't helping. If I was going to be prescriptive, I'd start by pruning away the heavy drinking. Again it's not that that's "too wild" or morally wrong or something - it's just not likely to bring you long-term happiness.
Have fun!
What you could ask yourself is, which of the things you're doing is bringing you joy? And then you can focus on those things and prune away the things that aren't helping. If I was going to be prescriptive, I'd start by pruning away the heavy drinking. Again it's not that that's "too wild" or morally wrong or something - it's just not likely to bring you long-term happiness.
Have fun!
(edited 1 month ago)
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