Is it better to stay at home for uni or move out?
very general question- i know it falls into the "you should do whatever's right for you" category but i'd like to see what others did and, why. im in year 12 so i have quite a while to decide but my parents and i are attending some open days soon and i've been thinking about it constantly. dmu is very close to me maybe about a 7-12 minute drive, and i've heard its a good university. (im planning on doing midwifery) so if i go there i'll most likely stay at home as its cheaper. however, im worried that by staying at home i'll miss out on the full experience. ive struggled with anxiety for alot of my life and ive relied on my parents heavily, but i dont know if i should leave that and try new things, in a new city and meet new people. i have a feeling it'd be good for me especially with learning general life skills that i, admittedly, know very little of. but there's also this aspect of, if its nothing like im expecting and i end up not coping very well then i've gone to a farther out university and moved out when it would've been better for me to stay at home and work comfortably. i dont know, its really conflicting so im just asking for either some advice or what everybody else did. ^u^ !!!
my uni is an hr and a half drive so i chose to move out
I think if you are happy to stay in the same city it would be fine to stay at home, I don't think it would make a massive difference to uni life if it's only a 7-12min drive. in my opinion if you are staying in the same city there is no point moving out.
however, if you want to move to a different city then moving out can be good for increasing your independence and confidence.
i think you should decide which uni you want to go to first, then decide whether or not to move out once you've got that sorted
I think if you are happy to stay in the same city it would be fine to stay at home, I don't think it would make a massive difference to uni life if it's only a 7-12min drive. in my opinion if you are staying in the same city there is no point moving out.
however, if you want to move to a different city then moving out can be good for increasing your independence and confidence.
i think you should decide which uni you want to go to first, then decide whether or not to move out once you've got that sorted
Hi, first off - that's exciting and I hope it all goes well for you! I went to DMU myself and lived in halls, but i started in 2020, so my student experience was not "typical", but it did mean that I was forced to go home in the middle of my first year and work from my dad's house for about a term and a half. (And my partner lived at home during uni) So I have some experience on both sides.
Learning life skills can absolutely be done at home - it's just about taking initiative and it's harder when you have a routine where lots of things aren't your responsibility! Getting into the habit of doing your laundry, cooking once or twice a week etc is pretty easy, though, and will probably help you out in the long run & make your parents happy!
I think a big part of it comes down to your relationship with your parents, honestly. I think if you have a good relationship with your family, they trust you to make good decisions and you have mutual respect, it absolutely can (and does) work well. You'll also save a huge amount of money in the long run, w/ less student loan.
I would have an open conversation with your parents (any any other family that may have influence, if you live with other older family members or see them regularly etc) about expectations of you.
This should cover things establishing roughly how long you'll be out the house, what their expectations of you to contribute to the household are - doing chores etc, how late they are prepared for you to come home if you plan on attending events with friends, and so on. And check in on those things as the time goes on so you can evaluate and readjust as you establish the patterns you're comfortable with at uni.
The other factor is what sort of student you are - me & my partner are social people but not partying types and both were studying the majority of the time (at least typical 9-5 working hours, and sometimes more). I think living at home probably suits people who are more academic-type, if I were to guess. When I went back home in covid my routine didn't change much and I just spent the day studying and my evenings talking to my friends online. When we could go back in second year it wasn't all that crazy a change, I could just see my friends in person again 😅
If that sounds like a nightmare - maybe living at home might not be the best fit - or maybe you just need to approach that conversation differently - this doesn't take into account cultural nuances etc, so there are other factors at play here.
As above - it will help once you've narrowed your uni choices down too, to make more educated decisions about what you want to do. If you absolutely fall in love with a uni further afield that decision might be made for you.
Learning life skills can absolutely be done at home - it's just about taking initiative and it's harder when you have a routine where lots of things aren't your responsibility! Getting into the habit of doing your laundry, cooking once or twice a week etc is pretty easy, though, and will probably help you out in the long run & make your parents happy!
I think a big part of it comes down to your relationship with your parents, honestly. I think if you have a good relationship with your family, they trust you to make good decisions and you have mutual respect, it absolutely can (and does) work well. You'll also save a huge amount of money in the long run, w/ less student loan.
I would have an open conversation with your parents (any any other family that may have influence, if you live with other older family members or see them regularly etc) about expectations of you.
This should cover things establishing roughly how long you'll be out the house, what their expectations of you to contribute to the household are - doing chores etc, how late they are prepared for you to come home if you plan on attending events with friends, and so on. And check in on those things as the time goes on so you can evaluate and readjust as you establish the patterns you're comfortable with at uni.
