advice
hello- i’m first year studying away from home- i like my degree and i am not miserable- but before christmas i knew i wasn’t happy so i was holding out to Christmas to go home and see how i felt. i came back after christmas and i was in a slightly better place, however i get really anxious and can be in a bad headspace- and I have a better happier life at home. i’m from a city , and i moved to a uni in a town in a different country so i think that’s a factor. i haven’t made proper friends yet either despite joining societies and going out at any given opportunity. there is little to do where i am and i find myself just waiting for days to go by- when i’m home i happy and there is more opportunity- im with my friends, family, in a bigger place with more things to do and living more of a student life. i am debating going back home in september- i know that rationally it is the better thing to do and i know i would be so much happier at home in my home city- but part of me can’t help feeling like i’ve failed by moving back, even though i know it’s not a fail. it just doesn’t make sense to be spending so much money and watching time go by in a place that i’m not particularly fond of, with no one i really know- but then part of me thinks i will have nearly completed one year so should i stick it out for the next 2 years- any advice will be appreciated x
Reply 1
Original post
by Anonymoushello- i’m first year studying away from home- i like my degree and i am not miserable- but before christmas i knew i wasn’t happy so i was holding out to Christmas to go home and see how i felt. i came back after christmas and i was in a slightly better place, however i get really anxious and can be in a bad headspace- and I have a better happier life at home. i’m from a city , and i moved to a uni in a town in a different country so i think that’s a factor. i haven’t made proper friends yet either despite joining societies and going out at any given opportunity. there is little to do where i am and i find myself just waiting for days to go by- when i’m home i happy and there is more opportunity- im with my friends, family, in a bigger place with more things to do and living more of a student life. i am debating going back home in september- i know that rationally it is the better thing to do and i know i would be so much happier at home in my home city- but part of me can’t help feeling like i’ve failed by moving back, even though i know it’s not a fail. it just doesn’t make sense to be spending so much money and watching time go by in a place that i’m not particularly fond of, with no one i really know- but then part of me thinks i will have nearly completed one year so should i stick it out for the next 2 years- any advice will be appreciated x
^^ also, if i go back to my home city i could do the same degree as i am doing now
Reply 2
Hi OP,
I'm sorry to hear you're facing a dilemma, but trust me you won't be the only one feeling like this.
What I would say is that it takes time to form meaningful friendships with people, and so the fact that you've met a few acquaintances and joined a couple of societies is great news, I'd definitely try to develop those more - perhaps see those friends outside of uni more, form a study group or go out for a meal somewhere? Is there anymore of your town that you could explore, or any neighbouring towns you could check out?
It is a lot of logistical effort and hassle for you to change unis, and so I would try to have a really good chat with your loved ones and write a list of the pros and cons of staying VS moving back home. How would you feel about having to settle into a brand new uni and get used the the environment all over again? Its also about deciding whether the course you'd be transitioning to is something that you would enjoy just as much if not more than your current course. I would recommend visiting the uni in your home city and seeing if you like the feel of the campus, chat to some current students and lecturers if you can. Its a really good way to visualise what your life back home might look like.
You are the best judge of what's right for you. If you are really not happy in your current uni and are really not enjoying your experience, then you should transfer. However this is no small feat and so its something you really have to think about and be sure about before making your move.
I hope some of this helped, best of luck with your next steps!
Holly
University of Bath
I'm sorry to hear you're facing a dilemma, but trust me you won't be the only one feeling like this.
What I would say is that it takes time to form meaningful friendships with people, and so the fact that you've met a few acquaintances and joined a couple of societies is great news, I'd definitely try to develop those more - perhaps see those friends outside of uni more, form a study group or go out for a meal somewhere? Is there anymore of your town that you could explore, or any neighbouring towns you could check out?
It is a lot of logistical effort and hassle for you to change unis, and so I would try to have a really good chat with your loved ones and write a list of the pros and cons of staying VS moving back home. How would you feel about having to settle into a brand new uni and get used the the environment all over again? Its also about deciding whether the course you'd be transitioning to is something that you would enjoy just as much if not more than your current course. I would recommend visiting the uni in your home city and seeing if you like the feel of the campus, chat to some current students and lecturers if you can. Its a really good way to visualise what your life back home might look like.
You are the best judge of what's right for you. If you are really not happy in your current uni and are really not enjoying your experience, then you should transfer. However this is no small feat and so its something you really have to think about and be sure about before making your move.
I hope some of this helped, best of luck with your next steps!
Holly
University of Bath
Reply 3
Hi there,
I'm sorry your feeling like this.
