Is it too late to make friends at university?
I'm halfway through year three (after being here for like 5 years at this point cause I'm stupid) and I haven't made a single friend. I don't even really know how to socialise. I have literally 0 friends, the only people I talk to are my parents cause I still live with them because I cannot afford not too.
I'm 23, ugly, bad at talking to people. Have no hobbies but watching netflix and playing games. How do I make friends? Every time I've thought about going to a society, I've changed my mind cause it makes me too anxious. I'd hate to say something weird and everyone see me as a creep.
I'm 23, ugly, bad at talking to people. Have no hobbies but watching netflix and playing games. How do I make friends? Every time I've thought about going to a society, I've changed my mind cause it makes me too anxious. I'd hate to say something weird and everyone see me as a creep.
Reply 1
You've got to face down your fears and get out there.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
Reply 2
11
i think watching netflix and playing games is enough to be in common with a lot of people
yeah like the person above said you might want to consider throwing yourself out there. maybe not as dramatic as that but small steps like maybe just asking someone in class for help with something/quick questions. take conversations slower if you have to. if you make a fool out of yourself just brush past it because chances are no one will remember it the next day.
i think its a bit hard to be a "creep" just by talking, if you ask me. if youre unsure about what to say just ask the other person open ended questions like fav game, meaning behind x movie
yeah like the person above said you might want to consider throwing yourself out there. maybe not as dramatic as that but small steps like maybe just asking someone in class for help with something/quick questions. take conversations slower if you have to. if you make a fool out of yourself just brush past it because chances are no one will remember it the next day.
i think its a bit hard to be a "creep" just by talking, if you ask me. if youre unsure about what to say just ask the other person open ended questions like fav game, meaning behind x movie
Reply 3
5
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerYou've got to face down your fears and get out there.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
I don't know how though.
When I look at societies on the uni website, there are a million of them and each have so much going on that I can't even keep up. And even if I did go, I don't know how to talk to people. I'd just stand there awkwardly in the corner; or just chicken out and go home.
Reply 4
Watch the 2 seasons of The Pickup Artist reality TV show for inspiration and some light entertainment.
Listen to this book (at 1.25 speed) for further guidance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSOtkksPJ84
Watch the videos here, starting with the oldest ones: https://www.youtube.com/@SergioSorokin/videos
Read Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell, Why Men Love *****es by Argov, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, The Art of Public Speaking by Dale Carnegie.
Dip into these channels for further inspiration:
https://www.youtube.com/@OwenCookFreeTour/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@OwenCookSelfHelp/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@DanBacon_/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@chris-sixty/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@BobbyRio/videos
Don't spend too long watching this stuff and reading this stuff without going out to practise it. This is a participation sport. Not a spectator sport.
Nothing bad will happen if you make a fool of yourself.
Think of each interaction you have with other students as your own personal psychological experiment. Take pleasure from the mere running of the experiment. Each experiment will have different outcomes. Which over time, as you run more and more experiments, you will get more experienced at running them. And with the right guidance your experiments will get better and better to the point where you will have good social skills.
Listen to this book (at 1.25 speed) for further guidance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSOtkksPJ84
Watch the videos here, starting with the oldest ones: https://www.youtube.com/@SergioSorokin/videos
Read Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell, Why Men Love *****es by Argov, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, The Art of Public Speaking by Dale Carnegie.
Dip into these channels for further inspiration:
https://www.youtube.com/@OwenCookFreeTour/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@OwenCookSelfHelp/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@DanBacon_/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@chris-sixty/videos
https://www.youtube.com/@BobbyRio/videos
Don't spend too long watching this stuff and reading this stuff without going out to practise it. This is a participation sport. Not a spectator sport.
Nothing bad will happen if you make a fool of yourself.
Think of each interaction you have with other students as your own personal psychological experiment. Take pleasure from the mere running of the experiment. Each experiment will have different outcomes. Which over time, as you run more and more experiments, you will get more experienced at running them. And with the right guidance your experiments will get better and better to the point where you will have good social skills.
Reply 5
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerYou've got to face down your fears and get out there.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
This
Reply 6
5
Original post
by Siuuuu786Im exactly like you dont worry its okay
Gonna be honest, that doens't make me feel better.
Reply 7
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerYou've got to face down your fears and get out there.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
You've got to take your life and yourself and your setbacks and your stresses a lot less seriously than you have been doing up till now.
You've got to stop being your own worst enemy. You've got to break out of this mental prison you've imposed on yourself.
It doesn't matter too much if you make friends or not or make a complete fool of yourself in the remaining 4 months.
What's more important is that you start developing your social skills. And you start being a lot more proactive in your social life.
Use your social skills to get on in work and in your social life after uni.
Agree with this.
Literally just talking to people - even people you might not see again. Try not to think about finding friends or soulmate etc - just chat a bit more to random people. Get a bit more sociable in your manner so you can build up your confidence and be naturally warmer and more easygoing with people.
Learn not to care too much about what people think of you. Generally people don't judge others much, they are far more interested in or worried about how they are appearing themselves.
What about a small job, or voluntary work, or helping out at an event - doesn't have to be through your uni.
Offering to fundraise for local hospital, literally anything where there's no pressure to "meet" people just for the sake of it.
All the best.
Reply 8
21
It’s not too late. Search out a young persons counsellor to talk things though and give you some moral support. Your Students union or doctor should be able to help with this. Don’t brand yourself with these bad labels as it not fair to or helpful for building your confidence
Reply 9
10
Original post
by MilkDud2631I'm halfway through year three (after being here for like 5 years at this point cause I'm stupid) and I haven't made a single friend. I don't even really know how to socialise. I have literally 0 friends, the only people I talk to are my parents cause I still live with them because I cannot afford not too.
I'm 23, ugly, bad at talking to people. Have no hobbies but watching netflix and playing games. How do I make friends? Every time I've thought about going to a society, I've changed my mind cause it makes me too anxious. I'd hate to say something weird and everyone see me as a creep.
I'm 23, ugly, bad at talking to people. Have no hobbies but watching netflix and playing games. How do I make friends? Every time I've thought about going to a society, I've changed my mind cause it makes me too anxious. I'd hate to say something weird and everyone see me as a creep.
the first step to improving your social skills is to boost your confidence, you're not a stupid person. if you were you'd be a bum doing nothing with your life at home instead of going to uni. might be daunting but have you thought of doing sport societies instead of social societies, or maybe a first aid society? anything that can make you more confident in casually speaking to people is a benefit
social skills are a skill just like anything else, only way you'll get better is practice and put yourself out there
Reply 10
Original post
by studious1234Religious activities are the only way to make good friends. Only. Every other step is vain or stupid.
I mean, religion is A good way to make friends. I've made plenty of good friends other ways, including some some extremely unreligious methods
Reply 11
Anyway it's never too late to make friends anywhere! The more you put yourself out there, the easier it will be. Your ability and comfort in socialising is a muscle to strengthen like any other muscle.
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