The other factor is what sort of student you are - me & my partner are social people but not partying types and both were studying the majority of the time (at least typical 9-5 working hours, and sometimes more). I think living at home probably suits people who are more academic-type, if I were to guess. When I went back home in covid my routine didn't change much and I just spent the day studying and my evenings talking to my friends online. When we could go back in second year it wasn't all that crazy a change, I could just see my friends in person again 😅
If that sounds like a nightmare - maybe living at home might not be the best fit - or maybe you just need to approach that conversation differently - this doesn't take into account cultural nuances etc, so there are other factors at play here.
As above - it will help once you've narrowed your uni choices down too, to make more educated decisions about what you want to do. If you absolutely fall in love with a uni further afield that decision might be made for you.
Reply 4
Original post by iyachi
very general question- i know it falls into the "you should do whatever's right for you" category but i'd like to see what others did and, why. im in year 12 so i have quite a while to decide but my parents and i are attending some open days soon and i've been thinking about it constantly. dmu is very close to me maybe about a 7-12 minute drive, and i've heard its a good university. (im planning on doing midwifery) so if i go there i'll most likely stay at home as its cheaper. however, im worried that by staying at home i'll miss out on the full experience. ive struggled with anxiety for alot of my life and ive relied on my parents heavily, but i dont know if i should leave that and try new things, in a new city and meet new people. i have a feeling it'd be good for me especially with learning general life skills that i, admittedly, know very little of. but there's also this aspect of, if its nothing like im expecting and i end up not coping very well then i've gone to a farther out university and moved out when it would've been better for me to stay at home and work comfortably. i dont know, its really conflicting so im just asking for either some advice or what everybody else did. ^u^ !!!
Hi @iyachi ,
I was also deciding between staying at home and moving out for university. I could have gone to a uni close to me, or to Hallam which is about an hours drive away from my house.
I decided to live away from home and move into university halls at Hallam for a few different reasons so I thought I would share them with you as it may be helpful for you too!
•
Firstly, which university do you actually prefer? If you have a preference of uni and this is going to affect the decision, I would say the most important thing is to choose the university that you prefer. For me, I preferred Hallam which made the decision a bit easier for me, although I could still have commuted.
•
I also chose to live in halls as it would be a lot easier and I would be so much closer to uni. In the end, I decided that I would be a lot more tired commuting to uni and it would be easier and better for me to live close by to uni and all of the facilities.
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Following on from this, if you are someone who would prefer to study at the library/at uni rather than at home, it may be easier to live near your uni as this would be a lot easier and you could go to the uni and study whenever is better for you, rather than relying on studying at home.
•
Another big influence for me was going out. I quite like going out and I knew it would be a lot easier if I was living in halls. I also wanted to have the best opportunities to make friends and I thought this would be the best chance to meet people and make friends.
I hope some of this helps!
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 5
Just because your parents live near a university doesn’t mean that you can’t move out.
I would always recommend moving out into halls for your first year if it’s at all possible. You’ll learn about yourself and build some life skills up. And you’ll also learn to appreciate your parents more for when/if you do move back home.
It also helps to shift your relationship with your parents to a more adult one (assuming that you don’t just use them as a free laundrette)
I would always recommend moving out into halls for your first year if it’s at all possible. You’ll learn about yourself and build some life skills up. And you’ll also learn to appreciate your parents more for when/if you do move back home.
It also helps to shift your relationship with your parents to a more adult one (assuming that you don’t just use them as a free laundrette)
Reply 6
Original post by iyachi
very general question- i know it falls into the "you should do whatever's right for you" category but i'd like to see what others did and, why. im in year 12 so i have quite a while to decide but my parents and i are attending some open days soon and i've been thinking about it constantly. dmu is very close to me maybe about a 7-12 minute drive, and i've heard its a good university. (im planning on doing midwifery) so if i go there i'll most likely stay at home as its cheaper. however, im worried that by staying at home i'll miss out on the full experience. ive struggled with anxiety for alot of my life and ive relied on my parents heavily, but i dont know if i should leave that and try new things, in a new city and meet new people. i have a feeling it'd be good for me especially with learning general life skills that i, admittedly, know very little of. but there's also this aspect of, if its nothing like im expecting and i end up not coping very well then i've gone to a farther out university and moved out when it would've been better for me to stay at home and work comfortably. i dont know, its really conflicting so im just asking for either some advice or what everybody else did. ^u^ !!!
Hi @iyachi ,
I completely understand this is a difficult decision. I'd love to share my personal opinion as I've experienced living on campus for a year and now I'm travelling in instead.
On-campus
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Independence - Living on my own allowed me to gain skills in being independent and I now feel more prepared for when I move out into my own home in the future.
•
Events - Some society events can run late into the evening, therefore being on campus was extremely convenient as I didn't have to travel home late at night.
•
Exploration - Your experiencing a new city which can be exciting, especially if you have lived in the same location your entire life (personally this was my first time moving).
•
Living with flatmates - Living with new people can be a great experience as this can be an opportunity to make some great life-long friendships.