I think if you move back to your home city and you can do the same degree there, you should do that, if you think that's what you want. You need to do what is best for your wellbeing.
Many people transfer to different universities after their first year so you wouldn't be the only one. I think you should perhaps discuss this with your current universities wellbeing team and your family/friends, but you should definitely do what is right for you. You don't want to be unhappy for the next 2 years just for the feeling of not 'failing' (which you aren't!)
I hope this helps somewhat and that things get better for you.
Daisy- Graduate Advocate🙂
I'm sorry your feeling like this.
I think if you move back to your home city and you can do the same degree there, you should do that, if you think that's what you want. You need to do what is best for your wellbeing.
Many people transfer to different universities after their first year so you wouldn't be the only one. I think you should perhaps discuss this with your current universities wellbeing team and your family/friends, but you should definitely do what is right for you. You don't want to be unhappy for the next 2 years just for the feeling of not 'failing' (which you aren't!)
I hope this helps somewhat and that things get better for you.
Daisy- Graduate Advocate🙂
Reply 4
Original post
by Anonymoushello- i’m first year studying away from home- i like my degree and i am not miserable- but before christmas i knew i wasn’t happy so i was holding out to Christmas to go home and see how i felt. i came back after christmas and i was in a slightly better place, however i get really anxious and can be in a bad headspace- and I have a better happier life at home. i’m from a city , and i moved to a uni in a town in a different country so i think that’s a factor. i haven’t made proper friends yet either despite joining societies and going out at any given opportunity. there is little to do where i am and i find myself just waiting for days to go by- when i’m home i happy and there is more opportunity- im with my friends, family, in a bigger place with more things to do and living more of a student life. i am debating going back home in september- i know that rationally it is the better thing to do and i know i would be so much happier at home in my home city- but part of me can’t help feeling like i’ve failed by moving back, even though i know it’s not a fail. it just doesn’t make sense to be spending so much money and watching time go by in a place that i’m not particularly fond of, with no one i really know- but then part of me thinks i will have nearly completed one year so should i stick it out for the next 2 years- any advice will be appreciated x
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling conflicted, but I hope you are reassured in knowing that you are not alone in feeling this way.
Despite what you end up deciding on, it would be great for you to make the most of this term. Continue to go out, participate in societies, and do the things you enjoy. You may find it improves, which is great! If not, you always have options, and moving back to your home city doesn't sound like a bad one. Two years is also a long time if you're not happy, so if you think you'd find it better elsewhere, definitely look into it.
Before you make the decision, it would be useful for you to do some research. Is the course exactly the same as your current one? What would you get involved with outside of studies, e.g., volunteering, sports and societies, part-time work, and other social activities? What would this cost you? As it has been mentioned, a pro v. con list would be super helpful here.
I'd also recommend getting in touch with your personal academic tutor, as well as the careers/support staff at your current university. They can help to outline the process clearly, and can support you with things you might not have considered. Discussing this with your family and friends would be useful too, and it is nice to be reminded of your support network as you're feeling conflicted.
At the end of the day, it is up to you. Only you will know what is the best choice for you, and it is definitely not failing by doing that. We're all on different paths, and although it can be hard to not compare, it's essential to prioritize yourself!
I hope this helps,
Isabella
Fourth-Year Geography (With a Year Abroad)
Reply 5
Original post
by Anonymoushello- i’m first year studying away from home- i like my degree and i am not miserable- but before christmas i knew i wasn’t happy so i was holding out to Christmas to go home and see how i felt. i came back after christmas and i was in a slightly better place, however i get really anxious and can be in a bad headspace- and I have a better happier life at home. i’m from a city , and i moved to a uni in a town in a different country so i think that’s a factor. i haven’t made proper friends yet either despite joining societies and going out at any given opportunity. there is little to do where i am and i find myself just waiting for days to go by- when i’m home i happy and there is more opportunity- im with my friends, family, in a bigger place with more things to do and living more of a student life. i am debating going back home in september- i know that rationally it is the better thing to do and i know i would be so much happier at home in my home city- but part of me can’t help feeling like i’ve failed by moving back, even though i know it’s not a fail. it just doesn’t make sense to be spending so much money and watching time go by in a place that i’m not particularly fond of, with no one i really know- but then part of me thinks i will have nearly completed one year so should i stick it out for the next 2 years- any advice will be appreciated x
Hi there,
I am sorry that you have been feeling like this, it can be really hard feeling lonely at uni and being away from your loved ones can be hard so I understand how you are feeling.
