Is this a good text to send to a friend you want to cut off?
Hello, I have a this so called friend that has practically been emotionally manipulative to me and has destroyed me. I still want to be kind to them because they have a lot of trauma and I don't want to be another trauma added to their list.
Is this message good enough to send?
I tried to be as impartial as possible.
Please give any feedback you think is necessary.
"I am going to be straight forward with you because after talking to someone about the way I'm feeling I think this is necessary. I'm writing a message instead of talking to you one on one because I want to mention everything and I usually forget. Okay so, I talked to Katie, she doesn't know who you are but I did talk to her and from my end and her end we both think this dynamic we have going on is wrong. Firstly, I want to talk about some things I feel have really unnerved me. One of them is the overdependence on me. (Name), it is nice when your friends are there for you and support you at your lowest but I can't always be here for you. The constant messaging, calling, going everywhere with me or doing everything with me is very unhealthy and suffocating. I am my own person as are you, and I need you to realise that the world nor our friendship will end if we don't see eachother for a day or a week. I was quite taken aback by your behaviour today because my intention was to go on a walk just to get some snacks, I didn't mind if you came or not or anyone for that matter but the whole point was that I was gonna go when I wanted to at MY own pace. Yes your bus was almost here but that had nothing to do with me and when I kept insisting you should go, you acted very rudely as if I'd offended you by saying no? Me I want you to understand something, most of my CLOSE friends, I barely see and when I do see them we are still very much appreciative of eachother and act as if nothing happened. Because guess what? Nothing happened! That is life. We will see eachother and talk and then we won't for some time, and that doesn't change our love for eachother. Yes, you have abandonment issues I understand that completely but it is not my job to mother you and to cater to you all the time. I was talking to someone and she said that ADHD or any type of being on the spectrum is not an excuse for such behaviour. Yes it is an explanation but she said that people can still learn, but I have not seen that from you at all. I kept hoping and hoping and hoping that you'd finally realise because you always say you're very self aware but what's the point in such self awareness of you're not going to learn from it and change? It got very embarrassing very quickly to see that you have absolutely no regard or respect for other people's feelings, boundaries or surroundings. And there's only so much I can tolerate. I am HUMAN. I only have so much tolerance in me, and I think I have been very kind to you because that's the kind of person I am but I have had enough. We could have had a very strong friendship but because of the reasons I've mentioned it's getting more and more difficult to maintain such a bond. I have not been doing so great but I realised after I distanced myself from you I actually feel better. This is only because I don't feel suffocated. I don't feel like I have to talk to you or I HAVE to reassure you or I HAVE to call you or be with you ALL the damn time. Yes I love hanging out but there's a limit and anything beyond that limit is unhealthy. When you talk about how our kids could be besties or that we should go to the same uni and live together I feel like genuinely running away because I genuinely don't want to. This sounds rude but that's the truth and ik for a fact you DID NOT want to apply to Keele but you did because of me and that's why I kept the rest of my options secret. I am exhausted man. Because I do all these things and I get nothing back, friendships are supposed to be 5050 but all I've been doing is fixing you and destroying myself in the process. Empty words are not enough at this point, I don't want a grand gesture or proclamation of love all I want is to be respected. R-e-s-p-e-c-t-e-d. I want to be appreciated for the person I am and not used all the time as a therapist. I am not saying I regret you telling me Ur trauma. No. I am saying that that's all I was used for. I want my boundaries to be accepted and I don't want to deal with seeing a sad face just because I put a boundary in place that you didn't like or I said NO to something. I am sorry to say this but I don't want to be your friend anymore. I'm glad you have gotten help and have taken that step, I'm proud of you. But that's the end bro. It really is. It was nice knowing you."
Is this message good enough to send?
I tried to be as impartial as possible.
Please give any feedback you think is necessary.