These are all perks I personally experienced when living on campus. However there are some important factors to consider. Depending on your personality and what you enjoy, late night events may not be of interest. Personally, I did it a couple of times and discovered it wasn't right for me. However not attending these kinds of events did not impacted my university experience as there is an abundance of events throughout the day at more reasonable hours! Additionally, living with flatmates is a great experience but it's entirely impacted on the way you prefer to live. I lived with some great people, even my best friend, but living with other people was not the right experience for me as I preferred a quieter environment of my own.
Travelling in
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Living at home - I prefer living from home as it provides me with a more comfortable space and I can to see family and friends on a regular basis.
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Cost-saving - Depending on the travel options you choose, you can save lots of money by travelling in! Personally, I'm saving this money towards moving out in the future alongside investing it into my business.
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Events - As previously mentioned, events are a great activity on campus. While travelling in means you may not be able to attend so many, I'm sure there is still an abundance of activities you can take part in.
Often a main concern for those travelling in is the inability to make friends, however I truly believe this should not be an issue! Societies, online groups (Facebook groups), classmates and events are all great ways to make friends, by putting yourself out there you will still be able to make lots of friendships.
Overall, you will not miss out on the full experience as long as you make the effort to be part of the community. The way I decided at the end of first year was which decision will make me happiest. You should always priorities which will make you happiest rather than other peoples expectations or fear of missing out. Also take into account which university would make you happiest as this can be very impactful on your experience.
I hope this helps, please feel fee to ask me any questions,
-Sophia (Business and Management)
Original post by iyachi
very general question- i know it falls into the "you should do whatever's right for you" category but i'd like to see what others did and, why. im in year 12 so i have quite a while to decide but my parents and i are attending some open days soon and i've been thinking about it constantly. dmu is very close to me maybe about a 7-12 minute drive, and i've heard its a good university. (im planning on doing midwifery) so if i go there i'll most likely stay at home as its cheaper. however, im worried that by staying at home i'll miss out on the full experience. ive struggled with anxiety for alot of my life and ive relied on my parents heavily, but i dont know if i should leave that and try new things, in a new city and meet new people. i have a feeling it'd be good for me especially with learning general life skills that i, admittedly, know very little of. but there's also this aspect of, if its nothing like im expecting and i end up not coping very well then i've gone to a farther out university and moved out when it would've been better for me to stay at home and work comfortably. i dont know, its really conflicting so im just asking for either some advice or what everybody else did. ^u^ !!!
Hi @iyachi
That is fab that you are thinking about studying Midwifery! Additionally, this is a great question.
Firstly, I think it is brilliant you are attending Open Days as these are a great way to find out if the university and course are right for you. Open Days are a great way to:
🙂 Meet the academic staff and find out more about your chosen course.
🙂 Meet fellow students and get an insight into student life at that university - you could always ask these students if they commute or moved away from home and how they find it.
🙂 Speak to other departments such as student support.
🙂 Have a campus tour and view the course facilities
🙂 Explore local accommodation options (if applicable).
🙂 You could visit the university cities to see if you think you’d be happy spending a minimum of three years there exploring them.
Some universities (like mine) offer a travel bursary towards the cost of attending an open day as we appreciate that the pennies can start adding up if you attend several Open Days.
If you do visit a university that you wouldn't be able to commute to or really want to attend then it is worth chatting to student support in particular, because they will be experienced in supporting students who are worried about moving away from home or struggling to adjust. Even the most confident students usually find an aspect of moving away from home tricky at some point in their first year, so universities are well-equipped to support anyone's feeling e.g., homesick. They can also provide more specific support for any students who for example have anxiety. This support might be in the form of support in and outside class for example regular check-ins with pastoral staff. You could also ask other Midwifery students at that university what they do, do they commute or live in student halls of residence, and how they find that.
If you do decide you might move away from home it is worth seeing how much student finance you'd be entitled to and whether you might need to work in your holidays and/or part-time alongside your studies to help cover any additional costs such as rent.
Here's a link to the Student Finance Calculator:
Student Finance Calculator
Midwifery can be quite an intense course at times, therefore it is worth factoring in how much time you would have to work if you decide you would like on top of your studies.
Like others have said there is nothing to stop you from building up life skills if you decide to commute from home, for example contributing a little money towards your bed and board at home and perhaps having a schedule for household chores, if you don't already.
There is nothing to stop you from either moving away from home or living at home for the first year. Then reassess how you have found this and if you think you'd rather the other swapping for the second year - lots of students do this.
It is worth remembering that many midwifery courses have placements, when you have a bit more detail about where they might be you can determine if you could commute from home or would live nearer to where your placement is, this is another opportunity later on to test out living away from home.
Best of luck with making your decision and enjoy your studies!
Lucy 🙂
(Official Uni of Salford Student Rep)
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