Firstly, I would say to talk to your friends and family about how you are feeling. They will understand you and will be able to talk to you and go through the options with you.
You should also talk to your uni about this and talk to your academic advisor/personal tutor if you have one. They will also be able to talk through your options with you and you can have a look together at what might be the best option.
If you did decide to move universities, would you be able to start in second year? If so, this may be a factor in your decision as if you were able to do this, it would mean that you haven't 'wasted' a year and you can just carry on in your home town. It's worth finding out about this as it may affect your decision. However, if you are really unhappy it may be worth moving even if you have to start again in first year as your happiness and mental health comes first so if you feel it would be the best thing to do, go for it. Lots of people end up doing things like this so you wouldn't be the only one to do something like this!
However, if you did decide to stay, here are some of the ways that I made friends and some of these may help you too. It's also worth thinking that sometimes it can take a while to form friendships, so don't worry if they do not come straight away.
1.
I know you have said you have tried societies, but you could always have a look and see if there are any other clubs you could join in the town you live in that are not uni societies. e.g. lots of towns have sports teams and other groups that you might enjoy and you may meet some people this way too.
1.
Have a look on social media. There will often be groups for different universities, so have a look on Facebook and see if there is one for your uni and if you ca meet anyone here as there will often be lots of people talking in groups like this.
1.
See if your student union puts any events on. Quite often, the SU will put different things on for students and you may meet some people this way too!
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 6
Original post
by LHU-DaisyHi there,
I'm sorry your feeling like this.
I think if you move back to your home city and you can do the same degree there, you should do that, if you think that's what you want. You need to do what is best for your wellbeing.
Many people transfer to different universities after their first year so you wouldn't be the only one. I think you should perhaps discuss this with your current universities wellbeing team and your family/friends, but you should definitely do what is right for you. You don't want to be unhappy for the next 2 years just for the feeling of not 'failing' (which you aren't!)
I hope this helps somewhat and that things get better for you.
Daisy- Graduate Advocate🙂
I'm sorry your feeling like this.
I think if you move back to your home city and you can do the same degree there, you should do that, if you think that's what you want. You need to do what is best for your wellbeing.
Many people transfer to different universities after their first year so you wouldn't be the only one. I think you should perhaps discuss this with your current universities wellbeing team and your family/friends, but you should definitely do what is right for you. You don't want to be unhappy for the next 2 years just for the feeling of not 'failing' (which you aren't!)
I hope this helps somewhat and that things get better for you.
Daisy- Graduate Advocate🙂
thank you Daisy- i definitely agree that the next 2 years there is no point in being unhappy- i’ve tried to rationalise and think of it from every angle - my gut from the beginning was never sure - my family have said they will support me no matter what - it’s just hard to shake that feeling of failing
Reply 7
Original post
by University of BathHi OP,
I'm sorry to hear you're facing a dilemma, but trust me you won't be the only one feeling like this.
What I would say is that it takes time to form meaningful friendships with people, and so the fact that you've met a few acquaintances and joined a couple of societies is great news, I'd definitely try to develop those more - perhaps see those friends outside of uni more, form a study group or go out for a meal somewhere? Is there anymore of your town that you could explore, or any neighbouring towns you could check out?
It is a lot of logistical effort and hassle for you to change unis, and so I would try to have a really good chat with your loved ones and write a list of the pros and cons of staying VS moving back home. How would you feel about having to settle into a brand new uni and get used the the environment all over again? Its also about deciding whether the course you'd be transitioning to is something that you would enjoy just as much if not more than your current course. I would recommend visiting the uni in your home city and seeing if you like the feel of the campus, chat to some current students and lecturers if you can. Its a really good way to visualise what your life back home might look like.
You are the best judge of what's right for you. If you are really not happy in your current uni and are really not enjoying your experience, then you should transfer. However this is no small feat and so its something you really have to think about and be sure about before making your move.
I hope some of this helped, best of luck with your next steps!
Holly
University of Bath
I'm sorry to hear you're facing a dilemma, but trust me you won't be the only one feeling like this.
What I would say is that it takes time to form meaningful friendships with people, and so the fact that you've met a few acquaintances and joined a couple of societies is great news, I'd definitely try to develop those more - perhaps see those friends outside of uni more, form a study group or go out for a meal somewhere? Is there anymore of your town that you could explore, or any neighbouring towns you could check out?