"I am going to be straight forward with you because after talking to someone about the way I'm feeling I think this is necessary. I'm writing a message instead of talking to you one on one because I want to mention everything and I usually forget. Okay so, I talked to Katie, she doesn't know who you are but I did talk to her and from my end and her end we both think this dynamic we have going on is wrong. Firstly, I want to talk about some things I feel have really unnerved me. One of them is the overdependence on me. (Name), it is nice when your friends are there for you and support you at your lowest but I can't always be here for you. The constant messaging, calling, going everywhere with me or doing everything with me is very unhealthy and suffocating. I am my own person as are you, and I need you to realise that the world nor our friendship will end if we don't see eachother for a day or a week. I was quite taken aback by your behaviour today because my intention was to go on a walk just to get some snacks, I didn't mind if you came or not or anyone for that matter but the whole point was that I was gonna go when I wanted to at MY own pace. Yes your bus was almost here but that had nothing to do with me and when I kept insisting you should go, you acted very rudely as if I'd offended you by saying no? Me I want you to understand something, most of my CLOSE friends, I barely see and when I do see them we are still very much appreciative of eachother and act as if nothing happened. Because guess what? Nothing happened! That is life. We will see eachother and talk and then we won't for some time, and that doesn't change our love for eachother. Yes, you have abandonment issues I understand that completely but it is not my job to mother you and to cater to you all the time. I was talking to someone and she said that ADHD or any type of being on the spectrum is not an excuse for such behaviour. Yes it is an explanation but she said that people can still learn, but I have not seen that from you at all. I kept hoping and hoping and hoping that you'd finally realise because you always say you're very self aware but what's the point in such self awareness of you're not going to learn from it and change? It got very embarrassing very quickly to see that you have absolutely no regard or respect for other people's feelings, boundaries or surroundings. And there's only so much I can tolerate. I am HUMAN. I only have so much tolerance in me, and I think I have been very kind to you because that's the kind of person I am but I have had enough. We could have had a very strong friendship but because of the reasons I've mentioned it's getting more and more difficult to maintain such a bond. I have not been doing so great but I realised after I distanced myself from you I actually feel better. This is only because I don't feel suffocated. I don't feel like I have to talk to you or I HAVE to reassure you or I HAVE to call you or be with you ALL the damn time. Yes I love hanging out but there's a limit and anything beyond that limit is unhealthy. When you talk about how our kids could be besties or that we should go to the same uni and live together I feel like genuinely running away because I genuinely don't want to. This sounds rude but that's the truth and ik for a fact you DID NOT want to apply to Keele but you did because of me and that's why I kept the rest of my options secret. I am exhausted man. Because I do all these things and I get nothing back, friendships are supposed to be 5050 but all I've been doing is fixing you and destroying myself in the process. Empty words are not enough at this point, I don't want a grand gesture or proclamation of love all I want is to be respected. R-e-s-p-e-c-t-e-d. I want to be appreciated for the person I am and not used all the time as a therapist. I am not saying I regret you telling me Ur trauma. No. I am saying that that's all I was used for. I want my boundaries to be accepted and I don't want to deal with seeing a sad face just because I put a boundary in place that you didn't like or I said NO to something. I am sorry to say this but I don't want to be your friend anymore. I'm glad you have gotten help and have taken that step, I'm proud of you. But that's the end bro. It really is. It was nice knowing you."
Reply 1
Why send any message at all?
Why not just stop communicating with them? Or restrict your communications to a professional courtesy level if you see them as part of your every day life?
The trouble with this message is that it's too likely to make an enemy of this ex-friend.
And that's something that you don't want to go round doing in life. As it's possible that your paths could cross again at some point in the future.
Better to slip away quietly than to go out with a bang.
Why not just stop communicating with them? Or restrict your communications to a professional courtesy level if you see them as part of your every day life?
The trouble with this message is that it's too likely to make an enemy of this ex-friend.
And that's something that you don't want to go round doing in life. As it's possible that your paths could cross again at some point in the future.
Better to slip away quietly than to go out with a bang.
Reply 2
20
How about "I don't want to be your friend anymore. that's the end bro." and block them?
Reply 3
Hello,
First of all are you genuinely okay? because reading your message I felt like this has been brewing for some time now and you’re about to explode if you don’t get some sort of space.
Your message is quite good tbh, it’s straight to the point of how you feel and what’s been bothering you and how now you feel like you need to establish boundaries. The only slight thing I would change would be the Katie bit just because it seems like Katie is pushing you to cut this person off when in-fact you’re feeling like that.
Side note tho just put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how they feel. You may be the only person in their life who’s ever had their back or you may be their only friend. So they might have formed an anxious attachment style towards you and are constantly thinking that you’re gonna abandon them at any given moment which you’re kind about to do. I completely understand why you’re about to do it and why you need it to be done because the relationship is so one sided and ik it can be very mentally draining. I’m just thinking of the outcome and I don’t want something to happen and then you living your life in regret.
Maybe the better solution might be to actually have a sit down and communicate your feelings and boundaries and see how they react. If they start respecting your boundaries, etc who knows your friendship might blossom. If not then cut off the friendship and simply say you didn’t respect my boundaries so I no longer want to be friends.
First of all are you genuinely okay? because reading your message I felt like this has been brewing for some time now and you’re about to explode if you don’t get some sort of space.
Your message is quite good tbh, it’s straight to the point of how you feel and what’s been bothering you and how now you feel like you need to establish boundaries. The only slight thing I would change would be the Katie bit just because it seems like Katie is pushing you to cut this person off when in-fact you’re feeling like that.
Side note tho just put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how they feel. You may be the only person in their life who’s ever had their back or you may be their only friend. So they might have formed an anxious attachment style towards you and are constantly thinking that you’re gonna abandon them at any given moment which you’re kind about to do. I completely understand why you’re about to do it and why you need it to be done because the relationship is so one sided and ik it can be very mentally draining. I’m just thinking of the outcome and I don’t want something to happen and then you living your life in regret.
Maybe the better solution might be to actually have a sit down and communicate your feelings and boundaries and see how they react. If they start respecting your boundaries, etc who knows your friendship might blossom. If not then cut off the friendship and simply say you didn’t respect my boundaries so I no longer want to be friends.
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