It is a lot of logistical effort and hassle for you to change unis, and so I would try to have a really good chat with your loved ones and write a list of the pros and cons of staying VS moving back home. How would you feel about having to settle into a brand new uni and get used the the environment all over again? Its also about deciding whether the course you'd be transitioning to is something that you would enjoy just as much if not more than your current course. I would recommend visiting the uni in your home city and seeing if you like the feel of the campus, chat to some current students and lecturers if you can. Its a really good way to visualise what your life back home might look like.
You are the best judge of what's right for you. If you are really not happy in your current uni and are really not enjoying your experience, then you should transfer. However this is no small feat and so its something you really have to think about and be sure about before making your move.
I hope some of this helped, best of luck with your next steps!
Holly
University of Bath
thank you for replying- i have tried to develop these more but it seems a lot of people are already in formed groups - and because it is a small place there is a smaller pool of people who again have formed friendships. thank you for your advice - i have made a pros and cons list and i will continue to talk to my loved ones and hopefully come to a settled decision. thank you again x
Reply 8
Original post
by Anonymousthank you for replying- i have tried to develop these more but it seems a lot of people are already in formed groups - and because it is a small place there is a smaller pool of people who again have formed friendships. thank you for your advice - i have made a pros and cons list and i will continue to talk to my loved ones and hopefully come to a settled decision. thank you again x
HI again,
I just wanted to add that if you do your research, think things through and trust your intuition then you will make the right decision for you - don't doubt yourself 🙂 and whichever option you choose, in the next few years I'm confident that you will end up with things looking a lot brighter and living a uni life that you enjoy, even if its taken you a bit longer and a few more steps to get there. Regardless of what anyone says on here, you are the best judge of what the right move is for your future.
Wishing you luck!
Holly
University of Bath
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 9
Original post
by Anonymoushello- i’m first year studying away from home- i like my degree and i am not miserable- but before christmas i knew i wasn’t happy so i was holding out to Christmas to go home and see how i felt. i came back after christmas and i was in a slightly better place, however i get really anxious and can be in a bad headspace- and I have a better happier life at home. i’m from a city , and i moved to a uni in a town in a different country so i think that’s a factor. i haven’t made proper friends yet either despite joining societies and going out at any given opportunity. there is little to do where i am and i find myself just waiting for days to go by- when i’m home i happy and there is more opportunity- im with my friends, family, in a bigger place with more things to do and living more of a student life. i am debating going back home in september- i know that rationally it is the better thing to do and i know i would be so much happier at home in my home city- but part of me can’t help feeling like i’ve failed by moving back, even though i know it’s not a fail. it just doesn’t make sense to be spending so much money and watching time go by in a place that i’m not particularly fond of, with no one i really know- but then part of me thinks i will have nearly completed one year so should i stick it out for the next 2 years- any advice will be appreciated x
Hi!
I felt very similar to you when I started my degree, I loved being at home, and I still do. However, for me, staying at uni has allowed me to grow and develop in a way I couldn't at home. So I 100% know it can get so so much better. Saying this, while it was right for me to stick it out, everyone is different and the only person who can make this decision is you. Consider how you will learn and grow through staying vs going home, also remember that you can go home after!
Hope this helps! Faye 🙂
Reply 10
Original post
by YSJstudentsHi!
I felt very similar to you when I started my degree, I loved being at home, and I still do. However, for me, staying at uni has allowed me to grow and develop in a way I couldn't at home. So I 100% know it can get so so much better. Saying this, while it was right for me to stick it out, everyone is different and the only person who can make this decision is you. Consider how you will learn and grow through staying vs going home, also remember that you can go home after!
Hope this helps! Faye 🙂
I felt very similar to you when I started my degree, I loved being at home, and I still do. However, for me, staying at uni has allowed me to grow and develop in a way I couldn't at home. So I 100% know it can get so so much better. Saying this, while it was right for me to stick it out, everyone is different and the only person who can make this decision is you. Consider how you will learn and grow through staying vs going home, also remember that you can go home after!
Hope this helps! Faye 🙂
hi thank you for your reply
if you don’t mind me asking, how did it get better for you and when did things start to improve? i think that’s my main dilemma, is that i know uni is meant to be great for personal development - but for me it’s only made me worse in so many ways - i think because the place just isn’t the right fit for me and is small and limiting in my perspective. before uni i was going out loads, socialising, working, going on holidays and trips away , whereas at uni- i spend a lot of my time scrolling and in my room. but i definitely do agree with your advice- it can be so developmental and beneficial- i am gonna keep it in mind and see which is better . thank you so much for taking the time to reply and relating with your own experience- i think a lot of people do experience it too x
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